I woke up and looked around in confusion.

My room..? Why am I here?

I am sitting on the sofa in my room with an open book on my lap.

I looked at the big clock at the end of the room, showing 7 in the morning.

... What happened? Did I fall asleep while reading a book?

I read the title of a book that I've never seen.

"The truth of holy light..? Religious book? Thi- cough..."

My throat hurts so much... How long did I sleep?

I got up, put the book on the table, and rushed out.

This is strange. I don't remember reading that book last night... And the content of the book is not something I usually read. I don't even believe in God.

After opening the door, I thought guards and maids were wandering around in the morning as usual, but the hallway was strangely quiet.

... I have a bad feeling.

I walked slowly towards the dining room, still trying to remember what happened last night.

On my way, my feet stopped when I saw the servants standing silently in front of mommy's room.

"I DON'T CARE! YOU'RE ALL EVIL! THIS IS ALL YOUR SCHEME! BRING MOMMY BACK!" Lania's scream made my heart race.

What's this...?

Feeling anxious, I ran and pushed through the crowd of maids to enter the room.

Fuck... what the hell is this...

My eyes were glued to a rope wrapped around the lamp and Mom's neck. Mom's limp body hung in the middle of the room in a white dress and a pale face.

Lania was detained by a servant, while Dad stared at Mommy blankly while being held by 2 guards on his shoulders.

I approached while shaking all over my body. "What are you doing..?"

I looked at the servants who were silent in place. They looked at me in surprise as if they had seen a ghost. "What are you doing standing around like idiots? Are you crazy?! GET MY MOM DOWN RIGHT NOW! CALL THE DOCTOR!" I ordered in a loud and hoarse voice, ignoring my sore throat.

"Young Duke... The Duchess is beyond help. Right now, we should wait until the detectives arrive so that this incident can be resolved without any problems." Said the butler, who came forward to face me.

FUCK! You're the one who's beyond help watching a person hanging like that you piece of shit!

"Are you disobeying my orders?! To hell with detectives! It's their job to uncover this incident. Your job is to obey the orders given by your masters. Are you crazy to leave the Duchess you serve hanging like that?! And all of you!" I pointed at everyone with visible anger. "You should listen to and carry out the orders of my Dad or I, who now second in command after him, not listen to the butler's orders! Who the fuck is your master here?!" My harsh words caused the butler startled, then he ordered the servants to move with some hesitation.

I saw Lania struggling in the Knight's arms with tears streaming down her face. Meanwhile, my Dad was stunned with a blank gaze directed at Mom.

Ha... This is driving me crazy...

The servants laid my mom on the bed, making sure her position looked comfortable.

I went over and sat on the chair next to the bed.

Mommy hanged herself..? Impossible, right? Someone as cheerful as Mommy couldn't possibly hang herself...

Is she depressed? Why tho? She looks cheerful every day, even when we last met...

...

Last time we met..?

I looked at Lania, who had fainted in the Knight's arms.

I remember... I talked to Mom before going to Lania's room. Nothing strange happened until I was about to enter Lania's room-

I held my throbbing head.

What happened yesterday while I was unconscious?

"Where have you been?" Darius' voice made me look at him.

"What do you mean?"

"A lot of strange things happened."

...Ha?

I was silent for a moment, looking at Darius, who was expressionless as usual. "Wait..."

I looked at the servants in the room. "Can one of you explain this situation?"

In unison, they avoided eye contact with me, except the butler. "Young Duke, you should go back to your room. I know this has shocked and saddened you, but look, your body is shaking because of hunger. Shall I prepare your favorite snack?" He approached me and looked at me with a silly smile as if I was just a kid who didn't know anything and was playing in this situation.

Ha... This asshole...

With full of anger, I looked at him sharply. "It's true that I'm just a five-year-old kid right now. But you know that my mentality is not that of a child. I've told you many times to stop treating me like a child."

"Young-"

"Everyone in the mansion lost consciousness for 2 days." Darius interrupted the butler's voice. He looked at me with an indifferent gaze. "Everyone gathered on Duke Alfaret's orders when he noticed something strange as soon as he woke up."

He looked at Lania, who was being carried by a guard. "Lavenia showed up late with a strange condition and some bruises that were visible on her hand. She cried and told us that she had been trapped in a small dark room and feeling pain all over body before waking up in her room."

His gaze turned to the servant who had moved Mom. "At the same time, a servant reported that you and Duchess Alfaret were nowhere to be found."

He looked back at me expressionless. "All the knights were assigned to look for both of you, who disappeared without a trace. It seems Duke Alfaret forgot Lavenia's situation when he heard the Duchess disappeared, and she got neglected."

"Wait, what?!" I looked at my Dad, who still looked shaken with disbelief.

"That's more or less what made Lavenia hysterical with everyone." He continued without caring about my reaction like a robot giving a report.

"And today is the third day. This morning, a maid found the Duchess in this state and screamed, making the entire mansion hear it. Didn't you hear?" He said clearly without the slightest stutter, unlike before.

I was lost in my thoughts. "I... don't know... My last memory... I parted ways with you and Mom to call Lania. When I was in front of her room, and about to go inside... my consciousness disappeared. And woke up on the sofa in my room earlier... "

Shit... What kind of shitty situation is this... What the fuck is going on...

"It's good that you're okay. For now, you should rest and calm down, then discuss it with your family. I will handle this incident with detectives and doctors, considering that Duke Alfaret's not in the right mind. Later I will report the results to you." He patted the top of my head gently.

....He's right. My mind is a mess. I can't think clearly right now.

I looked at Mom's face which looked stiff. The smile that resembled my Mom's in the first life was now gone and would never appear in my sight again.

Fuck fuck fuck! Once again! Just when I managed to accept this life completely.

I left the room frustrated. My emotions were running wild because my family had been taken away from me again.

This situation... When I thought that I could live happily with my family, fate always destroyed it as if it were a game. Is my life that interesting to be used as entertainment?

Do I have to be forever trapped in this shithole called fate?

***

A month has passed with me locking myself in my room, lamenting a fate that doesn't seem to be changing.

Will I die again in vain? Will my family's happiness be destroyed again like before?

This thought was horrible, making me reluctant to live a life full of happiness that would later be taken away.

But when I remembered that Lania was suffering alone, I immediately snapped out of my depressed state. I got up and went to her room to check on her condition.

In front of her room, two guards surprisedly greeted me.

"Is Lania in her room?" I asked.

"My apologies, young Duke. Young Lady does not wish to be visited by anyone." Said one of the guards.

"My question isn't that. Is Lania in there?"

"About that... The young lady has shut herself away since Duchess Alfaret's funeral ended. She always gets angry if anyone visits her other than the maid who delivers food." Another guard reported hesitantly.

"I see... Does she eat regularly?"

The two guards exchanged glances. "The maids always bring food three times a day, but the young lady only touches the food once a day, sometimes once every three days."

"What?! Why didn't you report this?"

"We already reported it to the butler, but he said to handle the situation by ourselves."

That son of a bitch...

I rushed to Father's room in a rage. The guard in front of the room opened the door for me in an instant.

In the room, Father was sitting holding a locket containing a picture of Mom.

I swear this guy...

"When will you grow up, Dad?"

He looked at me with his puffy eyes. He looked at me with dead eyes in silence.

"You think you're the only one who lost an important person? And that you're the only one who's suffered? Mom has a family, and that family is your family too. You should know that better."

He looked at me in sorrow. "What do you know..."

Ha... This again.

"I may be just five years old, but I'm not ignorant. While I may not understand love, I know that your love for Mom is just as important as her love for her children. If you disregard someone Mom loves, then Father's love for Mom is questionable."

I took a deep breath and sighed softly. "I don't care if you want to abandon me or whatever because of depression. However, you should know that I won't remain silent if you neglect Lania any further than this. Don't underestimate my five-year-old body. You know best that my mentality is not like that of an average child. "I stared at him with pure rage.

"Ah... And about the butler, I want you to fire him and replace him with someone else. That son of a bitch is annoying and incompetent." I said before dashing out.

From the start, I didn't have any hopes for him. He doesn't look like a father, but seeing his gentle nature toward his wife and children makes me think of him as my uncle.

Tsk, but if he doesn't care about his child just because his wife died, and still neglects them after getting warned then I wouldn't think twice about cutting ties with him.

I went to the kitchen and asked the maid to give me Lania's food.

With a tray full of food, I went back to Lania's room. I'm having a bit of trouble considering that I'm still small, though I'm still bigger than average kids.

After I arrived in front of her room, the door was opened by the guards.

Inside the room looks dark. Lania was sitting on her bed reading a book, accompanied by the light of a candle on her nightstand. Many books were scattered throughout the room.

"I said I don't wanna eat." Her eyes were still focused on the writing in the thick book in her lap.

I put the food on the nightstand next to the bed, then opened the curtains that blocked the sunlight. "You won't grow if you don't eat your food. And didn't I tell you that if you study all day without a break, then it will be difficult for your brain to remember what you study."

Lania's hand which was about to turn the page of the book stopped. She looked at me with a surprised and slightly angry look. "Why are you here?"

"Is it wrong for me to take care of my beloved sister?" I looked into her eyes and was shocked when tears welled up in her eyes.

"...What happened to you and Mommy?" Lania's question made me speechless.

I don't know what I should say in this situation...

"Why are you silent? Are you an accomplice? Or are you the one who made Mommy like that?"

"Lania... I... Do-" I was cut off when a thick book flew next to my head.

"Get out..." Lania grabbed a pillow and then threw it at my face. "If you can't bring Mommy back, then get out."

"Lania..." This time she threw a glass full of milk at my head, causing blood mixed with milk to flow quickly down my chin and drop onto the floor which was now littered with glass shards.

"I DON'T WANNA HEAR! ALL OF YOU LYING! GET OUT! I SAID GET OUT!" Lania screamed with tears flowing, making my chest feel painful. I feel suffocated.

I decided to go out, a little staggered due to the throw.

The guard outside seemed to hear the commotion we made. They looked at me in pity.

“Lania, make sure to finish your food if you want to grow up to beat me,” I said before closing the door.

I looked at the guards who looked hesitant to say anything. "Call the maid to bring a glass of milk for Lania, and clean up the glass shards on the floor. Make sure not to miss any glass shards that could scratch Lania's feet." I said with firmness.

"Young Duke, you are injured. Please wait for a moment, we will call a doctor." One of them looked at me with pity.

"Just a small wound, no need to overreact. But it's not a bad idea... call a doctor to check Lania and Dad's condition."

"Young-"

"No need to do anything unimportant and unnecessary. Do both of you understand?"

They looked at each other. "Yes, young Duke. Shall one of us accompany you?"

"No need, I can walk by myself."

Seeing that I wouldn't change my decision, they yielded in worrying me. One guard finally left, while the other remained on duty while occasionally glancing at me.

With blurred vision, I tried to go back to my room, but it seemed like my little body couldn't endure the pain so I fell in the middle of the quiet hall.

A maid who was passing by was surprised when she saw me and immediately looked for the nearest servant.

This damned little kid's body, I'm so fucking pissed.

Damn body, damn world, damn fate...

Incompetent...

Useless..

I'm useless...

Yes... All this happened because I was incompetent, weak, and useless.

My head was full of negative thoughts, making my head more painful. I can't help but fall unconscious.

***

I heard that upon further review, many irregularities made it clear it wasn't a suicide.

And it's true, it turns out it wasn't suicide, but murder.

Ha... I thought I was reincarnated to get happiness because of the injustice I experienced in my first life, but it turns out I was wrong. I had high hopes for no reason...

As soon as I came to my senses, I decided to take the situation more seriously.

I put all the abilities and knowledge I had in my first life into this life.

I, who initially read books that only interested me, now read every political book that exists in and about this world.

I also told the head chef to make food according to the requests I give every week to regulate the nutrition I get.

Even I, who initially never used a schedule for my daily life, am now starting to organize and organize things. I started to write it in a book.

I also started learning sword techniques. I studied all fields, and even the tutors who taught me often praised me in their reports to my father.

Talking about my father, it seems like he's starting to come back to reality after I slapped him with some words that time. He started paying attention to me and the others.

I don't care about it, but what I care about is Lania's reaction when Father praises me in front of her. She'd get angry at me each day passed.

I'm not saying that her frantic reaction was unreasonable. There was nothing wrong with Lania's overreacting when her father praised her sibling in front of her right after she returned to her activities.

Thanks to that, ever since then, Lania has acted as if I were a stranger who was an intruder in her life.

Ha... I tried to do my best for Lania, but it's backfired. I ended up making her despise me more.

Of course, I won't give up on improving my relationship with Lania. She is my most precious family and the most important person in my life.

I have to admit I was too obsessed with her due to losing Eli in my first life and losing my family once again.

And maybe this is karma because I ignored her when I was too focused on Darius. Not that I blame him for this incident.

I deserve it, I brought this upon myself.

I cannot avoid the fact that my behavior made Lania like this. And that's why I will make up for it by doing everything I can to make Lania happy and regain her trust in me.

***

Several years passed. Today is the day Lania turns 16 years old, which is the day she reaches adulthood.

A little strange considering that in my world this age is still not an adult. But that only applies to women, while men reach adulthood at the age of 18, which is normal.

And at that age, a coming-of-age party will be held. That day marked the day when that person began to enter the world of politics. Here it's called a debutante.

Debutante could be held at other people's parties or other events, but I insisted on Father to hold a special party in this mansion, which was agreed to without objection.

Usually, after the party ended, the ladies would be given engagement request letters by some Noble.

But in Lania's case, it was different. Considering that she is the daughter of a Duke, one of the royal family will be her fiance.

That irked me...

Of course that is a normal thing. But what is unusual is that Lania was paired with the crown prince.

I don't mean to mock Lania, but why did the royal family pair Lania with the crown prince? Lania's character is a little childish, arrogant, and short-tempered. She's not qualified as a candidate for Crown Princess.

I don't like it. As far as I know, the imperial place full of crazy people. They're one messed up family that is greedy for power. I don't want to imagine Lania getting tangled up with them.

Well, I'll think about that problem later. For now, I'm preparing to celebrate Lania's birthday and her debutante.

I took a little longer to decorate myself as best as possible so that Lania wouldn't lose face having a brother like me.

And as soon as I was sure that my appearance was good enough, I went to the ballroom, where the party was being celebrated.

The atmosphere inside was already busy, even several royal members had arrived. I waited while drinking a glass of juice in the corner, occasionally glancing at the door where Lania was supposed to appear.

After waiting for some time, I feel uneasy for some reason. I don't know why but I'm starting to wait impatiently. My eyes wouldn't leave the door as if it had been glued on.

Unable to bear the feeling that I felt, I went to Lania's room.

In front of the door, I met Lania's personal maid who was done changing her bed. I asked where Lania was, but she just said that Lania had left a long time ago with an indifferent expression.

Ha... I should have killed her right then and there for her incompetence, but remembering Lania's whereabouts are unknown, I immediately ordered the guards to look for her.

I also ran around looking for her throughout the mansion but to no avail. I can't find Lania anywhere.

I stopped for a moment to catch my breath and think about where Lania might be. And when I was about to run again, a guard shouted for me. He said that they found Lania.

I breathed a sigh of relief of course, but it didn't last long when he continued his report that Lania had been injured.

My mind immediately fell into chaos, and I ran to check Lania's condition myself.

I ran into the group who was on their way to take Lania to her room.

Lania looked pale with some blood on her hands and dress. I grabbed one of the servants who accompanied Lania. He looked a little scared when facing me.

He said that they had contacted the nearest doctor, which made me unsatisfied. I don't want any amateur doctor to make a wrong diagnosis.

I told him to call Doctor Gregory who is the best doctor in this kingdom and dukedom. But unfortunately, he was in the neighborhood kingdom, which made me frustrated.

Feeling a little restless, I went to Lania's room to look at her condition.

Father looked like he had just arrived. He ordered doctors, priests, and even the best magicians to check Lania's condition.

At that time I was happy that he still cared for Lania. But seeing Lania's worrying condition made me a little afraid of the worst thing that could happen.

I don't know what will happen, but I pray...

Yes, I pray to god or whoever there is.

I pray that my family... my sister will not be taken from my life again.

Fuck, if they take my sister again I swear I will destroy this kingdom. I will destroy and kill all creatures created by God or whoever. Especially the person who had done this to Lania, no matter whose fault it was.

As a precaution, my father called a nearby doctor to see if any serious injuries needed to be treated immediately.

The night had passed, and at dawn, everyone with the best ability had come to check on the condition of Lania and also the crown prince who was more seriously injured.

The priests couldn't do anything considering this had nothing to do with black magic or abnormal circumstances.

Meanwhile, the magicians, as well as Darius who was the strongest among them, couldn't find out what had happened. They said extracting memories from their minds is not an easy thing, especially when they are unconscious. They also said that foreign magic prevented the magicians from digging into their memories.

And fuck! The incompetent doctors said that Lania did not have serious injuries.

Are they blind? It was clear that Lania was unconscious and looked dying there.

They only diagnosed that maybe Lania had hit her head hard considering there was a bump on her head. Unfortunately, there are no sophisticated tools here that can check whether there is no problem in Lania's brain.

They say there are many cases like this, and there is a possibility that she lost her memory because the shock she received when she got hit.

We were told to wait for her to wake up to check whether the diagnosis was correct.

But they said the worst that could happen was that Lania would never open her eyes again. This case is real and has happened, but it is very rare.

Hearing that made me want to cry.

Once again I failed to protect my family...

I don't know what to do if I lose Lania.

Then why the fuck do I have to work so hard all these years?! What's the point of it?!

I felt annoyed and helpless.

Please... I beg with all my heart... Please! Please stop taking the family that I love from me! If it's like this in the end, then why was I reincarnated?! It's better to take my life than to torture me with something like this! It's not funny to give me happiness and hope only to have it crushed in the end!

It's not like this is a novel with me as the main character in it...

I just want to live with a happy family until the end... Is that too much to ask for...

As if my prayers and lament were heard, not long afterward I received news that Lania had woken up.

I shed a happy tears uncontrollably.

I was about to thank god or whatever, but I stopped when I heard that Lania had lost her memory.

Ha... Of course. They would never fully grant my wish.

But it's okay...

Yeah, I have to be grateful for this, considering that the worst possibility didn't happen.

I tidied up my appearance which looked unsightly before meeting Lania.

I don't want her to see me in my miserable state...

I rushed to go to Lania's room. After I knocked on the door several times, I entered. There, on her bed, Lania looked peaceful with her eyes closed, not much different from the last time I saw her.

Why doesn't she wake up..?

I was rooted to the spot.

Is the report I received wrong...?

I approached with quick yet light steps. Then I gently patted Lania's hand.

"Lavenia... Wake up for a bit..."

I gently touched Lania's cheek, which now felt cold.

Wait... Cold..?

I put my ear closer to check whether she is breathing or not.

...

She didn't breathe...

My heart seemed to stop for a moment. "Lavenia..."

No, this is impossible...

I shook Lania's shoulder a little fast. "Lavenia! Wake up!"

A groan made me stop and look at Lania in disbelief.

I didn't hear it wrong, right?

I shook Lania's shoulder again. She furrowed her brows and then opened her eyes slowly.

I sighed in relief and stopped shaking her.

I'm sooo fucking glad!

I looked at Lania with suppressed happiness.

She will get angry if I show my excitement. I had to act as usual so she wouldn't think I was making fun of her.

"Hey! You started me! I thought you were dead."

She frowned, thinking that I was losing my mind. She closed her eyes for a moment and then sat up.

I want to help her but she won't like the idea.

Then she glared at me.

Ah... Is she going to throw things again? Well, I'll accept it.

"Seriously? You know you can check if I'm breathing or not, don't you?"

...huh?

Ah... That's right, Lania lost her memory...

'I've checked... You stopped breathing earlier...'

But there's no way I could say that.

"I think you're right, I didn't think that far." She stared at me silently as if I was strange. It feels funny. We're having a conversation and she's not throwing things at me.

I shrugged my shoulders, pretending not to notice this strange atmosphere. "Usually you'll wake up when someone knocks on your door, at the latest when you're tired you wake up when someone opens your door, so it's only natural that I panicked," I said with all the reasons I could think of.

I have a mixed feelings. But I'm mostly happy... I'm soo fucking happy..! The stares and harsh treatment I received are no longer there.

Lania has changed... Her gaze, character, and behavior were similar to someone familiar.

At first, it's strange and unbelievable. But now I know the reason...

It wasn't Lania who changed, but her soul that changed.

I don't know what feelings I should show... My sister in the first life possessed my sister in the second life.

I can't describe this feeling...

I can't help but cry...

What kind of tears is this..?

I don't know...

I don't know the answer...