chapter tweenty six

' if ever you asked lilith'

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lillith was never perfect. no one was. but lillith knew she wasn't. how she not know.

first it was her mother always so angry, and lillith never understood why- first she was angry about lillith ruining her mother body while lillith didn't understand what that meant. then she was angry about lillith always being in the way. and then she was angry about lillith always speaking too much.

then it was her sister, who had been lillith only idol, her best friend and role model. one day she just vanished and lillith was soon to realize or at least her mind was soon to tell her it was her fault- after all no one wanted someone like lillith around.

then it was her brother- the endless torture and bullying. from being beaten to a pulp, or pushed down stairs to being called names and being spread rumors about- horrid rumors which was not true.

then it was her father and his constant silence, his disappointed gaze that always headed lillith way.

then it was the tone her friends used whenever she would speak just a bit to much, and the way they would look if she thought about something for too long and forgot to speak.

she always she wasn't perfect. if other people wasn't pointing it out to her she had no trouble doing to herself.

she found an escape in art- paintings, drawings, building , nature, places even human being. weather it was looking at art or creating it didn't matter to her. as long as she could find something to pour entire heart into, something that would not mind being the circulation of her thoughts.

even if it was just for a few moments.

she would rather have than that constant fear and worry.

and lillith was terrified. now more than ever. ever since her sister left she had nothing to truly lose.

there were no one that could leave and make her weep and cry her heart out- she was too well shielded for that. but now- oh how terrified she was- she was scared to the core.

and she had no idea how to voice her fears.

they were silly fears, fears the Salvador brothers surely could never understand. at least she thought so despise having no idea if such was true. but right then laying in Lorenzo Salvador's arms fitting perfectly in his arms.

she was scared. truly scared.

not only that but the sight of Alessandro sprawled out by her feet fast asleep and the feeling of Dominic arms wrapping around her from behind while Lorenzo was holding onto her waist his front facing hers.

Dante sitting and arm chair pulled over to the bed his eyes fixated on her. she wiggled out of Lorenzo and Dominic's holds crawling onto Dante's lap.

and why it made her heart ache that he opened his arms for her happily wrapping them around her pulling her impossibly closer, she didn't know. but it did.

she didn't even know she was crying until Dante wiped off some of her tears. '' why are you crying huh love?'' Dominic asked the other three brothers having woken up the second lillith began to move around.

all four brothers having each their thought as to why she was crying.

'' I'm scared'' she whispered so lowly it was barely hearable. '' of what? what could possibly scare you so much that its the first thing you cry about in the morning ?'' Alessandro asked softly though his words were harsh.

lillith didn't mind. she knew him well enough by now to know he did not know to speak any differently than that. bluntly. ruthlessly blunt.

'' I don't think I'll survive it '' she muttered burying her face in Dante's chest sobs wrecking through her body.

if someone told lillith her childhood had been an traumatic event- she would deny. shake her head and say it wasn't, that her mother was just like normal mothers, that she had every right to be angry after all lillith did ruin her mothers body.

and then again and outsider would know that was what pregnancy could do. and that it was not lillith who was to blame.

and lillith would claim what her brother and his friends did was not as horrible as she had made it out to be, she would say it was just bullying and that it wasn't that horrible. and that she had no right to be angry any more.

an outsider would say that was untrue, that it was not just bullying it was targeted and horrifyingly cruel. and they would say that no child should ever have to go through such thing.

but lillith would shake her head and say ' I deserved it ' believing she did.

and she would say her father was not hateful he was simply a quiet man, she would say his harsh glares and disappointed looks was not anything she had taken personality. and that the occasional slap here and there were normal, and that she had been a brat and deserved it.

and outsider would say otherwise.

and so back and forth.

but the truth was lillith was not necessarily broken, broken would be a wrong word to use for lillith. she was like a beautiful painting, which had been ruined under years of harsh conditions and environments, and then been restored not to the original piece but something that looked alike on the surface but was different none the less.

'' what are talking about lillith?'' Lorenzo asked worriedly afraid of the answer. afraid it was his fault, he knew she wasn't ready. he should've never done as he did. he thought.

but they all froze as she spoke '' when you leave me, I don't think I'll survive '' she sobbed clutching onto Dante.

''' leave you?'' Dante asked softly.

'' you think you'll ever get to leave us huh love? you think we would let you ?'' domino scoffed grabbing her chin forcing her too face him '' one the less you think we would ever leave you? tell me lillith what makes you think that, tell us and whatever it is we'll get rid of it '' he promised starring deep into her beautiful glazy blue eyes.

'' I'm a horrible person'' she whispered the tears coming to a halt with Dominic reassuring.

'' so are we'' Alessandro chimed in.

'' I'm a burden'' she claimed.

'' not to us, your not'' Dante declared

'' I talk and think to much'' she said now trying to point out reasons why she thought them mad for staying around.

'' you have a beautiful voice and mind'' Enzo spoke his voice letting lillith know he was telling the truth though she found them all hard to believe

'' I take up a lot of space''

'' we have plenty of space'' Dominic assured her

'' I'm expensive to keep around, with all my art and that''

'' we have more than enough money to spend '' Dante said confidently.

'' I'm not that pretty'' she finally said her voice small and tears threatening to fall down her cheeks once again.

'' your right, your otherworldly beautiful, the most beautiful woman on this earth '' Alessandro spoke her eyes lighting up and darting to him looking for any signs of lie in his dark eyes.

which he just gave her a small smile. one she returned with a weak one of her own.

'' don't you worry little one, your never getting rid of us. we're yours, and you are ours'' Dante promised. no he swore.

never would they leave her.

'' our lillith'' Lorenzo muttered fondly.

and for the first time in lillith life someone managed to make her thoughts stop for a while. and her fears vanish.

for the first time since she was a child being tugged into bed by her big sister she felt safe. she felt peaceful. no worries clouding her otherwise always hardworking mind.

for once she could rest. not physically but mentally.

it was a nice feeling.

a serene thing to experience.

and she savored it.