He looked back at his reflection in irritation. His hair was now obnoxiously long as it had been almost a three weeks since he had a good haircut and a box of dye.

Enny had said long hair suited Varo and Luis. He still thought the hair would be a lot of work. His hair got frizzy and had a small peeve of sticking to his forehead and getting into his eyes when he was a lot younger.

Maybe he would give the hair a chance. It may have changed with time. He would be grateful if it could magically grow out the curls and just be wavy- like Varo's and well, most of the men's.

"Are you alright, Don Ferna?" Olegario interrupted his trail of thoughts.

He looked at the long haired man who was preoccupied with shelving some books on psychology. He had incredibly long and wavy hair that Tobias was sure he had never cut since he was born.

Olegario was probably the only member of the family that took his career outside the El Tigre Herido seriously.

"I am. And skip the formalities, Ole." He replied firmly and Olegario rolled his dark eyes behind the thick rimmed glasses and returned to sorting his books by the title on their spines. The Mind; A Powerful Place. Tobias had read that book a few years ago. It was a good read. If there was one thing he enjoyed doing, it was reading self-help books with zero intention of helping himself.

Tobias strolled around the almost empty room save for two double beds at the opposite ends, a plain desk that had a couple of random items on it, a few open suitcases, and the poor shelf the doctor was presently overloading. He liked the warm tone of the room and the decision that Luca and Ole had made not to change a thing. The original cream-colored curtains complemented the light maroon bed sheets and peach walls. The overlooking windows stretched their panes from the ceiling to the bottom giving a good view of the meadow and beautiful sky behind the mansion with its green scenery that added a luscious hue to the already exposed room.

Tobias was envious. The doctor and Luca probably had the best room and view.

"Alright, Tobias, you have been here for almost fifteen minutes. Surely you must be done with your inspection and I apologize if you were unable to find drugs as they would be in Diego's chambers." Ole joked relaxing into a seat behind his desk. He merely thought of it as anything as he sat in front of the man. Other members of the family would have offered him a seat first or sat down after him but Ole was different.

Yes, Tobias was younger than most of the men, they still treated him like an elder and there was Olegario— the man had a good eight years on him and made sure he knew it. And they were also good friends. They just didn't talk much.

"Well, I did not come for an inspection. I came to see how you were doing and settling in." He answered and Ole's brows rose in mock surprise. A shiny purple trinket on the desk caught his attention. The stone was a bit rough around its edges and it was small enough to fit into the palm of his hand.

"That's an Amethyst crystal. It's known for its anxiety alleviating powers and its ability to relieve the mind from stress and other negative emotions." Olegario's voice was merely above a whisper as Tobias studied the crystal in his grasp. Yeah, stress reliever my ass. "Now, what is your real reason for coming to see me?"

Tobias sighed, dropped the purple stone back on the desk and reached out for a random pencil.

"Why do you find it difficult to believe that I came to check on you?" He asked mildly, a small smile ghosting his lips as he carelessly twirled the pencil between his fingers. The action reminded him of his knives. He would need to pick them up from the living room later.

"Well, Tobias. Asides from the call I received from you two days ago, you have not said more than three words to me in the past two years." The doctor replied as he plucked his pencil from Tobias's grip.

Tobias pouted.

"Well, I did ask Clara to send you emails and gift baskets on your birthdays." He replied but managed to stop his growing smile as he realized Olegario was not joking. "Come on, Ole. Rallegrasi." He asked the man to lighten up in Italian and he just stared at him in disinterest.

"With all due respect, Tobias, I am a little busy and I have jetlag. So I would be elated if you make haste with whatever you have to say and leave me be." Tobias rolled his eyes at the therapist. He had wanted to discuss a few issues that had been bothering him but settled for just apologizing to Olegario for ghosting him for the past few years.

"I did not mean to cut contact with you, Ole. I was a bit too busy handling the business and you know it's a lot of work when Rebecca is hardly present." He said and the doctor just shook his head.

"I know you have been putting a lot of work into the firm and family. I do not blame you for not having time but seriously Tobias, what brings you here?" The doctor asked Tobias who had stylishly picked up another pencil.

He pondered on the question for a moment. What really brought him there? His loss of control that made him hurt Berlusconi? Or was it his budding anxiety and over thinking?

His thoughts were quick to dampen his fairly good mood.

"Well..." He lightly scratched his head with the pencil's nub, ignoring the doctor's grimace. "I did do something that some people would term as out of character." He summarized and Olegario lent him a questioning look.

"Is it the Rachovic issue? I thought Varo was the one who manhandled him?" He asked and Tobias sighed tiredly and shook his head.

"That was Alvaro. I am talking about Giovanni Berlusconi." He clarified, rubbing his tired eyes with his free hand. Even though he had washed his hands and face, he could still smell a faint stench of blood.

"Oh. I vaguely commit to memory when Varo was talking about him. What did you do that was so out of character?"

"I stabbed him." He dropped, avoiding eye contact with the doctor whose stare he could feel on him.

"What triggered you?" Ole asked softly and Tobias sighed, leaning into his seat.

"I felt insulted, I guess." He shrugged and the doctor swept his dark hair away from his face before asking another question.

"And you felt stabbing him would make you feel better?"

"I did." He watched as the man's fingers strummed on the desk for a quick second.

"And did it?"

Berlusconi was probably unconscious and with a wound that was most likely to become infected if it went untreated. In the worst case scenario, the arm would be amputated. Did the thought of having a half limbed Berlusconi live the rest of his life handicapped excite him? Hell yes.

That will be if he is able to live the rest of his life. Tobias blinked as his conscience went dark for a moment.

"Well to an extent, yes. It did make me feel better." He finally answered and Olegario nodded, seemingly memorizing his answers. They had long come to the agreement that Tobias's sessions –official or not- would not be documented. They could not risk most of his confessions getting into the wrong hands. He was grateful that Olegario still respected that decision.

"Then why is it bothering you, Tobias? Do you wish you did not hurt him or is there something else?" Tobias knew that the man already knew his answer even though it had been a while since they had talked. Olegario proved to have a very retentive memory.

"You of all people should know I do not regret stabbing that bastard." He stated in mock amusement. He could not deny that stabbing the man sent tremors of pleasure through his body. "I am just worried that I may have enjoyed it a bit too much." He confessed and Olegario nodded.

"You fear you are relapsing?"

"Unfortunately... Yes. The urge to hurt someone has been brewing up again, I guess."

"Do you think it is because of how stressed you are? Is it what is making you look for a rather violent way to unwind?" He couldn't help the heavy sigh that escaped his chest. Olegario was always gifted with picking at his mind, looking for answers he already knew. Answers that Tobias did not know were already there.

"You could put it that way." He said silently picking up another smooth and shiny stone. He knew that one -a tiger's eye. It was the family's first emblem before his father had it changed. And he had quite the collection back in his home in Minnesota.

"I knew you would recognise that one." The doctor quipped as he pushed his glasses up. "Do you know what the stone does?" He asked Tobias who just nodded.

He knew what it did. It was believed to bring great strength and calmness to its holder. As stupidly rare as it was, it had been pretty useless to him over the past few years.

"What about our agreed methods for aiding your condition?"

"I haven't exactly had the time to build a rage room, doctor." He had been too busy overthinking, and working and up until recently, spending time with Eniola, trying to bring the family together or just straight out anxiety attacks.

"And I know you did not attend most of the classes I recommended." Ole added.

"I did not have the time for it."

"What about talking about your emotions?"

"Okay, I had time for that one. I just did not want to tell another person I have PTSD because I unalived my sperm donor and the only way for me to get over it is to talk out my anger and anxiety problems."

"You had two years, Tobias. Two years of pent up angst will do wonders in depleting your mental health." The doctor said flatly, taking his stone from Tobias. He sneakily looked for another close item. He had to keep his fingers busy. "I know that you may have suffered a traumatic experience but ignoring it will not make it go away. We have talked about this."

"We have." Was all he replied with.

"Have you been taking your medicine at least? I made sure your psychiatrist sent prescription mails to your assistant at the start of every month. You had said they helped you sleep well." Tobias knew it was true. He hadn't missed a single dosage until— shit.

"I haven't taken them in a while." He answered sheepishly and Ole groaned in frustration.

"When was the last time you took it?" He asked hopefully and Tobias just waved it off.

"Relax. It's been only a month... Or two." Or five. He answered and the doctor sucked his breath. "Does it really matter? They didn't help much anyway."

"And there's the answer to your questions, Tobias." What questions?

"What questions?" He didn't think he had asked a question. He had only relayed his problems.

"Your serial killer and sadistic tendencies, anxiety attacks and everything. That is why they're all brewing again."

"You think?" Oh bravo, capitan obvio.

"Attitude, Tobias." He warned.

"Apologies." Ouu, another shiny rock.

"Your attention span is like that of a kitten." The doctor said as he watched him spin the sharp crystal on the desk. This one was a warm pink color. "And when you're not overthinking, you're very distracted or paying zero attention to a pressing issue." If that isn't bloody obvious.

"I've been told." It was all in his nickname.

"As I was saying, your negligence is responsible for your circumstance." Ole said making him roll his eyes for the umpteenth time. They were going around in circles.

"Fine, Ole. I agree, I have not been paying much attention to my depleting mental health and I am having some major setbacks. We have established that already. Just help me to stop feeling like this!" His voice raised slightly at the end of his rant. The man was becoming very annoying. He was busy pointing out his errors instead of looking for solutions for him.

He quickly dissolved the small thought that crossed his mind to sew the man's lips shut.

But he will be quiet—

"Feeling what way?" The calmness of the doctor's voice seemed to further infuriate him as he pushed himself off his seat.

"Feeling like shit! I'm always anxious and indecisive. And now, I think I'm having imposter syndrome and before you say all that motivating shit, I know I've done a lot. I've rebuilt the firm, I saved my sister, I killed the only thing that scared me but I still feel like I can do more you know? And then I try... And fail. And it suddenly feels like I am not Tobias Ferna and I begin to doubt myself and feel like a fraud... Do you understand me? Do you know how what that does to your self-confidence? Do you know what it does tiny shred of self-preservation I've managed to build in the last few years? It fucking disintegrates it. That's what it does!" He was breathing hard by the time he was done yelling out his frustration to the annoyingly serene doctor. "That's what it fucking does."

"You would need to take my recommendations seriously if you want to stop feeling like—"

"Fuck that." He sneered. "I followed your instructions for four years, Olegario. They didn't do shit. And now-" He paused, tiredly sinking back into the soft fabric that felt like needles on his back. He suddenly felt hot. His turtleneck was way too thick for the asphyxiating heat he had burning in him. He could sense another episode brewing but still he forced himself to speak. "—and now, I'm about to lose the only person I have found possible to feel anything for other than tolerance." He was exhausted. The deep breaths he had taken between his sentences had not helped much.

"You have to calm down. Deep breaths, Tobias. Deep breaths." He followed the doctor's instructions for a hot minute before going back to vent out his frustration.

"And while I'm trying to put myself together and act like a fucking mafia don, there's this Hijo de puta trying to fuck up Eniola's safety. The one thing I care about, Olegario. Do you know how frustrating that is? Having to come face to face with a brother of the cabron and yet still be unable to slit his tongue and feed it to him because that same person I am trying to protect does not want me to hurt him?" He let out a bitter laugh.

He was a still a bit irked that Eniola had stopped him from doing some other vile things to Giovanni. He however did not miss the amused glint in her eyes as she watched Riccardo stuff the man in his boot. Did his tendencies entertain her? Why did he suddenly imagine a Bonnie and Clyde remake?

His mental health was certainly deteriorating.

Why is Ole staring at me? Oh...

"I don't even think any treatment would cut it at this point." He had suddenly paused his rant to overanalyze that scenario.

"Then why do you want me to help if you believe treatment wouldn't work for you at this point?" The man asked as he strolled to the large window with both hands in his khakis. Tobias watched his black shoes as they made little squeaks on the tiles. Cute.

Ole was right.

Why was he expecting a couple of prescription bottles and different referral notes? Why was he even talking to him if he knew he couldn't help him? He already knew he would was never going to pop another pill do why was he here?

"Were you not supposed to be married a while ago?" Olegario said and Tobias raised a brow. It was years ago. "What was her name? Wang's daughter?"

Tobias nodded, still not understanding why it was being brought up. "Esmeralda Wang. Why?"

"And why was the engagement party suddenly called off?"

He shrugged like he had no idea. "We mutually decided to not move on with the partnership."

Olegario sent him a disbelieving stare and he rolled his eyes.

In the beginning, Chun Wang had wanted nothing more than a union between El Tigre Herido and the Wang Triad so much so that he had arranged a marriage between Tobias and Esmeralda. Tobias agreed to it at the start because his father left him with no other choice but as soon as the old man bit the dust, he severed every tie he had with the woman. Even after six years, he still waited for the guilt to get to him. It didn't take a lot to realise he had felt nothing for her

"How many relationships have you been in since then?"

A ball of dust and sound crickets played in his head.

His life had been an endless cycle of office, house and the occasional dinner with Varo or Rebecca.

"Before her then?"

He sighed, knowing he had a few girlfriends when he stayed with Eniola and her father. "I don't know. Around three? I've never prioritised relationships."

His love life was in the gutters.

"You did nothing wrong by throwing yourself into your work but do you not think the sudden change is what makes you anxious?"

Tobias frowned. "What sudden change?"

"Tobias..."

"Yes?"

The doctor looked outside the window and then back at Tobias. "I think you're feeling this way because you've fallen in love with Eniola and before you say anything or try to deny it, I understand how daunting it must be. You are used to handling the family and company and every single factor revolves around you because you've given them the permission to do so. Those factors or constant in your life.

"Alvaro, Clara, Rebecca, Ferna Buildings, the family— they've been ever present and you choose whether or not to let them in or affect your routine but Eniola? You wanted to help, yes? But to fall for her, it's odd and new and has thrown you out of your orbit. You feel you're not grounded anymore because what you feel for her is out of your control and since you cannot control your feelings towards her, your actions on matters concerning her are sporadic."

Tobias found himself frowning. Well, it was obvious he had fallen for her but losing control of himself was a stretch.

"If there is one thing I know you for, it's for eliminating your threats and I know the thought of losing yourself sounds terrifying but I do not think she is a threat. You deserve good things too and from what Alvaro has told me, she seems like a decent person. Well, when she's not drunk..." He added and Tobias forced a laugh. He thought Eniola was perfect; sober or not.

"So what do you think I should do?"

Olegario sent him an unimpressed look, knowing there was every possibility that he would do the exact opposite of what he advised but sighed.

"Let's start with the talking stage, Tobias. I am always here to lend an ear— it is my job and well, my duty as a friend but you have to talk to someone whose opinions would matter to you. I would say Alvaro but the man seems preoccupied. Talk to Eniola, you adore her. At least she could convince you to take your medicine."

Tobias drummed his fingers on the table in thought. Telling Eniola everything would be a lot for her to handle. He had only just told her about the family, telling her all he had done would be a bit difficult to digest.

"And she is breathtakingly beautiful, reminds me of Alda. I see why you're so concerned." Ole said thoughtfully. Is she outside?

He stalked up to the window, looking over Olegario's shoulder and through the glass to see Eniola and Clara amused by Vittore who was livid for some reason. It was no surprise that Vittore was so angry. It was like the only emotion he was capable of portraying.

Tobias did not want to be like that. He wanted to have a bit of everyone: Varo's carefree and frighteningly stubborn attitude, Olegario's professionalism, Rebecca's nonchalance, Clara's dorky charm and of course, Eniola's beautiful spirit.

They were all wonderful people, role models in a way. Definitely flawed but the good in them always made up for it.

Did he have any good quality?

He could not think of any. All he had was a smouldering temper, anxiety, crippling self doubt, indecisiveness, mommy issues— The list could go on forever.

Who the fuck would want to listen to anything he had to say?

"You give the girl very little credit. I know you are not religious but have a little more faith. For her at least. It would do you both a lot of good." He nodded at the doctor's words, taking a longing look at the woman as she seemed to laugh loudly at Vittore's expense. Clara on the other hand looked very uncomfortable.

It was truly comical to see Eniola not take the man that had a good foot over her very unseriously.

"Thank you, Ole. I apologise for my word vomit." He said. The rant made him feel better even though he would never admit it.

The first step was always acceptance.

He had been in denial after he watched his own father lowered into the ground. He denied the restlessness and nightmares, attributing it to the responsibilities he had to take over. It had been an unpleasant journey before he eventually reached out to Olegario who took his confession rather well. Now, he just needed a little shove in the right direction but the doctor was basically kicking him in the ass.

If Eniola would accept him again. He would be more than willing to accept himself and fuck, he did not know if there was anything he would no do for her then.

"Anytime. And take the Amethyst." The doctor called out tossing the purple stone at him. He fondled with the crystal for a few moments. At least it would keep his hands busy. "I know you're plotting to steal it from me."

"Of course." He was sure as hell he would puncture the ball. His nails were a bit long. He had to cut them.

"And Tobias?" He was just about to shut the door behind him.

"Yes, Olegario?"

"I hope Sergei Rachovic is not associated with Eisenfaust?"

"Right after our heart to heart? Way to go, Ole." He joked and the doctor smiled, the whites of his teeth on full display.

"Well?" Ole asked again and Tobias shook his head.

"I had Franco run a background check; he's clear. He was an illegal immigrant in this country. Joined the army for citizenship but was dismissed after sustaining a lung injury from an exposure to some chemical. He's simply a German family man reliving his army glory days in a rotten police force. No connections with Eisenfaust whatsoever." He recited all that Franco had hastily told him during his search for the doctor's room.

"That's good. Those people have done enough damage." He said and Tobias wordlessly agreed.

Eisenfaust was nothing to worry about at the moment. He had already reduced them to rubble.

He had more pending issues. Like a hot bath and time with Eniola even though he had to take her home. He had felt a bit of uneasiness watching her share her attention with other people.

It was definitely not jealousy.

~~~

Live footage of Tobias and Dr. Ole:



And just so you know, I've been very busy editing the sequel to this book. For rereaders, you know how this one ended, the part two is going to BLOW YOU AWAYYYYYY.

P.S: DO NOT get attached to any character, not everybody survives this book. Hehe.