"Focus on the step in front of you, not on the whole staircase." -Unknown

~Recap~ (Alessandro's POV)

I continue to rock her to sleep, not wanting to disturb her.

And I only stand up an hour later, when Gio has practically ordered me to get some sleep too.

But this time, instead of tucking her into her own bed, I get into mine, with her still curled up on my chest.

I lie down, and pull her onto my torso, watching as she shifts to be on my left hand side, ear pressed firmly to my heart.

I hold her in my arms, and I wish with all of my heart, that I could take away her pain, her torment, every wrongdoing she had ever faced.

I love her like my own, I always have.

And I will do anything to keep her safe.



~Now~ (Lila's POV)

The feeling of warm sunlight spreads on my face, the warm duvets keeping the warmth closer to my body.

The light rumble of my pillow lulls me back to sleep, the feeling comforting me.

Wait what?!

I jolt up, bucking against someone's hold.

"Hey hey hey. You're okay. You're okay. It's just me, baby. It's just us. You're okay." A voice says.

My eyes crack open and I take a sniff off the air, hoping to clear my stuffy nose.

Instead, I inhale the calming smell of pine and peppermint. It used to be my favourite smell, made me feel same, reminded me of home. It used to be my eldest brother's smell.

It IS my eldest brother's smell.

With that, I jolt up again.

What am I doing on his chest?

What the fuck?

I wriggle, bucking against his arms and trying to escape the arms encircling my body.

My sleep-deprived brain still hadn't woken up properly, causing me to continue trying to escape his arms, knowing full well I wouldn't be able to get out of them.

"Hey hey hey. What's wrong? Mia piccolina cara, you need to calm down. You're okay. You're with me, your brother Alessandro, and Giovanni next to me."

With these words, I stop bucking, my brain finally knowing I won't be able to escape until he deems that I am awake enough to stand on my own.

The fog clouding my brain finally clears, my brain having woken up a lot more than a few minutes ago.

"What's... what's going on?" I say, rubbing my now freed arms against my eyes, clearing away the sleepy residue.

I sit up slowly, still on Sandro's lap.

Alessandro gently grabs my arms again, stopping my aggressive rubbing.

"Hey stop rubbing your eyes. You'll hurt yourself. And as for your question... you were..." Gio says, before stopping and sighing.

"I was what?" I question.

"You... you came into our room having a panic attack. Sandro helped you through it and then you fell asleep in his arms. He let you stay here in his arms in case you had another one." Gio finally says.

Oh. My. Fucking. Gosh.

I AM MORTIFIED.

The look on my face must show it all because in a second I am met with Giovanni's voice again. "Hey hey it's okay, Lila. You needed help and we were happy to give it. It's okay. You're our baby sister. It's okay." He says as he brushed some hair behind my ears, sweeping my messy locks away from my face.

Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh I can't believe I did that! Aaaaarghhhh!

FUCK MY LIFE!!!

After a few minutes of awkward silence, my mind racing with thoughts keeping me busy and stopping me from realising time had been passing, by thoughts were stopped by Alessandro clearing his throat.

"Right, well... I best start getting ready for work now." He said.

And that was when I realised I was still on his lap.

"Shit shit sorry." I said, attempting to leap up and off of the bed altogether.

I was quickly grabbed in mid-air by hands around my waist, stopping my balled form from landing on the floor.

I would've fucking stopped myself from falling. *sigh*

I was swiftly placed back onto the bed, closer to Gio's form. Before I could process his next move, Sandro quickly kissed my head before walking to the attached bathroom, locking the door behind him.

My eyes widened in shock.

He kissed my forehead. Like he did when I was little.

He... he would've never kissed my forehead if he didn't still care about me.

But I know he doesn't.

So why did he? Why did he kiss my forehead.

I slid off the bed, but not failing to catch a glimpse of the sad look adorning Gio's face.

Before I left their room, I turned back to him.

"Thanks, by the way. For... for last night, and stuff." I say, looking at the floor and playing with my hoodie sleeves in awkwardness.

Shock takes over his face. "It's all good, Lila. You never have to thank us, any of us. It's our job. It's what you do if you care about people. And we care about you." He says.

That only makes my thoughts run more. I cough awkwardly, before saying "Erm... okay, I'm gonna... go now... yeah."

Fucking hell.

I'm so fucking confused...



~Flashback to day before~ (Giovanni's POV)

"...and blamed her for all their deaths." Finished Matteo.

"YOU WHAT?!" I shout. "YOU BLAMED YOUR BABY SISTER FOR THE DEATH OF HER OWN PARENTS AND HER TWIN SISTER?"

I've never been this angry.

I'm so fucking livid.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOTS ARE IN FOR IT. HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THAT TO HER? YOUR BABY SISTER!" Sandro shouts from beside me.

I take a few deep breaths, remembering the little body that ran up the stairs a few minutes ago.

I can't believe she's been living here for the past four years!

I can't believe we left her here.

With them.

Fuck.

Smoke is almost coming out of my ears.

"I'll let you handle this one, brother." Sandro tells me in a deathly voice.

"It would be my pleasure." I says, in a scarily sweet voice.

As soon as he leaves, I begin.

"Who the fuck thought it was a good idea, huh? We TRUSTED you idiots to look after your baby sister, to look after EACH OTHER! What ever happened to no Russo left behind, huh?" I say, angrily.

"That all ended when half the Russo's got left behind because of her." Lorenzo growled quietly, probably not wanting me to hear.

Unlucky for him, I did.

In a second, I'm out of my chair and storming over to him.

His eyes go wide as he sees me.

I grab him up by the collar of his shirt, pulling him out of his chair and pinning him to the wall.

He tries to fight back, but we all know I'm stronger. I'm the fucking Underboss after all.

I grab my gun from my blazer pocket and point it at his head.

"Say that again, huh. Fucking Say. It. Again." I say in a deadly voice.

How fucking could they.

How could he.

I trusted him.

He was meant to make sure she stayed safe. Stayed happy.

We trusted him.

I dig the gun more into his forehead as he squirms under my grasp.

"Okay okay I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He says.

"No your fucking not, Lorenzo. You can't tell me your sorry and you've changed views between now and the last four fucking years you've abused her. YOU let you BABY SISTER think that she killed her parents and her twin! FOR FOUR YEARS! You have no FUCKING IDEA WHAT THAT DOES TO A PERSON! SHE HAS NIGHTMARES OF WHAT HAPPENED, AND YOU TELLING HER THESE LIES DONT HELP!" I scream.

A moment of silence passes, my younger brothers all keeping their eyes downcast in remorse. "What happens if something happens, huh? If she dies knowing that you all thought she was the cause of all of this, that she was a murderer. What- what happens if your words finally put her over the edge. Nothing, NOTHING, would be able to save her then. And then," I say, getting close to him, "it will be YOUR fault." I jab my finger into his chest on those last words, not failing to notice the subtle wince from my force.

"You've all fucked up, big time. Not only listening to the words of your fucked up brother but acting on them. I don't fucking know what your going to do because if I were her, I would never, EVER talk to you fucking idiots again."

With that, I leave the room and head upstairs, ready to take out my emotions onto a punching bag.



~Now~ (Lila's POV)

After the mortifying night I had, I head back to my room and jump into the shower, ready to scrub away all my thoughts and hopefully my actions from last night.

You wish. It doesn't work like that you fucking idiot.

Okaaaaaaaay well I don't know who you're calling a fucking idiot Linda but if you haven't noticed, we're the same fucking person.

You wish you could be me.

"Aaaargghhhh." I cry out in frustration.

The warm water collides against my back, working away all the caught up tension in it.

I don't know what to do anymore.

You know what? I need to take my mind off of this for a moment. This is all too much.

I'm going to do something today. Build a bridge, fly a spaceship, solve starvation, I don't know. I just need to do something to keep going.

After lathering myself in my favourite body wash, lime scented of course, I rinse off all the bubbles before hopping out of the shower, wrapping a fluffy, warm towel around me.

I quickly change into a graphic white T-shirt and some black, flowy trousers before sitting at my desk.

Hmmm... I might as well start my new fashion collection. It's not like I've got endless amounts of time before it's supposed to be out anyways.

I flick through my sketchbook of clothing ideas, noting all the different themes and designs and styles. But nothing seems to shout out at me. Nothing seems to... pop.

You know, I bet there are some really great pieces in the loft. Something will give me some inspiration of what to create.

With that, I'm back on my feet, walking across the hardwood floors and out into the landing.

I launch myself up the stairs, taking them two by two, until I come across the door.

"It's now or never." I whisper, before pushing open the heavy, wooden door and opening up the creepy, dark room.

I step into the room, the smell of dampness and mould filling my nostrils.

The floor croaks as I enter the room, the only light being the sun's rays entering through the small, dirty window in the ceiling.

Cobwebs coat the entire room, drawn from one corner to another.

Layers and layers of dust coat everything in the room.

I cough a couple of times as the dust enters my lungs, wheezing to get it out.

"This place is so fucking creepy." Wow. Now I'm talking to myself again. That's not at all creepy.

As I walk around, ducking under the cobwebs, I rummage through the boxes, trying to find some inspiration amongst all the dusty relics.

Layers and layers of old books and papers. Layers and layers of out-of-date CD's and broken records. Layers and layers of family history and secrets...

~Two hours later~

A layer of sweat has beaded across my forehead, my eyes almost buzzing from tiredness and exhaustion.

I've gotten so many ideas, from newspaper corsets to cobweb netted skirts.

I'm sifting through the last box, having given up on standing after an hour and now sitting on the dirt-covered floor.

This last box seems to be the same as many before, old forms with mostly blacked-off censored text, paperwork of some sort in many different languages, and a couple of old books and photo albums.

It's actually been really interesting to see little baby pictures of my older brothers, especially only having memories of most of them as young teenagers and older.

I sigh in relief, picking up the last item in the last box.

One more to go!

The last item seems to be another book, with a crumbling, red leather case and yellow, aged pages.

I turn it over in my hands, examining it closely.

On the front of it reads 'le journal d'amélie'.

My mothers diary.

Holy shit.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit.

Hey guys!

I am so so sorry for the late chapter!

It's been a really hectic few weeks and I didn't get a chance to write during the holidays and now school has started again and aaaarghhhh!!!

Sorry again and hope to see you again for the next chapter!