Hailey's POV

I wake up from my nap, slowly stretching my body out. I glance over at the clock that's above the door to my left and realize that I was only asleep for about half an hour and instantly smile at the man sleeping in the chair beside my bed.

Carmelo.

I can't even possibly begin to imagine how he fell asleep in that chair. He has his head leaning back, his hands resting on top of him, interlocked, as he snorts softly, or breathes deeply I should say.

I instantly started crying the second the nurse brought Isaiah into the room in his little incubator and placed him on my chest to have skin on skin contact, again. Apparently they first did it when they extracted Isaiah from my belly but I honestly can't remember much after passing out in Dion's arms.

I remember a few things here and there but it's all fuzzy. I remember waking up in the back seat of his jeep a couple times, trees and buildings passing by through the window as he sped down the street, him casually glancing back saying something and passing out again and waking up in a bright room to pass out again and waking up with Isaac slouched on the bed afterwards.

I immediately began to sob as I held my tiny son in my hands, close to me, his father nowhere to be around. I feel completely defeated, devastated after Isaac hung up on me, that he was actually choosing his vengeance over being here with me, that I had to share a sad yet amazing moment with his dad rather than my husband instead.

Carmelo didn't say much, he just sat there, watching me, comforting me here and there as much as he possibly could. He definitely helped me feel less alone and even tried to make me feel better by telling me about Isaac's birth and how he didn't even know he was born and missed the entire thing.

Listening to him just talk in general distracted my mind from all sorts of feelings I didn't want to be thinking about, feeling, and was completely grateful to call him my father in law and my son's grandpa.

He's definitely gone softer through out the years I've known him especially these past few months that he's been back.

I immediately started to balled my eyes out even harder when the nurse said she had to take Isaiah back up to the NICU, it wasn't enough time with him, I wanted more time with my baby.

He was so small, so fragile, so helpless, I didn't want him to feel alone, I felt completely heartbroken to see him connected to so many wires and the tiny mask on his tiny face. I was scared of leaving him alone, I was scared of losing him while I wasn't around. Carmelo actually got up from his spot and kissed me on top of my head, reassuring me that everything would be okay, he was in good hands, he was only a floor away and I let him hand Isaiah back to the nurse.

I ended up crying myself to sleep after the nurse left with my son, completely exhausting myself, and woke up completely relieved, happy to see that Carmelo never left, that he stayed the entire time with me.

As if on cue he instantly jerks his head up, awake, looking lost for about a second or so, looking in my direction.

"How long was I out for?" He gruffs deeply.

I shake my head, "I'm not sure, not long, less than what I was out for."

He yawns, crainning his head side to side, cracking his neck from the awkward uncomfortable position he fell asleep in. "You missed your dad and brother while you were out. How are you feeling?"

"Like I shouldn't have cried so much.."

Carmelo snorts softly, sitting up straight in the chair. "It's the hormones. Adriana was a wreck for weeks before she could get ahold of her emotions."

"Great," I grumble. "Because I'm not a big baby enough as it is already."

Carmelo chuckles softly and is immediately tensing up when the door behind him is clicking open.

My heart flutters and aches at the same time at the sight of my husband at the door, an expression on his face that I don't recognize.

"I'll go," Carmelo quickly turns back to look in my direction as my husband steps into the room.

He gets up from the chair he's been sitting in and is walking up to the bed, leaning down to place a kiss on my forehead. "Go easy on him, he's spiraling," he drops his voice down into a whisper.

I nod. "Thank you for everything."

Carmelo places a second kiss on my forehead, "we're family, it's what we do," and is walking away from the bed a second later, towards his son.

Isaac stays standing perfectly still, starting over at his father. "Thank you... for keeping her company."

Carmelo sticks a hand out and is placing it behind his son's head, bringing Isaac into him. "Not something I need to be thanked for." Isaac nods his head, his father never once easing up on his hold.

Carmelo places his right hand on his son's back, patting it, soothing it, running it up and down. "You're gonna be okay, kid. You're stronger than all this remember, stronger than anyone I know, stronger than I am."

My heart continues to slightly flutter in my chest the second I watch my husband wrap his arms around his father and hug him in return.

Isaac's been so worked up on being angry with his dad, hating him, that this is their first time that they've genuinely embraced each other without one of them getting worked up and shouting at one another.

Carmelo mutters something in Italian into Isaac's ear and his eyes are immediately glossing up as he continues to nod his head and is shifting his gaze in my direction for a couple seconds.

Isaac's father releases his hold on him a second later and is quietly leaving the room, leaving Isaac and I alone, closing the door behind him.

Isaac stays rooted in the spot his father left him in. He looks in my direction, the longest face I've seen on him in a while. He stares over at me and inhales a deep breath but remains entirely quiet the next second.

"You gonna stand there the entire time?" I asked.

He shakes his head no, slowly making his way over in my direction. He grabs the chair from behind him, scooting it closer to the bed, staying completely quiet still looking in my direction, the most nonchalant stare I've ever seen in my life.

"You plan on speaking to me?" He nods his head, deathly quiet still. "Preferably with words maybe?"

His lips part open as if he's gonna say something but they're quickly shutting a second later as if he's stuck almost and is quickly glancing down at his hands, his fingers as jittery as ever, twirling and fidgeting.

"Isaac-"

"I don't want to say the wrong thing," he quickly blurts out. "I don't want to push you further away than I already have," he says softly, his gaze still down on his hands.

I stick my hand out on the bed, palm side up, he's instantly placing his in mine a second later, "talk to me please."

He looks up at me, a distant gaze in his eyes still, "I'm scared."

"Just tell me what's on your mind."

He shakes his head and is scooting the chair closer to the bed. He leans forward in the chair and places my hand on his chest. I immediately stare into his eyes the second I feel his heart beating like crazy.

"I'm genuinely scared," he lowers the tone in his voice. "I don't like having this much power and feeling this anxious, it's not a good combination for anyone."

I stay quiet not wanting to interrupt him, gracefully gliding my thumb over his hand.

"I am not a nice person. Everyone and their mom knows it- especially when I'm in a shitty head space. I make it my mission to be the meanest person I know when I'm in a bad mood, I make it the world's problem rather than trying to work through my emotions, my feelings; rather than reaching out for my home ground." He finally looks up meeting my gaze.

I remain quiet still, listening to him.

"I didn't think anything could possibly get worse than watching you literally fade away in my arms, watching you die- but I was wrong. I can't even begin to describe the panic I felt when Dion told me that they rushed you into surgery to do an emergency C-section because you were both close to dying. When they came back out to tell me that there was a possibility that I might have to choose between my wife and son if things turn for the worst."

My heart instantly slams in my chest. "And did you? Did you choose?" I ask quietly.

He nods, his eyes immediately brimming with tears.

"Who?"

Tears start streaming down his face a second later as he looks over at me, "who you made me promise to choose."

"Say it. Let me hear you say it."

"Isaiah," he sobs, his voice instantly cracking. "I agreed to let you go, let you die, and chose to save your son's life if it came down to it."

There's an instant relief in my chest at the decision he made but don't miss his choice of words.

Your son.

Isaac and I were laying in bed one night watching a movie and in the movie the husband had to choose between saving his wife and their baby because they were both under distress. The man chose to save his wife's life but unfortunately she ended up dying and the baby lived so I told him should anything like that ever happen and he gets put in that position he better choose our son's life over mine.

Granted at first he didn't think I was being serious because he even tried joking around saying that I was insane. He would most likely choose me because we could always try for another baby and the conversation took a serious turn after that.

I made him promise me that he would save an innocent baby's life rather than his wife's, he would put his selfish feelings aside and let me go because I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing he saved me rather than our baby's life, I wouldn't be able to forgive him, forgive myself and he did, he promised he would choose Isaiah.

Then again I never would've imagined that we would actually get put in a position where he genuinely had to choose between the two of us and I hate that he had to get put in that position but I'm so proud of him for the decision he made.

"I agreed to let my wife die and told them to do everything they could to save our son's life if they couldn't save you both, to save the only little piece I had left of you," he cries.

I squeeze his hand, caressing his skin, "it's okay Isaac. Everything's okay, I'm here, he's here, we're fine, everyone's fine."

"I am not fine!" He raises his voice pulling his hand from my grip bolting out of the chair causing it to fall backwards. "I am not okay!" He shouts pointing to his chest.

The door opens behind him and Vito is peaking his head into the room, "everything alright?" He looks back and forth from Isaac and I.

"Get the fuck out, Vito!" Isaac shouts. Vito stays put, nervously looking in my direction. "Now, Vito!"

He looks back in my direction and I nod excusing him. He nods in return and is quickly leaving Isaac and I alone once again.

Isaac scoffs and is slowly turning back to look in my direction. "I was so mad at you for even putting me in a situation where I had to choose between the two of you. I'm still so fucking mad at you! Even more so at myself for even being mad at you right now!"

"But it didn't come down to it babe, I'm okay, he's okay.."

"You still took that fucking liberty from me!" He exclaims. "You made me promise you that I would put my selfish feelings aside but you never once thought about how the fuck I would feel!"

"He comes first now.."

"I understand that!" He shouts. "But you are not the only parent here! You are not a single mother! You don't get to just call the shots and make decisions on your own and expect me to be okay with living without you! I thank God that you both pulled through, that I still have the both of you, because you will never put me in that type of circumstance ever again, Hailey. I hated having your life in my hands.. I'm used to taking lives without a question, a hesitation, I don't lose an ounce of sleep over the people I've killed in the past, but don't you dare ever ask me to take your life again. I would rather much lose you as my wife, as my everything than have to fucking bury you, you understand me?"

I nod, warm tears streaming down my face.

"I'm used to the pain, the guilt, I'm used to everything by now, but running in here after your surgery, seeing you laying there unconscious, flat belly, is something I don't ever want to go through again. Knowing that I could've been the cause that there was a good chance you probably would've never woke up again absolutely fucking broke me. It let out a very nasty side of me that I don't like. It showed me what I was really capable of."

"You weren't spiraling because of Robsciotti, it was because of me.." my voice trails off.

Isaac shakes his head about a second or two later and is turning around to pick up the chair and scoot it in closer, taking a seat in it again.

"I was spiraling because of my damn self," he says awfully quietly. "You were just the peak of the iceberg that pushed me off of the cliff, everything else was me."

I reach for his hand again, "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head placing his hand on top of mine, "you have nothing to be sorry about, I'm the asshole here... I am not a nice person when my feelings get hurt. No matter how hard I try and act like the good guy I'm simply not, I'm not a good person. I'm Isaac Matteo, Thee Matteo, my fathers prodigy and I don't- I don't like having this much power. I don't like people being at my mercy."

I squeeze onto his hand, "just because you have power doesn't mean you have to use it, babe. You don't need to let your ego and power control you like he did. Yeah you're Isaac Matteo, but you're so much more than that. You may be Carmelo's son, but you're also my husband. A father. A brother. You're your own person. You weren't born to be his prodigy, you were born to teach him what true greatness is, what it takes to be a real leader, to bring him out of his comfort zone and break old habits this family has."

He stares quietly in my direction, his eyes bloodshot from both the exhaustion and crying.

"You can recognize right from wrong before it's too late. Your dads not your enemy here, you are. You're your biggest critic, Isaac. You're always so hard on yourself for no reason, baby. I don't know how many more times you have to hear it from your dad, your mom, the guys, from me, you're one hell of a man, you're not disappointing anyone. Isaiah's lucky to have such an extraordinary father to look up too."

He motions to wipe his face with his hand and is sitting back in the chair, "they're lifting the curfew after tonight," he says boredly. "I didn't kill that couple you saw on the news, they're under Sacramentos care."

I smile softly, instantly relieved that not only did he spare the couple that was broadcasted all over the city, but he's also looking after them, probably for his own benefit to keep them quiet in the meantime but regardless they're both still alive.

"Why didn't you let all this out when you were here earlier?" I asked. "Why did you wait to let it all get bottled up?"

"Because I'm not some narcissist, Hail, your well-being is still my main priority even when I'm upset with you. Your feelings always come before mine, always. I'm not gonna sit here and yell at my wife the second she regains consciousness, before she could even meet our son."

Our son.

My eyes immediately begin to burn as they fill back up with tears. "He's so small.." I cry.

Isaac nods his head and sits forward, squeezing my hand. "He's strong too, just like his mama. He's a fighter."

"Like his dad."

Isaac smiles, leaning forward he brings my hand up to his lips kissing it, "like his mama."

"I get it now," I say softly. Isaac frowns. "Why your mom never wanted to have any other kids after you."

He nods silently.

"Do you think she ever regretted it?"

He shrugs. "I don't know, I never had the need to ask." He brings my hand back up to his lips, "but that's not something we have to worry about right now. We just gotta focus on bringing you guys home, okay?"

I nod as he pulls his phone out of his jacket. "I have the guys getting a group of nurses and doctors together to work from home so Isaiah can get discharged with you."

I quickly shake my head, "I don't wanna risk moving him, he's too small."

Isaac frowns, "I don't wanna leave him here, we're not leaving him behind."

"Then arrange for me to stay until he can get to go home."

"No. You are not staying here longer than you need to be. We're going home, the three of us."

"I don't care who you hire, how many nurses, how many doctors you pay out, I am not releasing him from this hospital, Isaac. God forbid there's some type of emergency and he has to be rushed back to the hospital, that drive back is wasting precious minutes he barely has."

"Fine," he grumbles and sits back in the chair. "Then I guess we're living in the hotel across the street in the meantime."

I immediately smile, "see that wasn't so hard, good thing you love room service huh."

He smiles faintly and rolls his eyes, shaking his head.

"I hope you know that no matter what happens I still love you, even on your bad days, even when you're being the biggest asshole."

"I'm sorry," he says softly.

"I know," I nod.

"You wanna talk about it yet?" He questions and I instantly shake my head no. "Let's not bottle it up now honey."

I faintly smile at his attempt to lighten the conversation that I'm definitely not ready to have.

"I'm afraid to let it in.."

"I know," he nods in understanding.

"I'm afraid to really digest it, to accept what I've done."

Isaac sits forward in the chair placing his hand on top of mine, "the faster we come to terms with it the quicker we can move on and put it behind us, princess."

I feel my heart instantly thump in my chest as a wave of anxiety hits me and I suddenly have the urge to throw up.

"I-" I begin to say my voice immediately trailing off.

Isaac clings onto my hand practically sitting at the edge of his seat, slowly nodding his head, allowing me to continue. "Take your time."

"I- I k-killed him; them," the words instantly leave a vile taste in my mouth as the events from the incident began to replay in my head. As the two gunshots and Val's voice continue to replay in the back of my head over and over. Atta girl.

Chills quickly make their way up my back as the nausea continues to get worse.

"You did." Isaac answers sternly, yet softly at the same time.

"T-they were someone's sons and I killed them," I sobbed.

Isaac quickly squeezes my hand shaking his head no, "Valentine had no family whatsoever. He was in foster care most of his life until he ended up in the streets and Pops picked him up. He was nobody."

"He was a human being."

"A shitty one at that," Isaacs assures. "He was living on borrowed time, baby. You did him a favor before I could get my hands on him. This does not make you a murder. This- it does not define you, this does not change you if you don't allow it too. It doesn't change anything, it doesn't change how I feel, it doesn't change how I see you, in my eyes you're still my heaven sent. You were protecting yourself, our son. You were fighting back, it was self defense."

"I can hear his voice still, the gun going off when the room gets too quiet. He smiled at me after shooting him, smiled, as if he was proud."

"A lot of these men are mentally unstable babes, including your father in law and husband," his lips gently tug to the side.

"I wanna drown myself in bleach," I admit. "I can still feel the blood splattered on my face, I can still smell it in the air, the metallic-ness, like if I have rust stuck in my nose. I can still feel the pressure of the other guy's hands around my neck," I bring a hand up to my throat.

Isaac nods his head bringing my hand back up to his lips kissing it oh so tenderlessly. "And unfortunately it's going to feel like that for a while, baby, until you let go of that guilt and stop blaming yourself."

"Did you ever feel like this?"

"Once," he answers softly. "Fonzy."

I frown.

"I may not have been the one to jam the piece of glass into his throat, but the guilt was still enough to make me want to crawl out of my skin."

"I remember," I say softly.

He shakes his head, "you know just the peak of it, baby, there was so much more. I was drowning in that guilt. He was everywhere."

"You hid it so well.. Why didn't you say anything?"

He shrugs his shoulders, "perks of being my fathers kid, I can mask my emotions pretty decently. Plus I didn't want to burden you with my bullshit, we had so much going on already." He tightens his grip on my hand, "it'll get better baby, I promise, you just gotta keep reminding yourself that it was either you and Isaiah, or them; it'll get easier with time."

"When did it go away for you?".

"Honestly.. the night you were dying in my arms I think." Isaac scoots the chair in closer. "It definitely got easier having Sax around, it felt like I had a little part of him back but I still hated myself for letting him die. I was so fucking mad at him for pulling out the shard, he knew better and he still pulled it out. I couldn't do anything to stop the bleeding, I couldn't control it, I can still hear him choke on his own blood if I get lost in my thoughts, in my head. Milo eventually told me to stop feeling guilty for myself and it worked for a bit.. The guilt was there, I just didn't feel it as much as before, other things were keeping my mind preoccupied that I just stopped thinking about it, about him."

"He popped up again though, when I was getting the living shit beat out of me. My entire body was aching before you got there. I was in so much pain that I nearly wanted to give up. I genuinely wanted to die but they wouldn't end it, they just continued to hit me over and over, again and again, until I broke I guess. Everythings still kind of hazy but I'm pretty sure it was my own subconscious keeping me alive. I remember thinking they must've hit me so fucking hard because I was now hearing his voice guide me. I remember him telling me to wake up every time I tried to go unconscious, I remember seeing him," he scoffs softly. "I was hallucinating a fucking ghost."

"You were exhausted," I explain. "Your body was trying-"

"I didn't even think you were real," he quickly talks over me. "I could see Fonzy standing directly behind you as my vision tried to clear up as he continued to yell at me to get myself together before the both of us ended up dead with him. I thought I was already dead at that point up until I felt your hand on my lap and everything just snapped into place, but even then I still couldnt get him out of my fucking line of sight. It wasn't until I got knocked out again that he was gone by the time I woke up and saw you laying on the floor bleeding. My instincts and survival mode immediately kicked into high gear and I decided that I was gonna stop feeling sorry for myself. I couldn't have saved him but I was sure as hell was gonna die trying to save you, even if it was the last thing I did. I would get you out, you would live to see tomorrow even if it was without me, I wouldn't lose anyone else, I wasn't going to lose you."

I wipe the tears from my face with my free hand as Isaac continues to hang onto my left hand. "I hate that you had all that bottled up this whole time. I hate that I can't help you, reassure you like you do with me."

He immediately frowns, "who the hell says you don't help me? That you don't reassure me? Baby, your presence alone is enough to keep me rooted to the ground, the sound of your voice instantly soothes my soul even if it's just you yelling at me, everything else doesn't matter when I have you at arms reach," he brings my hand back up to his lips. "My world- it's so small when you're around. You help make me feel sane, grounded, like I'm just your husband and only your husband, nothing else, not the leader of an Italian mafia organization."

I reach out and cup his face, caressing his cheek, he instantly nestles deeper into my touch. "Husband now father."

"What if I fuck up and ruin him just like he did with me?

I shake my head, "you won't, you won't let yourself if you're already questioning yourself babe. And if for whatever reason you start to veer off and become someone you don't like, I'll be there to push you back into the right direction."

Isaac gets up from the chair and is hovering over the bed, over me, placing a kiss on my forehead as he hangs onto my face, placing a second kiss on my lips.

"I love you. I am so sorry for the past couple days, weeks."

I nod and lean into him, kissing him deeper, "I love you more."

He smiles against my lips and says the one word he always does when I say that I love him more. "Impossible."

Isaac's quickly pulling away from me and looking behind him at the sound of a soft knock on the door and his hand is instantly reaching behind him. A man in a white lab coat with charcoal gray scrubs underneath and dark brown wavy hair is stepping into the room a second later as Isaac's shoulders relax for about a second and his hand is back at his side again.

He's definitely not my doctor.

"Is- is this a bad time Mr. Matteo?"

"What is it?" Isaac grumbles, the softness in his voice immediately gone.

"Can we perhaps speak out in the hall?" The doctor shifts his attention to me for about half a second and is focusing back on Isaac the next. "It pertains to your aunt."

Isaac crosses his arms along his chest, "I've been away from my wife long enough, Dr. Marl, you can openly say what you have to say in front of her."

The doctor nods his head, a nervous look written all over his face, "very well..." He clears his throat, standing a bit more straight. "I really don't feel comfortable with you taking Veronica out of my care, Mr. Matteo. I would prefer that you keep her admitted here for the time being. She's endured an enormous amount of trauma and abuse, both physical and mental through the entire year your family believed she was deceased. Throwing her back into the real world, back to what you would assume her normal everyday life is, may cause more damage than good."

Isaac's sudden cold icy voice instantly sends chills up my back.

"So you're saying that her being around her husband, her kids, the people that love her the most is a bad idea?"

"I- I wouldn't say it's entirely a bad idea, it's just not in her best interest at the moment. Your aunt is basically running on what we call autopilot, due to her dissociative local amnesia of course."

"Memory loss?" I frown.

The doctor nods, shifting his gaze to me for a second, "unfortunately." He turns back to Isaac. "I believe it can be reversed if we treat her trauma properly, Mr. Matteo. I strongly believe that your aunt checked out mentally months ago when she realized they weren't coming to her rescue and felt nothing but pain until it completely took over her entire being."

My heart immediately sinks, noticing the instant shift in Isaac's shoulders.

"She gets anxious as soon as anyone steps into the room. I've shown her multiple pictures of the entire family like your father has asked and she recognizes no one sir. I've even let your uncle, her husband, into the room to be with her to see if it'll do anything and she immediately started panicking to where my staff had to sedate her to calm her down. She's in there, she's still fighting, she's just in survival mode. She just can't grasp reality from illusion, I believe it's her brain's way of coping with the trauma and environment she was in."

Isaac inhales a deep breath, his arms still crossed along his chest, "so what do you suggest we do?" His voice is a lot softer than moments ago.

"I suggest you talk to your uncle. Mr. De Rosa is technically still considered Veronica's responsible party incase of an emergency and from our talk a few minutes ago keeping her admitted in my care is out of the question, he strongly believes that his nephew," Dr. Marl waves a hand towards my husband. "Will handle the situation with your organizations providers."

Isaac quickly scoffs, shaking his head, "I think this is a little above my men's pay grade don't you think, Marl?"

The doctor stays quiet for a couple more seconds, "building a safe environment, gaining her trust back, that's our best bet of getting your aunt back. Helping her feel safe and not swarmed with a bunch of faces she doesn't recognize can help her become more lucid and less disoriented. Overwhelming her will only overstimulate her even more and put her under even more distress."

Isaac nods his head, "she stays then," he says awfully quiet. "Get the paperwork worked up and I'll have Salvador sign off."

Dr. Marl nods in return, "Mr. Ricci has signed off on Patricio?" I nearly wanna laugh at the way he pronounces Ric's legal name. "He's currently getting discharged to a Leo?"

"Roxwell?" Isaac questions.

"Waiting on the transfer paperwork I believe."

"What's the hold up?"

Dr. Marl immediately looks nervous. "H-he wasn't under my care when he was brought in unfortunately. I-I can't discharge him."

"So where's the physician that's responsible for him?"

"Offline, they're trying to get a hold of him."

I watch my husband nod his head, folding his arms along his chest again, pointing over in Dr. Marl's direction. "You understand why this would upset me, don't you, Henry?"

He frantically nods his head, "o-of course, we're trying our best to get in contact with him."

"You're obviously not trying very hard," Isaac snarls, looking down at his watch. "It's 3:49, you have until 4:30 to get my brother discharged from this place and into my organization's providers care," Isaac uses air quotes around 'organization providers'. "You've seen his signature?"

Dr. Marls nods hesitantly.

"Then forge it. If I have to come back for him I can promise you that those won't be useful for you anymore," he points down at the doctor's hand.

"Y-yes, Mr. Matteo. It'll get done, I promise."

"Is there anything else you would like to discuss?"

"No sir."

"Then you're dismissed, leave."