We were home, and I was sitting in the living room, waiting for Mom to come downstairs. She was just changing. I was craving kikiam. When I saw her on the stairs, I jumped up and ran towards her.

She noticed me running towards her and, in her panic, rushed down the stairs, her eyes wide. She even dropped the clothes she was holding.

"Jusmiyo, anak, don't run! You're going to give me a heart attack!" she scolded me as she finally reached the bottom of the stairs. I giggled and pouted at her.

Hindi ko pinansin ang sinabi niya, "I want kikiam, Ma," I said. Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Kikiam? Oh, but we're not in the Philippines anymore. Walang kikiam dito, anak," she said. My heart sank, and tears welled up in my eyes.

Suminghot ako, "But I want it, Ma," I cried, tears finally spilling down my face. Just the thought of not being able to have it was too much. Mom panicked and rushed to me, stroking my back soothingly.

"Anak, tomorrow, tomorrow I'll look for it anywhere. But anak, we're not in the Philippines— What's happening here? Why are you crying, Ija?" Mom stopped mid-sentence as a voice interrupted her. We turned, and it was Tita Mica.

"Kasi naman, sister, Luliana is craving kikiam, but there's none here," Mom explained, her voice laced with concern. Tita Mica furrowed her brow.

"A what? Come again?" she asked, clearly surprised by Mom's statement.

Nag punas ako ng luha at suminghot-singhot na parang bata.

"I want kikiam," I said, my voice choked with tears.

"Ija, we don't have kikiam here," Tita Mica said. My tears started flowing again, causing Mom and Tita to panic. I was like a baby whining in front of them.

Maslalo akong naluha dahil sa walang kikiam dito. Parang gusto ko na lang bumalik sa Pilipinas at bumili ng sandamakmak na kikiam.

"But that's what I want," I sobbed, my voice cracking like a child who had been deprived of candy.

Huminga siya nang malalim, "Alright, Ija. Tomorrow, I'll have some delivered. Besides kikiam, is there anything else you want?" Mom said, trying to soothe me. I sniffled, nodded, and wiped my tears.

"What is it, Ija? Tell me what you want, for you and our little one," Tita Mica asked kindly. I wiped my tears before speaking.

"Chocolate at alimango po," I said, watching their faces contort slightly. But they nodded after a moment.

"Okay, anak. I'll prepare the crab for you. Anong gusto mo sa chocolate mo, lusaw bba o hindi?" Mom asked. I shook my head.

"No, lusaw po ang gusto ko Ma. Gusto ko ipalaman sa alimango ko," I said, smiling. Mom grimaced and nodded, looking bewildered. I caught Tita Mica's shocked expression as she stared at me. I just smiled at her and walked towards the kitchen.

"Damn, her cravings are making me crazy. It sounds disgusting," I heard Tita mutter.

"Ako rin, sister. It sounds so gross," I heard Mom whisper to Tita. But I ignored them and continued walking to the kitchen, where I sat down.

I waited for the crab while eating my chocolate na galing kay Tita.

"Matagal pa ba yan, ma?" I asked, my face scrunching up in impatience.

Five more minutes, anak. It's almost ready. Just wait a little longer," she said. I nodded and continued eating.

Para akong batang gutom na gutom na at hindi makapag hintay sa pagkain na inihahain.

"Tapos na ba iyan, ma?" I asked impatiently, having finished two chocolate bars.

Inilingan ako ni Mama, "Ito na po, anak. It's done. You are pregnant, you know, so be careful, it's hot," Mom said, shaking her head as she arranged the crab. Once she was done, she placed it on the table.

As I was eating, Francisco entered and headed straight for the fridge. He opened it, grabbed a glass of water, and took a sip. His eyes landed on me, and he grimaced.

"What the? Are you an alien? That's gross," he said, looking disgusted. I stopped eating and turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

Napa igik siya ng pinalo si ni Tita Mica na papalabas na nang kusina.

"Anong gross? It's delicious! Try it," I said, offering him some of my crab. He recoiled, grimacing.

"No way. I would never—" He stopped mid-sentence, and I noticed his eyes were no longer on me but on the chocolate.

Ano ba 'tong lalaking ito. Para siyang si Mateo.

"Bakit?" I asked, confused. He was standing there like a statue, unmoving. Slowly, he turned to face me, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Are you eating my chocolates?" He asked, his voice laced with disbelief. My jaw dropped in surprise. He slowly walked towards me and picked up an empty plastic chocolate wrapper. I nervously glanced at Mom and Tita but they were gone from where they were standing before.

"This chocolate is mine! The hell!" He shouted, his voice rising in anger. Tears welled up in my eyes.

Maluha-luha akong tumingin sa kaniya, "P-pero Tita Mica gave it to me...why are you yelling at me?" I said, tears welling up in my eyes. He gaped at me, surprised by my sudden outburst. Just then, Tita Mica and Mom walked in.

"What's going on here, Francisco? Why are you making the pregnant woman cry?" Tita asked, her voice laced with concern. Mom came to my side, stroking my back.

Sumisinghot lang ako habang si Francisco ay mukhang paiyak na rin dahil sa chocolate. Ang cute niya.

Ginulo niya ang buhok niya, "She ate my chocolate. Look, Mom," he said, pointing at me like a child.

"I gave it to her. It's her cravings. I'll just buy you a new one," Tita said. He groaned at his mother's words.

"Yeah, right she's pregnant" sabi nito at naka busangot na lumabas.

Binigyan ako ni Tita ng apologetic smile"Sorry for his behavior. It's his favorite, you see. But don't worry, Ija. I'll buy him new ones. I'll buy him chocolates," Tita said, trying to comfort me. I calmed down a bit and nodded. I had finished the crab, so I decided to clean the table. Mom helped me.

Pinuntahan ni Tita Mica si Francisco para kausapin daw.

I sighed. "Ma, do you think we're a burden? I'm pregnant, you know," I asked, a question that had been weighing on my mind since the beginning.

"I think we are, anak. But don't worry, I'll find a job so I can contribute something, even if it's just a little," she said. I nodded, and after cleaning up, I went upstairs to brush my teeth. I was fixing my bed when Mom came in.

"What's wrong, Ma? May problema ba?" I asked. She sat down on my bed, and I sat next to her, taking her hand. She shook her head.

"Wala naman, gusto ko lang humingi ng pasensya sa nangyari... yung nakaraan." she said. I smiled and squeezed her hand.

"What are you talking about, Ma? It's all okay. I was just upset then, but I'm fine now. I've forgiven you," I said, giving her a reassuring smile. A tear escaped her eye, and I pulled her into a hug, gently rubbing her back.

Pumikit siya. Pinipigilan ang sarili maiyak.

"I'm so sorry, anak. Even though I've done something wrong, you still forgave me," she said, her voice thick with emotion. I chuckled at her words.

"Ma, you're my mom. Of course, I'll forgive you. Stop crying, Ma. I'll start crying too," I said, pulling away from the hug. She took my face in her hands, and I pouted.

"You really got your Tita Lorelie's personality," she said, chuckling.

"Tita Lorelie? Who's that, Ma?" I asked, confused. She gave me a small smile and patted my head.

"My sister. She passed away when you were a baby because of her illness," she said sadly. I nodded, taking in the information.

"Ah, Ma. Where are Papa and Kuya now?" I asked hesitantly. Her face grew serious, and she took a deep breath.

Paano kaya nakakatulog ng mahimbing ang mga taong nang-gagahasa, pumapatay, knowing iniwan nila ang isang taong traumatized at walang buhay.

"I had them arrested. When your brother raped me, I found out that... they were both drug addicts, your Papa and your brother," she said, her voice trembling. I nodded, listening intently.

"Is that why they did it, Ma? I want to know more details. Can you tell me?" I asked. She nodded.

"January 31, 2002. You were 22 years old when you turned 14. You always read, loved vegetables, and weren't picky about food. You were a bit of a snob, too. Your favorite color was blue. You hated a messy house, so you always cleaned. You were talkative and active in school. But when you turned 15, you changed. You barely ate, you were hard to talk to, you were always in a daze, and you rarely went out. Ma, stop. Let's just leave it at that. We got justice," Mom said cheerfully, but I stopped her when she got to the part about how I changed.

"I'm 22 this year. I thought I was 25. And those were all fake IDs," I said, surprised."I'm so sorry, anak. I didn't believe you because of your father and brother.

They seemed so kind and hardworking, but they were actually... raping you without me knowing, anak.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... Please forgive your Mama, anak," she sobbed, her repeated apologies making me cry too.

"Ma naman, I told you, I've forgiven you," I said, hugging her and wiping her tears.

"Forgive your Mama. I kicked you out because of me. You became a disgrace and lost your memories. I'm so sorry, anak," she said, her voice cracking. I wiped her back, and she hugged me tightly.

"Stop crying, Ma. Pumapangit ka," I said, chuckling to lighten her mood. Even though I couldn't stop my own tears from falling, I pulled away from the hug and wiped her tears.

I took a deep breath before speaking.

"Do you think, Ma, I can raise my child well on my own?" I asked, my voice trembling. She smiled at me and fixed my hair.

"Of course, you can. You're not alone. I'm here. I'll help you. Your Mama will help you," she said, hugging me tightly. My vision blurred with tears.

"Basta lagi mong tatandaan, Mama is always here. I'll be with you until my death. Mama will make it up to you," she said, wiping my tears. I nodded.

We sat in silence for a while until Mom broke the quiet. "Go to sleep, anak. You're not supposed to be stressed or stay up late. It's already midnight," she said gently. I nodded, and she kissed my forehead. She walked towards the door, pausing before leaving. She nodded at me, and I smiled back. Then, she finally left.

I decided to brush my teeth and drink some water before turning off the lights.

I couldn't sleep yet, so I just stared at the ceiling, thinking about what might happen when I give birth.

I stepped out of my room and decided to go to the terrace.

The surroundings were quiet and peaceful as I pondered my thoughts.

"What are you doing there?" I heard Francisco ask. He was on his terrace.

I turned to him. He wasn't wearing a shirt. Nag iwas ako nang tingin.

I shook my head. "Can't sleep. You?"

He shrugged. "Can't sleep either," he said.

I didn't respond, just watching the flowers swaying gently in the garage.

"Do you miss him?" he asked. I knew instantly who he was referring to.

I didn't answer. Because I didn't know the answer myself.

"Bakit mo natanong?"

I heard him sigh. "I don't know. Because I am being nosy?" he said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well, to answer your question, it's a no. I don't miss him," I said. "Why would I miss someone who hurt me?" I added.

Nanahimik siya.

"Just asking. Ah, I can be a father to your child, even Mateo is my friend," he said. I turned to him, surprised.

"What?" I asked, shocked.

"I am willing to be a father for your child. He is my friend, but I don't tolerate him... And I don't have plans to tell him that you are bearing his child."

I was speechless, just staring at him in shock.

"You forget people that easily," he said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

Sasagot pa lamang ako ng pumasok na siya sa kwarto niya.

"Francisco!" I called out, hoping he'd come back to the terrace.

I stomped my foot in frustration. I was annoyed that he wasn't focusing on me anymore.

Him, being a father to my child?