"The wounds that never show on your body are deeper and more harmful than anything that bleeds." - Unknown

~Recap~ (Alessandro's POV)

Seeing Gio still fuming, smoke almost coming out of his ears, I reign back my own anger, concealing my face as much as possible, but my clenched jaw showing I'm anything but relaxed.

"I'll let you handle this one, brother." I tell Gio in a deathly voice.

"It would be my pleasure." He says, in a scarily sweet voice.

I stand from my chair, the blood in my body practically boiling with rage, and make my way up the stairs to see if she's alright.

I know I need to check.

It's all my fault.

And I don't know how to fix it.

Fuck.

What have I done?

~Now~ (Lila's POV)

After I ran out of the kitchen, I sprinted my way up the stairs, my breath coming out in shorter and shorter inhales.

I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.... 10.

I recite the numbers in my head. 1 to 10. Then 10 to 1.

I struggle to get the breaths in.

It's too hard.

What the fuck just happened?

My body is panicked, my hands shaking.

My ears ring ring ring.

My heart pumps pumps pumps.

The sounds are a loud, deafening noise that drowns out anything and everything.

Drowns out the shouts I can faintly hear from downstairs.

Drowns out the sound of incoming footsteps.

And almost drowns out my thoughts.

I wish they would drown out my thoughts.

Before I can get swallowed by the bottomless pit of my mind, I hear a voice.

"-ila. Lila. Hey, baby, are you okay? Lila?" I hear a voice ask repeatedly, a worried tone drowning out all other emotions their voice might carry.

I look up briefly from my place on the floor, collapsed against the wall. My head cranes high to try see the blurry face of my brother.

Like everything else in my body, my eyes are panicked, not allowing them to focus on anything and instead choose to dart around the room.

My eyes don't focus on him or his voice. Hell, I don't even know which brother it is.

My hands continue to shake shake shake and I can feel tears well up in my eyes.

What the hell did I do?

I'm drifting away...

"Hey. Come on baby. Eyes on me. Listen to my words. Come on, you can do it. I believe in you." He says.

The voice.

I recognise it's warmth.

Something locked far away in my mind is unlocked.

I remember that voice.

"Sandy?" I question quietly.

"Hi baby." He says, squatting down to be closer to my height, even though he's still a whole two heads taller than me.

"I- I- I- I fucked up." I say, tears beginning to spill down my face. "I shouldn't have done that. Why did I do that?" I say quietly, gripping my hair in my hands.

"Hey hey hey." He says, moving closer to me and sitting on the ground properly. "You did nothing wrong, you hear me? You did nothing wrong, sweetheart." He says softly.

When I don't reply, he begins speaking again. "Lila. Lila look at me. Come on, Lila. Lila?" He gently grips my chin, turning my face to meet his. My eyes water more at seeing his face, the memories of his constant comfort he gave me before filling my mind.

"Sandy." I say again, tears dripping down my chin.

I've never been this weak before. What is going on? I've never cried in front of anyone before.

"Hey hey hey. Sweetheart, it's okay. It's okay. I want you to listen to me, yeah. It's not your fault. None of it is. Not a single one of their deaths is your fault. I don't blame you, Gio doesn't blame you, you shouldn't blame yourself either, okay. You were so young, so so young. You did nothing wrong. Come on, baby, repeat after me 'It is not my fault.' Come on baby." He says gently, wiping the tears from my cheeks using the pads of his thumbs.

"I- I can't." I say between hiccups, trying desperately to catch my breath.

"Yes. Yes you can, sweet girl. You can. Come on." He says, rubbing my back in soothing circles. "Deep breaths. Repeat after me. 'It is not my fault.' Come on, you can do it." His soothing voice hushes the overpowering voices in my head temporarily.

"I- I- It wasn't- It wasn't- it was not my fa- fault." I croak out, not believing a word I say.

"Come on. I know you better than that. I know you didn't believe a word of that. One more time for me love bug." He says.

I take a deep breath. "It wasn't my fa-fault."

He kisses my forehead lovingly, his touch warming my heart.

"See. It wasn't your fault. Not a single minute of it, okay. It was not your fault." He says.

A few moments of silence pass, my eyes burning from exhaustion and beginning to flutter shut, only to be forced back open again by myself.

He must notice this because before I can say anything, he speaks again. "You wanna hear a story?"

I nod slowly, not knowing what to expect.



~Alessandro's POV~

"When you were little, you used to love sleeping in my bed. You would beg me to let you sleep there every night. Lena would too, but not as much as you. You adored sleeping next to me. And I loved sleeping next to both of you, knowing you were safe tucked in my arms. But I couldn't let you sleep there every night because I had work and didn't want to disturb you. Well, one day, you begged and begged and begged, but I still said no. You must've been about three and had just learnt puppy dog eyes and you had dragged Lena into it as well. But I had an important meeting that night and knew you two wouldn't sleep well if I left you there and that would leave me with two very grumpy toddlers the next morning. So I refused. You two went up to bed and you were so angry that you refused to let me tuck you into bed, and of course Lena being your twin sided with you and also refused. No one was allowed to tuck you in that night! So I went off to the meeting, assuming you were both tucked safe and sound, fast asleep." I say, tucking the small strands of flyaway hairs behind her ears and slowly rubbing her back, seeing her eyes begin to flutter shut against her will.

"However, I was very very wrong. In the middle of my meeting, I received frantic calls from all of your brothers saying they couldn't find you both, that you weren't in your bed and you were missing. Angelo and Matteo were in tears and the rest were frantically rushing around, tearing the house apart. I swear I almost had a heart attack when I heard those dreadful words on the phone. I sped home, breaking almost every traffic regulation, and tore the house apart even more. I searched the grounds, the forest, got a whole search team out for you both. And still, you were no where to be found. I didn't know what to do. I had never been more scared in my entire life. And then, my phone died. I went into my room to grab a charger, and I saw two little lumps in my bed along with two fluffy teddies. I lifted off the blanked, and saw you two sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of the ruckus and madness going on around you. You both looked so peaceful, so content." I shift her closer to me, letting her rest fully on me and envelope her in my arms.

"I don't know what I would have done if I didn't find you two. I wouldn't have managed to continue to do anything. I can't imagine a world without you there. I vowed that day to never let you out of my sight again. And I broke that promise. And I'm so so sorry. I'm more sorry than you can ever imagine." I say, whispering the last few sentences.

I look down and see her fast asleep, hands fisting my sweatshirt.

I lift her up, cradling her head to my chest.

She's far too small. She feels like she's lighter than a feather. Does she eat enough? Is she healthy? What is going on?

I lift up her blanket and place her on the bed, wrapping the duvet tightly around her. Bending down, I press a gentle kiss onto her forehead. "I love you so much, my baby girl."

With that, I turn and leave, shutting the door behind me.



~Three hours later~ (Lila's POV)

The sound of violent sobbing and crying fills my ears, the sound so heartbreaking that my soul breaks in two.

"Come on, Lena. Come on." Someone sniffles over my shoulder. "You're gonna survive. You have to. You can't leave us now. Not yet. We only just got you back. Please. PLEASE! Lena!"

I'm quiet. Still. Lifeless.

I don't know what to do.

Blood pools out of the girl in my arms, her hair so brown and her eyes so green and full of hope.

The blood spreads on her T-shirt, a small red spot quickly becoming larger and larger.

"This is all your fault! You deserve to feel the same loss as I did so many years ago! It had to be done. The only question is... which one of you is next?" I look up, facing the eyes of the man who did this much destruction, who caused this much death.

And then I look to my left, to my twin sister.

"Please. Please take me, don't take my sister. I couldn't life with myself if you took her. Please." I beg him.

He only tuts in response, before bending down and harshly gripping my wobbling chin. "Tsk tsk tsk, we don't ask for things, you worthless piece of shit." With that, he backhands my cheek, leaving a huge gash down the side of my face from his large ring adorning his left hand.

Lena gasps from next to me.

But I remain silent.

I grab Lena's hand tightly in mine, needing the comfort of my twin sister right now.

I watch as the man leaves our cell, before staring again at the motionless eyes in front of me.

And then the tears start.

They begin slowly and silently at first, me thinking of the connection I had with her.

And then they don't stop.

They stream down my cheeks like a waterfall, like wave upon wave.

Soon, I'm gasping for air, my chest heaving.

And this. This is what death feels like.

My first panic attack.

First of many to come.

Elena wraps her arms tightly around me, letting me rest my head on her chest.

"It's okay. It'll get better soon." She says.

She couldn't have been more wrong...

But I don't ponder her words.

Because right now I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe.

My thoughts are jumbled, nothing makes sense.

Where am I?

Is anything real?

The warm blood is slowly cooling, drenching me as it spreads out of her body.

My lungs don't seem to be taking in air.

But aren't I breathing?

Is there oxygen in this room?

Why can't I breathe?

Why is she dead?

Why not me?

I can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe can't...

I gasp up from bed, still shaking and quivering.

Tears drip down my face in never ending waves.

Memories plague my vision.

What is real and what is not?

It's too dark in my room.

Too quiet and too loud and too big and too small and the walls are closing in on me and I need to get out get out get out.

I stumble out of bed, hitting multiple things on the way and hear them crash.

I manage to make it out of my room, but I still can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe.

I search frantically for something, anything, someone, and open the first door I see, still gasping for breath.

I take a few steps in, hoping to find someone to help.

I can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe.

I'm clutching at things in the room, but I can't see anything.

Why is everything so dark?

Have I gone blind?

And why can't I breathe can't breathe can't breathe can't breathe can't...



~Alessandro's POV~

I'm awoken from sleep my a crashing within my room.

In an instant, my eyes snap open and I'm sitting up, gun in hand and ready to shoot.

Beside me, Gio has done the same.

"Who's there." He says gruffly.

No one says anything, except we know better.

We can hear the heavy breaths of someone. It sounds like they're... struggling.

All of a sudden, Gio is moving to turn on the lights.

And as soon as he does, my heart drops in my chest.

The sight of my baby sister on the ground, clutching at her chest fills my vision.

I'm on my feet before I even realise.

Rushing towards her, with Gio in tow, I feel so lost, so confused.

What has gone on between now and four years ago?

She wasn't like this before. What's happened?

I bend down immediately, looking at her fear and confusion filled eyes.

"Hey baby. It's okay. Just follow my breathing. Come on, you can do it. Just inhale. Exhale. Come on Lila. Inhale. Exhale." I say, my heart beating a million miles an hour.

"Inhale. Exhale." I say again, noticing her breathing start to slowly get better.

But alas. "I... I can't... it's... not working... can't breathe... can't..." she says, gasping for breath in between.

Only now do I notice the tears.

She begins to claw at her neck now, becoming even more frantic.

"Grab her arms!" Gio says from next to me.

I quickly gather her into my arms and onto my lap, grabbing her hands and arms with one hand and keeping them away from her.

With the other hand, I push her head onto my chest, keeping it firmly there.

Gio grabs her legs gently and rubs soothing circles on them, attempting to stop her trashing in order to calm her.

"Get... off... can't... breathe..." she says, continuing to trash in our arms.

I shush her in response and slowly rock her side to side. "Come on, baby. Listen to my heartbeat. Come on, you can do it."

She takes a few gruelling breaths in, trying her hardest to focus on my heartbeat which has been pressed right next to her ear.

And after a few minutes, her breathing begins to return back to normal.

And my heartbeat returns back to normal too.

I continue rocking her side to side though, holding her head to my chest and keeping her in my arms.

Gio let's go of her legs once he sees she's calmer now, and I too let go of her arms.

I continue to gently shush her, hoping the noise is as soothing to her as it was when she was little.

The tears continue to stream down her face, getting even more violent now as an aftermath of the attack.

The sound of her sobs fill the room, intensifying as she fully comes out of it.

My heart breaks with each cry, with each sob,

Soon enough though, she has run out of energy, the attack taking more out of her than she will care to admit.

That and the fact that it was currently two am didn't help.

The sounds of her hiccups remain as the last lonely tears make their way out of her eyes and down her cheeks.

She curls up further into me, almost sinking into my arms and chest with each breath.

She's always loved listening to the sound of my heartbeat.

It's always put her to sleep.

Even when she was a newborn, I used to rock her to sleep with her head laying on my chest, her right ear pressed right against the left part of my chest, listing to my heart lub-dub.

And now, it seems, is no different.

I watch her eyes as they slowly flutter shut, too tired to protest about the situation as I know she probably would with her anger towards me.

But for now, I enjoy the moment of her in my arms. My baby sister.

I continue to rock her to sleep, not wanting to disturb her.

And I only stand up an hour later, when Gio has practically ordered me to get some sleep too.

But this time, instead of tucking her into her own bed, I get into mine, with her still curled up on my chest.

I lie down, and pull her onto my torso, watching as she shifts to be on my left hand side, ear pressed firmly to my heart.

I hold her in my arms, and I wish with all of my heart, that I could take away her pain, her torment, every wrongdoing she had ever faced.

I love her like my own, I always have.

And I will do anything to keep her safe.

And that is a wrap on chapter 23!

Two chapters published in such a short time compared to usual!

This chapter is very back and forth from different points of view so sorry about that, but hoped I enjoyed seeing Alessandro's thoughts as well as our dear Lila's.

Can't believe tomorrow is the last day of January! It's absolutely crazy! It feels like just the other day I was celebrating New Years!

Anywhooo I hope you enjoyed and I hope to see you very very soon!