' worship '







carmens pov.



did i mention how beautiful italy was in the mornings? i don't think i did, i often forgot to mention things i found beautiful.

but italy in the morning was beyond that.

this morning was a good morning, i had pulled my running clothes on. kissed nicolas on the cheek as he made morning coffee while santos was still sound asleep upstairs hugging the pillow that replaced me when i left.

and then i went for a long run letting music blast through my headphones.

it felt good.

to run until my legs felt like jelly and my muscles ached like they had been burning from within. to forget everything for a while and enjoy the beauty of everything around me.

the fog sticking to the grass and ground, the trees surrounding the mansion creating a little forest, the beach right behind it with snow white sand and crystals clear water.

it was magical.

and my mind went into that space again.

everything went quiet. just like when i was with the marino brothers. everything just went from bad to good.

it became peaceful.

my head and body relaxed.

i think i liked this version of life even if it wouldn't last, i liked this. this peace.

santos kissed my cheek once i came back to the mansion his hands finding their way under my shirt and to my waist pulling me to his chest almost protectively.

'' you left '' he said almost sounding like a five year old child. it was quite frankly adorable.

'' went for a run, you were asleep, i told nicolas '' i said turning my head to kiss his cheek before moving to nicolas who was leaning against the doorframe.

'' hallo gorgeous '' he said with a loose grin. i smiled at him kissing his cheek too.

santos grabbed my waist again pulling me back. i couldn't help but to chuckle as i was pulled back and watched nicolas frown slightly before kissing my forehead allowing his brother to hug me silently.

'' im drenched in sweat baby, i need to shower'' i muttered as i leaned into their touch feeling as if i had never been touched like that before.

as if this was the first taste of love i've ever tasted.

this could be my death and i would die a happy woman. '' say that again'' nicolas muttered resting his forehead against mine his eyes closed a small smile on his lips and his hand on my ribs lovingly rubbing circles.

'' i need to shower?'' i said confused as i heard santos chuckle softly.

his voice was deeper now indicating he had truly just woken up '' not that'' he said kissing my jaw gently.

'' im drenched in sweat?'' i asked again.

'' the nickname'' nicolas said kissing my neck not like he had yesterday nor the day before. not roughly or like he was starving, no this time it was gentle and almost as if he loved me.

almost as if he would always love me.

even if it was a brutal lie.

'' baby'' i said with a small grin. oh gosh they liked that didn't they. '' baby, baby, baby, my handsome babies'' i cooed at them smiling like a lovesick fool.

i was.

it dawned upon me just now. i was a lovesick fool, traveling with them without a second thought not even saying goodbye to my family because i was told they already knew. that they agreed.

i enjoyed it though.

it was wrong, surely. but i enjoyed it none the less. love was a nice feeling to feel.

'' princess you're so fucking perfect'' nicolas said dropping to his kness as if it was a plead, a prayer for some sort of god he saw in me.

it felt empowering.

santos hands holding me close as nicolas kissed my stomach gently smiling against my skin. '' so beautiful '' santos whispered in my ear kissing my neck whispering small sentences in my ear '' so perfect for us''

'' so fucking adicting '' he whispered so lovingly it made me feel alive.

nicolas kissed my stomach again and again over and over again until he looked up at me through such a loving gaze it broke every wall of mine.

every prayer i had ever spoke i had been wishing for them.

my prince charmings.

my dark knights in shinning armor ready to kill anything for me, to protect me. to adore me.

'' one day carmen-'' he muttered softly, planting another kiss on my stomach ''-one day we'll marry you -'' a another kiss''- we'll make you our queen-'' another kiss.

''one day we'll put the most beautiful babies in you '' one last kiss before they let me go to shower, on shake legs and a fuzzy head.

i felt so full of love.

so loved.

my head clouded with them. they wanted to marry me?

my heart skipped a beat and warmth pooled in my stomach, the two most beautiful men in the world loved me, wanted to marry me. to have babies with me.

me.

i got on my knees and thanked god after my shower. my voice shaking from how overwhelmed with emotions i was.

i felt so confused and yet it felt right.

'' thank you god, for this, for giving me this thank you for leading me here, amen''







***







carmen when someone brings her traumatic past, daddy isues, raging bdp and generally concerning mental issues up:





and then theres fucking nicolas :