' good morning my ass'







i don't get it to be honest.

i don't understand how. or why for that reason. why im angry, why im hurt. why im so god damn fucked up. i don't get it.

the fuck did i do in my previous life to get to deserve so much pain for shit i cant even remeber? i must've been hitlers best friend or some shit.

i wasn't even sure myself what i was so goddamn scared of.

isnt that fucked up? to be scared and not know why? isnt that fucking pathetic? im glad mt muscles were aching so much i couldn't properly focus on my thoughts.

i was fucking glad i was a trembling mess. i was fucking happy because atleast then no one had anything to say. if it was just a harmless workout- a harmless workout till i passed out at some point.

music blaring through the speakers of the private gym in the basement.

why did i walk away at that stupid party. they wanted me, i could've had them. no man liked to chase, now i was alone again. fucking alone. gosh, one day my siblings where all going to get married and our parents would grow tired of me.

i would be alone.

all fucking alone.

oh gosh. i was horrible- one second i wanted a game and the next i wanted love and happy ever after. i was so fucking tired of not even knowing what i wanted myself.

i splashed water in my face leaning over the bathroom sink my muscles still burning like acid was pumping through my veins. i grabbed the facewash from the counter washing my face thoroughly.

putting on a face mask sitting down outside on the balcony in my silky robe, sitting in the rocking chair i brought when i was ten.

i wanted to shout and fucking scream at myself, and those damned fucking marino brothers because why the fuck where they in my head? huh? they had no premusion or right to be in my head.

it was almost like mind rape or some shit. i don't know. but i wanted them fucking gone.

i took of my face mask throwing it in the trash can. i was gonna do the rest of my skincare routine in a minute now i just needed a breather.

and then i was gonna get up and do everything i needed to do and i would force gia and ronnie to go with me to the mall or something.

oh no never mind, gia had friends she wanted to hang out with today and ronnie had fucking tennis practice today.

and mum had work, and dad sucked at shopping he only ever said the things were pretty even though they were awful. and vinnie would never want to go anywhere because he just wanted to read.

and adonis was busy with freaking organizing some big fuckign party and rico was i don't know where.

i wanted to fucking cry my eyes out.

and the worst part it wasn't even like i could go anywhere alone, because i was terrified of being alone. so all i could do was sit fucking still and do nothing.

because everyone at school fucking sucked. or well not enough to not hang out with them after school but just enough to never want to have anything to do with them in the weekend and holidays.

and then someone had the audacity to ring the doorbell. and i was home alone with Vincent, who i knew for a fact wouldn't open the door. so i threw on a simple dress laid nicely on my bed and hurried downstairs with no shoes and no tights, no jewelry and no makeup.

and when i opened the door i was horrified.

cause there stood none other that nicolas and santos marino. '' goodmorning princess'' nicolas greeted smugly eyeing my up and down. fucking perv.

'' morning'' i replied trying not to sound like i was having a mental fucking breakdown. an ability i had mastered quite well over my nineteen years of existence.

and yet the brothers didn't seem one bit convinced.

'' whats the matter?''' santos asked almost softly. as if a man like santos, working with my parents, whom everyone seemed to fear could ever be soft. i was no fool to who they were.

'' what do you mean?'' i asked obviously.

there it came again the inability to decide what i wanted. if i want to shove them out the door or brawl my eyes out and cry in their arms.

i didnt know which option where worse or best.

'' can we come inside?'' nicolas asked not waiting for an reply as he did just that stepped inside and grabbed a hold of my waist pulling me closer so he could kiss the top of my head a gesture that seemed innocent enough if it wasn't for the fact i was dripping wet now thanks to those two morons.

'' your not gonna show us your room, doll?'' santos teased kissing the top of my hand not letting go of it though but instead gesturing for me to lead the way.

i scoffed '' you think im that easy?'' i said offended. i was tried, and i was on the very edge to breaking down because i just wanted to go out shopping and i had no one to go with. i just wanted out of the goddamn house.

'' no sweetheart, we just didn't think it would be right to spek in the middle of your hallway, where anyone could walk by'' nicolas cooed softly cupping my face in his hands. they were warm and soft. and -

i turned away i wasnt easy, and if they wanted me they could fucking earn it.

i would not be labeled a whore by them, or by anyone else in case they decided to boast about having made carmen nystrom weak in the knees.

not a chance in fucking hell.

i didn't let go of santos hand though or rather i didn't hold onto it but i didn't remove my hand from his grasp either i just lead them to my room.

'' don't touch anything or your leaving'' i threatened making sure they were both sitting perfectly still on the little couch in the corner of the room. '' what did you want to talk about?'' i asked unbothered like i wasn't secretly thrilled they were here so i wasn't alone anymore.

'' watch the tone doll or im gonna pull you-'' nicolas hit santos in the back of the head before he could finish his sentence- what a shame that was. '' you said you weren't easy, so we're here to figure you out, isn't that obvious princess?'' nicolas said amused.

i rolled my eyes '' yeah right'' i said sarcastically. '' why are you really here? i don't like your bad excuses and lies'' i snapped feeling hurt by another lie and another rejection going straight to my heart.

fucking bastards where toying with me. i was alone even though i wasnt. and the fuckers seemed to notice my anger and my hurt. or well mostly the first part of it because i knew how the mask the other thing pretty well.

'' you aren't very trustful doll, we're here for you ofcourse '' santos mused standing up approaching me suddenly standing right infront of me. '' you look ravishing in that dress doll, but its awfully short and i can see your hard nipples through it -'' he whispered in my ear leaning down his hands gripping onto my waist firmly but not tightly. '' -why dont you go get ready and changed so we can take you out and have a nice day together we'll go wherever you want too darling'' he offered so sweetly and so fucking close to me it clouded my judgement.

it wasnt my fault i was a nineteen year old girl who had never had any form of sexual intercourse ofcourse i was fucking horny and he was a 6,4 tall handsome guy who had women of all ages on their kness beginning for attention and here i was getting it all.

how could i refuse. i i didn't know where the submission came from but i nodded silently hurrying to the bathroom to get ready my cheeks stained red and an unfamiliar smile stretching across my lips.

strange.

strange strange effects those two men had on me. cause if was sure of one thing it was that i was equally attracted to santos as i was his brother.