"So what did we learn?" Lyssa handed me a glass of water.

"You enjoy my suffering too much." I took the glass and drank.

I feel like my head is going to explode. This is why I don't drink. I don't know what I even thought.

"That's karma since I was worried about you all day. You could have at least texted me." She wanted to sit next to me on the bed, but I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me. I straddled her on top of me. "You're not in a state to have s..."

"But at least we can sit here like this." I interrupted her. "Even this is enough for me."

"Really?" She smiled and ran her fingers through my hair. "I wanted to give you a head but whatever you say."

"Can I take it back?"

"Unfortunately, no." She laughed. "That's what you get for cutting me off, Killy. It's time you learned to stop doing that."

"I'll write it down." I looked into her eyes and got lost in them for a moment. Those beautiful green eyes changed my whole life. How did that happen?

"I was really worried when I didn't hear from you." She ran her hand over my cheek. "And then the bartender called and..."

"Bartender?" I interrupted her. "Was he attractive?"

"You're funny." She punched me in the chest. "And you interrupted me again."

"Sorry. It won't happen again."

"I don't trust you for some reason." She laughed. "Why might that be?"

"I have no idea." I leaned towards her and kissed her with a smile on my lips. "What time is it?" I pulled away after a while.

"Lunch will be in a moment. But if you don't feel like being cooped up in the dining room with your loud family, I'll bring your food upstairs."

"What did I do to deserve you?" I kissed her again.

"You promised me orgasms." She laughed.

*****

I don't even know how this day went by so quickly. One second it was the morning I was spending with Lyssa and suddenly it's evening and I'm locked in the study.

"Yes?" I lifted my head from the table when someone walked into the study and said my name. "Kai. Everything okay?"

"You should talk to Finn." I could see in his expression that something was wrong.

"Has something happened?" I stood up from the table and headed towards him.

"He's in the garden. Go talk to him."

I didn't hesitate and walked past Kai straight into the corridor and headed through the back entrance to the garden.

"Finn?" I opened the door and my eyes fell on the stairs where he was sitting. He didn't even turn to me, even though I know he heard me.

I walked closer to him and sat next to him on the step. He was looking somewhere in the distance, as if he didn't even notice that I was here. But that changed when he spoke.

"I'm leaving."

My heart stopped.

"What do you mean?" I scanned his face for any hint of a joke.

"I have to get out of here."

"Finn." I put my hand on his shoulder and he finally turned to me. That's when I noticed tears running down his face. "Finn, what's going on?"

"I'm messed up. I can't stay here, Killian."

"Tell me what's wrong and we can figure it out together. Please, Finn." I begged him.

"What's wrong?" He laughed. "Everything is wrong. I'm not okay." A tear ran down his cheek. "Killian I'm not fine." He repeated. "I've never been." His voice broke.

"I'll call Collin and—"

"No." He cut me off. "He didn't help me then, he won't help me now. I have to get out of here. A change of scenery or something, but I can't stay. And especially now since there's a kid here. I like Lucy, don't get me wrong, we all needed someone like her here, but I can't stay."

"Finn, please..."

"You've always taken care of me, Killian. Always. But it's time for me to stand on my own two feet. Take a break from the mafia because it's not really helping my psyche."

"But I need you here." I caught the sled. "You can't leave." I can't let him go like Val.

"You don't need me." He looked behind us. "You have Kai, Sebastian and Theo.

"They're not you, Finn."

"And that's good." He looked at me. "It's good because they're able to pick up the gun without their hand shaking."

"And that makes you any worse than them?" I snorted. "You're talking nonsense."

"You have to let me go."

"And if I don't want to?"

"I'll find a way. I need time to myself. To pull myself together. To clear my head and organize my thoughts. If I stay with you any longer, I don't know what will happen to me, Killian."

"How long?" I felt a lump in my throat. "For how long do you want to leave?"

"I don't know." He exhaled heavily. "However long it takes."

I looked away from him and looked at my hands. "Is it because of me? You have to get together because of my decisions?"

"What? No. Of course not. It has nothing to do with you."

"It does. You have to get out because of everything I've dragged you into. Because of a life you didn't choose."

"Killian it isn't...."

"I should never have done that." I bowed my head. "I thought I was protecting you, and in the process I was destroying you."

"You know very well that we wouldn't be here without you. We wouldn't have survived father if we didn't have you. He was a psychopath."

"And what am I? I kill. That's something he's never done." I looked up at him.

"But he would have if you hadn't stopped him that night." He ran his hand over the scar on his neck.

"He wouldn't kill you."

"Yes he would. We both know it. And if not that night, then the next. And maybe it wouldn't have been me, but Val or anyone else. He would do it. Would he regret it? Yes, if they locked him up for it."

"You were children. You deserved better parents."

"We had you. I don't think anyone else is better. You raised us even though you didn't have to. You could have left when you were eighteen, but you stayed. I can never thank you enough for staying. You're the best brother we could ever have."

"And you're leaving anyway."

"Because I have to find myself. And that's not going to happen while I'm locked within the four walls of a room." He looked ahead.

"Where do you want to leave?"

"Portland."

"That's almost five thousand kilometers away."

"Two days' drive." He nodded. "It's far, but..."

"But that's the point." I interrupted him. "When do you want to leave?"

"As soon as possible. I know this is not easy to take, Killian. But please understand me."

Understand him? What should I understand? That another of my siblings wants to leave me?

I can't make sure they're okay when they're thousands of miles away.

"I'm going to try to start a new life there, but that doesn't mean I'm going to forget the old one that you all are in. I'm just going to try to live alone and come back whether it gets better or not. We can always call or I'll jump in the car and come over first. But you have to let me go."

"Five hours." I finally said.

"What?" He looked at me confused.

"It's only five hours by private plane."

"Of course." He laughed.

"I guess that means you need money."

"I don't want...."

"No." I jumped into his speech. "If you leave, you'll take every penny I give you, or I'll drag you back here. You buy an apartment or book a hotel, I don't care. But I won't let you rot in some hole that doesn't even have a proper lock on the door."

"So your only condition for me to leave is that I take money from you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"No. I send you money every month, not just once. Buy a car or whatever you need. You know I couldn't care less about money."

"Sounds fair." He laughed. "Thanks for..."

"No thanks." I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. "Just be careful. Call and write whenever you can."

"Of course." He hugged me tightly. "I will miss you." He whispered.

"Me too."

"Take care of everyone." I nodded. "And for the love of God, don't fuck it up with Lyssa.

I laughed. "I'll try."



Killian is not okay.

When he came to bed last night, he just said what happened, but didn't comment. It was obvious that he was sad.

He held me tight all night as if he was afraid I would leave.

And every time I woke up, he wasn't sleeping. I don't like seeing him like this.

I understand why Finn is leaving, but that doesn't mean it's easy to let him go. And especially for Killian.

He won't tell me it's killing him inside, but I can see it. And that hurts me.

So I had to do something about it.

I prepared a farewell party for Finn with Luna and Lucy, with a surprise for everyone.

We closed the door to the living room so no one could see what we were up to.

I left the cooking to Luna and the cooks, and Lucy helped me with the plates and minor decorations.

"Are we done?" Luna peeked into the living room.

"Definitely." I smiled at her. "Lucy sweetie, why don't you run for Finn? Me and Luna will go get the others."

"Yes!" She laughed and started running away from the living room.

"Go see Killian. I'll take care of everyone."

"Are you sure?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Go." She laughed.

Without another comment, I walked past her and headed for Killian. I looked at the clock on the way. It's almost seven pm. We will have to start without surprise.

"Killy?" I peeked into his office. "You busy?" I went inside.

"I'm just transferring some money to Finn. Do you need anything?" He looked up at me.

"Yes." I walked over to him and grabbed his hand. "I need you to come with me." I pulled him and he stood up from the chair.

"What's the matter?" He looked at me suspiciously.

"It's a surprise." I winked at him and with his hand in mine, I started walking with him away from the study, straight into the living room, in front of which everyone was already standing.

"Did I miss something?" Killian whispered and I just laughed.

I let go of his hand and walked to the living room door. "Since this is the last evening you will spend here," I looked at Finn, "I took the liberty of preparing a small farewell." I pulled the door towards me and let everyone see the inside of the living room.

"So when are the women coming?" Sebastian smiled.

I cleared my throat and looked at Lucy who was holding Finn's hand.

"Sorry." He put his hands in a defensive gesture. "I forgot."

"Looks like we're going to have a proper farewell with our little brother." Kai wrapped an arm around Finn's shoulder. "I need a drink." He started to drag him into the living room with Lucy and Sebastian, Theo and Luna immediately following them.

"You didn't have to do that." I turned to Killian. "But I'm glad you did." He took a step towards me and kissed my forehead. "Thank you." He whispered.

"Don't drink. We both know how it turned out last time." I laughed and grabbed his hand. I started dragging him behind everyone at the table. Luna poured champagne into glasses and handed them out.

Even Lucy had one, which surprised me slightly. "It's juice." Luna winked at me.

Of course it is.

Kai raised his glass before speaking. "To our little brother, without whom it will be boring here."

"Have a good trip." Killian said next to me, looking at Finn.

"I will miss you all." Finn smiled sadly.

"Liar." Sebastian nudged him with a laugh.

We all drank and started talking about Finn's plans. He doesn't have everything figured out yet, but he'll be fine. I know he will.

"You look nervous." Killian whispered in my ear and put his hand on my back.

"I'm not." I looked at the clock again.

"What are you up to?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Nothing." I smiled innocently at him.

"Why don't I believe you?"

"That's not my problem." I raised my head high.

"Unbelievable." He laughed.

"Looks like we need another bottle." Sebastian held up the empty bottle.

"I'll take wine, thanks."A voice from behind us echoed through the room and I immediately smiled.

She made it.

Everyone turned to the door, where stood a person they probably didn't expect.

"Val!" Sebastian dropped the bottle and ran to his sister.

It didn't take long for everyone else to come to their senses and run to hug her. I heard a lot, what are you doing here, how did you get here, we missed you.

"Did you do that?" I looked at Killian next to me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I bit my lip.

"I don't think I will ever repay you enough for all of this." He gave me a quick kiss on the lips before heading after Valentina

And I have to say that when he hugged her, I might have shed a tear.

But just maybe.

*****

Val is here for a little while and Finn is leaving. But don't worry he's just starting his journey. (His challenge #3 book in Acker series)

Hope you enjoyed. <3