⚠️❗️AHHH SPOOKY WARNINGG❗️⚠️: This chapter includes self harm (mental and physical). Nothing too bad- the only item used is a broken, plastic butter knife. I'm squeamish myself so don't worry-

Pin's POV:

Beep Beep! Beep beep! Beep bee-!

I aggressively slam my obnoxiously loud alarm clock, shutting it off. Before I could even sit up I hear a gentle knock on my door. "Come in." I respond groggily while wiping my morning tears. My mom enters my room with a nervous smile. "Hey, cherry..." She takes a seat on my bed next to me. I can tell from her expression that we're about to have a somewhat serious talk. I let her ruffle my hair and put her arm around my shoulder because she's the only person I wouldn't punch right now. I rest my head on her shoulder, allowing her to give me as much affection as she wants. "So, what's the matter?" I ask despite already knowing. "Well, I know this weekend hasn't been the best- especially Saturday... And I don't want you going to school feeling really stressed, y'know? I was thinking of letting you stay home today but I want it to be up to you. I know how you get when I make decisions for you." She ends it with a chuckle and I can't help but smile slightly. Staying home soons nice but I'd rather deal with the crazy amount of questions from Firey and Leafy about why I'm avoiding you-know-who today than tomorrow. If I weren't to show up to school today that would add more to it as well. "...or, I could take you to school later and say you had an appointment. I know how to forge a doctor's note." She adds while smirking with a wink. "U-uhm...I-I don't know... Are you such they won't know it's fake...?" "Did you seriously forget I used to be a doctor?" "You were a nurse." "....well, still. I think I know how to fill out a doctor's note. I promise nothing will happen, pumpkin." She reassures me before planting a light kiss on my forehead. "Okay," I say finally being able to push my anxiety out of the way. "We can do that." "That's my girl!" She gives my shoulder a pat before standing up. "I'll let you sleep in a bit more." I nod before hearing the door click and laying back down.

Not even five minutes later I sit up again. I miss Coiny more than I'd like to admit. I get my phone from my purse I left next to my bed on the floor. I know he sneaks his phone into classes he doesn't like but right now he should be on the bus. He'd probably answer then if I texted him. Should I even talk to him at all? I'm still really mad at him. It should be obvious that I didn't want to be touched AND that I wasn't in the mood... I was in a rush too. He was just trying to help. How was he supposed to know when all you were doing was being mean and difficult. Then, you decide to ruin everything just because you were pissed off. He has every right to hate you. This isn't even the first time...what is wrong with you? You deserve everything that happened to you. It was all your fault anyway. My chest starts to feel heavy as I hyperventilate. I accidentally drop my phone without any reaction before crying into my hands and letting my thoughts beat me up for being such a horrible person. You're so annoying and hard to deal with because you're always putting up a fuss about everything. Even your mom said so. Everyone hates you and you should hate yourself as well. I forced myself to stand up. My vision blurs for a few seconds due to getting up too quickly. I use my dresser as support and realize my shoulders are aching. Good, hurt more. My eyes land on my small trash can, more specifically on a random plastic knife that seemed to be broken.

Use it, use it, use it.

Use it.

...

JUST USE IT ALREADY.

My hands shake as I go over to pick it up. It's broken so that means it would sharper. That also means it will hurt more. Hurry up. Unexpected tears run down my face as I stare at it. Your dad doesn't even like you. He ignores you whenever he's here. He doesn't give a shit about you- no one does. Do everyone a favor and use the knife already. Before doing anything I lock my door. Let's start with your wrist then, make it up to your shoulders.

I have to go back to school the period before lunch which is in thirty minutes. My left arm has a mixture of deep cuts to big scratches all over. I sigh at myself in the mirror. How are you going to hide this? I quickly walk to my room and grab a black sweater with overly long sleeves. My hand has cuts too. I wince as the rough fabric rubs against them. My phone buzzes and the screen lights up. I look at it to read the message my mom just sent. 'Heyyy, strawberry! You have 25 minutes until we head out.' It read before another message popped up. 'Love you!❤️'

Lies. Who actually loves you?

I already cut myself! Aren't you happy?

You deserve way more pain than that. That's why you kept the knife in your purse, right? You believe it too.

Shut up, please...

I try to ignore my energy draining thoughts and focus on getting ready. I finish with ten minutes left to spare. Ten minutes left to sit here and feel bad for yourself. "SHUT UP!" I accidentally yelled out loud. I really hope my mom didn't hear me. Fortunately, I didn't hear anything after that. My shoulders hurt even more than before. If only HE were here...oh, right! You shut him out, idiot. He cared about you and you made him cry and broke his heart. You're a great friend. Just wait until you're force to be in the same room as him. It's not leaving me alone.

The bell rings for the end of fifth period. Now you have to see him at lunch~! Ugh, shut the hell up... Are you just going to pretend like he doesn't exist? Are you even going to wait for him at his locker like how you ALWAYS do??? I take an extra long time walking down the hallway to think about whether I should or not. I can't let it get to me again. Not again like earlier. I glance at my arm, remembering the entire experience replay in my already jumbled head. I go to his locker and wait. I know he's here's today because I saw him in the hallway on my way to fifth period. He didn't see me though- at least I don't think he did. He was with Firey and looked much happier than yesterday. See? He's already doing better without you. Looks like he's going to have to deal with a burden again. I feel my left arm's sharp and irritated pain as I clench my fists and squeeze my eyes shut. I open them only to sit down in front of his locker. I lift my sleeve to look at my arm again. It's covered with dry blood. How much did I...?

"I thought you weren't here today," I hear a familiar voice question. I quickly fix my sleeve and stand up. "H-hi, Coiny..." I reply shamefully. "Are you okay?" He asked with a skeptical look. Why does he care? Maybe he just feels bad for you. "Why are you holding your arm? Does it hurt?" "W-what?! I-I'm fine-!" Before I can come up with an excuse he take ahold of my arm tightly enough to make me wince which gives it all away. "What's wrong?" He asks as if it's a final warning. I stare at the ground in defeat and lift my sleeve causing his eyes to widen. "Ah-, what happened?! Did you do this?!" He asks frantically while letting go of my arm. Idiot. Now he has to worry about you. You're such a pain in the ass. "U-uh-, I- ...yes." I admit feeling my eyes start to sting while making sure to keep looking down. "I'm sorry... I just didn't want to bother you about it and-" I'm suddenly given a tight hug by the person I thought who hated me for good. I cancel out all my thoughts and hugs him back as tightly as I can, letting myself cry. "Whyyy would you do thaaaatt??? Pin, please... don't do it again...please." "I don't know..." I say between sobs sounding like a toddler trying to argue with their parents. "Shh, it's okay..." He rubs my back and plants a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Just breathe-." "Coiny, this is the main reason why I got mad at you the other day..." I say, pulling away from the hug. "Wait, what?" "And you did it yesterday too. I didn't feel like being physically touch because..." "I get what you're saying." "I-I should've told you that though...like a normal person..." "Hey, that's not true. I should've known better (a/n: if I had a wish I would've never messed around-/lyr I'm really sorry)." "B-but..." You're just being annoying at this point. I look down at my arm, ashamed of myself. Coiny seems to notice me look at it again and gently brings it closer to him so he can get a better look. "Pin, you could get an infection... I'm taking you to the nurse-" "No, please don't. They're going to think I'm... I-I don't normally do this..." "Does that mean you've done it before?!" My vision blurs from overflowing tears. "No, no, no, don't cry... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell." "Y-yeah, b-but I haven't done it since... the incident." I explain while wiping my tears with my sleeve. "Can I kiss your hand?" You just explained to him why you didn't want to be touched and you both agreed to go back to being normal friends again. The nerve. "WHAT DO YOU THINK?!" You're doing it again. "You're right. I-" "YEAH, I AM." Are you trying to make things worse? "Pin-," "UGH, DON'T 'PIN' ME! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY!" Hasn't even been ten minutes, haven't it? "...I know, I'm an idiot. Just forget I said anything-" "FORGETTING DOESN'T HELP!" Keep going. Is that all he has to say? "I'VE BEEN SO STRESSED TO THE POINT WHERE I ACTUALLY CUT MYSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS AND ALL YOU DO IS MAKE IT HARDER!" After everything you've been through... "I...I HATE YOU!"

It's officially over now. You've just lost your best friend.

As I enter the cafeteria I look for either Book or Leafy. I soon find Book sitting with Pillow, Price Tag, Cake, Naily, Bomby, and Nickel who normally sneaks into this lunch period just to hang out with them. I quickly rush over to the table and tap Book's shoulder. She swivels her head around fastly out of instinct. "Oh, hello, Pin!" She give me a wave that I respond with a small smile. "Can I sit with you guys?" I ask shyly. She nods before patting the space next to her. "Thanks," I sit down, not feeling hungry at all. "Is everything okay with you and Coiny-?" "Everything's fine." She can tell from my tone of voice that I don't feel like talking about it and pats my back. "I won't bug you about it," She replies with an assuring smile. "Mind if I lean on you?" "You look tired. Of course, you can." I rests my head against the slightly taller girl's arm and close my eyes, not planning to eat anytime soon. I remember how I used to hate her in middle school. Now, she's my go-to person besides...him. She wraps her arm around me and places her hand on my shoulder while continuing to chat with her healthier friend group. "Pin, are you gonna get anything?" Book asks me with a hushed voice probably because she thought I was sleeping. "No," I reply sleepily. "I'm gonna get some food real quick. I'll be right back." She continues, waiting for me to lift my head. I nod before doing so. Pillow and Pricetag go with her as well leaving me in awkward silence with Nickel, Bomby, Naily, and Cake. "What's up, Pin?" Nickel reaches out his fist for a fist bump. I nervously giggle before hesitantly fist bumping him. "I-I'm good..." I say. Naily's eyes widen and she uses her prosthetic hand to take my right one. "I thought I was the only one who wore four finger rings! I love the spikes... It's hard to keep them on my fingers since... y'know." I nod and smile as she plays with my fingers and black, spikey ring. "Thank you! I like yours too." I reply cheerfully. "You're really cool, Pin." "You think so?" "Of course! Let me stop now before I get carried away," I giggle as she pulls her hands away and sits properly. The throple comes back and Book sits next to me again. I spend the rest of the time talking to the friendly group of people.

A/n: wassup chat?!?! Okay so, I wanted to get this chapter out quick because I'll be super busy the rest of the week so sorry if it feels rushed. Fun fact: I had an entirely different idea for how this chapter was gonna turn out. I was gonna have it so that Pin would pretend like nothing happened and act all preppy and stuff but...well, you read the chapter. BTWW Bostonterrier80 I LOVE SENIOR TRIP SO MUCH RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH😍😍😍 Anyways, CYAAAAA!!

- ✧Sol✧ ⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚