' new gods '





sometimes when im alone i wonder, i wonder dangeorus thoughts.

such as, perhaps i wasnt evil, perhaps i didnt derserve it, perhaps she was wrong, i wasnt meant for this, i was meant for more.

sometimes i fear i apologised too much to her.

sometimes i think i wasnt a terrible daughter, i wasnt a failure, i wasnt a horrible human being, sometimes i think i was only five.

not tonight.

tonight.

tonight.

tonight i know i am horrible.

i know i am sinful.

i know i am ruined, and broken beyond repair. i know i will not go to heaven, i will not find peace.

i know of how i will never hear heavens bells chime for me, i will never se the sky, i will be used abandoned as always, i know what i am derserving off even if it is so very little.

i know who i am, atleast i think i do, i know me just dont understnad myself. dont underdstand these feelings and thoughts. thoughts that justify me.

i cannot be justified, i have done so much damage. i have been cruel, i have abanoned, i derserve to suffer this way. five years old or nineteen ? what was the diffrence? experience wasnt i still acting like a little child?

i know i do.

but now?

now i think-

what do you wear to be fucked?

nothing perhaps, but like isnt there something before that? where was giana when i fucking needed her?

and who could i ask other than her?

i mean if i asked santos or nic they would think i was just an inexpirienced child who could do nothing on her own. no no i had to figure it out. i sat in the middle of the huge walk in closet they had filled to the brim with designer clothes upon our arrivel here in italy.

'' cara mia?'' i heard a voice behind me.

oh nic.

he was standing in at the door santos behind him. '' why are you sitting on the floor tesoro?'' santos asked softly as they walked over.

i shrugged not wanting to spill my secret.

they wouldnt be able to tell if i was a virgin or not. how would they? wasnt it all the same? virgin or not? i would jsut say i sleept with some guys from school.

yes.

'' are you nervous doll? we dont have to do it tonight, theres no rush, its okay for your first-'' i cut of santos.

'' its not my first!'' i lied through my teeth, it felt dirty on my tounge.

pathetic little me, couldnt even lie without sounding like a desperat slut. i was a desperate slut tho.

however pathetic that might've been. i was.

i was.

i was!

i was!

'' your lying to us princess?'' nicolas asked edging closer to the spot where i had sunk on my kness only a few moments earlier. like i had been wanting to pray to god, a god that did not listen.

he held my jaw in a tight yet gentle hold, i wanted to lean into his touch savor the warmth.

savor him, make him swallow me whole so i could be keept close to heart. never forgotten always there.

'' im sorry'' i found myself whisperign looking up at my gods.

my beutiful everlastingly haunting gods. '' please forgive me '' i pleaded leaning into his touch wanting more, wanting it all over my body, i would beg them if that was what it took to have their hands on me.

to use me.

let me be of use i begged.

let me be useful for once.

'' why did you lie mia vita ?'' santos asked his hands on my shoulders on edging close to my neck. i wished for his hand to wrap around it, bruise my skin, let me know when i look in the mirror that i am yours. that i was there.

that it was not just a fever dream.

dont let me forget.

please.

'' you want expirenced girls-'' i wanted to tell them why, how i was sorry, how i could become expirenced if they just gave me a month or so, that i was easy to teach.

i wanted to beg and pray for forgiveness.

i was too far gone even i knew. if they let me go now, if they left now, i would build a chapel filled with them and claim them my holy gods, i would worship them like i was their one man cult.

'' who told you such lies?'' nicolas gritted out his grip growing tighter as he forced my glossy eyes to meet his stern ones.

i shivered when i felt santos slide down behind me his hands never leaving my body but pulling me closer instead'' we want you mia vita, you, we dont care, we'll teach you, i promise tesoro please do not do this, dont cry'' he pleaded as nicolas let go of my face.

oh no.

he looked at santos with a harsh glare before he picked me up his arms hostering me into his safe ones. '' i told you'' he gritted out, i think it was to santos but i did not know.

all i knew was that i was placed on the bed nicolas heartbeat thumping in my ears as i put my head on his chest. i knew santos hands found my waist, his cold rings hitting my warm skin making me want him even more.

'' i want it nic'' i said quietly. '' i want everything-''

'' you arent ready cara mia'' he claimed i knew santos though diffrently as he placed a kiss on my neck wrapping him arms aorund me planting soft kisses on my neck and back.

'' not now- tonight, i want a little sleep first is that alright daddy?'' i asked already half asleep.

i did not wait to hear the reply.

please i prayed silently in my sleep.

i think it was in my sleep. please my beutiful gods, do not leave me, please let me have that- please let me have you, please keep me close.

i think i even muttered under my breath.

'' i want to be yours, forever''

but i do not know, i was already asleep before i could put further thought into it.







santos pov



she was so precious. so innocent, so submissive and responsive.

so perfect.

and so so fragile it freightned me, and i knew it frightened nic too. she need reasuring, she needed comfort, touches, kissses, love.

she needed us.

every inch of us even the parts we wanted to keep her sheilded from he needed it, and if we wanted to keep her ours we had to oblige and do such.

and how badly we neeeded her to be ours.

how badly i wanted to have every inch of her too.

to own every experience, every thought, everthing.

i wanted to bury myself deep inside of her and never pull out, i wanted to be so deep inside her that her perfect pussy would form around me, be molded so only me and nic would ever fit, be able to pleasure her.

i wanted to be her first and only.

and had she said we werent her first i would've hunted down whomever had touched her before and decapitated them ruthlessly and hung their heads on spears to make a statement, theiir hands would be send to her familys house to tell them they did not do a well enough job keeping her safe for us.

how precious she was curled up between us, pleading half asleep to be fucked once she woke up.

how fucking lovely she was on her kness looking like a fallen angel awaiting her masters like a god slave. a good girl. a good angel.

my angel.

how i would ruin her so she was only mine, only nics and i's, only ours. we would break her beutifully and put the peices back so she could only ever be ours.

however fucked up it was.

tonight mia vita , tonight im gonna fuck you so raw no one else will be able to pleasure you ever again expect my brother and i.

im gonna ruin you.

and you'll beg for more.