Sophia's POV

“Okay,” Damien said quietly. “Just in the morning?”

Alex kissed my temple and tightened his arms around me.

Damien kept nodding his head.

“Yes, definitely,” Damien said, looking at me. “She needs it.”

I furrowed my eyebrows a little.

“Okay,” Damien said. “I will call you soon.”

He ended the call and looked at me.

“Seth said that we should start you on a small dose of antidepressant,” Damien said and I tensed up a little. “You will also have your sessions with him twice a week.”

“Antidepressant?” Eli asked. “Is that safe?”

Damien looked at him and nodded.

“Of course,” he said. “I would never agree to it if it wasn’t safe. Also, I will be monitoring her the entire time. I will be taking her off it if I notice any damaging side effects.”

Damien looked back at me and sighed.

“Are you sleeping okay, sweetie?” he asked.

I furrowed my eyebrows a little.

“I have nightmares when I’m alone,” I mumbled quietly.

Alex stroked my hair and kissed my temple again.

“We know a cure for that then,” he said. “One of us will always be with you.”

I looked at him and he smiled.

“I can’t ask you to…,” I started speaking, but he interrupted.

“Yes, you can,” he said. “We are your family and we are here for you. You don’t even have to ask us to be here, baby. We want to be here for you. We want to help you.”

I felt the tears in the corners of my eyes. I buried my face into Alex’s chest and took a deep breath. Alex rubbed my back gently.

“You are not alone anymore, Sunshine,” Will said. “You have a family now and you can always rely on us.”

A part of me knew that, but I was having such a hard time accepting it. I was having a hard time understanding it. I was struggling with realizing that it was all really happening. I felt like I was dreaming. I felt like I would wake up and be in that cold basement again.

“Can I ask you something, Sophia?” Damien spoke softly.

I looked up at him and nodded.

He took a deep breath and approached me. He sat next to Alex and me and took my hand in his.

I had a feeling that I wouldn't like his question.

But I would answer it. I was done being afraid.

“Do you have suicidal thoughts often?” he asked. “Do you have plans to hurt yourself? Do you have a need to hurt yourself?”

I took a deep breath and furrowed my eyebrows.

“Please, baby, tell us the truth,” Alex said, pressing me closer to him. “We want to help you.”

I knew that and I wanted to tell them the truth. I just didn’t know how to. I didn’t know how to put it in words.

“I am struggling to find a way to explain,” I said, making Damien nod.

“Okay,” he said. “Start talking and we will ask questions. Does that sound okay?”

I gulped and gave him a small nod. He smiled and caressed my cheek.

“Okay, sweetie,” he said softly. “Start when you are ready.”

I took a deep breath and pressed myself closer to Alex. He kissed the top of my head and mumbled that he loved me. It made me braver. It made me feel safer.

“I don’t have plans,” I started quietly. “I don’t have needs. I never did. I never wanted or tried to hurt myself.”

Damien furrowed his eyebrows a little. I knew why he was confused. I tried to kill myself twice.

“It is more like I don’t care,” I continued, hoping that I would find a way to explain. “I don’t care if I am alive or dead. I stopped caring a long time ago.”

Damien tightened his jaw.

I glanced at Luke and Will. Luke looked sad. Will looked angry. I knew it wasn’t at me, though.

“Okay,” Damien said after a moment of silence. “Can you explain a bit?”

I nodded and took another deep breath. I tried to think of an example.

“When James and Elizabeth told me that you would take me in, they told me that you needed a maid you can torture a little,” I said, making Alex flinch. “They said that you hated each other and that you hated me. They said that you wanted revenge and that you would either kill me or give me back to them so they could continue torturing me.”

Damien’s eyes blazed with fury.

“Fuckers!” Eli exclaimed loudly.

I could feel Alex tensing up. His hold on me tightened.

I kept my eyes on Damien. I needed to stay focused.

“I didn’t care when they said that,” I continued. “The only thing I didn’t want was to go back to them. I decided that I would kill myself if you didn’t. I didn’t care who would end my life, I just didn’t want to go back to James and Elizabeth.”

Damien closed his eyes. His nostrils flared.

“The same thing happened when I walked out in the snow,” I added and Damien opened his eyes. “I just didn’t want to be in pain again. I didn’t want to be tortured and used as a punching bag again. I decided that I would end it before you or anyone else could. I wanted a peaceful death. I didn’t want to die on some basement floor after being punched and raped again.”

I heard someone sob. I couldn't look away from Damien, though. I had to get it all out and I would break if I saw any one of them cry. Damien had tears in his eyes as well, but at least he wasn’t sobbing.

“That is why I tried to kill myself the first time as well,” I said after a few moments of silence. “I was done with James and the pain he caused. I knew that he would eventually kill me and I was okay with it. But I was done with the pain. I was done with being scared. I wanted peace.”

I felt tears burning the corners of my eyes.

“I never wanted or needed to hurt myself,” I added quietly. “I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to know what peace felt like. I wanted to know what not being afraid every second of every day felt like.”

I sighed and looked down at my lap. My vision was blurry with my tears.

“I didn’t want to be in pain again,” I said and my voice finally broke.

Someone grabbed me and pulled me away from Alex.

“You will never be in pain again,” Luke said, his voice panicked. “Never again, Sophia. Am I clear? Never again.”

He sat on the chair and put me on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me tightly. I could feel him shaking a little.

“I will kill anyone who even thinks about hurting you,” Luke continued. “No more pain, Sophia, I promise.”

He kissed my temple and sobbed.

“I promise, cutie, I promise,” he added.

I hugged him back as tightly as I could. He placed a hand on my head and held me close to him.

I felt someone’s fingers in my hair, I couldn’t look up to see who it was. Luke was holding me too tightly.

“Luke is right, honey,” Eli said as he ran his fingers through my hair again. “No more pain.”

“And if you ever start thinking about wanting to die, please come talk to one of us,” Will said, his voice quiet and raspy. “We can’t lose you, Sunshine.”

I smiled a little and the first tear fell on my cheek.

“Okay,” I said quietly.

“We love you, Sophia,” Eli said and kissed the top of my head.

I believed him.

For the first time since I came here, I truly believed that they loved me.