One of the things throughout these years that didn't change between us, is that I'm still hesitating to walk into his office, like a darn child. I moved my hand to the doorknob to twist it but it started moving on its own and I flinched when it opened, revealing dad. I pulled my hand back to the side and gulped to make sure my voice would be straight. He was taller than me even though I was 6'' tall. I spoke before he would start the lecture.

"I was about to enter," The situation seemed too silent for now and I was afraid that my voice would sound too loud and disrespectful. I watched him eye me, trying to catch if I'm hurt.

"I'm not hurt," I added, giving him a break, as I moved my hand to my nape rubbing on it a little nervously. My father was a really understanding person, but disrespect is on the top of his list. I know that he would've actually helped me out if I told him what the problem was, but I was really in a tough situation and there was no time to talk. But how do I explain this to him? "Dad, I-" My words halted, when his gaze hardened, making me furrow my eyebrows. He wasn't even going to let me explain myself?

"I don't need your useless blabbering. Go and have some dinner, I told the chef to prepare something for you, and during that time, think about your actions." I nodded immediately.

"I thought since you are almost eighteen now, I wouldn't have to put you in a corner. Don't make me change my decision." I grunted mentally and struggled slightly to stare at his stern features. Did he even eat? We always dine together.

"Yes, dad." I uttered and quickly added as he started to turn around, probably to head back into his office, I added

"Did you have dinner already?" My hand clenched on my side, nails almost breaking the skin of my palms as I waited for his answer. His head turned towards me again and this time I released a small breath of relief when I noticed his eyes soften.

"No, but I don't have an appetite, you have to dine alone today." His voice was less firmer and I nodded as I walked towards the stairs that led to the dining room, and only when I stepped on the first one, I heard the door close. God, I hated myself for upsetting him. I always did.

***

It was useless to sit here and stare at the food. I did not have an appetite either and I only managed to take two bites for the last five minutes. I wiped the corners of my mouth, as if there were any food stains, and got up quickly heading to his office. I wanted to explain everything as soon as possible.

This time, I didn't hesitate and I knocked twice, letting him know I was there and after I heard an approval, I opened the door and stepped in. If you are wondering, his office was all the same. Just a tiny change. The corner that I used to stand in just few years ago was now not emtpy and instead the same giant plant was placed there. I hid back my smile, remembering how astonished I was when he moved the plant during my first cornertime.

"Are you going to keep standing there?" I glanced back at him and took a seat on the opposite side of his desk.

"Dad, let me explain everything," I started sincerely. He stared at me for a few seconds and then nodded. I swallowed.

"I know what I did was completely wrong and unacceptable and I'm sorry that I behaved in such a way but I had no other choice." He hardened his gaze.

"There is always a choice, and what you chose was to act foolishly. I already know what happened. Yes, it is correct that you should have stood up against the disrespect that was aimed towards the person you love,"

"Dad," I interrupted. Love? I did not love her.

"Do not add more disrespect to your list. You ignored me, you drove off without informing me what was wrong, you rode without a helmet at a high speed, you put your life in danger. I understand that you were worried, but that doesn't mean that you should put someone else in your position. I was worried, too." My heart was clenching and unclenching painfully at those words.

"I'm sorry, I really am." I lowered my head.

"I understand that you were rushing and couldn't inform me because of that, but putting your life at danger, riding at such high speed with your helmet off. What were you thinking?" His voice came out harsh.

"Dad,"

"Che Papa. How many times have I warned you to not ride without protection? Do you want to end up in a hospital, or worse, buried?"

"I'm sorry, I forgot to wear it." He sighed and pinched his nose bridge.

"This won't work, I have to make sure this lesson is stuck in your head very sturdily." I groaned when he opened his drawer and pulled out the wooden ruler that had been replacing his hand ever since I turned fifteen.

"Dad you don't have to,"

"Get over here," My eyebrows were furrowed and eventually I got up, when he said he would do something, he would never change his mind. I stood next to him, waiting for his instructions and quietly hoping that he would change his mind. Of course he wouldn't.

"Hands on the desk and bend over," he said as he stood up. I did as he said and placed my palms flat on the table, slightly bending forward. He put his one hand on the table, his fingertips touching the wood.

"You always make me punish you in a way that neither of us enjoy." I hung my head slightly forward in shame. This was the worst part. I could take a darn walloping but his words always had the biggest impact.

The first whack left an unexpected and long forgotten sting behind, reminding me how bad it hurt after a month of behaving.

Another one came and I grunted when the others followed. I counted till fifteen, then dad started talking and I just focused on his words.

"I understand that it's your passion to ride, but you should mind your safety. Do you think I can survive another loss of a person who I care about the most? Hm? Answer me, Matthias."

"I won't let that happen, ugh" I grunted as the particular sharp smacks were met with my sit spots. The words stung. He was referring to my mother. My eyes got watery.

"Well you should do better to not let that happen, for example, wear a helmet." I grunted again, fighting the tears.

"I was your age too, and I was just as careless, no, even more careless, but I had no one to guide me back then, no one to scold me, no one to tell me whats right and what's wrong. I learned it the hard way, I broke bones and had to walk to the hospital on my own. I got nasty scars on my back. But you are not me, I need you to see that I care about you, that you have someone to lean back on."

"I know, dad" my voice was trembling, because of the lump that was stuck in my throat. Few tears escaped and I let them freely slide down on my cheeks and drop on the desk.

"You have known this for all these years, but have you really understood it?" His voice was softer, but the whacks were just as firm as they were before.

"I, I won't let it happen again. I'm sorry," He sighed and continued to administer smacks, and after about ten of them, I finally let the dreadful sob escape my lips.

The next smacks didn't come and I heard him put the ruler back in the drawer. I raised my hand and wiped my tears. My ass stung. But that's not what I care about right now.

I felt his hand slide across my chest and towards my opposite shoulder, helping me raise up to stand properly and then stare in my eyes.

He put his second hand on my other shoulder and squeezed me slightly, with encouragement.

"You are very mature for your age, Matthias. Always were. You know how to deal with situations well and fairly. I was notified how you handled Samuel and I am very proud of you. But you need to care about yourself as well, because I love you dearly. Can you do that, hm?"

"Yeah," I answered and he brushed his thumb on my cheek, removing the stray tear. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and I almost melted in his touch. As much as I was craving a hug right now, I was craving sleep as well. So instead, "I'm exhausted, can I go to sleep?" He stared at me, trying to read my mind, and then nodded, giving my shoulders one more squeeze. I walked towards the door, holding back a wince as the fabric of my jeans brushed against my skin multiple times.

"Night, dad"

"Goodnight, Matthias" ***

I tossed around in bed for the first thirty minutes. I can't sleep, I feel like I didn't get to open my heart to dad like I should have. I will talk to him about it tomorrow. The knock was heard on my door and I was surprised, knowing one and only figure who could be standing behind the wood.

"Come in," I called.

" Did I wake you?" He asked as he approached my bed, sitting down beside me. I turned on my back and sat up slightly to look at him better.

"No, No, I was awake," Maybe now is the chance to tell him about everything.

"Matthias, I can sense that there is something bothering you, what is it angel?"

I stared at him, surprised for a moment and then smiled slightly shifting so that I was laying my head on his lap. I felt his hand go through my curls.

"I... I was scared today, I thought something was going to happen to her and it would have been my fault, because I didn't go to that bonfire party. I know I put myself at danger because of that and I'm sorry that I worried you, but I felt like I should have put her life before mine. This feels so strange.." I muttered and he kept on untangling my hair in a comforting manner.

"I already forgave you for it Matthias, you don't have to keep worrying about that. And her, it might be confusing for you, like it was for me when I met your mother, but you have to slowly understand your feelings and cope with them, not reject them. The answers will come eventually." I sighed and closed my eyes, turning as I wrapped my arms around his torso. I smiled eagerly.

"Dad," "Hm?"

"Am I still allowed to ride my bike," "I trust you that you will keep your word, so yes." I closed my eyes and started to go to sleep but suddenly felt the urge to apologize one more time. I couldn't bear to see him in the same situation as he was when my mom got killed. "I'm sorry,"

"I know, angel. All forgiven and forgotten. You already got punished for it and there is nothing to apologize for anymore."

My mind immediately relaxed and all the thoughts that were forming slowly disappeared. I also slowly slipped in my dreams. I was tired.



Here is the update. Have a great weekend. Also, I got the bike idea from @00_mafia_00. So credits to this amazing author.