"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds." - Laurell K. Hamilton

~Recap~

He didn't believe me.

No one ever believe me...

And now I see. Truths are a dangerous thing.

Because as soon as Lorenzo shifted the truth, he turned it into a lie.

And that lie might have cost any chance of my brothers fixing their relationship with me.

... they didn't believe me.

~Now~

I've been staring at my ceiling for 3 hours. Watching as the rays of sun start to bounce into the windows, creating shapes and shadows that dance across the once blank surface.

I turn my head slightly to look at the clock, 6:08.

I haven't managed to sleep a wink, my insomnia keeping me up as well as my nightmares, ADHD and...

...and then not believing in me.

I didn't think it would hurt me as much as it did.

It shouldn't hurt me as much as it did.

But somehow, somehow the weight on my chest is heavier than ever. It pushes down on my heart and drains it of any good emotions that might appear.

And it hurts. It hurts more than ever.

It shouldn't hurt. I shouldn't feel like this. Because they LEFT my life! I cut them out!

So...

...why do I feel like this?

Help.

I need help.

I need to leave.

The words of my punishment ring in my head, but get jumbled with the words of disbelief.

I grab my car keys, not bothering to change, and grab a pair of house keys so that I can get back here unnoticed. It's one of the many pairs I have hidden around the house. Luckily it doesn't seem like Alessandro knows about them. He probably thinks that I only had one set.

I open my bedroom door and start heading downstairs, making sure to be cautious not to make any sounds.

I would have snuck out of the window, but I know they placed tons of guards right outside it.

I manage to get all the way to the front door unnoticed, but as soon as I get outside, I'm stopped again.

"I swear to god every fucking time I try to leave lately I'm spotted. Honestly." I cry in annoyance.

"It's only me, Miss Russo." I sigh in relief. It's just Paulo, the family driver.

"Oh. Hi Paulo, long time no see." I say, chuckling slightly.

"Yes it's been a while hasn't it. How've you been? You've grown up so much since I've last seen you! Where have you been?" He asks.

Oh dear where do I even start. Chuckling nervously, I reply "I've been good, just been here and there, you know? Not been around much is all. What about you? How are you? You don't look a day older than the last time I saw you." I reply with a tiny smile.

He's probably in his late 60's by now. He chuckles as well, replying. "Ah you're too kind, my dear. I've been the same as always, just the normal." After a few moments of silence, he asks, "Miss Russo, can I ask where you're headed? We've all been given strict instructions by Mr Russo, the oldest one, that you cannot leave under any circumstances." He says sadly.

I sigh. I can't knock him out, I'll feel to bad. He's too old and all he's ever given me was kindness.

I'll just tell him the truth. Maybe he'll let me leave?

"Erm... well..." I start, unsure of what exactly to say. "I just needed to get out for a while, talk to someone." I reply vaguely.

"Who, may I ask?" He replies.

"Erm... okay, well, it's my therapist. I've just been having a hard time recently and I've not been able to sleep. I guess you could say a hard time adjusting? I was just going to drive to her office and talk, see if she could offer any advice." I reply genuinely.

"Oh. I had no idea. I'm so sorry." He replies kindly.

"No need to apologise, it's none of your fault." I reply instantly.

"Of course. However I'm afraid I cannot let you leave until you get permission from your brother. I'm sorry, Miss Russo." He replies.

"Please please please, Paulo! I can't tell them. They'll offer to drive me or something or ask why I'm going now and I can't tell them, not yet. Please!" I beg.

He sighs a long, deep sigh, his brows crinkling. "I guess... I guess I could let you go. It's only early and most of the guards are having breakfast. But, I'll drive you. It's safer that way and I'll feel better knowing you're safe, as will your brothers if they find out." He replies.

Well, I guess that's better than nothing. I sigh. "Okay, sure. Let's go. I'll give you the address."

After climbing into the back seat of the car, I give him the address and we start our journey. It's not far away, only 15 minutes, but I shake my legs in anticipation of getting everything off my chest.

I'm glad at least one person believed me. At least I have Paulo.

Eventually, we make it to my therapists and I leave the car, walking inside.

~Time skip to the middle of the therapy session~

"It was aweful, honestly Dr S.B. No one believed me and they were looking at me like... I don't know... with disappointment? But why would they look at me like that? I don't even know anymore." I say, putting my head into my hands. "I just- I don't- what-"

"Breathe, Lila. Inhale, exhale. Deep breaths." She says, saving me from a quickly coming panic attack. "Now, let's take this step by step. What happened first."

Right. First step. As I focus on my breathing, I begin explaining, "When I went back to grab some files, they completely ambushed me and forced me to talk to them. That- that was the first time I had seen them both in four years." I say, breathing deeply.

She sighs sadly and takes off her glasses. "Lila, I know it's hard, but don't you think it's a sign? From what you told me before, it sounds like you're two eldest brothers left for important reasons, you know? Maybe they were trying to do what was right for you're family and for you. Maybe they were trying to provide for you and give you a good home. Maybe they were trying to keep you safe. You'll never know their reasons until you talk to them! See why they left. Give yourself closure. Don't tell me you haven't been thinking about why they left since they did four years ago. I know you, Lila. I know you would've blamed yourself for all these different reasons in your head. Well, now it's time to end those. Find out why and talk to them!" She replies.

I think deeply. She's right, she's always right. I've blamed myself since the night they left, how I wasn't good enough, wasn't nice enough, how I am too damaged for them to like, how they've moved on from me, how they blame me just like the rest of my brothers for the death of everyone around us. How if I was nicer, or prettier, or how... how it would be better for...

...how it would've been better if I had died 8 years ago instead of my twin, my Elena.

It was a rough time.

It still is a rough time.

Everything hurts and I don't know what to do, to say. I don't want to go back because I know that I will reconnect with them and never want them to leave.

But they all leave, one way or another.

They ALL leave.

Either from running away, leaving for work, dying from cancer, successful suicide attempts, getting shot, oh god, so many gunshots.

By breaths quicken.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

I hear their shots, echoing in my empty skull.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

I hear the thudding drops of their bodies as they fall to the floor.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

I see the blood leaking out of them, pouring from the bullet wounds in their heads.

My breath is quick. Too quick. It's too fast. I look around me, but I can't see anything. My eyes are glossed and I feel like I'm underwater.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

I see their dead bodies, pooled with warm blood, eyes rolling around in the back of their heads.

I turn, attempting to get away from the sight of them, but they're everywhere.

Everywhere.

I close my eyes and cover my ears and head, but then I feel something.

What is happening?

The room has gotten dark, stormy dark, almost pitch black.

I don't feel anything, other than the cold, bony hand digging into my ankle.

I look down, and am met with a body identical to mine.

My twin sister.

With a bullet in her head.

Her eyes roll around the back of her head until they turn to look at me, blood still dripping down her face.

Help me. Help me. Help.

I can't breathe.

"You could've saved me."

I can't breathe.

"It should've been YOU that died. It should have been you."

I can't breathe.

"It was all your fault. You killed everyone around you, you killed everyone you ever loved. It's AL YOUR FAULT!"

I can't breathe.

My lungs aren't swallowing any air.

Why can't I breathe?

"Breathe, Delilah. Inhale. Exhale. Deep breaths. Come on, come back to me."

I can't breathe. Help me. Help me please.

I hear faint sounds.

"-come quick...panic attack...5 minutes ago... help........."

I can't feel anything.

My skins to cold. The world is spinning. Everything hurts.

I hear the door open and close in the distance, but I can't even see it.

I don't care anymore.

I can't breathe.

I feel warm hands cup my face.

"Come on, baby. Breathe for me. Come on."

I feel a kiss on my head, warm and soft.

But I still can't breathe.

I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe.

My hands move to claw my neck, desperately drying to get in air.

Why can't I breathe?

I try to make out who's in the room with me. Where even am I? All I here is a deep male voice, telling me to breathe. He pulls my hands away from my throat.

I want to scream why! Why did you do that? I need to breathe! Don't you understand? I can't breathe!

But I can't breathe.

And slowly...

...everything tilts ...and the world

...goes black...

New chapter is finally out!

So dear reader, I hope you enjoy!

And sorry for the long wait! Haven't started writing the next chapter but I'll hopefully start soon!