Aurora

Matteo and Aurora were sitting in the backyard. It was a very beautiful day outside and she couldn't spend it inside, so that afternoon she arranged a last minute picnic with him. She was still very shy in his presence ever since what had happened the night on his birthday but she tried mustering up the courage to be calm around him.

His ways have changed, she noticed. He would hold her more in his arms and honestly she was more than happy to be so close to him. When he would sit next to her, just like this morning, he would always touch her in some way. It would be holding her hand, playing with her hair or placing his hand on her thigh.

He had gone in to speak something privately with Cordelia, which honestly made her feel a tiny bit uneasy. He has been doing that a lot recently where he would leave the room to speak to Cordelia, not giving her a chance to talk to her as well. He would say that it was something family related and doesn't concern her but he would always seem frustrated after their calls.

She tried to ignore it and listen to him, respecting him when he said that it was none of her business.

Aurora had caught a ladybug which landed on her hand and she gave every bit of attention to the insect crawling on her hand.

Cordelia, however, did phone her the next day asking what had happened on Matteo's birthday. She wanted to know everything that happened that night between them but Aurora was a bit too hesitant to tell her what had happened. She felt weird telling Cordelia that she had kissed her brother but eventually told her.

Long story short, the call ended after two hours with Cordelia screaming a few times on the other end.

She liked the change that had taken place. She liked it a lot.

"Hey." she heard him say close to her ear.

He pecked the side of her neck before taking a seat on the blanket with her back against his chest. She sighed in content as she settled against his chest, his arm wrapping around her waist holding her captive.

"Isn't it pretty?" she said in awe.

She held the ladybug that was on her hand up to show him.

"No." he said.

Aurora turned around to face him, pouting. "You're rude." she said. She looked down at the ladybug. "It's so cute."

"Am I rude for only finding you pretty?"

She giggled as she placed her head against his chest, resulting in a small laugh coming from Matteo. He rested his chin on the top of her head, and she sighed as she felt his fingers brush up and down against her arm.

"I heard that ladybugs were supposed to give you good luck." she said to him.

"Don't believe that. It's all bullshit."

"No it's not. Aunt Jocelyne told me that."

"Old people believe in some very weird things, Aurora."

She shook her head. "I believe her." she whispered. "She said that if you find a ladybug you should treat it with a lot of care and gentleness because they are friendly insects. If you do that then you will have good luck."

He hummed as he continued to stroke her arm.

"Am I doing it right?" she asked.

"Hmm?"

"Am I treating the ladybug good?" she asked him again.

"Yes. I think it likes you very much, baby."

She smiled at that.

She bit her lip as she began to wonder. She stared at it crawling on her index finger, as if communicating with the little insect. When Aunt Jocelyne told her the story about ladybugs and their good luck, she was invested in it. She believed her words and kept that teaching close to her heart wherever she went and kept a keen eye out for any ladybug around.

"Then it will let me live longer?" she asked softly, with a lot of hope in her voice.

His movements had seized and his body grew rigid against her. It felt as if time had stopped and there were no more noise in the world anymore. She couldn't help but let those words slip from her mouth, voicing her thoughts and what she was thinking about all the time when she was alone.

She didn't hear a sound from him, the only sound coming from him was his heartbeat being heard from his chest as she leaned on him. She turned her face to the side as she sat a bit more upright to look him in the face, his eyes watching her closely.

"If I take very good care of the ladybug, will it help me get better?" she repeated, her voice fading a bit at the end.

He stared at her, long and hard. She could feel her body quiver from how intense he had been watching her, especially when he had not said anything. She couldn't exactly tell what the expression on his face was or what he was thinking, but his silence was unnerving.

He was a man who held no sympathy and lacked the empathy he could feel for others in their time of despair. She had grown used to his robotic quirks and how he struggled to process things concerning emotions. That was also what had made him different from the rest.

She loved that about him.

She loved how expressionless he was in a situation that could involve an animal passing away, or even someone getting hurt. He was very bad at expressing what he was feeling or even just saying how he felt. Even if Matteo was awful in that field, she found it oddly adorable for him to be this way.

That admiration for him being a man of no empathy began to dissipate as he placed her head back onto his chest. With her head on his chest, she could feel how harshly he was breathing by inhaling and exhaling at a rapid pace. She could hear the bits of quakes in his breathing, most likely the anger that radiated from him and he let it out.

They were silent for a long time. She could hear his harsh breathing, the trembling of his chest as it moved whenever he inhaled and exhaled. She could feel him grabbing hold of her face, his thumb caressing her cheekbone and she bit her lip as her eyes welled with tears.

That's when she felt it.

A drop of a wet substance meeting the flesh of her cheek. She believed that it was her own tears that leaked from her eyes, but that was not possible. She would have felt the substance trickle down from her eyes and glide down her cheek. Her breath hitched in her throat as she, with wide eyes, glanced up at him.

That was the reason why he had hidden her face from seeing him. He had purposefully placed her head against his chest for her to be shielded from the crack in his facade of a cold heartless man. She knew he would never want her to see him weak, but at this moment she never would have known that this man would be able to shed at least a single tear.

"Matteo." she said. "You're...crying."

She sat up once again. She cradled his face into her hands, touching him with as much fragility as she could muster. Her eyes frantically glanced around his face, wondering what perceived him to be able to cry.

"Why are you crying?"

He looked into her eyes. "Why?" he asked. "You're asking why?"

She gulped.

She could see the hurt in his eyes and that pained her heart.

"All my life I have never thought that I would want to have something like this. I was so used to being on my own and doing things for myself that I couldn't care less about the next person. Aurora, I never even fucking cared this much about my family besides my sister."

His eyes stayed on her as he spoke.

"I want to regret sitting in that park that night if it means not bumping into you. I want to regret stepping foot into my own restaurant that day if it meant that I wouldn't be able to speak to you again. I want to regret taking you home that day if it meant that you would not stay here in my home. I want to regret ever meeting you if it would mean to keep my life as it was and never had to worry about you."

Her eyes blurred as they filled with tears at his words. She said nothing as he spoke and she said nothing when he paused, looking straight at her.

"But I can't." he said.

She thought she imagined it but her heart ached when she heard how pained he sounded. She wanted to jump into his arms and cry into his chest, but her body stayed rooted in her place.

He placed his head into his hand, shaking his head. "I want to care about you. I want to fucking take care of you and be the man that you want."

"You already are. Matteo you're already doing s-so much for me and I'm grateful for that." she said in a hurry, hoping that he would believe her truthful words.

"If I did enough, you would have been cured already."

"You can't work miracles, Matteo." she moved a bit closer to him but he still didn't look at her. "God works in ways that no one could understand. We can't blame ourselves for his plans for our lives."

He inhaled shakily. "But is this my punishment? For the life that I have lived, the sincere happiness that I have finally found will be stripped away from me?"

She shook her head frantically. "No. It isn't your fault. You shouldn't think like that."

He raised his head to look at her. "Then why is the only woman that I care about sick? Hmm?"

She sobbed as she shook her head again. "It's what I deserve, huh?" he said humorously, but with sadness as well.

"Matteo, please stop." she snapped. "You deserve to be happy as much as everyone else. You shouldn't-"

"Then why the fuck is there a chance that the happiness I deserve will be gone in who knows when?!"

She jumped at the sound of his voice. She had never seen him this angry since the time she caught him nearly ending Chandler's life in his house one morning. This side of him scared her and the look one his face didn't make the situation any better.

He stood up not looking at her. He slid his hand down his face as he shook his head. He looked as if he wanted to say something but instead of saying anything, he walked back into his house.

She cried harder as she kept Kitty close to her chest, the cat meowing at her as she disrupted her from her sleep. She was lying awake in her bed thinking about what happened earlier in the backyard and how angry Matteo appeared to be.

He hasn't been talking to her for the rest of the day and everything was weird between them. Matteo looked like the first time she had met him which was when he was even more impassive than he was now.

She was growing more and more tired everyday and not because she lacked sleep, but due to her illness it seemed like it caught up with her. She had to meet Jamison in a few days for their monthly check up and she could already hear what he was going to say. It would be the same old thing where he would sympathize with her in not having a donor, or give the same feedback on where her health stands.

She was so tired of it all. She just wanted to be healthy with no issues regarding her or Matteo. She sounded silly but she wanted to be with him without any problems but now her illness stood in the way, and it caused disruption. She paused as she began to think about how stupid she was actually sounding in her head.

Her and Matteo weren't even boyfriend and girlfriend.

He never asked her to be his girlfriend but the way they were, how close they were seemed like they could be together. She knew that much that a man needs to actually verbally ask the woman to be his girlfriend, and a kiss didn't make them a couple.

She huffed as she tugged Kitty against her chest. This time the cat meowed a bit louder and maneuvered her way out of Aurora's arms to the other side of the bed.

"Awww, I didn't mean to be so aggressive, Kitty." she said to the cat.

The cat ignored her and faced its back to her. She pouted at the stubborn cat but couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her face.

She heard a knock at the door and wondered if it was Malinda who came to complain about her not coming down to eat for the third time today. She smiled widely and said "come in" but the person who came in was not Malinda.

Matteo walked into the room and her smile faded, her eyes refusing to look at his as they moved over to Kitty lying on the bed. She heard him approach her bed and stop right next to her, and she could feel him staring at her.

She heard him sigh.

The bed dipped as he took a seat next to her but she continued to ignore him as well as ignoring how fast her heart was beating whenever he would be near her.

Stupid heart.

"I'm sorry for lashing out on you like that. I didn't mean for that to happen." he said softly.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye and felt herself melt at how Matteo looked in this moment. He looked so lost and defeated as his eyes were downcast not being able to meet her eyes. He looked genuine as he apologized and seeing this in an once in a lifetime opportunity that she would never see again most likely.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked her.

She shook her head. "Are you mad at me?" she repeated his question.

He looked at her, his brows dipped. "I could never be mad at you, baby."

She looked down at Kitty. "Then why did you yell at me?"

He sighed and moved a bit closer to her. "I didn't mean to yell at you like that. I was just scared and very upset."

She turned her head to face him, her eyes a bit wide. "You were scared? Why?"

He nodded at her. He hesitated in replying to her question and his eyes had a small glint of sadness in them.

"The thought of losing you, it scares me a lot." he said.

He touched his fingers to her face, gently brushing them against the side of her face. She closed her eyes as she relished in the feeling of the contact between him and her. She could feel his warm breath fanning against her face and the heat of his body seeping from him over towards her.

"I need you with me." he said. "I'm a selfish man, Aurora, so I'll do what I have to in order to keep what I have."

I need you with me.

It was the little things that he said or did that made her heart hurt even more. He would always be affectionate whether it was holding her hand of touches like this, it could even be with his words. There was so much he would say to her or do for her but there was something big that she felt was missing.

It bugged her and she didn't understand why it had such a huge effect on her. She knew that Matteo wasn't a man who was keen on relationships and it wouldn't be possible for her to even think that she would have a chance to be his girlfriend. She knew it was only a label and it wouldn't change what it was that they had but she ached to be known as his.

She wanted that. She wanted him as her boyfriend.

It was her own selfish needs that she knew she had to suppress. Matteo would never want a girlfriend and he had never wanted one in the past,which is what she will respect. She was happy and content with things as they were and she wouldn't change that.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

She couldn't tell him exactly what was on her mind but there was another thing that she thought about.

She opened her eyes and stared at him with a small smile.

"I'm glad I went to the park that night."

Did anyone hear Lana Del Ray's new song? I am currently levitating, it's so good.

Anywhooo, I am late but better late than never.