So, can everybody just do me a favour and forget that it took me over a month to update? At this point I'm not even going to promise to try and do better, we all know I'm nothing short of a pathological liar when it comes to updates.

Justin's POV

Have you ever had a moment of realisation? Like, you've felt so strongly about one thing, and then all of the sudden your viewpoint shifts and all you can think about is how much of an idiot you are?

Yeah that just happened to me. Also, Jamie is such a little bitch.

I tried to pretend that I liked her, but all she does is whine and demand things from you like a servant. How Julie has actually lived with her this long is beyond me.

I look out to the small creek that my dad had dug up, or should I say had his men dig up for him. I'm pretty sure it was meant to be a punishment of some sort, but it came with its perks. It was very shallow, probably only coming up mid shin at its highest. Being midsummer, I'm grateful for the tiny forest-like amount of trees we have in our backyard.

My dad said something about them being used as another measure of protection, but I don't see how that works. Unless he meant protecting me from a sunburn. In that case, they're excellent at their job.

"I'm not excited to go back to school." I comment, taking a glance to my side where Julianna is sitting. Unlike me, who's sitting up, she is laying on her back, a stream of sunlight hitting the middle of her face.

She doesn't seem bothered by it, instead she seems to welcome it. Laying on her chest, is the tiny little shithead- I mean wolf puppy she somehow managed to find. Seriously, how, I have no idea.

Our entire property is fenced in with eight foot tall electrical fences, all littered with guards. This place is more secure than a prison. But alas, the stupid thing is sleeping, nice and content, on her chest. Juliana seems completely at peace. I honestly don't think I've seen her this relaxed since... ever. Which is why I'm kind of sad to have ruined it.

When she hears my voice, I notice a few of her muscles noticeably tense up before she sits up. She readjusts the shithead, laying on her lap instead. Doing it all while trying her hardest not to look in my direction. I guess I can blame only myself for her apprehension. I know I said a few... choice things, to her.

"Honestly, I haven't even thought about school. I wonder what's going to happen come schooltime." She murmurs the last part mostly to herself, and I begin to think that maybe her sudden onslaught of unease wasn't all my fault.

Or maybe that's just the delusional part of my brain that wishes to downplay the consequences of my actions. I like that part of my brain. I wish I could marry it.

Wait, that might be a little weird. Because then I would be marrying myself. Plus, how are you supposed to have kids with an organ?

Unlike most of my brothers, who after involving themselves in the mafia lifestyle took a vow of celibacy, I want to have kids. Probably not a lot, maybe just one or two. After growing up with four siblings, technically eight if you count my cousins who have practically lived with us my entire life, the last thing I want is to deal with some of the same shit but with my kids.

Being the youngest has its perks. Those perks being that I can be an immature little beach and blame it on my age. Imagine having to be a mature, responsible adult during those times...

I politely decline, thank you.

"I'm gonna be in highschool next year. That's such a weird thought." Juliana sighs, moving to sit criss crossed. I can't pay very close attention to what she continues to ramble on about as my brows furrowed in confusion.

"Oh I know. Being in upper Secondary school just feels wrong." I agree, shaking my head. Juliana looks at me, for the first time since we got here, with a roll of her eyes.

"Dude I will never get used to the name 'secondary' school. That just sounds so..." She shakes her head, using her good arm to pet Shithead. Honestly, Juliana hasn't named that thing yet, so I think I'll do it for her. Its new name is Shithead. The puppy's head shoots up, looking straight out at me and letting out a little snarl, settling back down when Juliana pats his head.

'Yeah, that's right. You heard me. Your new name is Shithead.' Smiling in victory, I turn back to Juliana who is still petting Shithead, smiling lovingly. Why? I mean, how? How does she think he's cute? He's a vicious little pack rat. Not to mention, ugly.

"Yeah, because 'highschool' sounds any better?" I ask, giving her a look. I swear, American's and their love of hypocrisy.

I feel almost stalkerish, staring at Juliana while she minds her own business, looking down at Shithead. Shithead stares up at her, his head resting on her stomach as she pets him. This Juliana is such a contrast to the one I saw last night, or should I say early this morning, that it's shocking.

—— I got up because I heard screaming. At least, I thought I did. But when I sat on my bed, being as still as possible, I heard nothing. I'm not sure what told me to go into Juliana's room, but something told me she wasn't okay.

I've been such a bitch to her lately, that I doubt waking her up at 4 in the morning, knocking on her door because I had a nightmare, is the last thing she wants. When she doesn't answer I just tell myself to go back to bed. That it's too early for her to be awake. But something is eating at my stomach, so I peek the door open, just trying to see her on the bed. Reassure myself that everything is okay.

But then I didn't see her. Instead, I saw the light coming from the bathroom, and the muffled sounds of sobbing and I couldn't stop myself from knocking on that door if I tried. Seeing Gino physically holding Juliana under the water with a hand clamped to her mouth is not what I expected.

"What the hell?" I spit out, running over to them. "Gino stop it!"

When Gino spins around, surprised, I deck him in the nose, forcing him to let go of Juliana. Once she's free she turns onto her side, curling up in a ball sobbing. Before I can process anything else, Gino has my wrists, knocking my feet out from under me. Landing on my ass with a 'hmph' Gino shakes me.

"Justin what the hell man!"

"ME? You're the one drowning your sister." I grimace at the pain shooting up my tailbone and Gino shakes his head.

"I'm not drowning her, I'm washing her hair you idiot." He spits at me. Okay, even if that is remotely true, do people really just accept that response? I mean, dude was holding a hand over her mouth and right now she's curled into a ball sobbing. Don't think so.

"DAD!" I yell with all my might, knowing it's more than a possibility no one is going to hear me, but hoping with the open door that some noise might escape.

Gino's eyes go wide as he lets go of my wrists, slamming a hand over my mouth.

"Shut up you idiot! I know it looks bad but this is what happens when your brother traumatises you. She can't wash her own hair thanks to him. So unless you want a huge ordeal, shut the hell up." He snaps at me, making my eyes widen when I realise the possibility behind his statement.

I heard that Jameson mistreated Juliana. But could you really hurt someone bad enough that showering was a trigger?

Then it hits me. The first couple weeks after I was kidnapped were ones I did a pretty good job blocking out. It was a miserable time, and I quite literally couldn't be left alone. At all. For any reason. Being alone would send me spiralling, and I had claustrophobia on another level. I still do, just not as bad. Maybe showering is similar for Juliana.

Gino seems to notice me get still because he finally lets go of my mouth, giving me a stiff nod. "Finally putting two and two together? She's been in a hospital the past week, I know having her hair washed will help her feel better, the process is just traumatising for her. It's what it is. Now get out."

"Gino..." Looking at Julie, something inside of my brain snaps. Was I mad at her? Yes. Was this something you could fake? Absolutely not. I let Jamie and my own jealousy get inside of my head too much. This isn't Julianna being 'dramatic' or 'faking it for attention.' This is a fucking trauma response.

"Get out Justin!" Gino yells, causing Julianna to release a sob.

"Let me help." My response must shock him because he pauses. He tells me no, insisting I get out, but I just shake my head, making my way over to Julie. Kneeling down next to her, I place my hand on her head and she flinches, looking up at me. Her eyes are wide with terror and she doesn't look fully responsive.

I let her know that she's okay, gently guiding her onto her back. I keep my hand on her head, running my fingers through her hair while I start telling her a random story. She's still staring at me, though the glaze on her eyes gradually starts to clear as her breathing steadies out. She listens to me ramble, not realising when my hand gets replaced by Gino's as he continues to scrub the shampoo through her scalp. Reaching off to the side I grab a towel, cleaning some of the soap and water off her face.

"And then, I literally was being such an idiot. I didn't want to let the ladybug go, so I tried to keep it with me. But like, five minutes later, it disappeared. Wanna know what happened to it? It fell into the pizza sauce. That was one crunchy ladybug." I ramble, cleaning the last bit of soap off her face as Gino starts to carefully rinse her hair.

"Hey, hey, you're okay, I promise. Look, take your hand...Yes, you're a good one. And wrap it around your other wrist... Yeah, just like that. Now focus on that, and how do you feel?" I have no fucking clue what I'm doing, but I'm trying some of the same things my dad did to me, coupled with something a therapist taught me and hoping for the fucking best.

"I don't know. I feel like I've got my hand over my wrist." Julianna says tiredly. I smile, knowing that holding her wrist isn't going to magically make her feel better about the situation, but it is distracting her from the panic she feels.

I continue to ask Juliana random questions, trying my hardest to keep her mind off of Gino while he washes her hair painfully slowly. I guess that's the price you have to pay to make sure you don't trigger your sister. I've noticed that her main problem is with the water being on her face.

Julianna jumps when Gino shuts the water off with a heavy thunk, looking over confused. Gino looks at me, nodding with a grateful smile and I nod back, getting up as he begins to sit her up, drying her hair. Leaving Julianna's room I close the door behind me, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

I am such a fucking idiot. ——

"Yeah, you are." Julianna says to me as I explain to her the remnants of what happened last night. "You're an even bigger idiot for believing a word that came out of Jamie's mouth. I told you she was a manipulator."

"I know!" I defend with a sigh. "I guess I was just jealous. I've always been the baby of the family and then you come in, having no idea what age regression is and the second you see my coping strategy, suddenly it's yours too. I just felt like you were trying to... I don't know, copy me?"

I sit there as Juliana stays silent, processing the information. I know it's silly. Juliana isn't the type to seek attention. I've literally seen that girl hide in a tree to avoid being in a family photo once. Sort of backfired on her, seeing as we then spent the next half hour searching for her, but she didn't have to take anymore photos after that.

"Why didn't you talk to me?" Well that's a good fucking question.

Why didn't I just talk to her? Because I'm a fucking idiot, see where that comes into play? "I'm sorry. I felt like I was being mocked. Attacked. Replaced." With every word my voice gets a little smaller as the true issue gets revealed.

"Justin! What the hell? How could you think that?" Julie asks me, completely shocked as she stares at me with a hurt look on her face. "The only time's I have 'regressed', at least that I've been told, have been completely involuntary. Trust me, it's a hard pill to swallow being told you were acting and speaking like a fucking three year old. I hate it. I would never do it purposely. And as for replacing you? Justin, your family loves you so much, nobody could ever replace you. Sure, you have another person to share the attention with, but that doesn't take away from their love for you."

With each point that Juliana rants out at me, I can't help but get more embarrassed with my actions. She's right. My insecurities were completely unreasonable, however it wasn't that simple. My brain had me completely convinced that Juliana had it out for me, that I couldn't look past that.

"I know you can't control it, and I know my family loves me. I just- regression has always been a very sensitive subject for me. Over the years it got easier, but the fact that my brain is dependent on something so mortifying is... Well mortifying."

Ever since the incident, my brain has never felt like mine. At first it was still stuck in survival mode, scared that somebody was about to reach out and grab me no matter where I went. It took me months to be able to stay in a room by myself, even for a couple of minutes. I could reason with myself all I wanted, but it was like my brain was a separate enmity. And then the age regression started. I was just a little kid- I am still a kid, and yet my brain can't survive acting its own age.

"So, you don't hate me, right?" Juliana asks, continuing to pet Asshole, who had put himself to sleep on her lap as she looked at me, insecurity in her eyes.

"No, Julie. I couldn't hate you if I tried. It's me who should be worried about you. I've been a bitch lately. Can you forgive that?"

"Hmm," Julie pauses, thinking about it. "I don't know. You said some nasty things. I'm feeling like making you work for it." She says, giving me a lopsided smile.

I give her a guilty one back, knowing that even if she's trying to play this off as a joke, she's still hurt by my actions. Heck, I would be too. We make our way back to the house a couple minutes later after Asshole woke up, the stupid thing bounding all over the place, tearing up my ankles as it jumps all over me. Seriously, that thing is disgusting.

"Okay, you're on lookout, remember? You see anybody coming, you shove me behind a wall, gotcha? I'm not supposed to be walking without my crutches yet, and I do not want my ass chewed out." Juliana says, poking her head around as we snuck back into the house.

It was early, around 09:00, which was usually the in-between time. It was after everyone normally left for the office, and before the ones that didn't need to go anywhere got up. Hearing someone call my name, Juliana sprints for the stairs, taking them two at a time as I whip around, seeing my Dad.

"Oh hey." I draw out, giving him my best smile. Dad raises an eyebrow, taking another chug of his coffee as he sighs, slamming the cup down on the counter.

"Is this something that I can ignore without being called negligent? Please say yes." He asks, closing his eyes and resting his fingers on the bridge of his nose.

"Yes." I repeat quickly, causing him to look up at me, shaking his head.

"Then get your ass out of my sight before you say something incriminating. It's too damn early for this."

Nodding, I run out of the kitchen, making it to the bottom of the stairs before Dad calls out again.

"Hey Justin! Tell Juliana to get off that leg of hers before I tell Zeke."

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So, I'm not even going to lie, the next couple chapters are probably going to be pretty depressing. Like more so than these last ones. So I'm going to ask, is there anything (happy, preferably) that anyone would like to see?

I'm struggling guys. I hate making my characters suffer but the pArAsItEs iN mE wAnT tHeM tO sUfFeR.

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