' sleepless night without you'







i was tough, i was trouble and i was cruel- that was all people described me as. a beauty that would leave you crying and horrified, broken and ruined. i had done it before and it was all people spoke about when they described me to others.

but it was becoming clearer nicolas and santos viewed me as an saint of some sort.

santos didn't let go of me but rather placed me neatly on his lap while nicolas began feeding me this delicious pasta dish with cheese cream.

i stared at them confused if anything.

i wasn't the type of girl boys wanted, not the kind of girl anyone wanted to date because i was as unstable as a fly in the storm. and i was horrible and an broken girl.

so why were i here?

i had read entire pages about models, actors, important women cursing out the brothers for throwing them out like used toys.

why were they then here treating me like i was their own personal holy toy.

'' you think to much'' nicolas muttered as he brushed the back of his hand against my cheekbone.

i scoffed. i didn't know what to say so i scoffed instead. an natural instinct practically. he was right wasn't he? i thought to much? hated to much?

'' you should watch that pretty mouth of yours or it will be put to another use'' nicolas warned the warning seemed to send shivers down my spine and down to my core.

please do. make my mind quiet. he did it once why couldn't he do it again?

when he was on his knees and santos hands where all over me while nicolas did wonders with his tongue i didnt think, i was in pure blizz. i wanted that feeling again. that serenity.

why was that feeling preserved for non broken people? the people who could find love, who could have an eternity with another person? it wasn't fair.

none of it was fair.

and then in the middle of my thoughts and apparently nicolas speech which i didn't hear a word off my phone rang.

' red haired orangutang' it read both the brothers heads snapped towards the phone glaring at it.

'' what do you want gia'' i asked harshly as i answered the phone. i heard her chuckle.

'' you with your lover boys?'' she asked teasingly.

'' fuck of orangutang'' i seethed i could practically hear her smirk through the fucking phone.

'' you so are, oh my god vincent wasnt lying- jesus carmen your in for it, get it girl- fuck em and love em, or something like that'' she said i dont think she realized she was on speaker but she was.

and it hink the two growls heard where all the indicATOR she needed. not that that stopped the red haired bastard. '' oh my gosh wait till ronnie and rico hears this- ron! ric !'' she shouted and i rolled my eyes.

'' fuck off all of you, your not saying shit to no one gia, or i'll pour fucking hair remover in your shampoo.'' i seethed hanging up.

she was an idiot. but i loved her she was my sister after all- didn't mean i wouldn't make use of my threat tho.

'' do you regret it?'' the question came almost instantly after hanging up. santos looked almost vulnerable as he tried to read my eyes.

i don't know if he found his answer in them or not i hope he did because i stayed silent for a long while.

'' fucking hell carm-'' nicolas began getting up from his chair angrily.

'' no'' i whispered a blush spreading across my cheeks. '' i dont'' i muttered and everything stiled. fucking time stopped and no one said a thing, or even breathed.

'' good because your not getting rid of us so get used to it'' nicolas said cupping my cheeks placing a kiss on my forehead.

what the fuck did he mean by that?

'' don't think to much about it tesoro we don't want to worry that pretty head of yours with such things'' santos said softly beginning to run his fingers through my hair as he guided my head onto his chest where it rested perfectly.

like he was handmade for me, like his body was made for me formed to be able to hold me like this- perfectly.

i began to felt tired, emotionally- to much thinking did that- physically because of our earlier activities and the shopping too had tired me out along with my mental breakdown this morning- and well it was nine pm.

so it wasn't like it was too early.

i don't know when i drifted off but i remember whispering something right before i went out. '' don't leave me, im scared''







santos pov.



'' dont leave me, im scared'' the words kept playing on fucking replay in my head and i could tell they were haunting nicolas too from the way he was clutching onto her waist while she sleepy peacefully.

all three of us laying in the bed we had installed for 'guests' no it wasnt ideal to have her sleeping in the same room we wanted to tie her up and use her like our own personal fuck toy. it was messing with my head. and would send her into another come like state of overthinking.

soon i would fuck that overthinking habit out of her.

fuck her so good she could think of anything other than me being buried deep within her. soon, soon. she was snuggled into my chest and the thoughts i was having was anything but holy while she slept looking like an wounded little puppy finally feeling safe.

i was gonna kill whoever made her scared.

the fuck was she scared of? i had to know. i had to get rid of it. '' what if shes scared of her family?'' nicolas muttered. the possibility was there.

but then again they had meet the nystroms and while the two eldest members of the family were closed off towards others it was clear they loved their children. so it was doubtful she would be truly scared of them.

maybe she was scared of them finding pout about us.

was there even an us? there would be soon enough. she was ours. she had no choice in the matter even though we were going to make her believe she did- if she refused we would just strip her of everything she knew and loved and claim her as us anyway seeing as she would be left no choice but to seek comfort and shelter in us.

'' no its not that'' i said brushing some hair out of her face her slender hand were placed on my bicep sending warmth through my entire body. '' something else'' i concluded.

'' maybe it was from before the adoption '' nicolas said weakly almost like he was scared of what it could be.

so was i to be honest.

everyone knew rue and adrian nystrom adopted kids who came from pasts that made no one else want them. bad bad pasts.

carmen couldn't be the only exception even though we hoped she was. that no one had ever hurt her. but her little whispering plead told us differently.

she stirred opening her eyes looking up at me and then turning to look at nicolas. she smiled faintly. '' sleep '' she demanded before closing her eyes again snuggling further into my chest while pulling nicolas arm closer to her.

nicolas and i shared a look.

we would make her ours and we would kill anyone who had ever hurt her.

and then we both went to sleep for once sleeping peacefully with the most beautiful woman in the entire world sleeping between us.

what a holy feeling. what an addictive habit that would surely leave me sleepless every night she wasn't by my side.

but in the end she was worth a thousand sleepless nights.



***



me after an five hour shift at work, writing these chapters for you guys: