' bath time'



okay I know you guys want a Salvador pov and I promise you will get it ( possibly today or tomorrow ) but first we got to appreciate our lovely deranged lillith.







I think I did some horrible sin in my previous life.

I think I was a monstrous being, someone who hurt and tormented, someone truly heartless. I must've been otherwise how could I have deserved this?

maybe I was in a satanic cult where I tortured people to their deaths, or maybe I was an old lady that had her cats eat everything and everyone. or I was an animal abuser, or perhaps I was some drugie with a kid who went through hell because of me.

I must've been truly horrendous.

I didn't have much privacy these days, I had my little chair by the window and my thoughts. that was the privacy I had. it wasn't much really but it was all there was.

he didn't let me shower alone either, and it was done in this old creepy room with no windows or mirrors. so I suppose I had forgotten that torture and malnutrition was something visible on the body for others to see. for yourself to see.

this bathroom was fancier. more extravagant, and I could only assume it was some trap to make me trust him.

but there was a woman- no a girl she wasn't much older than twenty though she looked younger, she wasn't very tall and she was abnormally pale, her bones pocking out.

dark circles under her eyes.

she looked like a walking corpse. sick and deadly.

she scared me, so much that I flinched away from her out of pure terror. she seemed equally scared of me as I was her.

I turned away from the mirror and made my way with slow unsteady steps towards the bathtub. it was already filled with water which terrified me.

not that someone had filled the tub.

but the thought of seeing that sick and deadly girl again in the waters reflection had me closing my eyes.







'' on your knees sugar''

slaps and blows everywhere, kicks in my stomach and a dark dusty room with a horrible stank flashing before my eyes.

'' you should learn how to beg for forgiveness you brat''

a white room a dirty knife men all around in white coats needles and stiches, some bloody thing on the floor beside me a maniac chuckle, surrounding me.

'' no need to fear me sweet girl I'm going to take great care of you''

hands on my body that I did not allow to be there, sore throat from screaming and pleading, pain so much pain, filth and dirt on every inch of my body inside and out, his voice ringing in my ear like a broken record player on full volume.

'' such a shame I had to cut your baby out, but don't worry I'll put a new one in you''

a white room, a proposition that hurt to accept, so much pain, pictures of them with someone else, the fear of replacement and abandonment becoming reality, the will stolen so ruthlessly from me, playing a part in every dark thought of mine.

'' I'll cut you up and scar you so no one can look at you with anything but disgust ''

the thought of four tall men hovering over me with disgust on their faces, their nasty words and looks, they agreement that I am nothing but disgusting and horrifyingly ugly now, the realization I was a toy and a whore and nothing else sinking deeper and deeper into my soul.







I opened my eyes again almost as quickly as I had closed them. I couldn't sleep anymore.

everything was haunting my sleep, everyone I had ever meet and cared for haunted me oh so brutally. he haunted my waking ours and they my sleeping.

and that insufferably heartbreaking sound of a baby's cry always in the back of my head the little bloody thing on the white floor beside me as I cried out in agony for the both of us.

the water surrounded me until my head was under. I wish I could stay down here until I was nothing but a lifeless corpse, then I could finally completely the look.

I wish my heart would just give up.

stupid useless heart, only loving selfish people incapable of love.

stupid heart always hurting when not being loved back.

stupid fucking heart for loving everything that hurts me.

stupid me for having some hope of happiness. stupid, stupid me, I should've never been kind to a Salvador, I should've known that that college project would be my downfall and I should've walked away.

but stupid foolish me hadn't.

now I was paying the price. I just wished it didn't have to hurt so much.

I was yanked out of the water by two pair of hands calloused and rough. someone yelling at me, he's standing in front of me two men are holding me up- I'm glad otherwise I would fall to the floor I'm too weak to stand or even hear what he's saying.

but I know he's yelling, and he's angry.

maybe he kills me now.

if I had, had the energy I would've smiled, maybe he kills me now. I hope he does.



i really, really hope he does.