JOSEPHINE

With the arrival of the last two brothers, increasing tension was felt. From my brief encounter with them, I would guess that at least Riccardo was not entirely uninvolved in this development. It would be a lie to say he didn't scare me last night, but in all truth, I had to admit that everything outside my control scared me. What would have happened if Domenico hadn't come? And what will happen in the future if he doesn't?

Valentino interrupted my thoughts when he knocked and soon poked his head through the door. "Oh, you're already awake. If you want, you're welcome to come with me to breakfast." There was no way I could eat anything again. My stomach already felt so... full. I smiled back anyway and slid down from the windowsill. The window space was by far the best thing about this room. From there, I could look into the garden and beyond into the adjacent forest.

"Did you sleep well?" Valentino continued the conversation. I shrugged carelessly. "Okay, apparently morning isn't your best time to speak. Noted." I quickly looked at Valentino, but he didn't look angry; he just winked at me and laughed. Okay, he wasn't mad. Valentino was cool. "I assume if I asked you about your plans for the day, you'd give me such a long list of things you want to do that I can't help but wonder how you're going to fit it all into one day?"

This time, I winked at him and nodded majestically. One thing I actually had to do today was feed the monsters. Dogs, not monsters. They were dogs. "What about you?"

"I have to go to university today. Some of my main courses are today, and unfortunately, I can't miss them. But don't worry; you can write to me at any time and keep me up to date with what's happening here in my absence. I guess there are wild parties here when I'm not around. If so, of course, you have to collect evidence of it!"

"Promised!" I assured him and hooked my little finger into Valentino's, not telling him about my current lack of a phone. "Do you like studying?"

Studying was something I had never thought about before, but having the opportunity to learn more about something that interested you sounded wonderful. Valentino shrugged his shoulders. "Actually, yes. The exam periods are far from fun, but most of the lectures are really interesting. Economics can be very boring and often is, but it also challenges me."

He looked like he wanted to ask something, but ultimately decided against it, which I was very grateful for. I could already imagine what he wanted to ask, and I didn't have an answer. What do I want to do with my future? Survive. There was nothing more. "And why did you choose economics?"

"A good question, young lady. Economics gives a comprehensive view of the different areas of the economy, and that helps me understand economics as a whole. All the processes and things that happen in the world's economy make sense to me."

"Like a magician? The audience sees the trick, and you understand it?"

"That's a really good comparison, Josi. It's similar, and because I understand it, I can also influence it, albeit to a very limited extent. Plus, I was good with numbers as a child, so it was obvious." It was hard for me to imagine Valentino as a child, but he seemed really into it. I was happy for him that he had found something that fulfilled him so much, and I wondered if he would work for Vito at some point. Would he still be so fulfilled then? Or was the prospect of it something that drove him even further? I probably wouldn't know because I would never dare to ask something like that. It was none of my business. Valentino held the kitchen door open for me, and my brief moment of relaxation disappeared.

Vito, Domenico, Riccardo, and Matteo were already there, sitting in silence while Maria was putting cheese on the table. She smiled warmly at me, and I automatically smiled back. "Good morning, Bella! How are you today?"

"Thank you, Maria, I'm fine. And you? It smells very delicious." It really did. Bacon was still frying on the stove, and the smell of fresh bread filled the air.

"Good, good. Now sit down, you two, and start eating!"

I hesitantly observed the seating arrangement. With a round table, it was difficult to keep our distance, but the four of them still managed to put as much distance between them as possible. Either I would sit between Domenico and Riccardo or next to Vito and Matteo. There went my hopes of sitting next to Valentino. Nervously, I decided on the latter two, because Matteo didn't look like he was going to explode in the next moment. Riccardo, on the other hand, looked like he was just waiting to lash out at someone. I quietly wished everyone good morning and otherwise tried not to attract attention.

Valentino, on the other hand, seemed unaffected by the tension. He fell loudly into the chair and playfully hit his younger brother in the neck. "Well, Riccardo, how was the first night at home? Did you have a blissful sleep?" Riccardo rolled his eyes but said nothing more. Which, in turn, seemed to motivate Valentino even more. "I heard you two found God? I have to say I'm surprised; I didn't think you were that religious. Nonna will be thrilled when she hears that!"

"Shut up," Riccardo muttered.

"That's right, we haven't said a prayer yet. My mistake. Matteo, would you have the honor of saving us from our morning silence?" Valentino leaned on his elbows, smiling. He seemed completely in his element.

"God is great, and God is good; let us thank Him for our food. By His blessings, we are fed; give us, Lord, our daily bread. Amen."

The memory caught me off guard. I no longer heard what the others were saying but could only hear his voice. Even though I didn't associate it with a bad memory, I still felt cold. Not now, I pleaded with my mind, and to my surprise, my head listened to me. I could smell the bacon again, could hear Maria in the kitchen, and returned unnoticed. All that remained was a little nausea.

"What would you like to eat, Josephine?" Vito looked at me invitingly. I hesitantly took some of the bacon and some of the eggs that Maria had put out. Vito surveyed the plate but said nothing. Maria came to me and gave Matteo and me hot chocolate while the others drank coffee.

"Thank you, Maria," I murmured quietly as I waited for everyone to fill their plates.

"Is that all you want to eat?" Riccardo's eyebrows were drawn together. Was he angry? Was it rude not to take more? "Maria put a lot of effort into the food."

"Riccardo," Domenico warned, but I had already hastily grabbed a slice of bread. He was totally right. "Josephine, you don't have to eat."

"No, it's fine. I'm really hungry," I lied and reluctantly bit into the bread. It was definitely delicious, but all I could think about was how I was going to manage to eat it all without vomiting. Only through sheer force of will did I force myself to chew and swallow piece by piece. "The bread is really delicious, Maria!"

At first, everything seemed fine, but then I noticed the blood draining from my face and my stomach starting to tighten. Please, no, I begged, but it was in vain. I absentmindedly took the bowl that was handed to me, then the gagging started.

___________

"And are you really feeling well? Should we call the doctor?" Vito sat on the edge of the sofa and looked down at me worriedly.

"I'm fine, thank you," I repeated, but I could have said nothing, and it would have had the same effect.

"Are you sure? You almost passed out." I wouldn't have. But I could say that as often as I wanted. "Do you need anything? Would you like something to drink? Tea maybe?"

"Vito, calm down. Tiny says she's fine, so she's fine, right?" I nodded quickly. "There you go. The doctor said something like this can happen, and it's nothing to worry about. But maybe a tea would be right. I'll take the herbal tea." Domenico was sitting in the armchair at the other end of the sofa and seemed to be amused by Vito.

"Then go and make yourself one. Do you like chamomile, Josephine?" I nodded again, even though I wasn't thirsty. "All right. Matteo, will you let Maria know?" Matteo left in silence.

"I'm sorry for disturbing your breakfast," I apologized, avoiding Vito's gaze. I was embarrassed and humiliated by myself. I should have pulled myself together more.

"There's nothing you should be sorry about. As Domenico said, it's completely normal. Your body just has to learn to cope with it. Get some rest first, and then we'll see." Vito's voice was so soothing that I couldn't help but wonder how he could switch between 'I'm worried' and 'It's okay' so quickly. And how quickly could he switch to 'I'm going to hurt you'? After all, he was still Vito Marini, and I had seen firsthand what this family was capable of.

Why? Why did I have to make the worst of every nice thing? Couldn't I even allow myself peace? But no matter how many times I tried to convince myself there were people who did something without bad intentions, I always ended up at this point where I questioned everything and only wanted to see the bad. It was exhausting. So far, nothing they had done for me had been to my detriment. Still, what remained was this voice in my head that said I couldn't trust them. And there it was again. The urge to escape the situation. I sat up and placed the washcloth from my forehead on the table. "I still have to feed the dogs."

I didn't wait for Vito to object but got up and rushed toward the door. Matteo was standing next to Maria, and they both looked at me in surprise, but before they could say anything, I was out again and blindly reached for one of the winter jackets. It still smelled faintly of cigarettes, so it had to be Domenico's jacket. Well, he certainly had no problem with me taking it. I quickly put on the boots Valentino had brought me yesterday. They were warm, and I didn't like how intact they were. It would only be a matter of time before they were broken.

The cold air hit me like a blow and helped me interrupt my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, I made my way to the shed. The dogs could neither be seen nor heard, but you could see their paw prints in the remains of the snow. I was under no illusion; they were somewhere, and as soon as they heard the food, they would be there. As expected, the shed was empty when I entered it, and I set to work preparing the food according to Domenico's instructions. When I finished, I whistled, and to my surprise, all three showed up. Hades only had eyes for the bowl in my hand, Ares looked into the distance, and Zeus, on the other hand, looked at me. Especially with Zeus, I wasn't sure what to think about it.

"Seduto," I ordered, and all three sat down. Wow. I did not expect that. I carefully distributed the bowls and then quickly backed away. How fast could dogs eat?

"That's working well." Startled, I turned to the voice and saw Domenico coming toward me. So that's why they had heard; I had thought—such nonsense.

"I didn't hear you come," I said because I had to say something.

Domenico's corner of his mouth lifted. "You're not the only one who can be quiet when needed." He looked me over. "Are you okay?"

I started nodding and ended up shaking. There was no point in lying to him; he would recognize the lie immediately. "No, I'm not," I admitted quietly, looking at my shoes. Domenico said nothing. "Anyway, I think I need to let the food soak longer." He still didn't say anything, but I still felt his gaze. "The weather has really gotten cold again. Do you think it will snow tonight?" I tried to change the subject. I heard snow crunching as he got closer. However, he just leaned over to Hades and scratched him behind the ears. Hades seemed torn between eating and enjoying, but the food was more important. Ares had now devoured everything and came to me. Absentmindedly, I also started to scratch his fur. It was soft and surprisingly warm. "Should we go back inside?"

"Do you want to go in?"

I crouched down. "Not yet."



Hello there!

Here I am, once again.

I must admit, its been a while (20 days to be exact) and I'm sorry for letting you wait that long. Can't promise it won't happen again but I really intend to finish the story!

How are you guys doing? Speaking of which, hello to the new male reader (you are making now 1% of my readers) :-)

One of my patients send me a lovely letter this week since I'm currently not working and it really made my whole week. She survived a very abusive childhood and sufferd from DID. After 15 years since being diagnosed, the remaining personalities integrated into one. That's such an achievement and I'm so proud of her and her strength. So I want to share it with everyone 😁

See you all soon!