Winter came on like a rain of bricks. Very cold bricks.

Gus and I adjusted to our new home, though since we still went over to the inn on most weekends it was like being the child of divorced parents...that's a little too negative. Maybe it was like being a college student who had moved out, but still went back home to help out? Yeah. That sounded better.

As I worked at the side of Dr. Mustache, I came to know the people who worked at the city ducal estate and, occasionally, their families. Everyone got sick or hurt at one point, and with only me and the old man on hand, we were never without work. I even got to take care of some babies! Dream come true! Pediatrics without the ten plus years of school, for the win!

Most of the people who worked at the estate were actually ducal knights, who served the area as a sort of national guard. I was told that usually there weren't so many, but since the ducal had been ordered to give their share towards ending the war efforts, they were preparing to leave in the Spring, meaning more than usual were gathering in to the city estate as well as the main estate some distance north. The city guard were more than happy to have the help, though winter tended to be a quiet time for crime, since the cold tended to chase everyone inside.

And cold it got. Maybe it was because I'd been raised in a world with central heating, but holy darn freaking crap, was it cold. My hands even ended up drying up and cracking from the stove in the doctor's office and all the fires throughout the mansion sucking up the moisture. I ended up having to work a few days with my hands bandaged up again, which just gave me unwanted attention as that one delicate flower.

Not wanting even more attention, and since Roman could be pushy and persuasive when he wanted to be, I canceled our lunchtime tea time with him until the bandages came off with the excuse that I was busy with an influx of the flu, which wasn't a lie, persay. A cold front that brought in an few days of extra freezing temperatures brought in an array of soldiers with frostbite and a dozen children with terrible coughs. All the smoke from the fires keeping them warm and in doors must have had something to do with the respiratory health as well, and I tried to encourage the women who brought in their children to clear out the air in their homes for at least ten minutes a day, even if it meant they'd have to warm up the place again.

"Lots of blankets," I said. "And you can use coals in bedpans," which were actually these double frying pan thingies you'd fill with fire coals and put at the end of someone's bed.

Dr. Mustache did the same, nearly clearing his stores of herbs to make cough syrup.

Some of the knights had brought their families to live in the dormitories attached to the barracks. Many of the families who lived in the dormitories, however, were those of the permanent staff, such as the maids, footmen, cooks, and so on. The knights who hadn't brought their families often had their own homes and plots of lands attached to villages throughout the territory. They often mentioned them to me whenever they came in to get their wounds tended to or some other ailment.

Then there were those who had no families and were, essentially, single and menaces to society.

If they insisted on talking flirty to me, I refused to treat them.

Because of that, I'd gained a reputation pretty quickly of being beautiful, but cold. Which I didn't think was fair at all, because I was plenty warm. It was because I was warm that I didn't want to run the chance of hurting feelings when I wasn't ready to think about getting involved with anyone. Not to mention I had enough stress with those trying their way with me as it is, under the guise of friendship or not.

"He likes you," said Gus bluntly on more than one occasion. "You need to shut him down now if you're not interested. Nobles don't take no for an answer."

"Just how much experience with nobles do you have?"

"I don't need experience. It's common knowledge. Ask Hal and Milly, even Derrick, if you don't believe me."

I did ask around. Turns out, it was a common stereotype that nobles were use to getting what they want, even if they had to work hard to get it, and I heard a good share of scary stories of the times commoners tried to say no.

I really, really hoped Roman would stay in the friendship zone, because I did like him a lot. Our conversations were the best, and some of the most enlightening I'd had since I'd gotten here. But he didn't exactly keep it secret that he admired me. So I just had to hope that he was smart enough to not try to marry a commoner foreigner with a shady/non-existent background. He didn't seem the type to try for a mistress either.

At least, according to Nehcor.

'You stress way too much about him,' he said on one of my trips to the temple.

It was particularly empty in there during the winter, most likely because of how difficult it was to keep the vast marble space heated. Even as I prayed in the pews I had my hands in my armpits. The mittens, a gift from my maids, had been a fail.

I stress the perfect amount. I'm just here to raise a kid, not make an otome game for your wife.

'Otome! That's what they were called. Come on, though, isn't that the dream of girls? To be pretty and wanted by all the boys?'

I wanted to gag. I think I actually did.

Are all these guys even seeing who I am? I have, like, the attitude of a dude and am baby-hungry with no filter. Not to mention I feel horrible every time I think 'Does he like me? Probably.' Ugh, just thinking that makes me cringe. I sound like one of those hot blond bimbos that think all the boys want them.

'I think you need to apologize to all the blonds of the world.'

Not to mention love is a big deal! Having your heart broken HURTS. A lot! Like...enough that you think you're going to die! I would know. Why would I want to do that to someone? How can I possibly think that's fun?

'Well, technically, unrequited love and getting neglected, cheated on, and dumped after you've lost a child aren't really on the same scale of pain. One's more morose and 'gosh that sucks, I'm going out to town with the boys' and the other is 'stab me in the gut and that would feel better than this.'

....He had a point.

That doesn't mean I want to hurt anyone. Not to mention the drama. Do you have any idea how anti-social I've become since getting divorced?

'Enough to cheer at the thought of being put away in an empty nunnery?'

Yes!

'That's not healthy. I brought you here for your happiness as much as Damascus's. You need to relearn how to trust others again with your feelings. We can't obtain our true potential and happiness without others, and that includes the exaltation that you're already set on the path for. I'm trying to help you. I know you're afraid of being that close to someone again, but trust me when I say you need it. We were never created to be alone.'

And since Nehcor was technically a god, I couldn't exactly ignore that he probably was right.

Even so, it wasn't as easy as flicking a switch.

But I did start to notice more how I tried to find as much alone time to myself as possible, whether it was with books, our tutoring homework, my medical studies, or just wandering around empty parts of the mansion. I had even found more excuses to duck out of my lunch time work breaks with Roman in his office (Gus was in no way discouraging this). I even found reasons to avoid Gus.

So, I tried acting against that. I even talked to Gus about it, but that was no help, since he had the same problem as me.

"If you don't want to be around people, I don't see what's the problem," he'd said to me as we were bundled in front of the large fireplace of my room. "We are working towards a cottage on a spot of land away from people, aren't we?"

Well, that wasn't 'our' official plan, but I wasn't going to say it wasn't, and it wasn't all that bad of an idea. Though it implied that Gus would make me his bride and sweep me away.

"You don't have to make a look like that," he'd said grumpily.

In answer, I just picked up his wrist, which was still skin and bone.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay for training in spring? I'm pretty sure a dog would mistake your arm for their chew bone."

He snatched it back. "I'm eating as much as I can, okay?"

"I'll get you more cake."

"I said I'm eating, woman, didn't you hear me?"

I gave a mock gasp. "Did you just say no to cake?"

"....no."

"I thought so."

Gus loved cake.

_________________________________

I just want my husband to come home.