Alex's POV:

"I've tried everything! He just won't talk." The man that has been torturing me says to who seems to be his Boss.

I can barely make out the figures, but I still know they're here.

"Let him go. If he makes it back home, they will understand the message. If he doesn't, they still will." The Boss speaks and then I hear his footsteps fade away as the other man grabs my chains and unlocks them.

I instantly fall to the ground.

I've been hanging from the ceiling for weeks. My feet barely touched the ground, so that I wouldn't die hanging in the air.

My body curls in a ball against the freezing pavement.

I can't feel my arms. Or the sound of my heart beating. Am I breathing?

The man lowers himself at my level and slightly slaps my face to assure that I'm still awake.

"The door is open when you'll be able to stand up. Don't take too long though, the Boss might change idea and keep you here." He chuckles before walking to the door and opening it.

Light spreads around the room. He doesn't close it.

The pain is everywhere, I can't think of a part of my body where I don't feel the burning ache.

It even hurts to breathe.

Just give me five minutes. I'll be up soon.

I unwillingly close my eyes. I don't know if I'm dead, or just falling asleep.

—(INSIDE HIS HEAD)—

"Oh, really?" I laugh as I throw a gummy bear towards her. She swerves it and looks at me, smiling proudly.

"Come on! I just said that to piss you off!" She justifies herself and blows me a kiss.

Violet and I are having a snack in the kitchen, in the middle of the night.

She wasn't really sleepy and I have just finished my workout. So here we are, laughing our asses off.

After that there's a moment of silence, but it doesn't feel uncomfortable.

Violet has been my best friend since I first met her.

No one has ever had the place she has in my heart, and no one ever will. Only her.

Perhaps it's because she's an angel, living in a world full of monsters. Perhaps it's because what we have is, has always been and will forever be platonic.

You know, when you have a person that you don't have feelings for, but you just enjoy each other's company so much. It's so peaceful.

"Did you know that you're my best friend?" I casually say, her big brown eyes looking at mine as she smiles.

"Of course, silly. Did you know that you have a piece of my heart?" She playfully winks at me, before sitting on one of the chairs around the isle.

"Don't give it back, though." She says, flashing me a smile.

I won't, Vi.

I sit beside her and she turns her head to me. I can now see a sad look on her angelic face.

"Why that look?" I ask furrowing my eyebrows.

She sighs, then bites her lower lip.

"I'd love five more minutes. It feels like heaven here. But as your best friend, I need you to leave." She says, sitting up from the chair.

I look at her confused as hell. What does she mean I need to leave?

"Wake up, Alex. And leave that rotting place. Save yourself, come back to me. But this time, not in your dreams." She weakly smiles before her figure starts to dissolve in the air.

—(END OF THE DREAM)—

The pain returns as I open my eyes.

For weeks, these people have been throwing punches at me. They slapped me several times.

But that's not even close to the worst.

They drew cuts on my chest with their knives, broke two of my fingers, used a whip against my back. They did all these things whenever I wouldn't answer one of their questions.

So, every time since they took me.

Save yourself, come back to me.

I hear Violet's voice, but I know she's in my head.

Droplets of salted water fall onto my chest as I find myself crying and hugging the floor. Hoping it would somehow bury me. Eat me. Make me disappear.

I haven't cried since I was fifteen.

(FLASHBACK)

"You're no longer a little boy, Alessandro. Do it. Show me you're a grown up man!" The man I call father screams at me, his breath hitting my cheek.

I don't want to do it. But I have no choice.

I look at the man in front of me, he's trembling under the gun I am holding.

I slowly rise the gun at his head. His tears wet the piece of cloth placed on his mouth, to stop him from screaming. Or just simply talking.

I am only fifteen years old. And I have to get his blood on my hands. For what? To prove to my "father" that I am a man now.

"Enough waiting! Shoot him." He shouts again and I shut my eyes, pulling the trigger.

Then there's silence.

I slowly open my eyes and look at the sight in front of me. I've shot him straight in the head.

My father would call that a perfect shot, but he doesn't have the feelings to admit it.

"Well done." He says as I glance up at him. He didn't even look at me.

I drop the gun to the floor and walk to my bedroom, trying not to break every door I pass by.

Soon I reach my room and close the door behind me.

I sit at the edge of the bed, placing my head between my hands.

Then I look at them, my hands. They're now the hands of a murderer.

A tear slips from my eye.

Then another. And another. And again another.

I lay on the bed as my tears wet the sheets.

I just wanted to make him proud. I just wanted my father to act like a father, just for once.

(END OF FLASHBACK)

Why am I still alive?

I manage to stand up, even though I immediately regret doing so as I don't have enough energy to stand.

"You're weak. How pathetic." He chuckles. No, that's impossible.

"Yeah, I'm here. Just to remind you how delusional you are." He speaks again.

It's not true.

"Have always been, actually." He laughs. I turn around, look on my sides, in front of me. Nothing. He's not here.

"You know, you're my biggest regret. I never wanted my son to be like you." The hatred, the despise in his tone reaches my ears.

"Stop talking." I mumble as I begin to reach the door, struggling a lot.

"Why would I? You know I'm telling the truth. You're a horrible son." The monster says.

"Leave me alone!" I shout, grabbing my head with my hands.

I stay in that position for a few minutes, before realizing no one's here. He's gone.

Come on Alex. Stop fucking hallucinating.

Reaching the door, I walk in a hallway.

I walk to the end of it, opening another door.

I'm met with fresh air as I find myself outside of the small house, standing now in the middle of the road.

And the sun is setting.

I walk in the middle of the street, there's no one driving here anyway. I don't even know where I'm going.

My shirt had been ripped off by those people, leaving me shirtless with a pair of pants.

The cuts on my chest hurt a lot, but what hurts more is the burning on my back. All those times they used the whip against my bare back.

And that's not even what hurts me the most. Because right now, the hole I've always felt in my heart has become deeper. And it fucking hurts.

It all happened because of one mission.

It was a selling mission, I was there just to ensure everything went right.

But the other dealers weren't happy, they said the had paid more and that some of the guns were missing.

As I was searching for Blake's contact on my phone to call him and ask him about his opinion, they started to shoot my men.

They even shot at me, but it wasn't a normal bullet. It was some drug that made me faint.

And then they took me.

I'm not even sure why, but it seems they have something personal with Blake's Mafia.

They asked questions, I didn't give answers.

It's the first time I feel like I miss home.

Home meaning the people that live there, such as Vi, Blake, Jacob and Silvia.

And I just want to give up. You know, I want to be selfish for once and end it all.

"Hey buddy." A deep voice calls out. But there's no one here. Only the wind keeps me company, making me shiver.

"Come on, talk to me." The voice speaks again, and I recognize him immediately.

"Blake?" I call out.

Why did I call out his name? He's in my head, he's not actually here.

"The one and only. So, when are you planning to return?" He asks, but I can't see him.

"I am sorry, I don't have the energy to return. I think I'll just lay here in the midd-" "Why are you giving up?" He cuts me off.

"Look at me, man." My voice trembles, before I look at the sky.

"Hey. You work for the Italian Mafia. You do not give up. It's not what we do; you know that." He says, his tone serious.

"I can't take it anymore. I'll just, stop for a while." A while. Perhaps 'a while' is the new forever.

"Is that what I taught you, cousin?" Blake says, his tone makes me think he wants an answer.

"I'll answer: no, it's not. I taught you to not give up even when it feels like that's the only choice you have." He says and I shrug.

"You were always my favorite, Alessandro." His tone soft, his words honest.

Then the silence comes back again, making the pain feel worse.

When does this stop?

I've been walking for hours, it's really dark now. I find it peaceful.

I come across a forest. And of course, I begin to walk through it.

After a few minutes I feel the calm sound of water. A river.

I walk closer to the sound, until I finally see the river.

It's beautiful.

"You know, I've always wanted to visit a place like this. I just never got the chance." A very familiar voice speaks.

Me?

"Why am I talking to myself?" I reply to the voice, and he chuckles.

"It's a drug they gave you, it'll wear off in a few hours don't worry." He assures me.

"That's fucked up." I laugh at myself and he chuckles too.

"Get in the water, it'll help with the cuts and the pain." The voice speaks again, and I find myself getting off the only piece of clothing I have.

I get in the water, shutting my eyes as I feel pain, and opening them again when I start to relax.

The water is perfect.

"Go on, Alex. End it all." The voice makes its way to my ears, even though it's already inside my head.

What?

"You said you wanted to give up. Do it." He explains.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask to myself. I feel like I lost my mind.

"I'll tell you a story." He begins.

"Years ago, there was this young man; very handsome, yet he didn't like to fool around with women. He started working for his cousin's Mafia, he became ruthless. But it wasn't then that he lost his humanity. It was way before that." He sighs, before continuing.

"It was when his father completely changed him. He created a monster out of his son. And the son lost himself. His true self."

"For years, he didn't feel any kind of emotion. He was numb to everything; that's why he started doing those missions: he wanted to feel pain, because then maybe he would've felt something. Anything." There's a heavy feeling in my chest.

"But it ended up making him worse." He pauses.

"He met a girl one day, a beautiful woman. He wasn't attracted to her, but he fell in love with the way she could touch his heart, the heart he didn't think he had." I rub my wet hair, smiling as I see Violet in my head.

"They became best friends, a term he never really understood. But now he does. And he's thinking about giving up, not knowing he's really close to coming back to her." The voice in my head says.

"That's the story. The story of the fucked up little boy." He finishes and I dive into the water, not wanting to feel my own voice's words anymore.

I hold my breath, not knowing if I want to reach the surface or the bottom of the river.

But I don't have time to think when my body reaches the bottom of the river.

It feels peaceful here.

I hear a laugh. A feminine laugh. Violet.

Flashbacks begin to run through my head, and I thought, this is the end.

I never cared about the happiness of other people. But how could I do this to my best friend?

I push with every strength I have in me, eager to reach the surface. And for a while now, it's the first time I actually want to breathe. The first time I'm not attracted to death, but to the beauty of life and to every bit of time I have of it.

I didn't have a reason to live when I was fifteen.

But I have Violet now, and she's everything to me.

Loving her is like the feeling you have when at a family event you fall asleep on the couch and your parents carry you to your room, with a blanket around you. Maybe you wake up in the process, but you still pretend to be asleep.

__________

Hii. Sorry for this chapter, I had to tell you what Alex is going through.

Any thoughts on this chapter?

I love every single one of you; if you're going through something tough, or anything at all, you can speak here. Or text me. I'll always reply.

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