"We're all allowed to not be okay sometimes." -Unknown

~Recap~

I try to make out who's in the room with me. Where even am I? All I here is a deep male voice, telling me to breathe. He pulls my hands away from my throat.

I want to scream why! Why did you do that? I need to breathe! Don't you understand? I can't breathe!

But I can't breathe.

And slowly...

...everything tilts ...and the world

...goes black...

~Now~

I slowly blink my eyes, the fog clearing from them immediately.

I'm in... my therapists office?

Why am I lying on the couch?

It all comes rushing back to me at once. The panic attack, the thoughts, sneaking out, all of it.

To be honest, I'm not surprised in the slightest. This has happened a lot more often than you would think, just never in my therapy sessions.

You would then think that would mean I would know how to stop them by myself.

You would be very very wrong.

I'm not usually surprised by anything. What I am surprised about right now is a certain giant in my therapy session, shouting at my therapist, who in turn looks terrified.

"What's going on?" I ask, beginning to sit up on the leather couch I had passed out on.

"Lila. Here baby, take it slowly. Are you okay?" Alessandro immediately rushes over and helps me sit up, however after he's done that I push him away quickly.

"I'm fine." I reply coldly. "Why is he here? How is he here?" I ask my therapist, annoyed.

"Erm... I asked him to come after you started becoming unresponsive. I thought you would need some comfort and... well... he is your guardian. Legally he needs to come and pick you up after having an episode." She explains.

"And my second question?" I ask, still highly annoyed.

"Well... you see... as soon as the guardianship changed from your third oldest brother to this one... all the contact information in your file needed updating in case of emergencies, so his number was already there. But Lila, you need to understand, I had to do this, for your health and as part of the law." She hurriedly explained.

I eye him from the side of my head, feeling his gaze penetrating through my skull, boring into my soul. "That's bullshit. Utter bullshit." I cry out in annoyance.

He immediately turns angry. "Lila! You cannot talk like that to her. Apologise now!" He shouts.

"Like fuck I will!" I retort back. "You can't tell me what to do!" I shout back at him. "And you!" I shout, turning to look at my therapist, "You had no right to call him here. I was fine! I'm always fine! Okay!" I shout, anger clouding me again. My eyes slowly fill with tears, tiredness from my panic attack mixed with a stressful couple of days fills my heart and my head.

"I...I'm fine." I say, my voice cracking and quieting.

She looks at Alessandro and speaks directly to him. "Get her home, make sure she drinks lots of water and gets a good nights sleep, as well as eats some food. Make sure she's relaxed as well. She might be a bit out of it for the next couple of hours and her emotions will be more easily seen. That's due to the exhaustion her body is facing so don't be alarmed." Then, she turns to me. "You will be okay. I believe in you. It'll take time, but I believe in you." She says calmly.

"See you next session." She says.

And with that, Alessandro sees I'm tied to my spot, so takes the liberty to guide my shoulders outside.

Whilst we walk, I manage to choke out "How- how did you know the address? They don't give that out over the phone." I ask.

"I have my ways. I know where you are at all times, contrary to what you might think. When I was gone I trusted Enzo, which was clearly a mistake, but here, I've got eyes on you everywhere." He stops walking and turns my shoulders to look into his eyes, towering over me with his huge frame and crouching slightly to see me better.

"It's not safe out in this world, Lila. I know you won't listen to me and take bodyguards or one of your brothers, but at least when you decide to sneak off again, leave a note or a text or something, yeah? I don't want to have to find out from Paulo and the security cameras after me being in a hurry and panicking from you not being in your room." He says calmly.

I didn't think about it like that. "Why- erm... why- actually don't worry about it." I say.

"What was it, Lila." He asks curiously.

"Nothing. It's fine." I say, looking away from his piercing gaze.

Why did you leave me four years ago. Was it really important enough to leave your 11 year old sister? Was it really more important than... me?

"Okay. Come on now. Let's go home." He replies, standing up straight.

With that, we walk to his car.

"Wait." I say, stopping. "What about Paulo? He said he would wait here for me." I ask, feeling sad about forgetting the kind, old man.

"He's fine, I sent him home as soon as I got here. He's on his way back to the house now." He says. I breathe a sigh of release but then I hear his next statement. "I drove myself so you're coming with me and we can have a little chat."

Ah shit.

Rain starts to drizzle around us, making the air more crisp and fresh. I look up into the sky and see all the large, dark grey clouds above us, almost foreshadowing my emotions.

Fuck off clouds!

I approach his black jeep, it's massive size matching with his huge figure.

However, when I get to the door, I realise there is a problem.

Fucking hell.

The bloody car is two feet up, with the seats bring it as high as three.

There's no way I can get up there.

There's no way I'm asking for help though.

I should just cut my loses and ask for a boost now before I embarrass myself. But that would be waaayyy more embarrassing.

Instead, I'll just try.

With that, I attempt to climb up onto the seats.

Try being a strong strong word.

Fail is more suited.

My arms and legs were flailing everywhere as I attempted to get up.

By now I'm sure I've made a massive fool of myself. He's probably witnessing my demise right now, laughing his head off.

No. Alessandro doesn't laugh. He's cold hearted and ruthless and doesn't show any emotions.

...not even to his little sister...

Just as I'm about to fall to the ground, my attempts clearly not working, two strong arms grip me tightly under my arms, picking me up like I weigh nothing and sitting me into my seat.

Before I can even process what just happened, those same tattooed arms cross my body and strap me into my seatbelt and close my door, before going to the drivers side and climbing in.

"If you needed help, you could've just asked." Alessandro says gruffly.

I stare straight ahead, still working on evening my breathing from my panic attack.

I'm too tired from the panic attack to make a snarky back-up comment, so for now I just stay silent.

As starts the car and starts driving back to the mansion, he occasionally casts worried glances at me.

The rain pounds down on the car harder and faster, almost worsening my mood in a weird sort of way.

After the fifth time of catching him staring, I impulsively shout "Why the hell do you keep staring me. I'm not a fucking zoo animal."

He glances at me again, throwing an icy cold glare, warning me to not say more. "Don't talk to me like that, Delilah. You're in enough trouble as it is." He says.

Now, the rain pounds down on us harder than every, drenching everything in sight. I'm kind of glad I'm in a car right now and not walking back.

A few minutes later, I notice him still watching me with worried glances.

Fucking hell.

"What the fuck are you doing, man? Why the hell do you keep watching watching me like that?" I shout angrily, my emotions still not in check from the eventful past few days.

"Right that's it." He says, turning the car and pulling up to a stop. Then, he removes his seatbelt and turns to face me. "What the hell happened today, Delilah. What is going on with you? You SNUCK OUT when I specifically told you that you were grounded, you left without telling anyone where you were, AGAIN MIGHT I ADD, you somehow got OUT OF THE HOUSE and you left! What were you even planning on doing afterwards, huh? Just waltz back into the house and plan to have to consequences for your actions? Or were you planning on sneaking off again to your secret place that you've been at for the past, gosh I don't even know? Do you literally have ANYTHING to say, Delilah? Why did you even need to go to a therapy appointment right now, at... 6 in the damn morning!? You could have at least let us know where you were going and that you would be safe, or you know, let me know. I mean WHAT ON EARTH WAS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD? YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THIS! And couldn't a therapists appointment wait until a better time, I mean, what on earth would you need to talk about at this ti-"

"THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT THAT'S IT THAT'S IT!!! I've had enough of all of this bullshit! You, you can't just come back here and pretend like you never left, like you were always here. You can't pretend like you didn't leave me, leave everyone else. You can't pretend like you didn't run off without any connection. You can't pretend like you chose WORK OVER US! IT'S NOT FAIR!!! IT'S NOT FAIR IT'S NOT FAIR IT'S NOT FAIR!" I shout, repeatedly slamming my hands onto the dashboard.

"Delilah, stop it." He says, grabbing my hands to prevent me from hurting myself.

"NO!" I shout, wiggling out of his arms and hitting the dashboard again. "IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR. IT ISN'T FAIR!!!" I shout, tired and stressed.

He tries grabbing my arms again. "Delilah, stop it right now. You're hurting yourself." He says with a crack in his voice.

"NOOO!" I shout again. Moving out of his grasp once again, avoiding his arms that are trying to restrain me. "IT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT FAIR. IT- IT- IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" I scream, my throat hoarse, emotions running thick in it. "YOU, YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME! GIO DIDN'T BELIEVE ME! NO ONE BELIEVES ME! AND YOU- YOU LEFT. YOU LEFT ME ALONE BY MYSELF! YOU LEFT AND IT'S NOT FAIR IT'S NOT FAIR IT- IT- I-" I scream, in pain from the last four years, or the last god knows how many to be honest. My hands continue pounding the dashboard, leaving little dents along it where my knuckles have damaged it. Angry, red lines mark my hands, stinging like crazy, but I don't relent, still dodging the muscular arms trying to pull me away and stop me.

"LILA!" he shouts.

Then, I hear the click of my seatbelt and hands grip under my arms firmly, yanking me quickly yet gently out of my seat and away from my personal punching bag.

I'm placed on the lap of my captor, who has placed a loving hand on my head, pressing it to his chest. "Shhhhhh. It's okay. I'm so sorry. It's okay. Shhhhhh." He whispers into my ear.

No. No it's not okay.

"NOOOO." I shout back, trying to get out of his grasp. "LET GO OF ME. LET GO LET GO LET GO." I shout, pushing his chest away.

"Shhhh. Come on, sweet girl. Come on. Where's that happy smile I miss. Shhhhh." He whispers, tightening his grip and trapping me against his chest. He's struggling against my strong attempts, yet due to his sheer size against mine, it's clear he's stronger.

"NO!" I scream, pounding his chest desperately and kicking my legs out in a wild attempt to break free. "NO! IT'S NOT OKAY! IT'S NOT OKAY! IT'S NOT! BECAUSE- CAUSE- YOU- YOU LEFT!" I cry, exhaustedly falling into his embrace. "You- You left and- and you didn't come back." I say, my voice braking into slithers of whispers.

All that can be heard in the car is my sniffles and gasps for air as well as Alessandro's shushing, attempting to calm me down.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry." He repeats whilst gently rocking me back and forth.

I continue to cry into his chest, tired from the stressful and strenuous week I've had.

It's been to long since I've had human comfort like this, and I'm ashamed to admit, but I crave it. I yearn for it. I've wanted this for longer than I thought.

Even though my mind is trying to fight it, and occasionally my body too with my shoves against him, my heart relaxes for the first time in four years.

Yet the reality of how broken I am continues to sink in.

The reality of what he and Gio did...

...it continues to sink in.

I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive them. Or if I ever should.

But yet here... in the car surrounded by pounding rain... snuggled up on the lap of my usually very unemotional oldest brother, I feel a glimmer of something.

A glimmer of hope.

A glimmer that maybe my life isn't set out to be as bad as I thought it would be.

Maybe this was rock bottom.

And now the only way is up.

Hello!

I hit a milestone this week!!! 10k!

So thank you so so much for making that dream come true!

I hope you like the new chapter!