Trigger warning: Mentions of abuse and suicide.

Sophia’s POV

I was staring at my reflection in the mirror, trying to figure out what to do next.

I looked different. I was well-rested and I ate a few days in a row and it showed. I looked a little bit better. My eyes weren't as dull as they were just a few days ago. My hair was a bit shinier and I wasn’t as pale. There were faint patches of red on my cheeks and it made me look healthy. I looked healthy for the first time in my life.

That was only physical, though. My mental health was still bad. I still wanted to end it all. I still wanted the pain to end.

Physical pain never concerned me. I was used to it. It was familiar and I knew how to handle it.

The emotional pain was another story. I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t know how to handle it. The pain was never the same. The images in my mind were never the same. The memories kept changing and there was a new one with each passing second. Some hurt less, some hurt more. Emotional pain was changing by the second and there was no getting used to it.

I was tired of it. I wanted it to end. I didn’t belong here anyway. I didn’t belong in this world. No one would miss me. No one would care.

I wasn’t even supposed to be born. I was never supposed to be here in the first place.

No one would miss me if I were gone.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. A sharp pain in my ribs made me furrow my eyebrows. It was something I was used to, though. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as seeing James’ face every time I closed my eyes. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as remembering all the things James said to me.

Nothing hurt as much as that.

I knew that I was nothing. I knew that I wasn’t important.

But did I really deserve all that? Did I really deserve to be in so much pain?

I opened my eyes again. I looked at my clenched fists and gulped. I wanted to smash the mirror. I wanted to break that illusion of myself that I saw there. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t that girl in the mirror. I wasn’t getting any better. I was still just a broken girl who didn’t deserve to be here. I was just a broken girl who wanted everything to stop.

I imagined myself hitting the mirror with my fist. I could imagine how it would cut my knuckles. I could imagine how it would sting. I could imagine the blood running down the mirror and dripping onto the sink.

I could imagine myself picking up a broken piece of glass. I could imagine pressing it against my skin. I could imagine sliding it upwards. I could already feel the burn it would cause. I could already feel the blood pooling out of me. I could hear the little droplets of blood hitting the floor. I could already imagine the peace I would feel after closing my eyes and letting life leave my body.

I wanted to feel that peace. I wanted it so badly.

“Sophia!” I heard Alexander’s voice.

I flinched hard and looked at the bathroom door. When did he come in? I didn’t even hear him.

I heard footsteps approaching the bathroom door. He knocked twice.

“Sophia?” he called me worriedly. “Are you in there, baby?”

The worry in his voice broke my heart into pieces. Maybe he would miss me? Maybe he would care?

“Yes,” I answered, trying to hide the pain in my voice. “I will be right out.”

“Okay, baby,” Alexander said and I could hear the relief in his voice. “I am waiting.”

I looked back at the mirror and took a deep breath. Would it ever happen? Would I ever come in here, slam my fists into the mirror, and end it once and for all?

I just wanted to feel peaceful. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to close my eyes and not see James. I wanted to forget him.

I would never forget him if I were alive. I could never forget him as long as I was breathing.

I took another deep breath and forced myself to appear calm. I didn’t want to make Alexander worry. He had enough on his plate.

I walked toward the door and opened it. Alexander was sitting on the bed and typing something on his phone. He looked up at me as soon as I opened the door.

“Hi, baby!” he exclaimed as he stood up and approached me. “I missed you.”

He pulled me into a hug and I leaned my head on his chest. I took a deep breath, letting his familiar scent soothe me.

“I am glad you are getting along with the rest of your brothers, but I have to admit that it makes me a bit jealous when they get to hold you and I don’t,” he said, chuckling quietly.

I looked up at him and gave him a small smile. He smiled back and caressed my cheek.

“I came here because I want to show you something, baby,” he said as he let me go and took my hand in his.

“What?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows a little.

He smiled and started pulling me out of the room.

“You will see in just a second,” he said and I could hear the excitement in his voice.

I was confused. What did he want to show me and why was he so excited? It made me happy, though. I liked seeing him happy. He was kind and loving and I liked him a lot. I wished that he had been a part of my life since I was a little girl. Maybe things would have been different if I had Alexander with me from the moment I was born.

Alexander opened a door and walked inside the room, pulling me behind him.

My eyes widened as soon as I walked inside.

It was a library!

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face.

“Oh, baby,” Alexander exclaimed as he pulled me to him. “It is so wonderful to see you smile.”

Alexander wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

“You like to read?” he asked and I nodded.

“I love to read,” I said, looking around the room.

I wondered if they would let me borrow a book or two.

“Oh, I am so happy to hear that, baby,” Alexander said. “You will have plenty of time to do that then.”

I looked at him with a surprised look on my face. Did that mean that I would get to read some of the books?

Alexander winked at me and placed his hands on my shoulders. He turned me around and I gasped.

“I am so happy that you love to read, but that is not why I brought you here,” he said, pointing at the piano in the corner of the room. “I brought you here so we could start practicing.”

Another smile spread across my face and I could feel the tears burning the corners of my eyes. Alexander leaned in and kissed my cheek.

“Come on, baby,” he said and started leading me toward the piano.

He sat on the little bench and pulled me on his lap.

“Have you ever played?” he asked and I shook my head.

“I used to draw the keys on the ground in the basement,” I said quietly as I watched him press one of the pedals. “I would then look at one of the music sheets in my book and pretend to play it. I tried to imagine how it would sound like and I always calmed me down.”

Alexander was still as a statue. I looked at him over my shoulder and saw him gritting his teeth. He looked like he was trying not to cry.

“Did you have a favorite one, baby?” he asked, his voice quiet and raspy.

I nodded and turned around to hug him. I saw that he was sad and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want him to be sad. He hugged me back immediately and buried his nose into my hair.

“I love the composition called Vltava,” I said, making him chuckle.

I let him go and he smiled at me.

“That is my favorite too,” he said softly. “It was our mom’s favorite as well.”

I smiled back at him and he looked down at the piano. I leaned my head on his shoulder and watched as he started playing. He turned his head to kiss my forehead and I smiled.

The composition was beautiful and actually hearing it for the first time made my soul happy.

I felt safe in Alexander’s arms. I felt peaceful and I didn’t want him to stop playing.

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Hi, guys 😊

This was an emotional chapter. I have to admit that I cried a bit writing the part where Alex is playing the piano 🥺❤️

I just wanted to say that if anyone is feeling or thinking anything similar to what I had described in this chapter, I am hoping that you will ask for help. Please talk to someone (a friend, a family member, or a therapist). There is always someone willing to listen and you don't have to go through this alone ❤️

Also, if you guys aren'r familiar with the composition Alex is playing for Sophia, please listen to it. It is called Vltava and it was written by Bedrich Smetana. It is beautiful and it is one of my favorite compositions 😍

Thank you for reading and following. See you guys in the next chapter 🥰