there were a time where i was scared of my parents.

i wasnt abused as a kid. but i was terrifed of my mum specially her.

my dad too. but he was rarely home anyways- while my mum was a constant threat- or fear- she wasnt a threat. she didnt mean to hurt me.

i dont think she meant to hurt me, i was her daughter after all.

no one wants to hurt their own daughter right? accidents happen.

and i dont blame my mum, she was right ofcourse- i had ruined her body, i had been a constant plauge, i had been a burden, i had been her pain to bear. a reminder of something she clearly wanted to forget.

and as a child i thought i would always be afraid of her, and dad.

i dont know if it was because katya was standing next to me bringing me comfort despise my claims she would never bring me comfort anymore- or if it was because i could feel allesandros arm around my waist rubbing circles on it.

maybe both.

'' lilith whos the man you brought with you?'' my mum asked she invited me and katya to a dinner and my four overprotective protectors said atleast one of them should go- ofcourse i had already texted my mum i would be brining along someone.

'' this is my -''

'' her fiance, allesandro'' alex cut me off. why did that make butterflies erupt in my stomach? fiance? that somehow made my skin burn in a pleasurable way.

'' fiance? '' my mother said in her fake posh tone. katya rolled her eyes sitting down at the table eyeing me to sit down beside her which i did alex sitting on the other side of me while my mother sat down infront of me and my father who had been quiet sat down beside her.

'' its a shame julian couldnt make it today'' my mother sighed she looked at alex '' he is a real gentleman, a clever boy with a heart of gold- the perfect example of what a man should be '' she said clearly judhing alex thinking othervise of him.

'' yeah abusive, sexist and a rapist what a golden trophe he was ! '' katya seethed slamming both hands onto the table.

'' sit down'' my father demanded and for some reason katya listneded. we knew better than to talk back to dad.

'' you know lies are not aproved in this household '' my mother warned as alex mindlessly ate katya following suit. i just stared at my parents. '' what are you looking at lilith?'' my father spat.

i didnt move or say anything. my mother glared at me '' have you not done enough damage to this family lilith? will you for once stop being a burden and just act like a normal girl?'' she sneered. '' you bring home some boy with tatoos and what more- will you stop looking at me like that?!'' my mother snapped.

'' lilith-'' my father warned.

'' another bad word about my fiancee and i will cut out your tounges and shove them down your throat'' alex said angrily his eyes lifting to face my parents his knife raised to point at the two of them who seemed horrorfied.

they were quiet for a while. '' i truely dont understand how you can stand her, you know lilith has these nightmares where she screams and wakes up everyone, and she had always been screwing around with all of her brothers friends, always talking-''

'' i hate you'' i said calmly. '' i loathe you, and i hope you both rot in hell ''

katya looked horrorfied. my parents looked angry- the diffrence between the two katya knew what i had done my parents didnt. '' oh and your precious little julian is fucking dead, i shot him and his friends one by one and then i threw their bodies into the sea like the trash they were'' i added with a grin.

my parents paled. '' you know the salvadors are not very forgiving are they alessandro?'' i said turning to a full on smirking alex.

he grinned '' we arent ''





***



if I were to say one thing about my family it would be we are magnificent actors. if we wanted we would've won Oscars for our acting.

the facade, the pretty innocent smiles, my fathers sweet talking. everything. picture perfect family always.

Julian with his perfect grades, great looks, and his well spoken self. a pervert behind the scenes and a psychopath with no remorse or limits.

Katya with her pretty face and perfect body, her sassy attitude that did not fail to make her look confident, and her fake laugh that made everyone fall to her spell, only behind the scheme of things she could be coldhearted, she was a coward and someone who would ruin you from within.

my mother with her pedicured nails, fancy words and countless degrees- only for her to shout and yell in private, curse us all out and torture everyone living within our home.

my father with his welcoming smile and his many jokes and remarks. only for him to grow quiet once we were alone again, or go into a rage that would make everyone tremble in fear.

even I with my smile and innocent facade, even I with the childlike personality. I was a fucking killer, I had killed my own brother, and I had threatened countless of people over the years just because of who my father was. I was no fucking better.

and sometimes surely being an amazing actor have saved me.

but it is so tiring to play a role that is not meant for you- I guess that was what I loved so much about the Salvador's.

I did not need to play that role.

even if it was just for a few seconds. maybe even a fraction of a moment, I could breathe and be me without fearing constant judgement.

and perhaps that was using them.

because they got nothing in return for this. maybe I was using them to heal myself, but was that so wrong?

they were using me too.

maybe not in the same way but- but if we were using one another was it really that bad? just because we gained different things from it.

I loved them and somehow I could see it in their eyes that something that no one had ever loved before healed. something dark and twisted that should not exist in their minds. if my love could heal them was it so bad for me to want to be healed too?

to want to be myself?

just for a time being.

I just needed to breathe for a minute. for a moment, I needed them to hold me close and swear to me that even if I became some psychotic killer they would not vanish- that whatever fragile mentality that was within my genes would not make them leave.

that if I snapped they would be there.

they would catch the falling pieces before they hit the ground, I just wished they would swear to never break my heart.

because I was fragile. I was only a girl after all.

a girl who hadn't been loved for too long, and now when I had tasted the sweet taste of it I could not help but be hooked on the feeling they gave me, the kisses, soft touches, sweet words.

I was hooked on the drug called love.