Maya is absolutely wasted.

She returned a while ago and it took her five minutes to get the key in the keyhole. In the end, I opened the door anyway.

When I told her I'd help her get to the room, she told me to fuck off.

This is not like at Ronnie's a while back. This is something else. And I don't know what.

I was startled when the door to her room opened and she ran out. She turned straight to the bathroom and I heard her start vomiting.

Looks like Maya can't hold her drink.

I got up from the couch and followed her, wearing only sweatpants. I turned on the light in the bathroom, since she didn't have time for it while she was running, and walked over to her.

I dropped to the floor and grabbed her hair in one hand as it was in her face and put my other hand on her back, massaging her slowly.

"I told you to fuck off. Get out." She said with her head in the toilet bowl so I didn't really listen to her.

"You are in no condition to throw orders around. Just get it out of your system so you can go back to sleep." I didn't mean it literally, but Maya obviously took it as an order and vomited.

I'm not too excited about having to watch her while she throws up. I don't like it with anyone and I'm definitely not starting with her.

When most of it was out, she pulled away from the toilet and I let go of her hair. She moved to the wall and leaned against it.

Only now I had the opportunity to look into her face. She looks devastated. Not only physically, but also mentally.

I should leave. She told me to.

Fuck it.

I moved to the wall next to her. "What happened?" When did I become a therapist?

Maybe she got drunk because of Julie. We ran into the two of them when we were going in about four days ago. We haven't seen Julie since then, and she looked pretty upset when she left.

Maya didn't say a word about it and she was unbearable for the last few days, that is when she was home. But she hasn't come drunk once in the last few days, only today.

"It doesn't matter." She exhaled heavily and leaned her head against the wall.

"Obviously it does, or you wouldn't be drinking."

"I lost two people this week." Her voice broke.

"Two?"

"Julie doesn't answer me and Ray and I are done." She looked ahead and shrugged her shoulders. "And it's my fault."

I should tell her that everything will be fine, because that's what you're supposed to say to people who are drunk beyond recognition. But instead I asked something else. "Who is Ray?"

"It doesn't matter. He's gone. It's over." She swallowed hard and looked at me after a moment of silence. "You think I'm capable of..." She stopped. "Nothing. Forget it." She looked ahead.

"Julie will be back, don't worry." They're like twins, like I said. It's only a matter of time before they're okay again. And Ray? I hope he stays exactly where it is. Why? I don't know but I don't like him. "And you're only desperate because you're drunk. You'll be better tomorrow."

"No." She shook her head. "I won't."

"Maya..." I didn't think I'd ever see Maya like this. Vulnerable. "I'm not a good person to confess to. I'm not good at talking about feelings."

"So you don't know how to feel either?" She looked at me questioningly. I was slightly surprised by her words that she noticed. "Sorry." She said when I didn't answer her. "I shouldn't have asked. Forget it, it's none of my business."

I didn't even know why but I started talking. "Growing up, I didn't have parents there. And it didn't get better the older I got. So yeah, I don't know how to feel either." I said.

I haven't thought about my parents in a long time. There was no reason to. They are both gone. I hope they're dead actually, but that's just wishful thinking. They don't deserve to be mentioned from the mouths of their children.

"Alcohol and sex." She said out of the blue.

"What?" I looked at Maya confused.

"That's how we deal with everything, isn't it? Alcohol and sex. I lost sex today, so I just had to go get drunk." She said tiredly.

She lost sex? Am I drunk as well? I don't understand what she is saying. Also, I probably shouldn't talk about sex with the sister of my friend, who is only a few doors down the corridor.

"We're broken aren't we?" Her head fell onto my shoulder.

"Maya..."

"I am." She cut me off. "In places that can't be fixed."

"I'm sure that's not true." I was waiting for her to argue with me or say something, but nothing. "Maya?" I just heard her exhale. How is it possible that she falls asleep so quickly? "Unbelievable." I laughed softly and grabbed her head carefully to stand up.

I slowly lifted her in my arms and she snuggled against my bare chest. I walked with her carefully into the room and put her to bed.

I caught myself smiling as I looked at her. Why did I do that? I just shook my head and covered her. She muttered something under her breath, but I had no idea what she said.

I left her room and slowly closed the door so as not to wake her up.

"Do I even want to know what you were doing in Maya's room at this hour?" I heard a voice to my left.

"Fucking hell." I clutched my chest. "What are you doing in the dark you asshole?" I pointed at Theo. "I helped her to bed."

"You did what?" His eyebrows almost flew through the roof.

"Not like that." I frowned. "She's drunk. I put her to bed, nothing else."

"For your own sake, I hope you're telling the truth. Maya is not one of your..."

"Do you really think I would do that?" I cut him off. "Maya is your sister. That's where it ends."

"Exactly."

"Are you done with this interrogation? Can I go to bed now?" I raised an eyebrow but didn't wait for an answer. I walked over to the couch and laid down. It wasn't until a while later that I heard him go back into the room.

He really thought that me and Maya...I can't even finish it. Maya is his little sister. I couldn't do that to him.

And I don't even want to.

So why the fuck am I even thinking about it?

"We're broken aren't we?" Her voice echoed in my head. "I am. In places that can't be fixed."

In what places Maya? Where are you broken and why do I even want to know?



I think I'm drunk. No, I'm definitely drunk. Not because my head feels like it's going to explode but because Julie is in my bed. I drank more than I thought, and I'm starting to hallucinate. Or this is a really vivid dream. I don't know which is the better choice.

I can't see her face, but she has her arm over me. I know it's her by the rings and the gold bracelet.

"Julie?" After a while I spoke.

"Hm."

"Is this a dream?"

"No." She laughed.

"Oh ok, so just hallucinations. I can handle that." Julie took her hand off me and I slowly turned to look at her. "Do you still hate me?"

"Your behavior? Yes. You?" She smiled. "Of course not."

"Yeah, definitely a hallucination." I raised my hand to her and poked her soft cheek with my finger. "So real." I narrowed my eyes. "I have a good imagination."

"How much did you drink yesterday?" She laughed.

"Enough to balance it out with losing Ray." I rolled onto my back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Why doesn't she sound surprised? It doesn't matter.

I took a breath and opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

"It's okay Maya." She reached for my hand and intertwined her fingers with mine. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. You were always there for me, and when you needed me, I wasn't there."

"Just don't do it again." I looked at her sadly. "I know you didn't mean to hurt me, just to protect me, but not like this, please."

"I'm sorry. I really am." She moved closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder. "Do you want me to do something to Ray? I'm not going to swing the bat at him because I'd hurt myself more than him, but I can throw eggs at him or his shop?" She shrugged.

"I'd like to see you do that, but he was right."

"Maya..." She sat up and looked at me with a sincere look.

"He was right. It was just sex for me. I didn't treat him like anything else and he obviously had enough." I lifted myself up and leaned my back against the head of the bed. "He thought it would change over time, but it didn't. I didn't feel anything for him, Julie. Nothing."

"Don't do that. Don't put yourself in a position where you're not to blame. He knew what he was getting into at the beginning."

"You're not listening to me." I shook my head. "I knew him for a year and I really liked him, but I didn't feel it. One year, Julie. And I didn't feel anything but physical attraction."

"That doesn't mean you'll never have feelings for anyone." She frowned. "Maya," she grabbed my hand, "one day you will fall in love again, I promise."

Fell in love with someone again?

Why don't I believe that?

"Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day. I'll be there on that day to throw the biggest 'I told you so' in your face." She smiled.

"I really missed you." I leaned towards her and hugged her tightly. "Julie?" I spoke after a moment of silence as we still hugged each other.

"Yes?"

"Why do you smell like vanilla?" We both started laughing and pulled away from each other.

"Touching. Really." We jumped when we heard a voice from the door. "I told you she'd be back. Maybe you should listen to me more. Your stomach would thank you." Acker smiled and I heard Julie laugh quietly next to me. Traitor.

I rolled my eyes. "Do you need anything or did you just come to annoy us?"

"I'm so glad you're back to your old self. You're insufferable normally, but when you're desperate, it's another level."

"Do you have a point or did you just come to get attacked with a pillow?"

"Like I said, I'm glad you're back." I don't know why, but it doesn't sound like sarcasm, and the smile doesn't look fake either.

I'm still hallucinating, aren't I? Oh god this is not real.

"Oh and Maya?" He turned around as he was about to leave. "You look terrible." He smiled and closed the door before he was hit by the pillow I threw at him.

So not a hallucination. Only Acker being a moron.

"What?" I frowned at Julie when I noticed how she was looking at me.

"Have you ever thought about..." Her gaze moved to the door where Acker had been standing a moment ago.

"Don't finish that sentence. Whatever it is, don't. I have a lot more pillows and I'm not afraid to use them." I said seriously.

"I give up." She put her hands in a defensive gesture and laughed. "Please don't smother me with a pillow, it would be an embarrassing death."

"Would you rather I use a bat?" I looked to the right where the baseball bat was in the corner of the room.

"Julie Sanders, dead at twenty-one, cause of death: a blow to the head with a bat in her best friend's bed. Doesn't sound any better to be honest." She wrinkled her nose.

"Bitch." I laughed and threw a pillow at her.

"But Sebastian is kids of cute, you can't say he isn't."

"He is old." I said seriously, knowing I slept with older guys.

"But you didn't say he wasn't cute." She poked me. "And he's your type. Sexy and dangerous."

"When hell freezes over, Julie." I smiled. "And cows will fall from the sky."

Me and Sebastian? Oh please. That would end in disaster.



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