Morgan and Rob both hung back with the unit while Dominic, Mom, Peyton and I got into the van and went home. I think they knew that we needed some time just the four of us before they would come back to the house. The drive home from the cemetery was painfully quiet. None of us knew what to say. The radio was on low as I just tightly held onto the flag. I felt like I couldn't put it down. It's one of the last things of dad we have now and I feel like it needs to be protected at all cost.

When we got home mom thanked the driver and he gave mom the card of dad's attorney. Even though dad was now at peace, we still had some final things to take care of. But those can wait for now. I got inside and went right upstairs to my room. I closed the door behind me and slid down until the floor caught me. With shaky fingers I unbutton my jacket and loosened my tie before I let my emotion escape. I screamed my pain out into the folded-up flag as all of the tears and emotions of the last few days finally escaped.

The sobs and screams were uncontrollable for a while. The pain was coming from such a deep recess of my chest that I didn't think it would ever stop. The only thing I could do was curl into a ball and rest my forehead against the folded-up flag and hope that maybe, just maybe, it would stop eventually.

I don't know how long I ended up tucked up like that because I think I fell asleep. The next thing I knew I felt the door open into my back and it pushed me out of the way to let whoever was behind it come into the room. It didn't take long before the person came around in front of me and lowered into my line of sight. My eyes cracked open enough to see Morgan sitting in front of me looking concerned. Even though she tried to hide it in her body language, the emotion bleed through her eyes. Morgan took the flag from my hands and and disappeared for a moment and I couldn't help but just close my eyes again.

"No, Daniella, open your eyes for me." Morgan said and I felt her hands cupping my cheek, her thumb running across my cheekbone. I sighed and opened my eyes again and my eyes found hers.

"There you are. How about we get you out of this suit and into bed, yea?" Morgan asked and I could only just blanky stare at her wondering why she was even here trying to help me.

"You've been up here for most of the day. Everyone's been concerned, but they all wanted to give you some time alone, knowing it hit you the hardest. But there is a group of people downstairs who want to help you share this weight. It's not just on your shoulders Dani." Morgan said as she continued to stroke my cheekbone.

I blinked a few times trying to clear my eyes but I could feel how dry they are, no doubt they're bloodshot right now. Morgan took that as a good sign and she undid my tie and pulled it from my neck then started undoing the buttons of my dress shirt next. She only did the top few and I knew why. She wanted me to get up and finish changing myself, but I don't know if I have anything left in me to pull myself up off this floor.

"I can't" I said as a fresh wave a tears threaten to fall. My fingers felt like led and didn't want to move, along with the rest of my body.

"Okay, how about we get you up then we will do it together?" Morgan asked sounding determined.

I couldn't say anything to her but nod, accepting the help even though I knew I shouldn't take it. Morgan made quick work and got my dress shoes off and out of the way. The next thing I knew Morgan propped me up in her arms so she could hold me to her chest and got me out of the doorway. Sometimes I forget about Morgans' combat experience now that she is primarily in intelligence. The strength in her arms holding me against her chest is the only thing holding me together.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I felt Morgan pull my hair from the tight bun I kept it in and she ran her hand through my hair and I felt my body finally start to relax from being so keyed up all afternoon. I melted into her chest and it wasn't long before Morgans hand started to finish unbuttoning my dress shirt. Once all the visible buttons were undone, my fingers finally remembered how to move and I pulled my shirt out from my pants then I undid the belt.

Morgan took that as a good sign and she moved us to help me take off my dress shirt and the shock of cold air on my still heated skin felt so good that I just relaxed back into Morgans hold for a minute. Her hands came around my sides and pressed into my stomach, holding me tightly to her.

"That was good Dani, we'll work on your pants in a minute, but how about you drink some water so you won't have too much of a headache tomorrow." Morgan asked and produced the water bottle she mentioned. I only nodded realizing how dry my throat was. It felt like I was back in the desert and that was the last thing I needed to think about right now.

With Morgan's help, I managed to get down a lot of the water. Her steady hands holding the bottle so the water wouldn't splash all over me. Without them, I probably would have ended up choking on the water trying to drink it to fast. But Morgan was here, strong, stable and so incredibly steady, helping me get through basic bodily functions because I wasn't in the right headspace to do them myself.

When the water bottle was empty, Morgan put it back on the floor and undid my pant buttons. With a tap on my hip, I lifted them up and Morgan pushed the pants down under my but and then I kicked them the rest of the way off. Once they were gone, Morgan kissed the back of my head.

"Good job, now, we are going to get up and get you in bed okay?" I just nodded, ready to do anything Morgan asked of me. Morgan wrapped her arms tightly under my armpits and together we stood up. My legs were shaky and I couldn't tell if it was from disuse, all the adrenaline that was carrying me through the last three days finally cut out, or from the lack of food I had all day, but it was probably a combination of all three.

True to her word, Morgan got me to bed and tucked me in. When I was settled, Morgan sat on the edge of the bed and ran her hand through my hair causing me to look up at her.

"Sit up just a little bit so you can take some Advil for the headache I know you have." Morgan said. I was able to prop myself up on my arm and Morgan handed me the pills. I didn't even look at them as I tossed them back and accepted some more water to wash them down. Once they were down I gave Morgan the water back and laid back down. It only took a few more minutes of Morgan running her hand through my hair before I was asleep again, hoping the darkness of sleep could take away from the pain.

When I woke up the next day I was surprised to find I wasn't alone. Sitting in a chair next to my bed sat Rob. He was awake, reading on his phone and I knew we most likely got some new information from command, judging on his face.

"She wakes." Rob said not even bothering to look up from his phone.

"What time is it?" I asked, my throat feels rough from all the screaming yesterday.

"14:38, there was no reason why we should have woken you up. You needed the sleep." Rob said and finally put down his phone.

I only nodded and sat up in bed. It took a few more seconds for the rest of yesterdays events to filter into my mind and I just leaned back against my headboard and sighed. I won't be surprised if mom wants to have me committed after last night and I have no idea how I'm going to be able to face Morgan again.

"Think you can give me a few minutes to shower and dressed?" I asked Rob and rubbed my aching head.

"No, I won't. I was given orders and I'm not leaving you alone right now, so come on, you really need to get into that shower, you stink." Rob said and clapped his hands together as he stood up.

"I'm in command here Rob, you follow me." I grumbled and slowly stood from my bed.

"A certain Lieutenant would say otherwise, now come on." Rob said and already holding onto a pile of clean clothes for me to change into.

Morgan. I just sighed and held onto Robs steady arm as we walked down the hallway to the bathroom. I did manage to snag my clothes and shut the door in his face before he tried to push his way inside. The hot water worked in loosening my tight muscles but it did nothing for the pain in my chest. When I was done, I quickly dried off and got changed before exiting the bathroom to find Rob still waiting for me. Together we went downstairs and made our way to the kitchen. Before I could even try to cook myself something Rob forced me to sit down at the table.

"You are a horrible cook and I'm actually hungry Rob." I said and found my cell phone waiting for me on the table.

"I'll have you know; I did not cook this; you can thank your mom for this one." Rob said and hit the timer on the microwave.

I sighed in relief and started up my phone. I bypast all of the text messages I got from colleagues and went right to my emails and found I had a few from command waiting for me. I swallowed hard and opened the first one. I skimmed through it and found it was another security brief and closed it out to find a second email waiting.

When I opened the message my heart stopped. It was deployment orders for my unit. We have to go back in one week to finish our tour. Rob placed a plate of food down in front of me and when the smell hit me, I pushed away from the table and raced off to the bathroom. There was nothing in my stomach to throw up so I just ended up dry heaving a bunch of time as the news sunk in. I knew we were going to be called back to the middle east, I was just hoping that I would have had some time to process before we were thrown right back into the swing of things.

Finally my stomach started to settle and it was only then did I feel someone's fingers carding through my still wet hair. I wiped away the last of the spit on my lips and just sank into the contact. They were too soft and gentle to be Robs so I just sighed and turned my head to try and get a glance at who was behind me. It was only then that they spoke and I knew who it was.

"What's going on chicken?" Mom. A new wave of tears went straight to my eyes and I just blurted it out.

"We have to go back." Once the words were out of my mouth, the fingers going through my hair stopped.

Mom didn't say anything as silent tears kept falling down my face. A few seconds later the hands were back and they pulled me in. Mom wrapped her arms tightly around my chest holding me tight to her. Neither of us had to say anything as the news fully started to set in that I'm leaving again. I knew I would have to finish this tour but I was hoping I would have been able to pull some strings to have my team finish the tour stateside. Looks like I'm not even going to be getting that chance to try.

I could feel moms tears falling and I knew this was the last thing she needed to hear today. Somehow I managed to pick my arms up and wiped away the last round of tears before turning in her arms to look at her. Moms electric blue eyes found mine and I leaned my forehead into her cheek.

"I found out from Morgan earlier. She's been on the phone all morning working on the porch outside. She didn't even have to say anything, just the look in her eyes told me. We didn't want to tell you until we had to, so Rob left your phone on the table." Mom said and sighed.

"I was going to go to command and ask for my unit to remain stateside when I got back to Fort Benning but I don't even have the chance now." I said.

"You can still ask chicken." Mom said almost pleading.

"I can't, if I asked for the change in orders, they'll just send my team over there with a different team leader and I won't do that." I said.

"But you're not fit to serve right now Dani, if you aren't in the best mindset things can end badly." Mom was trying to reason with me and I knew it. But I can't let my team go over there without me, I won't. I pulled my forehead off of moms chin and looked into her eyes.

"I have a week. My team is being called back to Fort Benning on a flight today and I'll see them off later with some orders and when next week comes I will be there on the flight with them to Germany." I said.

Moms eyes tracked over mine for a while before she sighed and nodded. Her arms tighten around me for another few seconds before she let go and moved back.

"Come, you need some food and since you are going to Fort Bragg anyway today, I can come with you and we can start to go through your dads office." Mom said and got up off the floor of the bathroom. She held her hand out for me and I took it to help myself up.

Together we walked into the kitchen and just found Peyton sitting at the table. When she saw us she stood up and got the plate from the microwave and put it down in front of a seat. I sat where she put the plate of food and started eating the warmed-up mac and cheese. It was an interesting breakfast for sure but I wasn't complaining after not eating for a day. When I finished the first helping the plate was replaced with some grilled chicken and vegetables and I just continued eating.

After the second plate was clean another was pushed in front of me with some fruit and I helped myself to a few pieces. When I finally looked up from the plate both mom and Peyton were watching me intensely and I sighed. The piece of watermelon I was eating turned out to be sourer then sweat and I made a grimace as I swallowed it.

"Is there something we needed to talk about?" I asked and wiped my face clean.

"I don't think it's the best idea for you to be operating in your mental state Daniella. I really think you should speak to command about finding a replacement." Peyton said.

"I'll take it under advisement, anything else?" I asked looking at the both of them.

"We sat down here for an hour last night and just listened to you screaming Daniella. I think you should take it a bit more seriously." Peyton tried again.

"What do you want me to say Peyton! They just gave me my fathers folded up flag! I kept it together for the past three days since I've been home and finally, after yesterdays emotionally straining day, I had the right to be upset and lose my composer in my home. Why do I have to be sorry about feeling my feelings? I have a week to grieve and get it together before I have to fly out overseas. I'm going to take this week god damnit!" I yelled and stormed out of the kitchen and out of the sliding glass door that leads outside.

The door slammed shut behind me and both Rob and Morgan jumped when they saw me. Morgan was on the phone and she just continued to pace in circles when she realized it was me. Rob on the other hand wanted to jump out of his chair but I just pointed at him, daring at him to move off his chair as I went down onto the grass and started to pace myself.

It didn't take Morgan long to get off of the phone and when she did, she came over and stood in the middle of my path.

"What time is your flight today?" I asked and went around her to continue pacing.

"In two hours. I'm guessing you saw the news?" Morgan asked.

"I did but I haven't read the full brief yet. I can't look at it right now, not without wanting to throw up. Where are we going?" I asked.

"We are going back to Germany and then getting more orders when we get there. Word just came down though that they are green lighting the Abu Ilbrahim al-Hashimi al-Qurayshi opp and it looks like they are having Gold Team come in to assist on the opp and not just you and Rob." Morgan said and I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Are you sure?" I asked the wheels are already starting to turn in my brain.

"I can never be 100% but I'm for sure this opp just got the green light and I'm about 80% sure your team is going to get the nod to join." Morgan said.

"Okay" I said and nodded trying to come up with some ideas.

"You need to finish reading the brief Daniella, really read it because that's not the only thing waiting." Morgan said and I stopped moving again.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I know you don't want to read it, but you need to Daniella, before we get on that plane later this afternoon." Morgan said and her phone started to ring again. She rolled her eyes before answering the call and walking back towards her set up on the porch.

My hand felt like led as I pulled my phone from my pocket and pulled up the email I didn't finish reading earlier. I sank into the grass as I continued to read our deployment orders. We did get the green light on the Abu Ilbrahim al-Hashimi al-Qurayshi opp and it looks like we will be providing overwatch as a unit for the raid while Alpha and Bravo team get to carry out the actual raid.

The thing I wasn't expecting is that there is no return date for our return stateside. After the raid was carried out, we are going to move to a forward operating base in Poland because of all the movements happening in Russia. Things are getting worse and from our latest intel it appears that Russia might actually try to invade Ukraine. My team is going to be one the few American Troops allowed as our NATO representatives to be on hand to be the first ones in if things going sideways.

After I finished reading the brief I just dropped my phone on the grass and put my head down. We are getting indefinitely deployed. I doubt my team got the full brief, maybe only Rob and Monica but how am I going to tell my troops that? How am I going to tell my moms and Dominic that? I took a few more minutes to collect myself. I can fall apart later. Right now I need to start getting ready to go to base. I slowly got up off the grass, picked up my phone and walked towards the porch.

"I'll drive you guys to base. I need to talk to everyone before they get on the flight. Please be ready to leave in an hour so we have time to get there if there's traffic." I said and moved inside.

I didn't bother looking to see if Mom or Peyton were downstairs as I continued upstairs to my room. I grabbed some clean clothes and jumped into a shower. The water did nothing to help wash away the dread I was feeling and after standing under the stream for a half an hour I finally turned the water off. When I got back into my room in my basic sand tee shirt and boxers, Morgan was packing up the few things she brought with her.

I didn't pay her any mind as I went to the laundry basket that held my cleaned camos and started to pull them on. It didn't take long to get dressed and when I was done I went back into the bathroom to get my hair in order. After it was back in the tight bun I went to my room and found Morgan sitting on my bed. I closed the door behind me before sitting down on the bed next to her.

"Thank you for yesterday. I probably would have fallen asleep on the floor all night if it wasn't for you moving me to my bed." I said.

"You're welcome" Morgan said and offered a sad smile.

"What's wrong?" I asked noticing the change in her facial expression.

"I had to turn down the DOD fellowship. My orders are the same as yours. I'm following right behind you to Poland." Morgan said and sighed.

"You don't have a return date either?" I asked even thought I already knew the answer.

"Nothing was there, that's why I couldn't even try to push it off." Morgan offered.

I didn't say anything but pulled Morgan into my side. She sank into the hug and I hoped I could offer her the same level of comfort she has shown me over the last few days. We stayed like that for a few more minutes before Morgan pulled away first. I didn't let her get away though with my hand holding tightly onto one of hers as I rested my forehead against hers.

"We are coming home alive, come hell or high water." I said. Morgan squeezed my hand and I knew she believed me.

I pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. Morgan looked nervous, something that I don't see on her often. Whatever we were walking into next week isn't going to be good. So I leaned in again and pressed a kiss to her forehead. My lips rested there for a few long moments before I pulled them away and leaned down.

"We are coming home Morgan. Until then, I got your six, always." I said and pulled away to grab my cover before turning towards the door. Before I could grab the knob Morgan pulled on my hand and I stopped to turn towards her. Her eyes were watering and that was the last thing I noticed before she pressed her lips to mine.

The kiss took my breath away. After being so well in control for years, it finally broke and Morgan poured her feelings into the kiss. I tried with all my being to make sure Morgan knows how much she means to me as I returned the kiss with fever. When we needed air I pulled away first but didn't go far.

"I wanted you to know that the feelings have always been here and they haven't gone away. They will never go away. When we come home I don't know if I can keep them to myself anymore." Morgan whispered.

"I've waited so long to hear you say that." I said and planted another kiss to her lips.

We didn't let the kiss get out of control this time. After Morgan pulled away she went back to packing up her stuff. When it was all clean up, we left my room together, hand in hand. Rob was waiting on the couch with my mom and Peyton when we got downstairs and it was only then did I let go of Morgans hand. It took me minute to find my boots and then I took a seat on the couch to lace them up. Once they were done up I made sure I had my IDs and then went to wait outside while Peyton said goodbye to Rob and Morgan.

I put their gear into the truck bed and climbed into the drivers seat. To my surprise Morgan hopped into the passenger seat while mom and Rob got into the back of the cab. We barely made it to the freeway before Morgans hand slipped into mine and gripped onto it tightly. I didn't let it go the entire drive. I only let go when we pulled up to base security and I needed it back to collect our IDs to hand over to the MPs.

When we were waved into the gate I made my way over to the air strip and parked in a spot closest to the tarmac. Rob and mom hopped out of the truck quickly while Morgan gripped onto my hand tightly before she finally opened her door and got out. I made sure my sunglasses were on so you couldn't see how red my eyes were as I tried to hold back another wave of tears. I only got out of the truck when I heard the tailgate shut.

Mom was in the middle of saying goodbye to Morgan while I waited for them to pull away from each other. Once they did I gave mom the keys to the truck and told her I'll be back in a little bit and followed Morgan and Rob out onto the tarmac. We were lucky and got to hop onto the of the golf carts that was driving around and they brought us right over to the waiting plane. My team was just hanging out outside the back hatch of the plane waiting for the takeoff time when they saw us walking up.

Morgan went right up into the belly of the plane while Rob and I came to stop in front of them. Rob called them all over and we took a walk away from the plane so we weren't in the way of any of the crew loading supplies.

"Listen up team, gather around!" I yelled and pulled everyone closer to us and stood in the middle of the circle.

"I'm sure you guys all got your orders this morning about returning to finish our tour. We are leaving in one week from Fort Benning to go over to Germany. We have been given a green light in assisting Alpha and Bravo teams in operation Black Spear. Please read up on the missions rules of engagement and be prepared for it. This is a very big HVT we are going after so we have to be on point." I took a break and looked around at my team. They all seamed to know what I'm talking about which is a good thing, it shows they all check their emails. Now for the hard part.

"There is also a second part to our tour that only a few of us know the details too. I still don't have the full picture on it yet, but after this raid is conducted, we will be on the move to Poland. Us and only a handful of other special operation teams are going to be the first boots on the ground there are as the USA's NATO representatives. There is no mission yet. We are there as a peace keeping force as Russia continues to ready there troops on the boarder of Ukraine. But because Ukraine is not apart of NATO, it complicates our response. And because of that, our tour has no official end date."

Looking around at my team, I can see them deflate like I knew they would. Nobody ever wants to here that we are about to be at war again.

"We leave for Germany in one week from Fort Benning. Please take this week to get all of your affairs in order, make sure each and every one of you has a will on file with the army, make sure your beneficiaries are up to date and what your wishes are if you weren't making it home. For training purposes, please brush up on your Russian, Polish and Ukrainian. But most importantly, spend this week with your families. Make the time to be there with them because as of right now we don't know when we will see them again once we step foot on that plane.

"Sergeants' Rath and Owens will be planning two drill days for you guys to brush up on some other skills. I will be back in time to go over things in hopefully a bit more detail before we leave for what you need to pack and what we could expect. If anybody has any issues at all, you have my phone number and email. Just because I'm not on base doesn't mean you can't reach me. Does anybody have any questions?" I asked as I looked around at my group. Nobody spoke and I took it as a sign they got everything I said.

"Okay, make the most of this week. Dismissed." I ordered. My soldiers all slowly nodded and collected the last of the bags before getting up on the plane. After they were all inside I could feel Monica and Rob standing behind me.

"Please run refreshers on bioweapons and how to identify them along with counter measures on how slow the effects. That and everybody needs refreshers on combat medicine. Make sure everyone has their own packs properly filled up. If I think of anything else I'll give you guys a call or you guys can call me." I said.

"Take the week to try and grieve Staff Sergeant." Monica said and squeezed my shoulder before walking up the planes ramp.

"If this is as bad as we think it's going to be, please take the time to work on yourself Dani, we need your head in the game." Rob said and gave me a pat on the back before walking onto the plane.

I didn't stick around to watch them get settled on the plane or even turn to look back at them. Mom was waiting for me and I knew I had a lot to do in this one week before I leave on the plane.

a/n: so this was a lot. a complete breakdown and deployment orders. song on the side is called Eye Open by Taylor Swift, I've told you once already, this book should be sponsored by Dr. TS because I've basically just been finding her older songs on playlists and they fit to what's going on in my writing. But for real though, Dani has been through a lot already and we are still only scratching the surface of what else she is going to face in the rest of this book.