' if not forever'







carmens pov.



life screws us all over, though some more than other. some people get parents who fights.

some people become addicts.

some people gets abused.

and some people simply gets fucked in every aspect possible. i wont claim im such a person. but i do know life was anything but kind to me.

and god was no help either. i was reaching the point where i was almost one hundred percent sure satan was the one getting my prayers instead of god. that they got send to the wrong address.

perhaps i was just a gullible fool to easy to mess with.

but either way i was a lot of things. a whole bunch of things i could never truly ut a word on.

but if there was one thing i wasn't. it was a non reactive person.

but right now i felt to numb to react to anything. everything was a blur so much i didnt even notice i wasn't in my own bed, in my own room until a few moments of sitting mindlessly on the bed the sheets wrapped tightly around me shielding me from the cold.

'' what the fuck'' i muttered looking around confused. it looked like a hospital room. a dimly lit one with a big window that was hidden by a curtain.

a hand reached out for mine as someone kissed the back of mine. '' good morning princess'' nicolas.

my head snapped towards him confusion taking over my features for sure. i was to tired to mask anything at all instead i just stared at him dumbfounded. '' my brother is a brainless moron'' he whispered reaching up brushing some strands of hair out my face.

i furrowed my brows. what did santos do?

nicolas caressed my cheek letting me monetarily forget everything but his touch. '' it wasn't my first kiss either way, i just needed to go '' i told him lying as well as i always did.

at some point i couldn't even tell if i was lying or not. nicolas brows furrowed. why i didn't know. but he seemed confused and then he shrugged. '' don't worry your little head about all that '' he said as the door opened and santos walked in carrying a tray of food.

i was starving i now realized. i felt hazy and dizzy.

'' morning tesoro '' santos greeted kissing the crown of my head. '' how are you feeling?'' he asked sitting down on the hospital bed cutting into the pancakes placing a piece on the fork brining it up to my lips.

'' good'' i replied still feeling so confused as nicolas brought his thump up parting my lips allowing santos to feed me.

'' you might feel a little dizzy from the medicine '' santos said softly as he brought some fruit up to my lips as he continued to feed me small bites.

i hummed enjoying the food. '' why are you here?'' i asked suddenly realising they shouldn't be here. was i sick?

why was i in the hospital? was it the vomiting yesterday?

my brows furrowed. '' your parents and us made a little deal, it would be great for you to get out of town for a while. a little break so to say-'' nicolas spoke giving santos a look that i couldn't read. '' and we offered to join you but first lets get you back to your usually good health '' he said with a comforting smile.

why the two of them wanted to join me if i was going on a break from the city was a mystery to me.

but it made my plan of getting them to stay with me easier. to get that feeling back.

it made everything i wanted so much easier than it had been otherwise so i didn't complain. as that feeling began to return again while santos kept feeding me small bites and nicolas rubbed circles on my tigh.

that wonderful feeling of fireworks in your stomach and warmth spreading across your skin. the feeling of comfort and safety. the foreign feeling i welcomed with a small smile.

i truely was one masterpiece of my biological parents, a masterpiece of trauma and fucked up things.

but it seemed the marino brother quite liked that about me.

why? well that was a question they would have to answer. but for now i could do nothing but to lean into their touch and pray to whatever sick god above that he let me keep at least this.

let me keep them, if not forever then for a lifetime instead.

and if not them just the feeling they brought.

and if not that.

then he could take me away too.