JOSEPHINE

The curtains were still closed when I woke up, but the room began to be lit by the sun. "I'm warm," flashed through my mind. Confused, I needed a moment to return from whatever world I had just woken up from. But it was real; I actually felt warm.

"Domenico?" I whispered quietly so as not to disturb him while he was typing. To my surprise, he looked straight up and put his phone in his bag. I couldn't believe he stayed there all night. He must be terribly tired! But nothing about him gave away the long night that lay behind us, except for his hair, which was a bit disheveled. That was all. I cleared my throat awkwardly and tried to get rid of the dry feeling.

"Would you like something to drink?" he asked, handing me the glass on the nightstand without waiting for an answer. Then why did he even ask? I thanked him and had to pull myself together not to gulp it down immediately. "How are you doing?"

"Good, really good. I'm a little warm, but otherwise good." And it was true; I felt really good. "How long did I sleep?"

Domenico looked at his watch. "Three hours. Are you hungry? Breakfast has already been served, but I asked them to wait until you were awake again." It was hard for me to imagine him asking for something politely. Until now, he had always been quite the opposite. He looked me over. "Is there anything you want to say, Tiny?"

Oh. I felt my cheeks getting warmer as the rest of my body and my heart briefly stumbled. "No. But food would be nice! Have you eaten yet?" I tried to distract him. That being said, I was really hungry.

"Josephine." My attempt was unsuccessful, but I couldn't tell him he was impolite! That would be totally rude. And besides, I wasn't even there, so maybe he had really asked nicely. I made the mistake of looking at him, but immediately looked away when I saw his piercing gaze. If at all possible, I blushed even redder. "I'm waiting."

"How do you ask someone for a favor?" I asked cautiously.

"Nicely." He smiled. It wasn't a nice smile. "And then my request will be fulfilled. Just like I would have nicely asked you if you hadn't stayed with us voluntarily." I swallowed, and for the second time since we met, he laughed. "Don't worry. Luckily it didn't come to that. So how about you ring the bell so someone comes over, and I'll text Vito that you're awake. Please," he added with a grin. I hesitated. The bell was only for emergencies, and eating breakfast really didn't count as one; the staff certainly had enough to do. Someone would definitely come soon, so I could wait until then to eat. But what about Domenico? He was probably hungry too, and after all, he had already missed out on enough sleep! I looked from the doorbell to the door, hoping that someone would magically walk in and save me from having to make a decision. "Is there a problem with the button that just has to be pressed?"

"It's not an emergency. I can't ring the bell if it's not an emergency!" I doubted he could understand my inner conflict. Domenico didn't strike me as the type of person who cared about what others thought of him. He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes, but then turned away and walked to the door. "What are you doing?" I asked uncertainly.

"I'll go to the front desk and get our breakfast and maybe a nurse to free you from all the cables. Is that okay, or will this also cause an apocalypse?" He looked at me annoyed, and I cursed myself for my insecurity.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, but he waved me off and disappeared.

It wasn't long before he came back with a nurse. Both carried a tray; he had a cup and some fruit, while the woman had a bowl on top. The bowl seemed to be for me since she came to my bed with it and placed it on the nightstand. Maybe there would be pudding again! "Good morning, Miss Marini. How are you?" What had she said?

I looked at the door, convinced that there must be another person standing there. But since no one appeared, I had to look at Domenico, who nodded at me imploringly. Oh, I was meant! But why did she think... "Thanks, I'm fine," I replied, irritated.

"My sister wanted to ask if the cables and IVs could be disconnected." Domenico placed special emphasis on the word "sister" and continued to look at me meaningfully. Then I understood what this was all about. I nodded slightly at him.

"Of course, Mr. Marini. I'll take them off immediately, and then we can try to sit you up, Miss Marini." She began to loosen the cuff on my arm, then the electrodes that were spread over my upper body, took the clip from my finger, and finally turned off the infusion tube. Her hands were trembling, and I studiously ignored it. Why couldn't Domenico just wait outside? He didn't take his eyes off the nurse and watched every action carefully. And what's the deal with my name? "So, that was everything. Do you want to change or eat first?"

"Eating. My brothers are coming soon and will bring fresh clothes," Domenico answered for me, and I was too embarrassed by his tone to notice the plural. The woman had done nothing wrong and was here to help me. The least she deserved was some level of respect for the work she did. Not that I would ever tell him that, but it still bothered me.

"Yes, of course," she repeated, and, still shaking, pushed me up the back of the bed. "Then I will come back again, and depending on how Miss Marini is doing, I will support her while showering?" she asked Domenico. Like me, she probably knew that I wasn't going to make any decisions in this room. Domenico just nodded and stepped aside to clear the way to the door. His gesture was unmistakable, and quickly the nurse disappeared, much to her relief, I would guess. I reached for the bowl and deliberately avoided looking at him. Unfortunately, it wasn't pudding but a kind of milk soup, but food was food. I tried it carefully, and since it wasn't hot, I dug in.

"Tiny." The soup was probably supposed to taste like strawberries, but I couldn't quite identify the flavor. "Josephine!" Domenico sounded angry this time, and as long as I didn't know how he would react if he was angry, I couldn't risk irritating him further. I looked at him uncertainly. "Listen, Vito and I spoke about it, and the last name thing gives us more time. Your case will end up with the social worker who is responsible for Riccardo and Matteo, and he will first be busy finding out why there are no documents about you. In that time, our lawyer will submit the formal documents and put pressure on the authorities. So it would be good if you play along until the matter is resolved." The "matter." As if having custody of me was a banality. And what did putting pressure mean? Would someone get hurt because of me? Did that mean I might have to go back until this was sorted out? How long did something like that take?

"So I remain my name? Do I have to go back until it's sorted?" I was ashamed of the fear in my voice. Couldn't I even be as confident as Domenico?

"Hell no! Vito has his ways of making sure no one gets out of line, and yes, you are still Josephine Emilia Parker." Domenico quickly assured me. Relief filled my body. The thought of giving up the name of my parents, the one that loved and raised me, didn't sit well with me.

"And otherwise, will you ask them nicely?" I tried to lighten the mood and smiled carefully at him before continuing to eat.

Domenico winked. "Oh, don't you worry; I would even ask very nicely."

Vito seemed to be late. At least we had finished breakfast a long time ago, and a new nurse had helped me to get up. My circulation wasn't stable enough to walk on my own, but the nurse assured me, or rather Domenico, that it was completely normal and would go away soon. In fact, with her help and a strange chair, I was even able to take a shower, and the catheter was also removed by her. I was eternally grateful to her for sending Domenico out for both. If it were up to him, he probably would have even checked the towels. He seemed to have a compulsion to control all of his surroundings, but who was I to judge?

"Would you like us to cut your hair to a length?" the nurse offered as she pushed me in front of the bathroom mirror. I wanted to answer her, but couldn't get a word out. The face in the mirror was terrible. I couldn't describe it any other way. Everything about this person repelled me. The protruding cheekbones, the sunken eyes, the chapped lips, the hair. I was a mess. Tears formed in the reflection and fell down. The nurse reacted quickly, pulled out a wet towel, and covered the mirror. Relieved to no longer have to see myself, I breathed. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath.

"Thank you," I managed to say, still staring at the towel. The chair moved, and a moment later, I was turned around. The nurse crouched down in front of me and took my hands in her warm ones.

"Listen to me. What you see now is not what has to stay. Do you understand me?" She looked at me urgently, and I nodded, even though I didn't understand her. "Good. I'm going to turn you back and take the towel off. Then I want you to tell yourself that this is the beginning and that you're ready for it." Her voice sounded so sure. How could she be so sure? "Are you ready?"

No. Still, I nodded. She squeezed my hands before standing up and pushing me back. I looked at the towel silently. Then she pulled it away. That nothingness in my eyes looked back at me again.

This is the beginning. This is the beginning! I tried to convince myself, but no matter how loud I screamed in my head, nothing happened. In fact, I started to feel worse.

The nurse placed her arms on my narrow shoulders as she saw me struggling. "What is this?"

"The beginning," I replied quietly.

"And what are you?"

"Ready."

"Now tell that to the girl in the mirror, because I don't think she heard you."

"This is the beginning, and I'm ready for it," I spoke a little louder.

The nurse put her hand behind her ear as if she didn't understand me. "Louder!" I repeated myself and felt something spreading inside me, like some kind of warmth that didn't come from the outside. "And louder again!" she encouraged me.

"This is just the beginning, and I'm ready for my future!" I shouted at the girl, and this feeling inside me flowed from my heart into my arms and legs. Everything started tingling inside me. For the first time, I felt a power running through my veins that I didn't know I had.

"And you will not hold me back," I promised the girl in the mirror.



Hello there!

My original chapter idea was meant to be longer but then I liked this ending to much. So a slightly shorter chapter today, sorry. I still hope you liked it :-)

Mirror exposure therapy (that's what happend above in a really short version) is usually used to treat body image disturbances (*), but could be use in other treatments (often combined with inner child healing/treatment). As well. It's something that definitly needs training and a close monotoring to minimize the chance of further 'damage' (especcially by patients with an low selfestem). There are different techniques and I tried to link you an article, but for what reasons it didn't work.

For those of you who are lucky to not struggle with mental health: it could be hard for people who are struggling to look at themself. They can see what's invisible for others. Please be sensitive; not everyone need encouragement, some people just need to know they aren't alone despite their own impression.

See you soon!

(*) sources:

What Is Mirror Exposure Therapy? And Does It Work? - published in Psychology Today