I don't remember my life before the orphanage.

As a matter of fact, I didn't even know I had one until a couple of weeks ago.

I grew up there. The staff were supposed to be my parents, and the two hundred kids to be my brothers and sisters. We were joined together by cruel fate, but that didn't mean we liked each other.

I was lucky enough to have Ares, Theo and Jace, because I don't know how I would've survived there alone.

Everyone there was troubled, every single one. The quiet and shy got adopted, while the rest of us got sent back after no family wanted to keep us.

I was adopted sixteen times before I turned ten, a record I used to brag about. It hurt, of course, but pissing off Ms. Myra was just too much fun.

Ms. Myra was an old, religious lady who believed her destiny is to make us, the unfortunate souls, decent human beings.

Every time we did something wrong, she'd fire her wooden cane at us, hitting until she felt like we learned our lesson.

We got so used to it, that eventually we didn't care. Getting caned became a part of our day, and she seemed to realize that.

Shortly after I turned ten, the punishments took a turn. It was no longer a lecture, a hit, and washing the dishes until we pass out.

No, she knew those things didn't stop us.

The education staff were not good people. Have you ever seen the movie Matilda? Well, let's just say we had more of Ms. Trunchball's rather than Ms. Honey's.

I'm sure the only reason they worked there was because they knew they could hurt us and get away with it.

And that's just what they did. After they received the green light, every time Ms. Myra decided we shamed her and ourselves, it was their turn to teach us a lesson.

Not doing your chores? A sprained ankle. Getting caught sneaking out of your room at night? A broken shoulder. You get the idea.

My main nightmare didn't have a name. Not one that I knew, at least. Some kids called him the Bogeyman, so it was only a matter of time before everyone decided to call him Bo, for short.

As a child, I always thought he was a nurse, someone who looked at me and the others just to make sure we didn't hurt ourselves.

Man, was I wrong.

Bo was the one who enjoyed hurting us the most, and wherever I went, his eyes were on me.

I told myself that I'm only imagining it, but apparently Jace noticed that too. Back then I didn't understand why he began to take the fault for things I did, but now I know.

He didn't want Bo anywhere near me.

When I was twelve and Jace finally turned eighteen and was forced, or blessed with the opportunity, to leave, I understood why too well.

Everyone said he enjoyed punching and kicking them, smiling as they cried out. Even Ares and Theo shared this experience.

It felt like I was the only one who didn't.

Bo didn't like punching me. Not once did he smile when it was my turn. He was furious.

Even though he had so many kids to do with as he pleases, it seemed like he took his real anger on me.

The first time I walked, or limped, out of his office, every one else saw it too. My left ankle was completely shattered, my ribs were almost broken, but the pain in my face was the only thing I could feel.

It took weeks before my black eyes healed, and even longer for the cuts to close.

Theo almost passed out when I reached our room, and Ares had to push out the twenty others we shared it with. I don't know how he did it, but I guess my horrifying state was enough to make them scramble away.

I couldn't bring myself to talk for days, couldn't eat anything unless it could fit through a straw, but none of it mattered.

The only thing I could bring myself to do is replay Bo's words in my head. "I can't kill you now, Olive, but don't worry. It won't be long before he will decide your time is up."

After that, I did my best to become invisible.

I followed every rule this stupid orphanage had, I paid attention at school and got straight A's. Everything to not be sent back to Bo.

And I still felt his eyes on me all the time.

I was so scared, that I started to have nightmares over and over again. And right before I woke up soaked in my own sweat, Bo's same words sent chills through my entire body.

I didn't understand what he was talking about. Why, who would want me dead? I did absolutely nothing, and still it seemed like I was the only one in the entire orphanage who received that message.

The only thing that kept me going was the black, metal fence that prevented us from leaving. It used to be the thing I hated most about this place, but then it turned out to be my only source of hope.

Everyday, Jace showed up and promised to get us out of there. "Give me some time," he said. "Things are starting to work out, okay? I'll always be here."

Until he wasn't. The day he didn't show up... It was one of the worst days I've ever had. We were so scared, so desperate, that we stayed outside past our curfew.

In that moment I didn't care about Bo. I didn't care about any punishment I might get or the fact that he could kill me.

I only wanted to know Jace is alive.

Before we knew it, it was dark. None of us wanted to leave, especially Theo who was glued to that damn fence. But when we saw the police car's lights, we knew we had to hide.

Two officers walked through the gate, and that was enough for the whole staff to get there. I couldn't hear anything from our place behind a tree, but eventually Ms. Myra moved and let the officers enter the building.

"Do you think they're here to help us?" Theo asked through his split lip.

Neither of us responded.

We stayed there for two hours, not daring to move or speak. So when the policemen finally came out and closed the big doors behind them, I didn't even realize Theo was already gone.

He jumped out and ran over to them so fast, that even Ares couldn't stop him. We followed him, scared of what will happen.

"Theo!" I remember screaming with Ares, but he didn't stop running until he reached the older officer.

"Please, you have to help us!" He begged, tears of unspoken grief for his brother spilling out of his eyes. "You have to get us out of this place, please."

To me, those two men were nothing but uniforms with guns. I expected them to kick him out of their way, yell at him or simply ignore all of us.

I didn't expect them to actually care, so when they looked around and crouched down to us, all while scanning our bruised faces with remorseful eyes, I let myself get hopeful again.

"I knew everything was bullshit. Changed man? My ass." One of them muttered before returning his gaze back to us. "Who did this to you? Was it Elsher?"

"I don't know his name, I don't- please, we-" Theo cried, and the man put his hand on his shoulder, muttering nice things that only made him cry harder.

Calming us down was Jace's job.

"He has a... a straight hair down his shoulder, and he's tall and-" Ares began to describe him, feeling like we might actually be able to escape him now.

When the two officers exchanged meaningful looks, we knew Bo was the one he was talking about.

"Look, kids. Don't worry, everything will be alright." The man said, pulling a pen and a piece of crumpled paper from his pocket.

"We'll be back as soon as we can, okay? This is my number," he placed the paper in my palm. "Call this if something happens."

All I could do is stare at him, eyes wide and a sudden coldness spreading all over my body.

"What?" I whispered when he got back to his feet. "No, you can't leave us here."

He looked down at me with a sad smile, pulling out a leaf from my hair. I'm sure I looked awful, covered in dirt and blood.

"I'm sorry, kid. If we take you with us, they'll know something is off and who knows what will happen to your friends, right?" I wanted to scream that I didn't care what will happen to the others, because Bo, Elsher, didn't threaten to kill them.

"We need to find a way to get all of you out safely, you understand that?"

I nodded. And I wish I hadn't.

I wish I fought with him, I wish I cried harder and, hell, I wish I tried to steal his gun. Because the moment we sneaked back inside the building, I felt the very same chill I felt whenever a pair of two green eyes looked at me.

He didn't hear a thing, but he knew the cops talked to us.

I tightened my fist around the paper the officer gave me, and silently prayed that I won't ever need to use it.

If only I knew that the officer's 'soon' wasn't the right kind of soon.

If only I knew that everything is going to get so much worse for the three of us.

If only I knew that a month and a half from this day I'd have a knife to my throat.

°°°

I haven't left my bed for hours, but I also didn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, Bo's green ones stared right back at me.

I thought my days of fearing for my life had finally come to an end, but apparently I got right back to the starting point.

But now my nightmare has a new name. Viktor.

The very same man who took me away from my family when I was only two years old. The same man who put me in that hell, leaving me in the hands of my personal devil.

My entire body feels like it's on fire, and suddenly my perfectly comfortable mattress feels like a rock.

I didn't eat or drink ever since I returned to my room, faking sleep whenever someone entered to check on me.

I couldn't let them see how weak I am.

And the worst part is I can't even help it. For the last couple of years, I tried to forget every memory of him. Because if I think about him, if I let myself remember the horror I felt whenever his fist collided with my face or when his eyes simply landed on me, then I'd think about...

Stop it, Olive, come on.

My sharp nails are digging into the side of my neck, trying desperately to rip off the scar. It hurts so much, it burns, but no matter how much blood will come out, the damn scar will stay. The memories will stay.

"I.. I'm sorry, please don't do it." I remember crying, begging him to stop pressing the knife to my skin.

I remember the pain, and I remember his smile.

The son of a bitch wanted me to cry, and just like the weak girl I am, I did.

My body shook each time with a stronger, deep feeling of burning in my neck.

After averting my gaze from the wall I stared at for who knows how long, the fog behind my eyes had finally cleared. But the pain of reality wasn't any kinder.

My hands are all covered in blood, and it's slowly dripping down my arms and my shirt.

Hot tears are streaming down my face, and the physical pain hit me like a truck.

But nothing could've prepared me for the sudden light that blinded me when my door was yanked open.

"My charger is shit so I need your-"

Rivo's entire body froze, but I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye. All I could focus on was the pain. It was slowly creeping down my body, all the way to my feet.

My hands are shaking with the realization of my ripped skin and the memories I let get the better of me.

I fooled myself for years.

I really thought I managed to overcome my demons, only to find out I simply let them sleep in the back of my head.

Chapter 30!

Gotta get that plot moving, right? I don't know why I enjoyed writing that chapter so much, it felt so traumatizing lmao.

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