do you? and will you? That's my question, but will you ever answer? You won't. You will never embrace me with your welcoming words, nor will you listen to me.

Will you ever love me like you loved yourself?

-

Warning, the following content you will be reading will contain these contents below. Please read carefully to avoid triggers.

- Gore - Graphic Artwork - Abuse - Drug usage - Drug usage without consent - Blood - Gagging - Brief suicide mention

If these topics make you uncomfortable, uneasy, or trigger you in any way, please remove/refrain yourself from reading any further. Your mental health matters more than a book.

Enjoy : • )

Shout out to my friend @missingparrots on Twitter for helping me with artwork! Please go follow it and read TAEIG ! His work is honestly fantastic, and would mean a lot if you showed some love.

-

They stood swaying in the kitchen. Sleep practically weighing down their eye lids, threatening to close. Yet they stood awake, stirring a spoon in a repeating circular motion, liquid whirling around in the glass mug. With the thickness of the drink, it latched onto the spoon like mud. Thick yet smooth. They felt their entire body weigh down onto the floor. Their bare feet cold from the tiles. Yet felt numb. Besides the feeling of their arm, the staticky blades overwhelming and drowning their entire forearm in spiky pain. They dropped the spoon onto the counter and held the cup in between their palms. Slowly moving their legs, and walked out of the kitchen. Everything was silent. As quiet as a mouse, they walked up the stairs, boards creaking underneath their steps. Their mind was utterly empty, fuzzy. A empty canvas, with yet a single brush to stroke its colors onto, had not a single drop of paint. All was still. Balloon stood in-front of a door. Eyes glaring into the wooden frames, they lifted a fist and knocked. And waited. Whilst they waited, they could hear slight grumbling, and the turning of sheets being moved off the bed and onto the floor with a thud, along with foot steps that seemed to drag. The door knob turned and clicked, door slightly opening ajar before the brown eyes met with Balloon's cold, yet bright red Ruby eyes. Nickel stood, slightly taken back at the sudden appearance of that said Balloon and began to close the door — the door jolted open, looking down, noticing Balloon's foot lodged in between the door and stepped back, blinking in slight confusion.

" Balloon - it's.. 2 in the fucking morning.. what do you want ? " The boy, with gray hair and dirty blond roots asked, glaring at the person before them that stood with a glass. Balloon just stared in silence, lips shut tightly against each other. Before uttering,

" I'm sorry.. for. Yesterday. " Balloon smiled, fingers dancing along the glass, tapping it.

" .. What? " Nickel furrowed his brows in disbelief, " Balloon — "

" No no, don't say anything. I'm so sorry for how I've treated you Nickel. I should've listened to your advice, but - I didn't. And.. " Balloon hesitated, chewing on the bottom of their lip. " You were right - about everything! You.. opened my eyes.. and.. I wanted to know if. Maybe this could be the start of something ? " Balloon moved a glass to Nickel. " A special recipe, take it as you will. " Nickel stared in astonishment. Staring down at the glass and sighed. A hand slowly reaching out and grabbed the glass, looking at the substance in the drink.

" .. Balloon. I'm flattered. But why now? Everyone is practically knocked out cold.. " Nickel grumbled.

" Oh— well, I wanted to show you something. Something I think you need to see. "

" .. and that is? "

Balloon smiled.

" You'll see. Go on and drink it. "

Nickel was cautious, but slowly put the glass onto his lips, and chugged down the rough drink, slightly gagging at the bitterness and the tingling that laid onto his tongue. Cringing, his face scrunched up and wiped his lips with the brim of his tank top. Shuttering a slight breath. " Ugh— uh.. recipe huh.. what's.. in it? "

" It's a secret. " Balloon dismissed, grabbing the glass and grabbed onto nickel's wrist. " Come on. I want to show you the surprise. " The smile never left the face of them. Almost as if it was glued on tight onto their lips. Nickel jolted and was dragged by the Balloon, not having a single word in the situation.

" Wh— wait! Slow down— "

Balloon and Nickel stood now stood in the blistering snow. Nickel's teeth chattered together as he tugged his coat down, over his exposed legs. " B-Balloon .. please - it's fucking freezing out here! Can we go back? What's this surprise have to include us being out here! My limbs are gonna fall off.. " Nickel shivered. Shutting his eyes tightly as they walked through the snow. Nickel's socks growing damp from the snow that snuck into his shoes. But Balloon never answered, didn't even glance back at him. Just continued to walk up a small hill of snow. Nickel gritted his teeth and spoke again, this time, with more aggression. " Balloon! Seriously what is the deal?! It's 2 am, I'm cold, I can barely see where I'm even stepping! For all I know I could practically be stepping over a cliFF — ! " Nickel shrieked, tipping over the edge of the cliff before Balloon pulled onto his hood, yanking him back. Balloon smiled and sat down onto the snow. Allowing their legs to dangle off the edge and patted the ground next to them. Nickel held his chest, heart pounding from the near death experience, Balloon was practically acting like this was a stroll in a park. Nickel found this uncomfortable. " Balloon. I'm not sitting on the sn— "

" Sit. "

Nickel paused, before groaning in anger and kicked the snow off the edge, sitting down. Hugging his legs as his skin touched the ice cold sheet of white. Shaking. " Ok, Now what? What did you want me to see so badly that you HAD to drag me out of bed for? "

Balloon pointed down, pointing at the rows of trees beneath them. Although hard to see, the moon casted a bright light down onto them. " You see all that? All of those individual trees? Every single one of them carry life. Whether it's bugs, animals, or other organisms. Isn't that beautiful, Nickel? " Nickel leaned forward, looking down at the trees.

" .. uh.. sure is buddy. Hey why don't I — get on going? I really need some shut eye - yeah? " Nickel nodded, standing up and slowly walked away, turning a heel.

" I never liked the show. " Balloon spoke, it was like their voice was suddenly louder than the wind blowing against their ears.

Nickel stopped walking. Slowly turning his head and stared into the back of Balloon's head.

" .. what? " He whispered, his breath creating fog as he spoke.

" The show? Inanimate Insanity, Mephone4, the challenges, all of it. I found it so.. hm. Pointless? No.. no that's not the word. " Balloon tilted their head as if thinking.

" .. uh.. " Nickel stepped back, yet the sudden nausea in his stomach caused him to hunch over slightly and clench at his stomach. " Fuck— "

Balloon soon stood up. " Annoying? No, Pathetic? No, oh.. I just can't describe my feelings for it. " Balloon stayed facing towards the edge. Nickel could barely hear Balloon's words. Whimpering in disgust as to why the sudden feeling of everything grew more intense, his clothes texture was much more rougher, the wind brushed onto his teeth which cause a sensitive pain to them.

" What the fuck are you talking about?? "

" The whole show treated me like I was utter garbage? How you all treated me like a waste of space? Constantly reminding me that I wasn't needed even in any space I walked into? I felt so useless. " Balloon snickered, " I even believed it, you know how it feels to wake up every single day knowing that you'll constantly have to have those words of being useless, cowardly, disgusting, ugly, always drilled into your mind like a damn fucking screw? " Balloon turned to Nickel. " You have any idea how being a withering shell is? Hm? "

Nickel frowned.

" Balloon.. "

" Oh, no no, silly me. I forgot! "

the past is in the past, right?

Balloon suddenly kicked Nickel in the chest, knocking him down onto the ground as he gasped, the wind being knocked out of his lungs as he heaved. Holding his chest and stared up at Balloon who placed a boot onto his ribs. " I'm not gonna forgive you. Not that easily. I'm not gonna sit there, and have you ruin my life again. I'm never going back to that point of my life. And you're not gonna keep dragging me back. " Nickel held onto their ankle, tears prickling his eyes before his vision slowly grew dark. " You want me to stop being the ' poor helpless Balloon? ' , Well, today's your lucky day. Because you're gonna get what you fucking asked for. " And just like that, Balloon kicked his chin in, knocking him out cold.

Nickel slowly opened his eyes, grunting. " Hah..wh..where — ? " Nickel looked around, staring down at himself before noticing his surroundings, the floor he sat on was cold, cold stone with glass surrounding him. " Wh- what the fuck? " Nickel's eyes widened, slowly standing up before being choked, something around his neck choking him and sat back down to regain his breath. Staring at the chain that lapped onto his chest. Nickel started to hyperventilate. Tugging at the chain, he squirmed, twisting and turning and kicked his legs, before hearing a loud thud.

Eyes watering, he stared at a figure that stared back at him.



" B— Balloon! Oh thank god— hey why don't you help me— ou..t. " Nickel slowly felt everything piece together. The drink. The cliff. He could barely remember a thing before being chained against the wall. He felt himself hold down a sob.

" .. No- no no no no no no no- Balloon- what's going on- please- I'm sorry, what are you doing- " Nickel shook his head, pressing his back harder against the wall. Balloon just stared as he muttered to himself, struggling to move away from them. Balloon slowly turned to the bag they dropped, and moved to their knees.

" You know Nickel? I always wanted you to like me. For some reason, I thought if someone that was better than me, like you; liked me? I thought.. maybe, just maybe.. I would learn to love myself. " Balloon stood up, a yellow, boxy shape in hand. Nickel couldn't make out the object, but shook his head as Balloon grew closer.

" .. You- You're fucking insane! That's what you are! Mental! Insane! Get the fuck away from me! SOMEBODY! PLEASE! GET ME OUT OF HERE!! HELP M— " A sharp punch was met with his face. Nickel screamed in pain, holding his nose as blood gushed out. " Sh—Shit-! What the fuck is wrong with you?! "

" You really are wanting a death wish, aren't you? " Balloon tilted their head. " Maybe I could worsen that. "

Balloon dropped to their knees and held Nickel's thigh down. " Have you ever heard the phrase; Treat others how you want to be treated? "

" W—What- what are you— "

There was a loud, whirling sound.

Nickel's face went pale, white as a sheet of paper. He shook his head. " No- NO - NO NO NO STOP— DON— "

A drill that spun its metal tool dug itself deep into Nickel's thigh. The tissue rising up around the blade, chunks of meat even flying out of the whirring rod. Digging deeper, and deeper as Nickel screamed in terror. His eyes shot wide open and punched Balloon's shoulder, shaking his head and sobbed. Begging for it to end, shouting sorry's, shouting for any sort of help. Praying to god this painful agony would end. His metal fingers digging into Balloon's skin in desperate attempt to stop. Stop it all. It was a dream. Please, god let it be a dream. A loud crack was heard as the drill jittered roughly in his thigh. Sharp pieces of his bone, now shattered, was dancing into the meat of his thigh. Meatful Tissue getting stuck in the tool as Balloon kept trying to turn it back on, frowning in disappointment and lifted the drill back out. " Damn. That's a shame, I really thought I could drill all the way down, you know, if I tried hard enough. " Balloon smirked. Showing the drill infront of Nickel's face as he shut his eyes tightly. Still screaming in fear and agony. Strings of meat was stuck deep into the tool, Balloon waving it around as the meat swung and fell onto the floor. Balloon grinned in amusement and stood up, and moved to the bag again, hands on their hip as they dropped the drill back into the bag. " Hmm. "

Nickel whimpered and cried, looking at his thigh and moved his fingers to his wound. Staring at the tissue that stuck out. He bit his lip and looked away. Shoving his fingers into the wound, in desperate need to fix himself. He didn't wanted himself to be put back together. He was like a broken puzzle. And it was disgusting. His leg mutilated completely. Only before — the his prosthetic arms died, the battery flashing red as it was on its final bar. Fingers still jammed into his thigh as he could do absolutely nothing. Balloon turned back around to see Nickel whimpering and crying, tears and snot streaming from his nose.



" .. God! You really are pathetic! Look at yourself! " Balloon laughed, moving back over to Nickel and grabbed his prosthetic, digging his fingers deep into the wound until it hit the bone. Nickel gritted his teeth, squirming in pain.

" Hmm.. I best be going now. Shouldn't I? " Balloon stood up, staring at the snow that sprinkled in from the hole in the ceiling. " Oh no no, I can't leave you in the cold like this now can I? " Balloon looked around, humming before smiling. " Aha! " Balloon moved out of his vision before coming back and draped a black tarp over his legs and torso. " just like home yeah? " Balloon smiled, moving to the bag and removed his bloody tank top, putting back on his regular stained one. Putting on a coat and zipped up the bag before moving to the exit of the building.

" That was fun, You best be thinking about what you did now. Maybe improve on yourself? I might give you something in return for your improvements, that is— if I see anything. " Balloon smiled. " Goodnight — or, hm.. I guess morning now. Good morning to you! Nickel! "

Balloon chuckled, and left.