𝓥𝓲𝓸𝓵𝓮𝓽

My hand froze in mid-air, a mixture of shock and irritation coursing through me.

"You're hurting yourself?" I asked, my voice raised slightly with disbelief. "Clara, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Clara flinched at the sharpness in my tone. "I... I was scared," she murmured, avoiding my gaze. "I didn't... I don't know any other way to deal with this, Violet. I just feel so corrupted, like I'm a pile of garbage."

The silence that followed was heavy, filled with the weight of unspoken fears and pain. I took a moment to collect my thoughts, the initial shock giving way to a deep concern.

"Clara, you're not garbage," I said, my voice steady and firm, even though at times, I felt the same way about myself. "We need to address this. It's serious."

Clara nodded, tears brimming in her eyes. "I know."

"No more secrets, okay?"

Clara stared a moment, debating between the truth and secrecy. "... I'll try. That's all I can promise you."

I forced a nod, "okay."

I watched Clara, her shoulders hunched as if bracing against a gust of wind only she could feel.

"How... How often?" I asked, bracing myself against what she could potentially say. Whatever or how often it turned out to be - scared me.

"... Not as often anymore," she said. "I often used the men... after that Christmas - after we left the orphanage - I told them to hurt me..." Clara looked up, looking for some sort of outburst, but none came.

"They listened," her voice broke. "I was thankful for it then because I felt that was what I deserved... to be hurt... I turned to other things later."

Her words broke me in multiple different ways - my heart felt like it'd been torn in two.

"Clara," I reached for her hand and squeezed. "Please, please," I pleaded. "Stop doing this. We'll get another therapist for self-harm. Please... This hurts me." I felt the sudden burst of tears slide down my cheeks.

Clara seemed to be in even more pain as she watched the tears slide down my face. She quickly nodded."I'll stop," she promised, even though she knew, deep down, how hard that would be.