' a killer with a good cause is still a killer '







i ran my hands over the old wood, it was strange, being back here.

like a faint memory.

what was i doing here? this wasnt my home, this wasnt anything to me anymore, this was the past, something i buried years ago.

why was i here?

i was alone here.

i stared at the shred. it still terrified me to this day, i hated the shred the shred meant cold, i hated being forced to stay outhere. locked up for days. i was still scared of it to this day.

years late and i was still scared. how?

i snapped my head to the sound of cries. no.

no no no no

no

please no.

not this.

i froze in my spot by the shred. i couldnt move. no. the child stopped crying starring back at me just as horrorfied.

no.

no.

no.

no.

no.

no.

no.

no.

let this be a nightmare. i heard voices in the intercom. i didnt move. '' ¿quién eres?'' the kid asked in spanish. her voice was guarded. scared. ( who are you?)

she looked like me. an exact copy. '' carmen'' i whispered lowly my voice wavering.

i glanced her up and down, she was like me, the same bruises the same cuts. the same horror. i wanted to vomit. she frowned. ''soy carmen'' she said confused( im carmen )

i paled.

i heard voices in the intercom.

i ignored it all i focused on the little girl. i sat down on the dirty ground by the shred, the little girl walked closer with caution. ''mamá se enfadará si hablo contigo'' ( mum will be angry if i talk to you) she said still walking closer till she was right infront of me.

she reached her hands out before touching my face carefully. ''¿Cuántos años tienes cariño?'' i asked my voice breaking and tears threatening to spill ( how old are you sweetheart?)

i was as scared as she was.

i was reliving hell all over. this girl was me.

littreally.

fuck.

she held up six fingers. i didnt realise a tear fell down my cheek until she frowned and brought her hand to my face again placing it on my face by my eye almost as if placing it there would stop the tears.

i closed my eyes letting the little girl do as she pleased as she inspected my face carefully as if courious.

we looked so much alike i didnt blame her.

if i had been back here and someone with my name and looks suddenly appeared in my garden i would be confused too.

i let her.

i ignored the shouting in the intercom in my ear. i ignored everything but this little kid.

i would get her out of here. '' carmen !'' a voice that haunted me shouted. we both froze and the little girl instantly took her hands off of my face horror coating her face. i stood up gently pushing her behind me.

''Cariño, necesito que me escuches, ¿sí? quédate aquí, cállate, vale, volveré y te recogeré en un ratito ''i told her my hands shaking. ( '' sweetheart i need you to listen, yes? stay here be quiet okay i'll come back and get you in a little bit '')

she seemed confused but stayed put as i walked towards hell.

the house still stood as it did when i was a kid.

like it did not age, it had been lived in for all these years while i knew it hadnt. as if it wasnt a burning hell, it still stood as if nothing was wrong here.

the facade.

oh what a mockery.

'' ¿sí? mama ?'' i asked trying not to sound like i was on the edge to passing out. i starred at her. she had aged. she wasnt like i remembered her. she was older now, prison had made her ageless looks vanish.

i still ignored the voices shouting in the intercom in my ear.

i couldnt focus on them. she smiled sickly.

like she wasnt even bothered by it. by me being here. '' little whore '' she said with a sick grin. i stopped in my tracks.

'' my little whore comming back home what a sight '' she said maniacly.

i stood still my feets rooted in the grass, i had grown roots that had settled deep in this earth and now i was stuck in my spot. '' where is the other one?'' she asked looking around with a scowl.

'' im here to make sure you die '' i told her frankly i wanted to tell her an whole speach about everything and all but instead i was blunt.

i couldnt remember the words i had practised thousanths of times in my head. they vanished now when i stood here before her.

she too froze. the satesfaction i wanted wasnt there.

i wanted to make her afraid for so long now, but now it didnt feel right. it felt like betrayal. she was my mother after all. wasnt she?

she dropped her act and her cold look returned he looked down at me from the front porch, her dark eyes starring at me with an indiffrent look of nothingness.

i stared up at her with fear.

'' and how would you do that? you are as useless as the day i brought you '' she said. brought?

i furrowed my brows which made her laugh. a sick laugh. '' you think i birthed someone as pathetic as you little whore? no you were a gift from a friend, a good gift indeed until ofcourse you ran off '' she said sickly sweet she took a step closer.

'' and your little boy friends ? oh what a shame it was, i didnt want to kill them but oh well you were being a very bad girl '' she said and i everything broke.

no.

they werent dead.

i did this to prevent that.

no.

she was right infront of me now. '' you killed them ?'' i asked.

she chuckled as i stared at the ground '' in cold blood, wanna see their corpses?'' she asked '' they are rotting in the shred were you were supposed to rot too, i suppose you will too now'' she said coldly.

they were dead?

i lifted my head and her smirk felt as quickly as it had come. '' i've change my mind mama, im not here to make sure you die, im here to kill you'' i said with a cold glare.

i heard voices real voices not in the intercom.

i didnt look. but i think i heard my familys voice.

i think i didnt think anymore. i just wanted her dead. dead and gone.

i was sick in the head after all, it wasnt my fault really she made this fucked up thing before her, this was her own self made destruction. i was her worst nightmare.

my breath got stuck in my throat, my hands began trembling and it felt like being sober after years of addiction. it felt like an itch under my skin.

the want to lounge at her and wrap my hands around her throat so tightly she coudlnt breathe.

to dig my nails so deep into her skin it drew blood. an unconttrolable ich that didnt want to go away.

'' whats the matter sweetheart?'' she asked inncoently. i never told anyone what she did. no one knew. it only now crossed me that no one fucking knew.

a manic laugh excaped my lips while tears formed in my eyes my the ich grew. my laugh filling the silence as she tilted her head almost inncoently '' are you alright little whore?'' she asked.

i couldnt stop it the laughing, the stears staining my cheeks, the mascara now running down my face.

my trembeling hands the image of the young old girl after the man i had called my father raped her for hours.

the gun against her temple. the two gunshots.

the dead bodies. it came crashing back now. '' you killed her'' i laughed while somehow also sobbing. '' you killed her'' i repeated more manic this time.

her eyes widened '' carmen your sick, look at you'' she tried. oh no. not these mindgames again.

'' no, no i was in the closet from the minut he dragged that girl into my room. i was hidding from him, because i knew it was gonna be me next, who the hell did you think went to the police? huh? the neighbourhgs? they didnt even fucking care '' i spat my body moving on its own accord my hands iching to hurt her.

'' little whore, it was a nightmare, i would never, he would never do anything '' she tried.

i could make out voices around me but nothing seemed to reach me only my the monsters words stuck and got processed. '' no, he would've you know how i know ? he keept fucking grunting my name as if that girl was me. as if he was fucking his own daughter- and you killed him, im glad you did mum, but you killed that girl too.'' i whispered my grip tightening.

'' you killed her in cold blood, because you thought she was his mistress- you saw all the blood on that bed and you stilll pointed the fucking gun at her and shoot her '' i said my forehead resting against hers as i sobbed my hands not loosing.

'' i cant let you go now, you'll just kill me too, you gotta die, i cant let you live for killing her, i cant let you live knowing she didnt get justice. i cant, you gotta understna di cant do that, you'll murder me too'' i reasoned as i felt her go limp and yet i didnt let go of her throat.

i was angry.

burning with it this unfair and consuming rage that seemed to have devoured me for years, this forgetfulness, this feeling of not knowing.

i was so angry.





3th persons pov.

eden was fumming carmen was silent on the intercom nothing reached her.

the marinos showed up mid her mission about to shoot everything down, along with the nystroms now trying to comfort a six year old little girl who couldnt speak a word of english all while carmen was no where to be found.

and then now carmen stood before them and before her a woman much elder than her who looked horrorfied.

carmen was on edge of breaking apart, everyone could see it. and maybe she already had broke apart.

who knew?

eden stood still while xavier and malakai pratically had to hold the marino twins back from running to their lover.

but everyone knew carmen had to do this on her own.

'' but you know what mama? it dosent matter, it dosent matter one bit you know why? because if its true and you killed them, my sweet sweet lovers-'' carmens voice was cold and she sounded like an exact copy of her aunt.

the aunt she didnt know exist and yet was watchin gher now more than ever sure that carmen was not a garcia but rather a moretti.

''- if they're dead im gonna slit my own throat but if im gonna die, so are you, im dragging you with me to hell by the fucking throat '' she said as she raised a gun to daniella garcias temple.

she froze '' they're not dead!'' she spat out in panic.

'' i dont believe you mama, i really dont- '' carmen lowered the gun shot her in the stomach before procesding to take advantage of the now fallen down woman as she reached for her knife stabbin git trhough her heart. '' i hope you burn in hell for eternity'' she whispered.

and then as if the adrenaline went away and the feeling of blood on her hands became to much for carmen.

the feeling of murder she stood and stackered.

someone picking her up protectivly.

and then when a scent she found so much comfort in envolped her her eyes closed and everything went dark.

and everyone couldnt help but to look between the nineteen year old passed out girl and the dead woman on the ground.

which was more monsteorus?

which was worse? the killer or the tormentor?

which was most horrorfying?

the girl who swore never to kill becoming a killer, or the known monster never changing ? which was worse?

a killer was still a killer no matter the cause.

just like a cake was still a cake no matter how bad it was.

and a monster would always be a monster.

but a nineteen year girl shouldnt be a killer. but carmen was now. and the thing about killing was, when you first had a taste it was hard to stop, like an addiction, when first oyu had killed one person you wouldnt mind killing another.

and nineteen was a young age to have blood on your hands.