' russians '





carmens pov



i didnt notice the tears trailing down my cheeks till she bend down wiping some of them from my eyes.

she wasnt as scary as i had imagned. she was gentle looking. '' it is carmen right? nystrom ?'' she asked pullign the chair the officer had sat in before out sitting infront of me.

how she managed to get into a detectives headquarters and why she was allowed here when everyone knew what she did and who she was i couldnt understand but i didnt question it.

i nodded.

'' why are you crying pretty girl?'' she asked wiping some more tears from my face.

i didnt know.

i studied her she was older than i had imagned her, not old per say but she was atleast forty and yet she looked beutiful. i envied her.

'' i left someone to make sure she didnt hurt them'' i whispered after a while. '' i didnt want to leave'' i added holdign back a sob. she felt so safe i wanted to hide in her embrace.

she was a great mother i could tell.

she placed her hands over mine '' you said there were more children besides you and your sister? if so you are so brave, and you are going to save someone just like you '' she assured me.

i didnt beleive her but i didnt say it outloud. i was not brave.

i was a coward. i didnt want to tell the only two people on earth who could perhaps potentially one day love me, about my past, and i didnt want them to find out either so i ran to fix it myself. there was not a brave bone in my body.

i was scared and i was tormented. not brave. i would never be brave and that was just a harsh truth i had to endure.

'' she will kill me'' i statet after my seemingly everlasting silence.

she shock her head. '' no she wont, i promise you, i know what it feels like to be scared of your mother, i know you think you are weak compared to her, i know, i thought so to, and i gutted that bitch like she was just an animal for slaughter, i promise you whatever power you think she has over you its an illusion, its not real, your a nystrom, last thing i heard you were with the marinos too. isnt that right? you are so much more powerful than you think, just your name is power'' she told me as if she was preaching to me.

it felt like she was preaching.

it felt like her words were a way to god, as if it was salvation.

i closed my eyes tightly.

so tightly it hurt.

i would come back to them. i would. i would come back i would. i want my rings back, i gave them to them so i was sure i came back, so i was sure they didnt forget.

was i strong enough though? despite the truth it sounded like when eden said it i doubted it. i knew myself.

i knew i wasnt strong, i was not in power no matter how much i liked to pretend i was.

my mouth felt dry as sand. '' i want to speak with her before she dies '' i said the words physically hurting me to say.

eden nodded her head standing up handing me a phone. '' call someone and let them know not to tear apart the word for you '' she said with a knowing look.

i didnt know anyones number by heart but my familys and i didnt want to just call anyone. so i called rico.

'' rico?''

'' carmen -'' that was not rico.

that was santos.









***







how i ended up with a bunch of russians i didnt know.

i didnt really notice how i got here. another person was there. eleni haven, i knew her. she attended parties at my parents mansions before.

'' carmen?'' she asked confused glancing at eden.'' fuck sake i knew the adrian and rue adopted kids with dark pasts but jesus '' she said sympathetically.

i didnt speak.

'' carmen is a little shaken up '' eden stated wrapping a arm around me.

i gulped down my own vomit. fuck. fuck. fuck. '' she can change, eden, she can be better-'' i suddenly felt the urge to defend my mother. no not my mother- she wasnt my mother- rue was my mother.

right?

'' poor little thing'' a blonde spoke aproaching me with a kind smile- '' we promise your gonna be safe here, you my word from one woman to another, those dogs all do as we say isnt that right girls?'' she claimed eden and eleni both chuckled slightly.

i glanced at the men. i wanted my men. '' you dont know that, i think she killed my sister i dont know that, i dont wanna go to the backyard you dont come back, i dont want to go there, i'll- '' i didnt know what i was planning to do with this.

i just wanted everyone safe. i wanted santos and nicolas safe.

i wanted them unharmed as well as my entire family. '' nothing will happen to you carmen, you wanted to speak to her didnt you? how can you do that if we dont know where she is, if you help us you can decide weather she is worthy of a second chance or not '' eden assured.

i didnt bother checking if it was a lie or not.

i just nodded my head weakly. she is in brazil. i know she is. '' i think i know where she is'' i muttered under my breath. '' but i dont remember the adrss i just know the place'' i added in a slight hurry.

a hand was placed on my shoulder i looked to see the russian pakhan there. '' relax kid '' he said not removing his hand but it didnt harm me.

his hand didnt harm me.

i was thankful for that.

'' now why dont we figure out where that place is ? so we can safe some children, you want to save children dont you carmen?'' eleni asked and i felt surronded.

i felt cornered.

i nodded xavier petrovs hand still on my shoulder. ''По крайней мере, нам не пришлось ее заставлять'' (atleast we didnt have to force her)

he muttered though i had no idea what he said. perhaps it was a good thing i didnt know judging from his tone and look on his face it was a good thing i didnt know.

'' come on pretty girl '' eden said wrapping her arm around me again pulling me away-

perhaps she wasnt so bad.

perhaps i was just to scared of my mother- daniella i mean- to notice if she was actually truthful or not.

maybe this was my death.

maybe i didnt mind.

as long as some day i would see santos and nicolas again, as long as i saw them again one day, even if i was dead.

phsycially or mentally.

just one more time.

just a single goodbye.

i needed that. no matter what was to come i needed to see them again. just one more time. i would beg to whatever gods would listen.

one more time please.