Chapter 12 part 1

Matias

A bright light bleeding into the room woke him up, punching on the back of his eyelids. He opened his eyes, shocked that he wasn't laying in his bed. Instead, he was sitting up on Samuel's couch with Samuel leaning on one side of him and Ellie clinging onto the other.

His heart sped up at the man who was sleeping on him, but he ignored it the best he could. He stared down at Samuel for a long moment. He observed his thick eyelashes, his long and messy hair, and he even noticed a small freckle beside his ear.

He snapped himself out of his thoughts and looked away from Samuel.

This is creepy, right? Staring at someone while they sleep is weird.

Matias stared intensely at the window, which had sunlight pouring through it. His eyes tried to travel back to Samuel, but he wouldn't let them.

He eventually got off the couch, slowly maneuvering his way up, trying not to wake Samuel and Ellie.

When he was finally up he didn't waste any time leaving the living room and going into the kitchen. Maybe he was making himself too at home, but he didn't really care.

Just being in the same room as Samuel, even when he was sleeping, made his whole body feel weird. Even though he now knew what that feeling was, it still make him feel.. wrong.

With everything going on, Matias hadn't had much time to be alone and think. However, now that he had the space, all his thoughts were rushing in at once.

Thoughts that he had done his best to avoid.

Vivid images of the woman he stabbed popped into his head. The looks of terror on the men's face. Her blood dripping onto him. It was all too much.

His hands balled into fists and his breathing quickened. His eyes welled with tears and he bit his lip, making it bleed in just seconds.

He felt like he was going to black out, but the thoughts only kept coming.

He could've done something else, she didn't have to die. Hell, it would've been better if he died instead. They have a reason for trying to kill him, but he just killed her for doing what Guzantee told her to.

What if she had a family? And what about her friends? They must be grieving right now. If Matias died instead of her, nobody would grieve. It would have been the better outcome.

His legs wobbled beneath him and he just barely held himself up. He was gasping for air, all to no avail. He was sure he was going to black out when he felt a soft pressure on his back.

"Matias? Are you alright?" The voice asked slowly and softly

Matias whipped his head around fast enough to make his head pound even more. He met a pair of deep brown eyes, staring worriedly.

The presence gave him a bit of comfort, but his breathing and shaking didn't slow down even a little. His stopped biting his lip as he opened his mouth a bit in an attempt to get more air.

"hey, it's alright" he spoke soothingly, "you need to sit down, okay?"

Matias stared at him for a moment, not fully processing his words at first. The other man's hands laid on each of his shoulders as he urged him to have a seat. They weren't close enough to any chairs so Samuel led Matias to sit on the floor.

Matias sat, leaning back on the cabinets behind him. Samuel crouched in front of him, his left hand remaining on Matias's shoulder.

"Just breathe, I know it's hard but you need to focus on your breathing" Samuel instructed

He scooted forward slightly towards Matias, though they were already close together.

Matias did his best to breathe normally, but his lungs ached with every few failed breaths.

"This will all pass, I promise" he continued to sooth him "you'll be okay. Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be just fine"

Matias, though he had bigger problems at the moment, was ashamed by Samuel seeing him like this. Part of him was happy that he didn't have to constantly hide his feelings from Samuel, but the other part wanted to duck away and not let Samuel see him vulnerable ever again.

Samuel put his gentle hand on top of Matias's trembling one. His thumb traced shapes over his hand slowly, doing everything in his power to comfort Matias.

They sat there silently for multiple minutes. Matias, slowly but surely, calmed down a bit. His breathing was still rugged and he was still shaking a bit, but it was a massive improvement.

"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" Samuel asked, breaking the silence.

Matias only stared up at Samuel briefly. He wasn't okay, but he couldn't tell that to Samuel. And he did want to talk about it, but did he even have the right to be upset about his own wrong doing?

Samuel waited patiently, not looking away from Matias for even a second.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, Matias" he whispered calmly

Matias still only stared up at him, his chest rising and falling at a weird pace.

When he first opened is mouth to say something, no words came out. He hadn't really realized how fucked up he was.

On his second try he managed to speak, but his voice was broken and quiet.

"the woman.. that I killed" he just barely muttered

He watched as Samuels eyes widened. A mix of care and concern went through his expression as he stared unspeaking back at Matias.

Matias forced himself to hold an unbearably long eye contact. He was on the verge of tears, water pooling in his eyes and threatening to drop out.

"Matias" Samuel spoke quietly "that's not your fault"

Matias bit his tongue.

"You were defending yourself. If you hadn't done what you did you'd probably be dead right now"

Samuel tightened his grip on Matias's shoulder.

"but.." Matias struggled, "but she didn't have to die"

His voice broke and a tear finally fell down onto his cheek. His lungs screamed at him as his breathing slowed down even more.

He stared up into Samuels entrancing eyes. He got trapped in his gaze, unable to look away.

"Oh Matias" he breathed

Samuels hand lifted itself off of Matias's shoulder, moving to his cheek. He wiped the singular tear gently with his thumb.

The feel of Samuels skin against his face sent jolts through his body. He felt cared for, which wasn't something he was particularly used to.

"There are plenty of times in high pressure situations where maybe there are other ways to get out of it, but when you're put in that position it's hard to make a decision" he advised

He paused for a long moment

"You know, police have to kill people all the time. Lots of times there are other ways to sort it out, but they just had to do what they thought was right in that split second decision"

His thumb rubbed Matias's cheek smoothly. Matias couldn't deny, he enjoyed it. It was incredibly relaxing, even though it made his heart speed up and his cheeks grow red.

Even in a situation like this, Matias still found himself becoming subject to Samuels touch. He wanted to lean into his hand and hold his other. He just wanted to be closer.

You wouldn't think his love would be what pushed him over the edge.

Tears started spilling from his eyes and a few choked sounds came out of him. He tried to push Samuel away and brought his hands up to his face, but Samuel refused to leave Matias like this.

He grabbed one of Matias's wrists, though he didn't hold it tight or firm. He gently pulled that hand away from his face, letting the tears drip down. After a moment he did the same for the other, leaving all the water to run down his face.

"I'm so sorry"

That was all Samuel said before pulling Matias into a hug. He held him gently, rubbing his hands over his back. Matias sat completely still for multiple seconds before he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Samuel. He hugged him tightly and securely, not wanting the moment to end.

He wanted to tell Samuel not to be sorry. He wanted to say that there was nothing for him to be sorry for. But he couldn't get any words out, all he could do was sit on the floor and cling onto him.

His mind raced through all of Samuels words. The police do have to kill people all the time.. but he's not like them, is he? He's not the same as the police who shot at a misunderstood and scared boy.

But not all police are like the police who shot at him either. Hell, maybe the police are just trained to shoot at people when the person is standing in a circle of dead bodies. They didn't intend to start all this.

Matias mentally shook his head. For years he had found himself unsure of his feelings towards the cops, some days he would feel nothing but resentment but other days he would be fully willing to forgive them. Now all he could do was try not to think about them.

He begged himself to stop thinking about all the possibilities and opinions of and about the cops. He knew he'd never come to peace about it, so what was the point? He couldn't get rid of the thoughts without something else to think about though.

He pulled himself away from Samuel, his arms dropping to his sides. Samuel released him, but kept his worried gaze.

"Are you alright?" Samuel asked, concern pouring from his voice.

Matias looked up at him through his eyelashes. It was a simple question, but what should he say? He wasn't fine, he couldn't say he was fine. Would admitting that he wasn't fine make Samuel think worse of him?

"I'm okay"

He looked away and fixed his face, eliminating any sign of sadness from it. He knew he shouldn't still worry that Samuel would think he's weak, but something just wouldn't let him verbally admit that he wasn't okay.

"Okay" was all Samuel said

It was clear that Samuel was disappointed by Matias's response, but didn't push him any further.

Samuel leaned back away from Matias for a moment before standing up off the floor. He held out a hand for Matias to take, not saying a word.

Matias gently grabbed his hand, acting as if if were a piece of thin glass. The two stood, looking into each others eyes for only a second before Samuel glanced away.

"I'm going to go wake up Ellie, you should get yourself some water" he said in a brittle tone

Matias only nodded before Samuel left the kitchen, going into the living room.

Once again Matias was alone with his thoughts. He bit down lightly on his bottom lip, feeling a scab from another time that he couldn't exactly remember.

He couldn't let his mind wander like that again. Especially not while he was still at Samuel's house. He cleared his mind and opened a cabinet, pulling out a glass cup. He filled it with tap water, not bothering to get ice or even let the water run cold.

He sat at the circular table in a chair that faced the entrance to the kitchen. He sipped on his water and listened to Samuel and Ellie in the other room.

He couldn't hear too much, but he heard Samuel whispering and Ellie groaning. A smile formed on his lips as he heard Samuel chuckle at his tired daughter.

He heard a door open and shut which he assumed was Ellie going back to her bedroom from the couch. Samuel soon came back into the kitchen, a sad smile on his face.

He stopped at the doorway, not approaching the table where Matias sat.

"I'm going to turn on the news, see if there's any updates on the new villain. You're welcome to join me"

Matias sipped his water to fill the silence.

"Okay"

Samuel gave Matias one last look before retreating back to the living room. Matias sat unmoving at the table until he heard the news start to play. He wanted to go watch it— even if it was just because Samuel was there— but he was sure it'd be awkward going in there.

Then again, wouldn't it be impolite to not join him after he came in here and asked? He sighed, deciding he was done thinking about it. He stood slowly from his seat and walked at an annoyingly slow pace to the living room.

When he got there he made sure not to sit too close to Samuel where it seemed he was trying to be near him. However, he also didn't want to sit too far and make Samuel think he was upset.

He ended up sitting with a bit less than a foot between them. Matias wasn't sure if that was an appropriate distance, but it'd have to do.

The news was still going over weather and sporting events that Matias thought were silly. They usually saved all the hero-villain bullshit for last, which Matias also thought was stupid, but it's not like it was a big deal.

Matias paid no mind to the temperatures displayed on the screen as he was too distracted by the man beside him. His struggled to keep his eyes from darting in his direction and keeping his hands from fidgeting.

After an agonizing few minutes the screen finally switched to the only thing Matias was actually interested in. Or the only thing he could pretend to care about at least. He was sure they were just going to spit out some idiotic theories anyways.

The lady who was speaking went over all the recent events, even though everyone must already know what's going on. Matias rolled his eyes and held back a scoff.

He mostly tuned out as they recapped more than what was even necessary. He quickly tuned himself back in at the mention of himself, or rather the villain.

"The villain attacked multiple innocent pedestrians in areas around Greenlake both last night and this morning. All of them say they were alone when the villain randomly attacked them with no motive. There were six total victims who were all injured in the attacks."

Matias felt his heart speed up and anger pulse through his body. He wanted to pretend that all the false accusations didn't bother him, but they could be awful annoying. He wanted to shut the tv off then and there, but only ended up listening to the news lady talk even more.

"All of the victims suffered injuries of either broken bones or concussions. The severity of the attacks ranges from only a broken wrist to a severe concussion and two broken arms. We are unsure as to why the villain had suddenly chosen to be so violent, but police believe it has something to do with the new villain."

-----------------------------------------------------

I just realized I have over 1.5k reads, tysm!!