He didn't know how long he had stayed, sitting on the bed with his face in his palms.

His mind was everywhere and yet, nowhere. He felt he was overthinking everything, yet not thinking enough.

What was he going to do?

He hated feeling the way he did. Indecisiveness was not something he usually felt.

He had never had anyone outside his family address or question the things he did. Well, he had been interrogated a few times because of his father's death but they were strangers. Their opinions did not matter. Eniola and Clara on the other hand were like family to him and they didn't seem too pleased to know that he actually killed people. Should I have let Paulo go? Would I have been any less guilty? He did not understand if what he felt was guilt. Perhaps it would be better if Eniola had remained oblivious to the entire situation.

He shook his head.

He knew he couldn't do that to her. He already owed her eight years of the life she lived without him and keeping her in the dark was no way to regain her trust... And affection.

What if her knowing about it made them drift apart again?

Yes, I kill people. It's what I fucking do.

He hoped he had the same courage as Alvaro to not sugarcoat things and just go for the jugular. He also wished he would have lied his way out like Rebecca or Miguel.

He felt useless.

He barely heard the knock on the door before the bed dipped beside him.

"Hey." Her light cocoa butter scent was almost enough to keep him from screaming in frustration.

"Hey." Tobias managed to say, slowly detaching his hands from his face. Her beautiful brows contorted in concern as she stared at him.

"You look like you've been crying."

"I haven't." He answered truthfully.

He thought his palms had dug into his eyes and probably irritated them.

"What's wrong?" She asked quietly and he almost shook his head.

"It's nothing..." He answered and she blinked slowly before pulling him towards her. A small part of him expecting a kiss was disappointed when she pulled him close to her.

"I'm not falling for that... Tell me." Her voice was stern and he almost laughed at the sudden protectiveness. "So what, you kill people. You've always made the right decisions. I'm pretty sure they had it coming."

"They did... I just don't feel at ease with all this." He forced himself to pull away from her impossibly warm hold. "There is still a lot I have to tell you. I just do not know how to..."

He wanted to fill her in on every single detail she had missed before and after she came into his life. He did not just owe it to her but he wanted her to know him better and know who he really was.

"You can take all the time you need, I don't mind." A small smile ghosted his lips as he stood up and gave her his hand, mulling over her words.

Time... Maybe that was what he needed.

"Alright. Can we go down? I still haven't had the cookies and something tells me leaving Varo down with them was a horrible idea."

Eniola laughed but tugged on his arm. "Yeah... That's probably true but can we do something before we go?" She asked, not waiting for a reply before dragging him down by the arm.

The cookies could wait.

He made zero effort to resist when he felt her metal ring against his lip. Her lips moved feverishly against his, and he wasted no time in letting her enter his mouth. He knew his new favorite piercing had to be the one on her tongue. Definitely.

He ignored the small voice telling him that he was reasoning irrationally again; the voice would have to realize it was wasting its time.

He pulled away for a moment to drag his teeth down her jawline, nearly biting into her skin when she moaned.

He felt her push against him, her legs trapping him between them. Her closeness to him was almost enough to make him lose control of himself.

"Fuck." She muttered harshly before pulling his face back to hers and roughly tugging on his t-shirt. Tobias knew that if she continued that way, she was going to rip it.

Not that he minded though.

She pulled away for a second, her eyes dazed with excitement and arousal. "Take it off." her fingers grasped the hems but he shook his head, making her whine in annoyance.

"Not now."

"Some other time then?" She asked, her eyes now lingering on his lower body as she bit her bottom lip.

"I didn't—" He finally gave into the rational part of him after breathing air rather than her addicting scent. Avoiding her eyes, he said, "I honestly do not think we should be doing this."

"What? Why?" She asked, he could hear the disappointment in her voice.

"It's too much of a complication."

She raised her brow in mock amusement. "What's making it complicated? Is the age gap finally getting to you? I'm fucking twenty-six. Do you even love me? At all?"

"I know that but it's not just the age difference, Eniola..." He held her arm, stopping it from crawling under his shirt. "You should know I love you. More than anything but—"

"But as a sister. I got the fucking memo two days ago and I still don't give a shit." She said, releasing her hands from his grasp and pushing herself off the bed.

"Princess..." He stressed but she did not let him get another word in.

" 'I love you as a sister and this doesn't feel right.' Is that not it?! What else are you going to say? I don't want to be loved as a fucking family member, Tobias!" She yelled, with him as he slowly got up from the bed.

"Eniola..." She had always been hot-blooded. He had to be the level-headed person at least. "Please calm down."

"Now you're going to act like the reasonable person here and make me feel stupid for getting emotional." She struggled to keep the anger in her voice as her eyes teared up.

"You know I'll never do that." He finally got close enough to hold her hand again. He never liked seeing her hurt. Her beautiful eyes did not deserve to have tears in them.

It wounded him to know he was the reason behind the tears.

"But that's how I feel right now. There's so much going on with you and your family and the court and that spaghetti guy." Who? "I just don't know. You're the only person keeping me in sync right now."Her voice lowered with each sentence. He thought her eyes got bigger at each sentence too. So pretty.

She immediately caught a tear that escaped her eyes with him covering her hand to catch the same tear.

'You're the only one keeping sync too. It has always been only you.' He wanted to say but it was incredibly difficult for his mouth to form words.

It was true.

She was a distraction he deeply appreciated. He didn't think he would dare replace the 'distraction' with another word. In the meantime, it would take it for what it was worth.

"I don't want the only feeling you have towards me to be like some sort of incesty love."

"Enny..." He wanted to correct her so badly and tell her how he felt but thought it was too early and they had a lot on their plate.

"You've never been one to talk much." She said quietly. "The only times you told me you loved me were on my birthdays and when you left. You only showed me how much you did. All the time. My dad used to say you were like a rock but wore your heart on your sleeve for only people you loved. I knew you."

She took his hand in hers.

"You're literally all I have, Tobi. I know it seems childish and stupid but with all the shit I had to do to get you here, in this very room with me? Give every fucking thing I own to charity. I don't think I would care. I don't regret what I did if it meant I can see you and see you're happy and fine." She smiled sadly. "I love you. Always have for as long as I remember and I'll wait for you when— if you love me back. I'll give you space... You can return to Spain or Minnesota after the trial, but I'll be here. Waiting. Because I fucking love you."

Eniola laughed, wiping another tear from her cheek. "I'm sorry if I came off too strong. I forgot you didn't like shit like that. I'll be downstairs."

As she left, Tobias could not help but frown. It hurt his chest a lot more than a goodbye would have. If she loved him, she would have let him speak, if he would even say a word. Everything she said indicated that he needed time to think things over.

She loves me.

Of course, she did. She had done everything to show him that since she was younger. From claiming she had to approve all his girlfriends to switching off his phone when they hung out so he would not be distracted and outrightly telling the said girlfriends he was out when he was in fact in his room. She always said he needed to dedicate more time to his studies.

Still, when she got older, she dated a lot of boys, and most times, he found it incredibly difficult to keep track of and there was a very brief period where she did the exact opposite of what he said. Those were trying times.

He exhaled loudly.

Why did telling him she would wait hurt this much?

Was this how she felt when I left?

He had promised he would come back and took his time to fulfill that promise. He could see she was still hurt no matter how much she tried to hide it. Her actions towards him were delicate. As if he was a bird she didn't want to frighten or scare away.

She said she loved me.

He was not sure if she was just attached to him because of how long they had known each other or because she was afraid he would leave again. Either way, it made a part of him more depressed than he had ever felt and he had never been not depressed.

What then did she mean by she would wait? Was she going to wait for him to man up and tell her how he felt about her? Was how he felt towards her what she wanted to hear? He did not think it would solve a lot of things but at least they would be starting from somewhere.

He could tell she was done with the little sister shit and to an extent, he was too.

He hoped he would sort everything out and she would be safe. Maybe then they would talk about 'them' or he would leave again but this time, there will not be a second coming.

He finally understood how she felt. He understood why she was so broken when he left. Everything had been going great until he got that call from his father.

A part of him hoped she would wait.

He didn't know what would happen with the situation they had at hand but had first-hand experience with how serious it could get. If it did, he hoped she would know by then. He could not lose her.

Anybody but her.

He loved her.

He almost yelled her name but refrained. She was giving him time to get his shit together. He should give himself time too.

Definitely overthinking things again.

He could remember his mother teasing him about the problem and stating his overthinking was the reason he was always so quiet. How she always pinched his cheek and called him mi gatito. The woman would always say he was the smartest boy she knew as he randomly stared at the skies, wondering what would happen to the sun if the skies suddenly fell while they rode horses.

She had tried so hard to shield him from the affairs of the family because she knew his father would never be able to take him from her.

She would always say "Mi gatito, I'll get us out of here. Rebecca will have a big field to play in and you, you will have all the books in the world. Just stay with Mama. Do not stray from me."

That was not a memory he planned to unlock.

His mother would always braid his sister's hair and paint her nails, tell him tales in moonlight, and sing them a lullaby. The woman personally taught him the English alphabet in her ever-beautiful farmhouse until his father came and took Rebecca away.

A week later, the corpse of a young girl was dropped at their house; the bastard said Rebecca had died of the flu. His heart ached as he remembered his mother's grief. His father had taken her to court to declare she was incapable of training a child and she was insane and with the wealth and influence of El Tigre Herido, she was sent to a mental facility in Italy.

The last time he had seen his mother was when he was eighteen and had just left his father in Minnesota. He had quickly visited Italy before moving to New York. The poor woman had grown so old and weak. He was glad she had a painless death, unlike his father.

The sadistic part of him buzzed as he remembered the man's struggles for air as the poison collapsed his lungs.

He deserved to die.

He missed his mother. Terribly. If she was alive, he knew he would at least have some form of guidance in his life.

Being an adult was unbelievably hard.

~~~

Same, Tobs. Same.

This chapter took me so long to rewrite because the original had a lot of cringey lines and even more plotholes so if you still find any, feel free to point them out so I can edit them. Hopefully, the next update would come sooner.

And I want to know my new and old readers. Say hi everyone (esp, the pretty bitches always telling me to update!) and tell me your favourite colour, I'll see if any of the characters like the same ones as you do!

I'll go first. One of my favourite colours is red. The character that shares this with me is yet to be introduced. Who do you think it is?