Ric's POV

"Alrighty, who's got the Royal deluxe with extra bacon, no tomatoes, sweet potato fries?" The blonde server beams with happiness, looking back and forth from Carmen and I.

I make a waving motivation with two fingers at the new server, a fake smile, indicating that it's my plate. She's definitely not the same curly haired brunette man who took our order fifteen minutes ago, but she sure is pretty to look at.

Sammy. I mentally read her name tag.

She smiles awkwardly as she places my food in front of me, probably from the over staring that I'm doing, but I'm doing it for a reason, I'm doing it because I know it's driving Carmen insane.

She scowls in my direction and is quickly replacing the angry expression with a fake smile of her own as Sammy places her burger in front of her now.

"One royal burger, no pickles, no onions," she smiles over at Carmen now as she stands back up, fiddling with her black apron. "The chocolate shake should be out in a couple minutes."

I nod, "thank you, Sammy."

She smiles one last time and is walking away and I'm instantly pushing my plate away from me.

Carmen scoffs as she reaches for a fry, "why did you even order food if you weren't going to eat, Patricio?"

"Don't call me that," I grit in between clenched teeth. "You're the one who blew my phone up, insisting we get together in public, I wasn't aware that I needed an appetite for today."

"You weren't exactly throwing out any meetup suggestions," she mutters under her breath.

"You're the one who wanted to see me, Carmen! You're the one who wanted to talk!" I quickly snap, keeping my voice as low as I can.

Another reason why she probably chose a restaurant for our meetup, to keep my temper at bay and I don't blame her, I don't really have the patience to deal with her anymore or anyone for that matter.

"Because I wanna make things right with us, Ric! I wanna clear things up, I'm tired of this nasty new attitude you have towards me!"

"Make things right?" I scoff. "What the hell can you possibly wanna make right? We are no longer together, Carmen, you broke up with me remember? We are not friends, there's nothing to clear up."

"You're honestly so impossible to talk to now."

"Then go," I wave towards the exit of the restaurant. "I don't know why the hell you wasted your time coming here."

"Because you accused me of fucking Isaac's cousin!" She hisses quietly in between clenched teeth. "You painted me out to be some puta, as if I could've ever done something like that to you!"

I scoff, "you might've not been fucking Nathaniel but you're definitely fucking someone else.."

"We are not together," she seethes. "Who I do or don't decide to date is none of your business, Ric! God you don't see me out here, harassing the girls you're sleeping with, making their lives miserable."

"Wait a minute, you think I'm out here harassing your lover boy, making your life miserable?" I retorted.

"Aren't you? Silas was jumped by three masked guys last weekend."

I can't help the deep chuckle that erupts from my chest, "I can guarantee you, Car, that I had nothing to do with your boyfriend getting jumped. Plus I wouldn't need anyone to do my dirty work, I like to get my hands dirty, I'm a hands on kind of guy if you never noticed."

Carmen stays quietly, looking down at her food, spacing out almost.

"Did you honestly believe that I had anything to do with that? That I would waste my time when you basically told me to go fuck myself because you were moving on so I should too?"

"I don't know what I thought," she utters softly.

"You really think that fucking low of me? That I would go out of my way to make your life, your relationships miserable?"

She stays quiet.

"Wow, that doesn't hurt or anything.. I'll admit that I've been an asshole here and there but I would never do anything to hurt you, Car. Yeah it took me a while to accept that you were finally moving on, but I would never sabotage a new love interest for you.. Kind of disappointing that you would've even thought I could."

She pushes her burger to the side, shaking her head, "I should've never dragged you here, I'm sorry, I'll go.."

"Car-"

"Excuse me," she sticks her hand out of the booth we're sitting in, stopping a brunette waitress that's passing by. "Can I please get a box to go?"

"Of course," she smiles and my heart instantly begins to slam in my chest the more and more I look at her.

"P?"

She turns to look at me, her eyes quickly going wide, "oh my god, Patrick?!"

I smile and nod as I make my way out of the booth and she's instantly giving me a side hug, "what are you doing here?" She smiles.

"What am I doing here? The hell are you doing here?" I questioned.

Paola Lusso was probably the only other girl that I was completely in love with, obsessed really, but then again I was only like 14-15 I didn't really know what the hell love was.

All I knew was that Paola was one of the prettiest girls in school and I had the biggest crush on her, and her on me apparently.

Her dad actually used to work for Isaac's dad so we grew up around each other and to say that her dad was extremely overprotective was an understatement.

The second he found out the guys were interested in his daughter he started losing his shit, threatening anyone if they got near P.

He actually dragged me around one night and told me if I ever made a move on P he would break both of my knee caps and cut my tongue out so that it would never make it into his daughter's mouth.

Needless to say I was scared shitless, I told my dad, who told Carmelo and he immediately put an end to it seeing how Isaac and I were pretty close and sent the family away and promised that if he ever came back Carmelo would do the same thing he threatened to do to me; break his kneecaps and cut out his tongue.

"I work here," she smiles.

"No shit," I chortle. "I mean when did you get back? How are you back?"

"A few years now," she smiles looking over at Carmen and back to me. "It was good seeing you, Ric, I'll be right back with that box," she smiles towards Carmen.

"You like her," Carmen mumbles immediately under her breath as I get back into the booth.

"I've known her my entire life, Carmen, relax."

"You're literally watching her every fucking move, Ric. You're practically drooling."

"Remind me again why this would even bother you, Rodriguez? You have a boyfriend remember, someone I nearly would've never guess you'd end up fucking if we're back to talking about it."

She grimaces at her last name, she knew what that meant to me. Referring to her as nothing other than her last name gave her genuine proof that I was completely done with her, us.

She always had questions about my world and its rules while we were together and she knew most of the time that I could probably only answer four out of her ten questions of the day, one of them being formalities. I can't remember her exact question but it was something along the lines as in why Carmelo always referred to people by their last name, why Isaac, and a lot of the men do.

First name basis had to be earned basically, both ways. We're all disposable to Carmelo and his son. If Carmelo didn't care for you he didn't care to acknowledge you, let alone know your full on government name.

Him calling his men by their first name or baptizing the men with nicknames, like they mess around, meant that they legitimately had their boss's attention, his respect.

But just because Carmelo decided to play nice and have some little respect for his men here and there it definitely didn't mean that you could returned the favor, we were never allowed to call him by his first name.

It's actually crazy how different Isaac and him really are, how different they lead the family and enforce rules. Isaac hates being called Mr. Matteo, but abides by it because he knows the job comes with it, he often lets a handful of his men refer to him as just Isaac. Carmen for instance, she was the only one I ever really let call me by my actual birth name, Patricio, and it wouldn't leave an uncomfortable feeling.

She was actually helping me grow and like my first name all over again, up until everything started going to shit.

Finding out that Silas was her mystery guy nearly drove me insane and it definitely hurt, but I managed to get over it and decided it was time to officially let her go. She was done with me, I wasn't getting her back anymore and I was perfectly fine with that. I just want her to be happy, even if it wasn't with me, and it took a long time for me to come to terms with that. I was ruining myself all over again trying to save a relationship that was no longer there.

I don't regret dating Carmen one bit, I loved that woman with everything I had in me and she'll always be my first love, but she's definitely not the one I want to spend the rest of my life with anymore, she's not my true love.

True love will come easily like Angela's told me so many times.

I won't have to accommodate my lifestyle to her, I won't have to change for her, hide from her, she won't have to accommodate for me, sacrifice for me and my ways, my rules, we'll be enough for each other just as things are meant to be.

"You were fucking around with Madison way before I started messing around with Silas," she mumbles under her breath.

I scoff, pushing my burger further away, "is that what this is, Car? You hooking up with Caveman was to get back at me for hooking up with Maddy? Have you really become that spiteful?"

"No," she answers bitterly.

"Car- I knew Maddison before you and I ever met. I stopped talking to her, messing around with her because I started catching feelings for you, because I started falling in love with you! I never fucked around with Maddy when you and I we're together."

"I know," she sighs.

Paola walks back up to the table with a box for Carmen's food, "here you go," she smiles. "I'm also gonna set this down for whenever you guys are ready," she places a little black tray with the bill on it. "There's no rush."

I stick my hand into my pocket and pull out a hundred dollar bill, placing it on the tray, "keep the change, P, we're good thanks."

"Thank you," she smiles at both Carmen and I. "I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your day,"she smiles one last time before taking off.

"Getting with Silas was never my intention, Ric, I didn't do it to be spiteful. Things just happened. He was the one person who was there for me after you and I broke up, after Hailey and I. He was there when I felt the most alone and filled a void that was empty. Being with him made me realize how in love I was with you still, it made me realize that I didn't fight hard enough for you, and I'm sorry."

I shake my head, "so what are you saying you're not with him anymore?"

She shakes her head no, "I told him I needed some time to myself, I needed time to think, figure out what I wanted."

"Who you wanted.."

Carmen stays quiet. "I'm sorry, Ric."

"What did he say when you told him?"

"Nothing really, that he'd be there for me regardless of what happens."

I snort softly, shaking my head, "Carmen.. that man is in love with you if he's willing to wait around after you telling him you still have feelings for your ex."

"Do you love her?"

"Who?" I frown.

"Maddy.."

"No," I chuckle softly. "And she knew that too, she knew who my heart belonged to, that even though we weren't together I was still in love with you."

"How do you feel now?" Her voice is softer now, more delicate.

I stick my arm out on the table, placing my hand down, gesturing that she gives me her hand and she does, she places it in my hand.

"I will always care about you, Car, I'll always have some type of love for you. You taught me how to love myself, be a better man, but this, you and I, we're no longer healthy, I started learning how to let you go, I accepted that you moved on, that you let me go."

She nods her head and is pulling her hand away from mine, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Car, please don't cry."

She shakes her head, "I'm sorry, I need some air," she says and is quickly getting out of the booth and leaving the diner.

I place my hands over my face dragging them down, inhaling a deep breath, "fucking aye."

I grab her box of food that she left on the table and her out of the booth, making my way over to where she's parked to find her standing near her car, her eyes filled with tears.

"You forgot this," I handed her the box with her food.

She takes it from me, "thank you."

"I'm sorry, Car, the last thing I wanted to do was make you cry."

She shakes her head, "I'm a girl, it's what we do, we cry."

I smile, "do me a favor and give Caveman a real shot, the guy seems like he genuinely likes you if he's gonna be bringing you flowers every week and buying you coffee just to make you feel better."

"So you have been stalking my social media?" She smiles sadly.

I return the smile, "what kind of possessive ex boyfriend would I be if I didn't?"

She laughs softly. "I'm really sorry I hurt you, Ric."

I shrug and fold my arms along my chest, "I'm sorry I dragged you into my life, that you and your family got physically hurt."

She shakes her head, the sad small smile back on her face again, "are you gonna be okay?"

"Eventually," I tell her. "Stop being an asshole and let Red back in, Car, she gave up her best friend for our happiness. Just cause we couldn't make it work doesn't mean you guys can't."

Her eyes instantly begin to glisten with tears as she nods her head and I almost want to go in and hug her, but I don't, I can't be the guy to bring her comfort anymore, whether it just comes from friendship or not.

"Can I give you a hug before you leave?"

I nod and Carmen's instantly wrapping her arms around me, I was expecting a side hug not full on bear hug.

"I really hope that you find peace and happiness, Ric, that you overcome your demons and your life starts to fall back into place."

A small ache surges in my chest as I wrap one of my arms around her and clear my throat pulling away from her, "I should probably get going.."

She nods and I begin to walk away, back towards my bike. I climb on top of it and place the helmet over my head, a weird numbing sensation tingling in my chest as Carmen passes by in her car.

I turn my bike on and take off about a second later and drive back to my place. The drive takes about ten minutes tops when I'm pulling into my apartment complex, parking next to the other two bikes.

It's very rare when Ian, Aj, and I are all home, Dom usually fluctuates our schedule and routes to where one of us is always working when the other two have it off or vice versa.

I moved in with the guys about two and a half months ago. They had a spare bedroom and I hated being home alone so it was a win win for me.

I unlock the front door and walk into the apartment to find Aj sitting down to the left at the dining room table, a bowl of what I can only assume is ramen in front of him, it's all the man knew how to make practically, besides pancakes.

I normally did the cooking when I was home and if I was in the mood to cook, if not we took turns buying take out, which is most nights lately.

"Hey man," I greet him as I close the front door behind me, locking it, setting my helmet down on the floor. He tilts his head up, "how'd it go?"

I shrug my shoulders tossing my keys on a near table that's behind the couch, noticing Babycakes is laying down on it, asleep, his AirPods in his ears.

"Better than I would've guessed," I pointed down at Babycakes, "he alright?"

Aj shakes his head no as he shoves a forkful of noodles into his mouth, "woke up to him having an attack."

An attack meaning a night terror.

It's the one thing Aj warned me about when he first asked me to move in with him and Babycakes.

Ian deals with a lot of past trauma, especially since he doesn't speak about it, he holds everything in. Therefore he gets a lot of attacks that will literally jolt us out of our sleep from him screaming his head off. They weren't as bad when I first moved in, they only happened a couple times a month, but ever since Isaac's dad passed away they started happening more and more frequently.

The man was a literal savior to him, Carmelo took him under his wing taking him off of the streets, literally.

"Is he talking?" I asked.

Aj shakes his head no, "I got him to come out here with me, maybe you can get him to talk."

I nod and walk around the couch and sit on top of the coffee table that we have in the middle of the living room.

Normally when Ian has one of his night terrors he tends to shut down for a few days and legitimately struggles to get any words out, let alone sentences. A lot of people think that Ian chooses when and who he wants to talk to, but after getting to know him and living with him, the kid genuinely has a speech disorder, or anxiety I should say.

Aj's told me that Dominic and Isaac's dad have spent weeks, months, trying to convince him to take speech therapy, any toe of therapy really, anything to help him cope through this trauma but he's too damn stubborn to want the help, he's afraid it'll make him look weak.

Dominic actually hired an ASL instructor so that Ian could learn to sign and communicate with him since he wasn't ready to be verbal just yet.

I actually didn't know that Ian knew how to sign until I started spending more and more time over here and he snapped one day calling Aj an asshole using sign language and immediately busted out laughing.

I honestly believe that me knowing how to sign probably was the start of our friendship, he's definitely not as moody around me anymore and has opened up here and there.

Ian actually signs more to me than I sign to him because he tends to get annoyed when I do because 'he's not deaf, his ears work perfectly fine'.

I actually love signing with Babycakes, definitely brings back memories of when my little brother was alive. He was born deaf so my family had to quickly adjust to be able to communicate with him.

Unfortunately my mom got into a really bad car accident one day when her and Nico were coming back home from his speech therapy, instantly killing him and leaving my mom practically dead.

It's been over ten years now that the little boogers been gone and I still miss him more and more every day. Nicola was only six when he passed away, he would've been in his last year of high school if he was still here today.

I lean forward and reach a hand out in front of me, tapping it on the side of Ian's arm.

He quickly jolts of his sleeping, looking in my direction, inhaling a deep breath, confused.

I sign the letter S and place it on my chest, doing a circle motion, signing 'I'm sorry' as I sit back.

I smile when he rolls his eyes and is plopping one of his AirPods out of his ear, sitting up on the couch.

'Are you okay?' I signed.

He rolls his eyes a second time and is instantly signing back, 'I'm not deaf, I can hear."

I snort softly, "I know," I say out loud. "I just want you to feel comfortable.. You good?"

He nods his head and turns back to look at Aj at the table, signing, 'snitch.'

"He called me a snitch didn't he?"

"Yeah," I chortled, tapping my hand on Ian's knee, grabbing his attention. "You wanna talk about it?"

He shakes his head no.

"Have you ate?" I asked. He shakes his head again. "Want me to make us a real meal?" I incline my head in Aj's direction, "no ramen I promise."

He cracks a small smile and begins to sign, 'can we go out instead? Drive around first for a while?'

I nod and smile, "when have I ever turned down bike therapy. Go gear up while Aj finishes his food."

He nods and is sticking his hand out in front of him. I place my hand in his and we're both standing up to our feet as he pulls me in for a quick bro hug.

"Thanks," he whispers near my ear.

I smile and nod my head.

Ian takes off to his room in the next second leaving Aj and I alone.

I walk over to the table as Aj's getting up from his seat, heading to the sink now and scoffs under his breath.

"What?" I grumble.

Aj shakes his head, "nothing. I just remembered the time when you wanted nothing to do with Metcalf, he was my friend, not yours if I'm mistaken," he grins. I smile and shake my head, "shut up."

"He trusts you man, in more ways than he'll ever trust anyone, including me."

"He trusts you."

"Not the way he trusts you," he says while rinsing off his bowl. "You may not see it, Ric, but you guys have a bond, he genuinely tries with you."

"I know," I utter. "You gonna go with us?"

"I shouldn't, I'm full as fuck," he stretches his body out. "But I will," he smiles. "I'll be out in five."

I nod and he's rushing off to his room, both of them coming back out in five minutes, both of them in black hoodies, their helmets in their hands.

"Really?" I scoff pointing back at the two of them and then back over at my black hoodie. "Now I gotta go change, the three of us all can't be matching," I joke.

"Please, we all know I look the best in black," Aj rolls his eyes.

I smack him on the back of the head as he makes his way over and he laughs softly, right along with Ian. Mrs. Wilson, our elderly neighbor across the hall, is coming out of the elevator as we step out of the apartment.

Ian immediately rushes over to her grabbing Mrs. Wilson's grocery bags out of her hand.

Mrs. Wil is honestly the sweetest old lady I'd ever met in my life. She stays knocking on our door bringing us food all hours of the day. Ian actually really likes her, but I think it's because she reminds him of his grandma when she used to be alive.

He's constantly going over to check on her when we don't see her come out of the apartment, she's even given him an extra key to her place incase of an emergency.

"Thank you, Ian," she smiles up at him.

The woman's like 5 '2 so Babycakes towers over her by a whole foot.

He smiles down at her and Mrs. Wilson is pointing over to our helmets, "going for an evening drive?"

"Y-yes ma'am," he answers her quietly.

Mrs. Wilson is aware of Ian's situation, she actually asked Aj about it when she noticed he doesn't talk much.

She smiles over at him as they walk up to her door, "you boys drive safe. I'm making creamy potato sausage soup tomorrow if you boys want to stop by after work."

"We couldn't impose on you like that Mrs. Wil," Aj snacks his hand on my stomach. "Ric here eats for a family of three."

I roll my eyes quickly, smacking his hand away, "stronzo."

"That's alright sugar, I love having you boys over for company."

"That sounds lovely, Mrs. Wilson, we'll try our best to make it," I tell her.

She nods and is stepping out of the doorway allowing Ian to walk into her apartment to set her groceries down.

Once Ian's done setting her bags down in her kitchen he makes his way back out into the hall and the three of us are making our way down in the elevator and out into the parking lot where our bikes are out in the small garage area.

I swear the neighbors hate us.

They just don't have to deal with one idiot on a bike, they have to deal with three idiots on bikes, who are always revving the hell out of them because they know it bothers them.

Aj and I usually always drive side by side or right behind each other, only because we've been riding longer than Babycakes has and we're more comfortable going at a faster speed, a dangerous speed.

Don't get me wrong though, Ian's brave as fuck, he'll often catch up to us, or even pass us and I'm quickly picking up speed to past him because I tend to get worried that he'll lose control of his bike.

Aj actually just wrecked his bike about two months ago so he's sporting a new one. I'm actually on bike three myself because reckless me was fueled by the adrenaline that the high speed brought.

We drive around for about a good forty minutes when the sun is starting to go down and Aj actually needs to fuel up so we pull into a small gas station.

I immediately burst out laughing when the idiot got off of his bike and grabbed the squeegee and began to aggressively clean his visor.

It's not the first time he's done this, he usually does it almost every time we pull into a gas station but I'm willing to bet that he's doing it to make Ian laugh tonight and it does.

He doesn't just chuckle under his visor, he cackles and it immediately makes me laugh because I've never heard him make that sound before.

We're getting ready to get back onto the road when I hear someone calling my name.

"Ric!"

Aj's smack the back of his hand on the side of my arm, inclining his head towards the side, "hottie at four o'clock is calling you."

I turn to look over my shoulder to find none other than Paola Lusso, standing outside of the gas station entrance, a bag in her hand as she smiles and waves me over.

I immediately begin to smile like an idiot under my helmet, "I'll be right back," I tell the guys and fire my bike up, driving it over to the parking lot where she's standing.

Paola walks over to an empty spot, a big smile on her face as she patiently waits for me to kill the engine on my bike.

"Now what did I do to get lucky enough to get blessed by your presence twice in one day?" I say, crossing my arms along my chest.

A hint of a blush creeps up on her face as she looks down at the ground, "I recognized your bike from the restaurant, I just wanted to apologize for what happened at lunch."

"What do you mean?" I frown tilting my head to the side although she can't see my frown due to the tinted visor on my helmet.

The playfulness in her voice slowly begins to disappear. "I didn't miss the ugly looks your girlfriend threw my way the second she realized we knew each other."

"Girlfriend?" I repeat back, confused.

She nods, "the girl from the restaurant.."

I instantly begin to chuckle softly and shake my head, "she is not my girlfriend, she's actually my ex, we're not together anymore."

"Oh.. but you guys were having lunch?" There's an adorable frown on her face now. "You paid for her bill.."

"Yeah I can see how it looks," I chortle and shrug my shoulders. "It's complicated, you know me, P-"

She nods, "glad to see you still have some chivalry left in you, guess the mafia hasn't completely ruined you."

I chuckle softly, "I don't know.. it's ruined me a little bit, " I joke. "It's actually why we were out in public. She doesn't necessarily trust me enough to be alone with me after everything she's been through."

"You'll definitely have to tell me the story another day then," she smiles. "Can you lift the visor? I hate not being able to see your face."

I snort softly and nod and take off my entire helmet, "sorry if I have helmet hair," I smile.

"Helmet hair or not, still as handsome as the last time I saw you."

I feel my heart instantly tug in my chest at the compliment, "which ones yours?" I turn towards the cars, dodging the flirtatious conversation I sense coming.

She shakes her head, "neither of them. Can't Really afford a car without daddy's money."

I frown, "you took the bus here?"

She shakes her head, "walked, I live a block over, I love the night air."

Immediate anger begins to boil under my skin. "Dio mio, P, a woman as beautiful as yourself should never walk around by herself, especially at night, you know this."

She shrugs her shoulders, "I live in a different world now, Ric, I don't have the need to constantly look over my shoulder."

"Men are just as ruthless, they're still dogs in the normal world too, P, it doesn't change the fact." "Most men in this world aren't highly trained killers, giving me a fighting chance now," she smiles.

I don't smile back.

I hand her my helmet and incline my head to the side, "get on, I'm taking you home."

"Ric-"

"It's not up for discussion or debate, Paola, climb on the damn bike."

She rolls her eyes, yanking the helmet out of my hand, "you're still annoyingly stubborn I see."

"That's definitely not gonna change anytime soon," I chuckle as she gets on the bike and sits behind me. "Where do I-"

She begins to ask and I reach for her hands, wrapping them around my torso, "right here," I say. "Hang on tight."

I feel her nod her head behind me.

I start my bike up all over again, driving over to the guys, "ima take her home, I'll meet you guys back up at the house."

Ian nods.

"Who's her?" Aj comments, a smug smile under his visor I'm sure.

"None ya," I fire back sarcastically.

Metcalf instantly swats him on the side of the arm and is pointing to his helmet. 'No helmet, drive safe,' he signs.

I nod and sign back, 'I will.'

They both instantly fire up their bikes and rev them flying out of the gas station, heading in the opposite direction of our apartment.

We're driving out of the gas station a couple seconds later as Paola gives me directions to her apartment. She wasn't kidding when she said it's a short walk, we get there in under five minutes and she's putting the key code into her gate, allowing us into her gated apartment complex.

She instructs me to drop her off in a certain area but she has another thing coming if she thinks ima just drop her off right here.

I park in an empty parking lot and walk her up to her apartment, handing her back her bag of goodies I was hanging onto.

"It was good running into you today, P," I say.

"Same," she says. "Do you wanna come in and hang around for a bit?" She points her thumb back at her door.

I smile at the invitation, already reading too much into it and begin to shake my head, "I should probably get back home, the guys will be waiting on me."

"Then let them wait," she smiles. "You really going to make me spend my birthday alone? Let me eat all this junk food all by myself?"

"Stop it, it's not your birthday today."

She nods and is looking down at her Apple Watch, "it is, at least for another five hours."

"Now what kind of person would I be if I let you spend it alone?"

"A mean one," she playfully pouts.

I glance down at my own Apple Watch as it vibrates. It's a message from Dom. "You're on call, stay available."

I mentally roll my eyes and thumbs up the message.

"Max I can stay is an hour, P."

"That's more than enough," she smiles and is turning around to unlock her door, opening it.

She stands back once she's in her apartment allowing me to walk in.

I stop once I've reached her and lean down to kiss her on the cheek, "happy birthday."

"Thank you," she smiles. "Come in, have a seat."

I walk into the apartment, noting just how much smaller it is than the one the guys and I live in. It's probably only bigger than a condo.

She gestures for me to sit on the couch as she makes her way into her kitchen, which is in my view from how small the area is.

I make my way over to the couch and watch her go into her fridge and return a few seconds later with a bottle of wine and two wine glasses in her hand.

"Please tell me you didn't turn out to be one of those guys that won't drink wine because it's girly."

I laugh softly and shake my head, "I'm not, but I can't have more than one glass, I'm on call. If I get called into the warehouse reeking of alcohol they'll have my ass."

"You know there's something different about you," she says as she sits down right next to me on the couch.

I frown, tilting my head to the side I reach for the corkscrew and bottle from her, "what do you mean?"

She shakes her head watching me open the wine bottle for us, "I don't know," she says softly. "There's something missing, there's a lot more mafia in you than the last time I saw you. Less goofball."

I huff pulling out the cork from the bottle, "have you seen who one of my close friends is?"

She smiles nodding her head, "I actually saw the mafia leader a few months ago at the airport with his girlfriend."

"Wife," I correct her, handing the bottle back to her once I've got it open. "They were probably coming back from their honeymoon.."

"He's married?" She smiles, pouring wine into the empty glasses. "That's not the Isaac I knew."

I nod and quickly push her hand away from my glass, laughing "that's enough, P!"

She giggles, "shh we're gonna make your one glass worth it."

"You do remember I have to drive from here right?" I chuckle. "You don't need to get me drunk for a good time," I smirk.

She smacks me on the arm, "shut up, plus I wouldn't need to get you drunk to get you to stay," she smirks in return.

I chuckle deeply and take a drink of my wine glass, shutting my ass up before I get myself into trouble.

"What were you doing at the airport?" I asked, changing the conversation away from our banter.

"Working," she answers after taking a sip of her wine. "In the starbies."

"You have two jobs?"

Her lips tug to the side, "I have three."

"I'm sorry- three?"

She nods her head shrugging her shoulders, "I cater on the weekends."

"What the fuck, Paola. Why, what happened?"

She shrugs her shoulders again, "life happened."

"I just can't believe your father would actually allow you to be out here struggling, P."

She shakes her head, "you don't know my dad, Ric, after we moved away he changed, he got really bad. He picked up a nasty drinking habit and got even worse after, I couldn't tolerate it or him anymore so I left."

"But your mom-"

"Is so blind sided by the money," she quickly talks over me. "I haven't talked to them in a couple years."

"I'm so sorry, P."

She smiles and shrugs her shoulders, "it's life."

"They haven't tried to reach out?"

She shakes her head, "my dad told me if I left I was dead to him, the last time he caught my mom trying to reach out to me he nearly popped a blood vessel so I keep my distance from them for their own sake."

I reach for her hand and squeeze it, "want me to take care of it?" I smirk.

She immediately begins to grin, "no, it wouldn't even be worth it, not like he'd leave me any type of inheritance."

"I mean I'm pretty sure I can make him change his mind, persuade him into adding you to the will." She laughs and there's instant butterflies in my stomach.

God I wanna kiss her so bad right now but that's probably not a very good idea right now. I'm no good for her, or anyone else for the matter if I don't get my mind right.

"Are you gonna stare at them all night or are you gonna kiss them?" She asked, completely catching me off guard.

"I'm sorry?"

"My lips," she smiles up at me. "You've been staring at them practically all night."

I snort softly and shake my head, running my tongue over my lips, they're suddenly really dry.

"I can't, I shouldn't."

She moves in closer, "why not?"

"I'm not in a good place right now, " I tell her. I'm still trying to overcome some things, it wouldn't be fair to drag you along with me. The last fling I had didn't end pretty."

"Who's to say I'm gonna be a fling?" She says seductively.

I chuckle nervously, NERVOUSLY. I don't get nervous.

"I just got out of a very toxic relationship, P, I'm nowhere ready for another one."

She scoots in even closer, "who says it would be toxic?"

She continues to smile, leaning in closer to me. "We grew up together, remember? I know how to handle the lifestyle," she husks near my lips.

I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath, pulling back, "P, please."

I feel her hands cup my face, "guardami, Tricio." (Look at me.)

My eyes immediately spring open at the name.

"We lost our chance years ago, don't make that same mistake twice."

I nod and crash my lips onto hers in an instant and completely get lost in the high that she quickly brings in.

She pulls away a few seconds later, her hands still cupping my face, "good?" She whispers against my lips.

I nod, "so fucking good," I breathe out and go in for more.

Paola quickly deepens the kiss and next thing you know we're having a full on make out session on her couch for a good fifteen minutes when she climbs off of me and is leading me down the hall and into her small bedroom.

As horny as I am right now I attempt to get P to change her mind, insisting that we wait for another time to fuck around, that my intentions were never to get in her pants, I just wanted to make sure that she got home safely, but her lust is definitely more in control than mine is right now.

P sits me down at the edge of her bed and tells me she'll be right back, that she needs to freshen up real quick and is hurrying out of the bedroom and into her bathroom in her hall.

She's back about five minutes later standing in the doorway to her bedroom in nothing but a black lace lingerie set and myself control is instantly flying out the window.

"Fuck," my heart thumps heavy in my chest. "Come here," I called her back over to me.

She strides over to me, standing in between my legs as I look up at her gorgeous, beautiful, flushed face.

"You're making it so hard to be a gentleman here, P."

"That's not the only thing I'm making hard," she smiles looking down at my lap, at the bulge in my pants.

My smile soon turns into a wide smirk as I trail my hands off of her and place them behind me, leaning back somewhat, looking down at my hard on and back up at her.

"Then what are you waiting for.." I husked.

***

Paola and I are laying in bed, quietly, after everything, when the thoughts in my head begin to slowly get loud in my head.

I fucked up, we shouldn't have hooked up, I'm doing exactly the opposite of what the fuck I wanted to do. I glance off to the clock on her night stand to see It's a quarter till 11 and I can feel P slowly drifting into her sleep as her breathing begins to even out.

I nestle my nose into the back of her neck, "are you asleep?" I whisper.

She inhales a deep breath and shakes her head no. "What are you doing tomorrow?" I ask softly, already wanting to fucking see her again before I even leave.

You're pathetic.

"Working," she exhales quietly.

"Call in, spend the day with me."

She shakes her head softly and is turning in my arms to face me, although her eyes remain close, "I can't, I'm short on rent."

I lean down to place a kiss on the top of her head, "I'll pay your rent, don't go to work, stay with me, spend the day with me.. I'll pay you the hours you'll miss." What the fuck are you saying right now?

She quickly opens her eyes and looks up at me, "you're crazy I can't let you do that, Ric."

"Why the hell not?"

She frowns, "because, Ric, I'm trying to be independent here. I'm not some spoiled brat like I used to be back home. I worked way too hard to manage this lifestyle to give in so quickly when an easy pay out comes my way."

I nod a little disappointed that she turned my offer down, but also a little turned on by the sassy ness in her voice, "noted, just know I'd be more than willing to help."

"I know," she smiles up at me and is placing a quick kiss on my lips. "Now go to sleep please."

I smile and lean down to kiss her one last time before going to sleep..

A light buzzing sound wakes me up a couple hours later to find Paola still laying in my arms, still being the little spoon.

I crain my head back, looking over at her nightstand expecting her phone to be ringing but what do you know it's mine.

I mentally groan to myself and slowly snake my left arm from under her arm and reach for my vibrating phone. It's stopped ringing by the time I reach for it and see that I have not one, but two missed calls from Babycakes.

My guard is immediately up the second I see his name on my screen. It's one in the morning. Ian never calls me- like ever, he usually texts me when he needs something so seeing his missed calls puts me on edge and I immediately think something happened with him or Aj.

The thought of losing another friend makes my heart pound in my chest, so much that I pull away from Paola, afraid of her heating the thumps in my chest and waking her up.

My luck, my life, it's barely starting to turn around, and as much as Ian, Aj, and I bicker, those idiots mean something to me, they're the only friends that I have right now, they're all I got that's keeping me from driving my bike into a semi or tree.

I'm about to call him Babycakes back when my phone begins to ring for a third time and place my phone next to my ear, talking as softly as I can.

"What's up man?"

I get silence in return and even though it's usually normal with him it quickly sends me into a panic.

"Ian you gotta talk to me dude, I can't see your facial expressions through the phone, I need you to try here please."

I hear him inhale a deep breath and realize that he's breathing faster than usual, he's hyperventilating.

"Hold on, hold on," I quickly whisper and slowly get out of bed. I pick up my pants from the floor and slip into them and make my way out of the room as quietly as I can without waking Paola.

I walk down the hall and make my way out of her apartment, standing outside of her front door so she doesn't hear me.

"Alright, talk to me man, what's going on?"

He doesn't say anything in return, I only hear his heavy breathing.

"Ian-"

"I- I-I," he begins to say in between his rapid breaths.

"Hey, take a deep breath with me okay." He inhales a shaky breath. "One syllable at a time okay?"

I picture him nodding in my head.

"Take your time, we got all night."

A soft source of some laugh quickly escapes him and I'm instantly relieved to hear that he can still manage to laugh.

"I- I n-n-nee-d," he stutters and gets quick for about half a second and I hear a loud noise come from his side of the phone. "F-fuck!"

"Hey!" I shouted into the phone. I give him a couple seconds to calm down."Don't do that shit, I get that you're frustrated, cakes, but hitting shit isn't gonna help us. Relax.. Breathe.. what do you need?"

"I n-need h-h-he-l-p."

Goosebumps run up my bareback when I hear the genius desperation in his voice. I think this is the night, I think he's finally breaking, he's finally gonna let us help him and I couldn't be more proud of him.

"I'm on my way, wake Bejarano up."

"H-he's n-not here."

"Where the hell is he?!" I exclaim.

"W-work."

I inhale a deep breath, upset that Ian's alone right now, lord knows how long he's been having his panic attack, how long he had to work up the courage to call me.

"I'll be there in ten."

I hung up the call and turned around to walk back into Paola's apartment to find her standing in the middle of her living room, her blanket from the bedroom wrapped around her, a sad expression on her face.

"P?" I frown walking over to her. "What's wrong, bella?"

She shakes her head softly, "I thought you left.. without saying goodbye."

I snort softly and shake my head in return as I cup her face with my hands, "I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye," I lean down to place a kiss on her lips. "But I do have to run off."

She nods, "lavoro," she mutters in Italian. (work)

I chuckle softly, "no, my roommate needs a friend right now."

"Black or red bike?"

"Black- Ian. Red bike Aj."

She smiles and nods her head and is standing on her tippy toes a second later giving me another kiss, "promise me you'll drive safe on that thing."

I lean down so that she can go back down to her normal height and smile against her lips, "I'll be careful," I tell her.

I give her another quick peck and head back into her bedroom to grab my shirt, hoodie, and boots, P following behind me.

I say my goodbye one last time before getting her number, promising to call her later on today, instructing her to get back into bed, I'll lock up behind me.

I pull my wallet out of my pants the second I come near the little coffee table and pull out the money I have in there, leaving her eleven hundred dollars under a little note pad with all her groceries written on it.

I grab the pen and scribble a quick note on it before she comes back out, "call in, enjoy your day off, pay your rent," and walk out the door.

It takes me no longer than ten minutes by the time I make it back home and I'm running up the stairs rather than taking the elevator.

I unlock the front door and toss my helmet on the couch rushing over to the hallway bathroom to find the door open.

Ian's sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, his head tilted back as he continues to struggle to breathe. I walk into the bathroom and crouch down in front of him.

"Talk to me," I sign and speak out loud.

'I don't know what's happening,' he signs. 'I woke up feeling weird.'

"What do you mean weird? How?"

He holds both of his palms out in front of his chest and torso one on top of the other, bringing them in twice, signing, 'scared.'

"You probably had another nightmare."

He shakes his head, 'this felt different. I tried going back to sleep but I felt like I couldn't breathe.'

I place my hand on his knee, tapping it, "have you ever had a panic attack before?"

He shakes his head.

"Do you remember what you were dreaming about?"

He shakes his head again although I don't believe him.

I used to always wake up having panic attacks in my dreams, in my sleep, to the point where I wouldn't even wanna fall asleep, I was too scared to fall asleep. Sleep was the only comfort that I had when I felt like my world was crumbling down on top of me. I would sleep my pain away, my day away, and when it started affecting my sleep schedule it made me a very nasty person.

I started getting high a lot more frequently, on things other than just weed. No dreams meant no nightmares, no nightmares meant no panic attacks. It got so bad to the point where I couldn't stand the thought of being sober, not being numb, and got pretty reckless and ended up overdosing.

Not my proudest moment but it's definitely a wake up call, and I'll be damned if I let Ian go down that same road. He doesn't have to feel alone, he won't be alone, no matter how much he pushes us away.

"Nothing ever comes good from holding everything in man, take it from someone who's been in your position. Let that shit out, let it sink in, let it hurt, you can't move forward, you can't heal if you don't allow it to break you, you stay stuck, Ian."

His breath hitches as he nods his head and signs, 'I miss her, I miss my grandma.'

"What was she like?"

'Kind.'

I shake my head, placing my hand in front of my mouth and sign, "talk. I wanna hear it, I wanna hear you talk about her."

"I-I- I c-can't."

"Look at me," I place my hand back on his knee, making a breathing motion with my other hand, "deep breath."

He inhales another shaky breath.

"Talk to me like you were talking to her, with her, don't think, speak from here," I pointed to my chest. "Don't let the broken parts of you do the talking, don't let mind games consume you."

"I- I- should've been a better grandson," he sobs. "I should've been home that day. She died while I was in class, I never got to say goodbye, or tell her how much I loved her, thank her for everything she did for me. S-she didn't have to put up w-with me, she didn't need to be b-burdened with me."

I mentally smile to myself, that's most I've heard Ian talk in months.

"I can't begin to imagine how hard that was, man, but don't you ever think that you were a burden to her. She knew the role she was taking on when she fought the state for full custody of you, you are her blood, you were her son. And I know damn straight that she would be on your ass if she knew what the hell you were doing to her precious baby boy. She may not be here physically anymore, Ian, but you know damn well she's looking down on you, she's watching you hurt, she's feeling your pain."

"S-she was all I had, Ric, I don't have anyone, who's gonna miss me if I turn up dead one day."

"I'm gonna miss you," I answered almost immediately. "You have me, Ian, You have Aj. We don't just live together man, you have friends."

"I mean I don't have family, I miss the only family I had."

"I'm your family," I say a bit sternly. "I don't know how much clearer I need to make it dawg. I give a fuck about you, you're not alone, you're like a brother to me. You think I'd rush over for just anyone? Blood doesn't make someone your family, a fucking bond does. Let me help you, don't be an idiot like me and isolate yourself, I've lost so much already, I can't lose you too."

His short quick breaths instantly die down as he stays staring up at me, 'I'm your brother?' He signs.

I laugh softly and nod my head, "yeah man, you're my brother."

His lips slowly begin to tug to the side, "I- I have a brother?"

I smile and nod again, "if you want a brother." He nods, 'I'd like one,' he signs.

I laugh softly and pull him in for a hug, "c'mere you big softie."

***

Phew that was a long mf 😮‍💨😂

P.s thats Babycakes in the picture 🥲