Damien's POV

I was lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. I couldn't sleep. My entire body felt like I’d been punched over and over again. My heart felt shattered. I was so fucking angry at myself and I just wanted to rip my own heart out.

I was an idiot. I was such a fucking idiot.

I always hated myself so fucking much, but now I just wanted to disappear. I wanted to hurt myself just like I hurt her. I wanted to hurt myself just like I hurt my brothers. I wanted to suffer. I wanted to take all the pain to myself and let it destroy me.

I wasn’t worth anything. I wasn’t worth their forgiveness. I wasn’t worth their love. They should have shot me the moment Elijah told them what I did. They should have kicked me out of the house. I should have died in that snow just like she wanted to.

I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair.

I really wanted to hurt myself. I deserved this pain, but I wanted more. I deserved more. I deserved to bleed and scream. I deserved it all.

I tightened my jaw and closed my eyes.

There was nothing I could do. I did so much fucking damage and they all hated me. Worst of all, Sophia hated me. She had every right to, but it still hurt so fucking much. I just wished that there was something I could do to take it all back. I wanted to go back to the moment I said it and stop myself. I wanted to go back and go inside her room instead. I wanted to go back, approach her bed, and tell her how fucking much I loved her.

I wanted it all, but I would never have it. I would never…

Quiet footsteps interrupted my thoughts. The footsteps were approaching my room and I got confused.

I lifted my head and furrowed my eyebrows.

Who the hell was that? Everyone was exhausted and asleep.

If it was Elijah again I would kick him out. I didn’t want him in my room again. The last time he was here I almost…

No, I didn’t want him here.

The footsteps stopped in front of my room and I waited for his knock.

Except it never came.

I listened, trying to figure out what the hell was he doing, but I couldn’t hear anything.

“Fuck, Elijah,” I mumbled as I stood up and started walking toward the door.

I heard him walking away and my annoyance started growing. What the fuck was he doing? He should have walked inside my room and told me what the hell he wanted.

“What do you…,” I started speaking when I opened the door, but I stopped when my eyes landed on…

I gasped and grabbed the doorknob tightly.

“Sophia,” I mumbled.

She was staring at me wide-eyed.

I looked behind her, expecting to see Alexander running at me like an enraged bull, but the hallway was empty.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, looking back at her. “Why are you awake?”

She gulped and started clenching and unclenching her fists. I noticed that she was barefoot and my protectiveness exploded out of me.

“Where are your slippers, Sophia?” I asked as I approached her. “You are going to get sick.”

I took her hand in mine and pulled her into my room. I looked around until I saw my slippers.

“Put them on,” I said as I placed them in front of her.

She did what I said and looked back up at me. My heart clenched painfully.

“What are you doing here, Sophia?” I asked as I took a step away from her. “Where is Alexander?”

I needed to step away from her because I just wanted to pull her to me and hug her. But I didn’t want to scare her. I didn’t want to hurt her more than I already did.

“He is asleep,” she said quietly.

I sat on the bed and tightened my jaw.

“What are you doing here?” I asked her.

She took a deep breath and gulped.

“Why did you say it?” she asked quietly.

My heart raced. I clenched my fists and wished again that I could just rip my heart out of my body.

I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair.

“Because I am an idiot,” I mumbled.

I looked at my feet and shook my head.

“I am not good at expressing emotions,” I added. “I never was. I was afraid that I would hurt you if I let you get close to me. I thought that you would be safe if I kept you far away from me.”

I looked back up at her and gulped.

“I also wanted to hurt Elijah,” I said as I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me. “I didn’t mean for you to hear it. I said it because I wanted to hurt him.”

I never said it before. I never admitted it to anyone else before. But I had to tell her. She deserved to know the truth.

I said it to hurt Elijah. I said it to push him away. I said it because I…

I tightened my jaw and stopped that thought from forming inside my mind.

Sophia studied my face for a moment.

“Were you trying to push him away too?” she asked, making my eyes widen.

I gulped and remained silent. I didn’t know what to say to her.

“You should stop doing that,” she said after a few moments of silence. “Your family loves you. Don’t lose that just because you are afraid.”

I felt tears in the corners of my eyes.

“I am proud of you,” I said, making her furrow her eyebrows a little.

I gave her a small smile.

“You are afraid, but you are talking to me,” I said. “I’ve never heard you talk this much.”

I really didn’t. I had no idea what made her come here, but I was so fucking happy she did.

She fidgeted with her fingers nervously.

“Alex said that he won’t let you see me,” she said quietly and my heart stopped.

I nodded slowly.

“I deserve it,” I said quietly. “I hurt you.”

“I don’t want that,” she said, making me freeze.

She didn’t want what?

“I want to see you,” she mumbled. “You are my brother.”

I couldn’t stop a quiet sob that escaped me.

“You want to see me?” I asked, trying to clear my throat a little. “Even after everything I did and said?”

She nodded.

“I realized something when I woke up,” she said.

“What did you realize?” I asked her.

She took a deep breath and looked at her feet.

“Something wants me to live,” she said. “I tried to take my own life twice now and I failed.”

She tried to kill herself before? My heart almost stopped beating. She looked up at me and I saw tears in her eyes.

“But this time I wasn’t with James when I woke up,” she said, her voice trembling. “I was with all of you and I felt loved. I didn’t feel like a piece of meat or someone’s punching bag. I didn’t feel like you were glad I was alive because you would be able to torture me some more.”

She sobbed and shook her head.

“I decided that I didn’t want to be afraid anymore,” she cried out. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”

I jumped up and closed the distance between us in two long steps. I picked her up and pulled her into my arms. She wrapped her arms around my neck and sobbed. I felt tears fall down my cheeks.

“No one will hurt you ever again,” I mumbled as I kissed her temple. “I promise, Sophia. I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again. You don’t have to be afraid, my sweet girl.”

I sat on the bed and placed her on my lap.

“You are safe,” I added, my voice breaking. “I promise, sweetie. You are safe.”

I leaned my head on hers and closed my eyes.

I was so fucking glad it wasn’t Elijah who came to talk to me. I was so glad it was her.