"After all you've endured, you owe it to yourself to hold on." -Unknown

~Recap~

Yet the reality of how broken I am continues to sink in.

The reality of what he and Gio did...

...it continues to sink in.

I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive them. Or if I ever should.

But yet here... in the car surrounded by pounding rain... snuggled up on the lap of my usually very unemotional oldest brother, I feel a glimmer of something.

A glimmer of hope.

A glimmer that maybe my life isn't set out to be as bad as I thought it would be.

Maybe this was rock bottom.

And now the only way is up.

~Now~

Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.

His heartbeat echoes inside my mind, my face pressed up against his chest.

My eyes begin to flutter shut, my body relaxed and warm to the point of it craving to catch up on sleep.

As one warm hand rakes through my dyed brown hair, the other gently rubs my back, gently lulling me to sleep.

But I fight it, my body and mind stronger than my exhaustion.

After a few more minutes of comfort, I sit up, ending the comforting pounding inside my head.

Still situated upon his lap, I clear my throat, drying my eyes and wiping my nose on my sleeve.

Hiccuping slightly, I whisper out "I'm okay," my throat cracking in the middle. I clear my throat before repeating myself more loudly. "I'm okay." I state coldly.

I can't let him in.

I can't let any of them in.

They've hurt me before and they'll hurt me again.

I mean even the first time they came back in 4 years they hurt me in worse ways than they could ever imagine. And I won't let it happen again.

He looks at me, his eyes showing concern. "Baby, it's okay to not be okay." He whispers calmly, his eyes widening in worry.

No.

Not happening.

"I said I'm fine." I said, louder this time, blocking off all my emotions.

He sighs before replying, "Okay. You ready to go home? Or do you wanna go somewhere else first?"

"Let's just go back to the house." I reply coldly.

I can tell he looks concerned and saddened by my choice of words, specifically not calling the house my home.

"Okay." He whispers before picking me up gently and putting me on the passenger seat.

He moves to start doing up my seatbelt before I say "I've got it. I'm not a baby!" I say angrily.

"Okay okay!" He says, putting up his hands in surrender.

With that, he starts the car again and pulls out of the lane, driving back.

"Ummm... can you not... you know... can you not tell the others? About the therapist I mean. I don't want them to see me differently, you know? Like with pity and shit." I say slowly.

He looks at me confused. "You mean they don't already know? But you're legal guardian is always informed about this stuff?" He questions.

"I mean, I thought it was confidential right? I guess not since you were contacted about it though." I say, shrugging with annoyance.

"No no no you're right there is patient doctor confidentiality so no one knows what you say in there but if there is anything threatening you're like then you're legal guardian is informed considering you're under age. But Enzo and the others should've known anyway since you're underage and therefore any healthcare appointment details gets noted down for you're legal guardian to take you. So how do they not know?" He asks at me, slowly putting together the pieces in his mind and then giving me an annoyed look.

I force out a nervous laugh, knowing I'm about to be lectured about what comes out next. "Well, you see, I kind of got my therapist to not let them know for a while? And then after 2 years she said I had to tell my legal guardian. Obviously she knew I wasn't going to do it, so to make sure he knew he got me to get a document signed from him and she gave him a phone call. Well... I kinda... sorta..." I trail off.

"Come on, Lila. Spit it out already." He says in a cold voice.

"I forged the signature and made sure to steal Lorenzo's phone when she rang and then used a voice altering software to make me sound different." I blurt out.

His fingers tighten around the steering wheel, making his veins pop out. At the same time, his jaw tightens and his eyes begin to twitch. "When we get home, we are going to have a nice long chat with all of you're brothers about what the hell has been going on in my house, capisce?" He says, voice deathly cold.

"Capisce." I reply annoyed, knowing there's no way of getting out of it.

"Don't give me that attitude, Lila! You're already in enough trouble as it is!" He replies angrily.

I sigh angrily, not caring anymore.

Already in enough trouble as it is. It's not like doing anything more will make it much worse.

Eventually, we pull up to the house and the car rides to a complete stop. Before I can even blink, I hear his door slam shut. Alarmed by the sudden noise, I don't even notice him coming to my side of the car and opening the door. Then, he carefully picks me up again and places me down.

I look at him in both confusion and annoyance. "I didn't want to see you struggling again." He says. "Or get hurt." He mutters under his breath.

I don't even know how to feel anymore.

I'm so drained from this week and all the rest that I'm not even sure.

And I'm so tired. So so tired.

Tired of the fights and exhaustion and effort and feelings or lack thereof. I'm so tired.

Before I know it, we've walked to the front door and he whips out his keys from his trouser pockets, opening the gateway to hell...

"EVERYONE KITCHEN NOW!" He screams.

I've never seen someone shout so loud, neither have I seen a group of 8 assemble so quickly around us.

The thundering footsteps that tumbled down the stairs at lightening speed have made me realise how much of a shit show I'm really in right now. I absentmindedly move slightly behind Alessandro to shield myself from their view and glares.

"What? What's going on?" Giovanni asks worriedly, hair messy and looking disheveled compared to his usual neatness. He looks behind Alessandro to spot me and his eyes show even more worry. "What happened?! Are you okay, Lila sweetheart." He asks, now directing the questions to me.

As soon as he says my name, all the rest of my brother's eyes go to mine except Alessandro who already knows the whole ordeal.

"This is about Lila? What happened now?"

"What did she do this time?"

"Dude what's this about?"

"QUIET! DID I NOT SAY WE ARE MEETING IN THE KITCHEN? WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A PROPER, LONG CHAT NOW! IF YOU'RE NOT ALL THERE IN THE NEXT 3 SECONDS YOU ARE ALL IN TROUBLE, NO MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE!!!" He shouts, cutting off the worried and pissed off voices of my other brothers.

Stupid brothers with their mixed emotions I swear to god.

One minute all but two hate me and the next some of them have worry lacing their voices.🙄

With Alessandro's shouts, they all go running into the kitchen and slumping into chairs.

"You too, Lila, or Delilah as you like to call yourself now." He mocks, obviously pissed off with this horrible morning.

I slowly start walking to the kitchen. As soon as I enter, all the eyes are on me.

They've conveniently left only two seats left, Alessandro's and one in the middle.

Sighing, I slump into the middle chair, with Giovanni on my right, Rocco on my left, Matteo, Lorenzo, Elijah and Angelo in front of me.

They all look at me, faces showing nothing but eyes reading a mixture of annoyance, hatred and...

...worry?

I've gotten pretty good at reading people's eyes considering I can literally remember everything and every emotion that flitters across their faces, but even I'm surprised to see worry in some of theirs.

I mean why?

They hate me don't they?

I'm so confused and I'm so so tired.

I can't do this anymore.

I'm ready to jump out of my chair before Alessandro comes storming in.

"Can someone tell me what the hell has been going on in my fucking house whilst I was gone? Anyone? Any takers? Hmmm?" He asks, voice icy cold as always.

No one responds. Everyone is frozen in place by his cold voice and even colder eyes, looking like he could snap any one of us.

"Well? Is anyone going to say anything? Or do I need to repeat myself?" He says, cracking his knuckles.

"Okay okay okay!" Angelo says with his hands up in surrender. "Why don't we just all calm down and talk this out, yeah? Maybe if you tell us what you mean we can help you?" He explains, trying to calm the situation.

Keyword being trying.

"Oh, little brother, you have no idea. You must think I'm so stupid to not know what's been going on the last few days, hmmm?" He replies darkly.

"Ummm... n- no of c-course n-not." Angelo stutters.

"Oh? Well then, what's been going on with you all? Hmmm?" Alessandro asks, voice still thick with darkness.

"Hey hey hey okay let's all stop for a second. Sandro, you need to tell us what's going on for us to help." Giovanni intervenes.

"I'll tell you what's been going on in our house. Whilst we've been gone, something happened between Lila and the rest of them. I don't know what, but we're fucking getting to the bottom of it right now." He says darkly.

"Lila?" Giovanni asks. He turns to look at me, confusion and sadness lacing his eyes.

I shrink down in my seat as I feel 7 pairs of eyes turn to me.

Giovanni kneels down in front of my chair and holds my hands in one of his big ones.

"What happened, sweetheart?" He asks softly.

I gulp, pondering whether to say the truth.

But where would I even start?

Would I start with how when our father died, they left us to fend for ourselves?

Or how we felt? How it destroyed us to have half our family be ripped away at such a young age?

Or how they blamed me for the death of everyone they loved, everyone we loved.

Or how for the last four years, I've been feeling guilty for something I didn't do. Felt this pit in my stomach and nothing but sadness, or sometimes nothing at all.

How sometimes I cry so hard I can't even breathe, just gasping for air, collapsed onto the floor.

Or how sometimes, sometimes the guilt just eats me alive. I end up in a bad place, mentally then physically.

On the side of a bridge, in the bathroom with bottles of pills, drinking my heart away at some random school friends birthday, holding a gun to my head at 3 in the morning with my hand over my mouth to soften the noise of my violent sobs.

There's too many things to count.

"Nothing. Nothings going on. He's just being fucking dramatic as always." I reply annoyed.

Another lie. Another untruth. Where does it stop, Delilah? How far can you run before you're legs give up?

Giovanni raises his right eyebrow, in both disapprovement and suspecting I'm lying. "Do you wanna try that again?" He says calmly.

"I said. He's. Fucking. Lying." I grit out between be teeth.

Giovanni looks back up to Alessandro, silently conveying a message.

"No one is leaving here until I find out. So you better tell me now or the next hours are going to be hell." Alessandro says darkly, power and threat running through every word.

Minutes go past.

No one dares even move.

~Time skip~

It's been literal hours of just sitting here and I can tell everyone's getting restless, but they aren't relenting.

They keep looking at each other, trying to convey a message to say something, anything to get them out of this.

But Alessandro's not budging. Not this time.

"For fucks sake!" Matteo shouts, leaping out of his chair. "You can't keep us in here like this! We've not done a fucking thing wrong!" He shouts.

"Sit back down now! That's an order." Alessandro shouts.

Matteo sits instantly.

Everyone's afraid of the Italian Mafia Capo. He can do anything with the snap of his fingers and no one can say a word.

He would never hurt family, but that doesn't mean he isn't just as scary.

"I told you we are not leaving until this is sorted. So sit your ass back down in that chair or someone start fucking speaking." He shouts.

"Sorted?" Elijah speaks calmly. "You think this is ever going to be sorted?" He speaks, turning his head to look directly at Alessandro.

Matteo and Lorenzo attempt to shush him, but he only waves them off.

"No. He should know how fucked up she really is." Elijah says.

Ouch.

Giovanni is about to intervene on my behalf, but then Elijah starts talking again. "She fucked everyone and everything up. She ruined everything. And we'll never forgive her. Don't you see? There's a pattern here. Every single thing she touches, dies. Don't you think it's weird how she was the last one to see Elena before she died?"

Everyone's eyes darken in grief at the mention of my twin. Before anyone can stop him again, he stands up, knocking the chair back, and starts speaking directly to me.

"Don't you think how it's so weird that Elena died? They were together, right? So she should've been able to help her twin, right? But no. She was selfish as always and wanted the attention on her when she returned, isn't that right? Hmmm? Fucking bitch."

"And then, mum was so sad with grief because of what Lila had done that she couldn't even look at her anymore. Because she knew what a disappointment and disgrace she was. And then, she died cause of sadness and depression. All. Because. Of. Her. And of course dad soon followed. So all this could've been avoided if Lila here had tried a little harder to save her twin. If she hadn't been so selfish to let her twin be killed. Forever the attention seeker, hmm?"

I drown out the rest of his words, shouts from Alessandro and Giovanni about how I was just a child and how they're being ridiculous, but I'm unresponsive.

All I can see is blood. Lots of it.

Blood pooling from a lifeless body whilst I'm chained back on a wall.

I'm tugging and tugging against the metal restraints, but my body is too weak and too small to be able to possess that kind of force.

I was only 6 after all...

I'm tugging and tugging until my wrists are bleeding and sore. But I keep going.

I keep going even after I hear the pop of my now dislocated wrists.

I keep going after I feel some of my bones crack.

I keep going. Keep pulling. Keep tugging.

Any way to save her.

I promised her.

She's my sister. My lifeline. My other half.

I can't life without her.

I- I-

BANG!

Her body slumps to the floor, blood pooling out of it.

One shot.

One shot was all it took.

One shot between her eyes.

The guard leaves the cell and locks the door before throwing me the keys to my restrains. I quickly get them off, my hands shaking whilst undoing them.

And then I crawl to my sister.

My world.

My everything.

I lift her head into my lap, ignoring my throbbing wrists.

I stare into her eyes, tears dripping down my face in waterfalls.

I stare and stare, wanting to get every inch of her remembered.

I stare until I can't see behind the burning blurring of my eyes.

And then, I let them close for the last time.

And I break down.

My sobs and wails break through all walls and all of time and space itself.

And I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe.

Her body is still warm compared to the freezing stone floor, her blood pooling from her head warming my legs as it pours.

I crumple above her, hugging her against my chest and crying.

Why her?

Why not me?

Take me instead. Please take me instead.

Please.

I can't live without her.

Please.

"-a fucking child! That's all she was! She did nothing wrong. What the fuck is wrong with all of you!" Alessandro booms.

Giovanni is still knelt down by my feet, his height easily taller than me even kneeling.

He slowly moves his other hand to cup my cheek, rubbing slow circles onto it.

Then, he kisses the top of my head.

"You listen to me, okay? You did not a single fucking thing wrong, you hear me? Nothing. I don't blame you, Sandro doesn't blame you, mum and dad sure as hell didn't blame you, because you did nothing wrong. And the rest of your brothers can rot in hell after Sandro finishes his lecture to them. Because you did not a single thing wrong, you hear me? Nothing." He says lovingly, kissing my head once again.

I need to get out. Now.

In a flash, my chair is being pushed back, a loud scrapping noise following.

I look around, the attention now on me once again. Not knowing what to do, I say "I'm going upstairs." And then I turn away, slowly walking to my room.

But just before I leave the kitchen, I turn and say "And for you're fucking information, I didn't kill them. I was a child. A fucking child. So grow the fuck up and pull whatever the hell is stuck up your ass out because you're all fucking pricks." And with that, I stormed out.

Oh what joys this fucking house brings.

And that is it for the next chapter!

Thank you so so much for 15k!!! Eeek!

I'm so happy and so so so grateful!

Hope you enjoyed this next chapter and see you again soon!