I tossed and turned all night, hand absentmindedly reaching underneath my pillow. When I realized I wouldn't be getting any sleep, I threw the blankets off my legs and pulled open my wardrobe for decent clothes. But where my riding trousers and tunics were, only dress gowns hung in their places. I sorted through the drawers but every pair of pants I had owned were gone. I stood back, staring at the closet in disbelief.

That's when I remembered my pack filled with extra clothes from Marge. I knelt down beside my bed, lifting up the skirt to peer underneath. There it was, amidst dust piles and right where I left it. I pulled it open, pulling out the wrinkled clothes and slipping out of my nightgown. I left my boots by the door, choosing to go barefoot instead.

Throwing open my bedroom window, I thrust my head out into the night and right over a guard circling below. I pulled my head back in and waited for him to round the corner of the house, out of sight before hoisting my upper body out the window and grabbing onto the eave above it.

I heaved myself onto the roof, hurling one leg up and rolling onto my back, slightly out of breath. How long has it been since I was up here? Right.

I tiptoed, barefoot, up to the very highest part of the roof. The very same spot that I usually shared with Ava. The very same spot where my life changed forever. I pulled my knees to my chest, a chill running through me despite the warm summer air.

"There you are." I heard a scrape behind me and I lifted my head to see Rylan scrambling over the rooftop shingles, crouched low.

"How'd you know I was up here?"

"I remember you telling me when you needed to-"

"Think." I smiled to myself, nodding. "Yeah."

Rylan sat down next to me, his shoulder pushed up against mine. He peered over the edge of the roofline, grimacing at the ground below.

"So, what are you thinking about?"

I let out a heavy sigh. Where to even start?

"You're leaving?" Rylan nodded.

"Your father not so subtly suggested that we get out of his house. He gave up enough to go anywhere we want."

"Where are you going to go?"

"I don't know."

We both fell silent, letting the nighttime fill the space between us.

"I should be happy. I've got my life back, I've got everything back. I'm home. But it all feels different. I feel different. Like I don't belong here... anymore."

It felt like a weight lifted off my chest, just from saying it aloud. But what did it change?

"I understand what you mean. I have no home. I'm a traitor to my own country-" Rylan's eyes cut to me when I winced "-I would do it again, for the record. I have no idea what to do now though."

"You don't get it. You can do anything. Go anywhere. I can't."

Rylan grabbed my hand in his, turning me so that we faced each other. I looked into his eyes and suddenly I knew. "Can't you?"

_____

I melted the wax, holding the small spoon over the single lit candle until it turned a deep green color. I had stolen the wax from my father's study before he awoke this morning, along with the stationary paper that sat folded on my dresser, the smell of ink still fresh in the air. I poured the wax over the paper.

Unclasping the pendant from around my neck, I pressed the sapphire into the hot wax until it cooled, leaving the intricate design impressed into the green wax. I fastened the necklace securely back around my neck, tucking it into the collar of my shirt.

My boots were already laced and my pack slung over my shoulder, but when I turned around one last time, my eyes landed on the letter again. I stared at it, a pang in my heart. With a quick breath, I blew the candle out.

And right into Ayla. She was standing right outside my door, hands clasped behind her back. She tried to look around me into my room, but I shut the door before she could see the letter in plain sight. She eyed my bag and my tied shoes with blue, confused eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing." I adjusted the strap on my shoulder, hiding the pack behind my back unsuccessfully. "I'm going out for a while."

I started down the hall towards the staircase, Ayla following behind me like my shadow. At the first step, she asked. "Where are you going?"

"Out."

"When will you be back?"

I hesitated, glancing over Ayla's shoulder up the stairs where Father was still asleep in bed. If I was lucky, he would be sleeping in to prepare for the journey to Bellevue. And if I wasn't lucky, well, I didn't want to think about that.

"You're not coming back, are you?"

I dragged my eyes back to Ayla, her bottom lip trembling. "What do you mean? Of course, I'm coming back."

"No, you're not." Ayla's sniffles echoed in the stairway. She pulled her lower lip between her teeth to keep it from trembling. "You just got back and now you're leaving again."

"Ayla, I'm not..." I kneeled down, lowering my voice in hopes that Ayla would quiet down. "You'll be fine. I promise."

She disappeared down the hall with quiet -almost silent- footsteps and appeared moments later with her own bag across her chest.

"I'm coming."

"No." I rubbed the space between my eyebrows before setting her a stern look. "You are not."

"I am." Ayla crossed her arms over her chest, sticking her nose up in the air. "Or I will go wake father up right now."

I grit my teeth together. It seemed I wasn't getting out of this without a fight. "Is there any way I can change your mind?"

"Nope."

"Great. Come on, then." I crept down the steps, skipping the last step that always creaked. "Watch the step."

I turned around, grabbing Ayla under the arms and lifting her up and over the last stair, setting her quietly on the landing.

Surprisingly, we made it out of the house and through the front gate without any trouble. The guard that had been there before is now gone with the shift change.

Rylan and the others waited for us on the edge of town, packs laden with food and provisions for the road, presumably from the generosity of the Phillips house. My father might be stern, but he made sure they would be taken care of.

"What's this?" Rylan nodded at Ayla, who hovered by my side.

"Couldn't shake her. I don't know where she gets her stubbornness from." I reached my hand down to find Ayla's familiar fingers interlock with mine.

"Are you sure about this?"

I glanced over my shoulder at the house on the hill some distance away. My home. I didn't know when I would see it again but I knew it would be waiting for me when I did. I turned back to our sorry excuse of a group. Never would I have expected my life to turn out like this but then again life was unpredictable.

My eyes scanned the hopeful faces of Knox, Haigen, Haiden, Anders and Ayla before finally landing on Rylan. I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I finally belonged. "I'm ready."