Spade had been sitting in the chair, thinking hard and deep, he couldn't understand what was happening anymore, what was going on between him and Nate

Since that night of their date, the young man had completely stayed away from him and ignored his presence, it was as if Nate couldn't stand being around him, and the worst of it was the fact that Nate didn't tell him anything or react in a way that showed he was either mad, pissed off or angry.

He just simply stayed away and gave Spade a silent treatment, he barely even let the man touch him. And it was killing Spade, he didn't like this one bit, it was messing with his head so badly, he was feeling it throb as he rubbed his temple.

Nate hadn't even come to his house and whenever he talked about going to see the young man, he would make up an excuse that kept him away from Spade

If he found out Spade was in love with him, at least he would say so and put Spade out of his misery, instead of just punishing him like this, and if it was something he had said, Nate should just tell him, he would apologise and they would move on.

He sighed out, blowing heavy air out of his mouth before he got up, he walked out of the office, heading toward Nate's office, it felt very familiar, just like when Nate was avoiding him after their first kiss.

He hoped this didn't end like that day though, because now he didn't think he could bear staying away from Nate.

He pushed the door to Nate's office open and walked inside, thank God Bernie was not in, Matteo was at the warehouse, so it was just him and Nate. Immedaitely the young man's eyes met his, he saw the way Nate froze up and his posture grew tense.

He walked into the office and stood in front of the table, the air was now tense an awkward and he hated it so badly. "Hey" he rasped out, Nate quickly looked away from him

"Hi" he whispered before he continued what he was doing as if Spade wasn't in front of him, this made Spade to clench his jaw as he narrowed his eyes on Nate

"We need to talk"

Nate didn't even spare him a glance, and that was riling him up so bad, but he was trying to keep his cool "Can we do this later, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now" Nate rushed out, Spade growled out

"Can you stop and just listen to me for one second" he gritted out, he saw Nate pause for a while, shutting his eyes

He finally looked away from the paper in front of him, his eyes slowly moving up and landing on Spade who looked very tired, distraught and exhausted. "What's wrong Nate"? Spade asked, hoping to get an answer from the young man but all he got was his look

"Nothing" he finally whispered out and Spade couldn't help but scoff lightly

"Don't give me that bullshit of nothing Nate, you've been acting off for the past few days and you're telling me nothing" Spade almost snapped "What's going on with you? You've changed, you don't talk to me like you used to, you're always so tense and obviously uncomfortable around me, you dont let me touch you, it's suddenly as if you can't stand being around me" Spade rushed out

Nate sighed out, seeing the conflicted and hurt look in Spade's eyes "I..." Spade cut him off

"And don't even think about telling me that it's nothing" he muttered out sternly

Nate looked at him, his eyes looking conflicted, he opened his mouth to speak but he stopped himself, his eyes suddenly darting around the room before he looked back at Spade again. "There's a lot going on with me that I need to figure out and I can't explain it to you, I wish I could" he paused

"Does it have anything to do with your father"? Spade asked and he just shook his head "was it something I said"? Spade pressed and he just shook his head again "well then what is it"? Spade asked making Nate to burst out

"I just need space okay, I need space to figure shit out" he blurted before he could stop himself, Spade's lips parted as he breathed out hard

"You need space"? He asked in a small whisper, Nate just sighed out, Spade wasn't even understanding him right now, what does he mean he needs space "Are you breaking up with me"? Spade asked, hating the way his voice came out pained and hurt

Nate sighed out "I'm not breaking up with you Spade, I just need space" he muttered out, Spade took two steps closer to him and stopped in front of his chair

"Did I do something wrong baby, just tell me and I'll apologise, was it something I said"? He asked desperately and Nate just shook his head

"You didn't do anything Spade, It's just something I need to do on my own and I need to be away from you" Nate whispered, Spade took in a shaky, laboured breath as he ran his hands down his face

"You need to be away from me? What's that even supposed to mean"? He asked and Nate just sighed out before he stood up and walked closer, standing in front of Spade.

"I would have come to tell you on my own, I need to stop coming here for a while, Spade I need space but it doesn't change anything, we're still dating but I really need to do this" he explained as best as he could.

All of this was making Spade's head to hurt, it was like they were going around in circles, he didn't understand a thing Nate was saying and it was even making it more frustrating, the more he tried to understand

He grabbed Nate's shoulders and pulled him closer, his eyes looking calmly on Nate "Nate I dont understand anything you're saying, just tell me one thing is this it for us"? He asked, and Nate slowly pulled away from him, and this did nothing to stop the insecurity that was killing him, he felt as if his stomach was hurting, like all those butterflies fluttering in his stomach suddenly grew sharp wings and were cutting at his stomach.

"I'm not breaking up with you Spade, but I need space from you and if I keep coming here, I won't get it and it'll only complicate things for me, for us, just please let me do this" Nate whispered with his back to Spade.

Spade sighed out and turned around, ruffling his hair and blowing out harsh air from his mouth, he wished it were that easy to just give Nate that space but he couldn't, not now that he had fallen in love with the young man.

He did a little breathing exercise, trying to calm himself down, he didn't want to do anything that'll push Nate even farther away from him, not when he was feeling this deeply for the young man.

He turned around and faced Nate "you need space right"? He asked, Nate didn't say anything "fine, I'm going to let you have it, but I want you to know that I'll be here waiting for you, do whatever you have to do, but please come back to me because I'll be waiting" he fought with the words as he knew how hard it was for him to let it out and how hard it was for him to give Nate what he wanted.

It was killing him saying these things to Nate, but he didn't want to trap him, he didn't want to make Nate feel like he didn't have a choice, he wasn't gonna be that person.

He let out a deep breath, clenching his jaw, he strolled out of the office not once stopping because of he did, he would hold Nate against his will.

The moment the door closed, Nate let out a shaky breath as he felt his legs almost give up beneath him.

That was the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life, he tried so hard to hold himself from stopping Spade from leaving.

He didn't mean to just push Spade away like that but he needed to do it, if he wanted their relationship to keep going then he needed that space, to pull himself together, he couldn't do that if he couldn't even look the man in his eyes.

Ever since that night he saw that man he'd been having nightmares and even day dreams that felt like nightmares. And it all centered around that man and it somehow erased every sweet feeling Spade had been making him feel.

Now he suddenly kind of felt repulsed a bit whenever Spade touched him, not that he wasn't trying to stop it, but he couldn't. That man dug his mark deep into his brains that all it took to have crashing back on him, was one meeting.

Now every insecurity he always felt that kept him from feeling for anyone or letting anyone in had slowly crept back into his head and mind, he couldn't fight it off and it was slowly killing him inside because he was hurting Spade too

The main reason he couldn't even look at Spade was the fact that he couldn't stand the hurt look in Spade's eyes, and knowing he was the reason the man was that hurt wasn't even helping at that moment.

He so badly wanted to hug Spade and forget about everything but he couldn't, not while he kept daydreaming about that man.

He did even know why it was affecting him so much, but it was eating at him and driving him crazy. He needed to pull himself together if he wanted anything to go right, and to do that, he needed space from Spade, he needed to stop thinking too hard about that man and what he did to him, hence why he would stop coming to the club and stay away from Spade.

But that didn't change what he was feeling for Spade, if anything it made him fall even deeper for the man, but what would all that be if he couldn't even stand physical touch around him? He didn't know how long it would take him but he hoped it didn't take too long because he didn't think he could stay away from Spade for that long.

*****

Everything didn't seem to be going right for him, he was pissed, frustrated and worst of all he felt out of place, like he wasn't supposed to be where he was.

His mind was clouded, it was as if there was a huge fog of anger covering his mind, all he could focus on now was the rage inside him, because he couldn't think of anything else, he didn't want to let his mind sway to anything else.

Hence why he was going hard at the man on the floor in front of him, each punch was close to sending the man into a coma, and Spade didn't look like would stop anytime soon because the voice inside his head was telling him that this was the only way he could vent and let out his emotions without looking weak.

The man was now struggling to get out but Spade's hold on him was strong Even the people around had stopped talking, the only sound that could be heard in the huge room, were the grunts of both of them as he kept delivering punch after punch on the man's face.

Matteo rushed into the room to find Spade on top of the man, it had been a while he'd seen Spade like this, out of control "Spade" he called out stopping just beside his brother but the man didn't even hear, or maybe he did and didn't want to acknowledge Matteo's presence.

"Spade"!! He yelled but it did nothing to stop the man "Gio" this snapped him out of his daze as he looked up, stopping his fist midair, only now did he realize what he'd been doing.

He looked back down on the man in front of him, and his face was damaged to the point that he was now unrecognizable. Spade swallowed, breathing hard and fast, as his chest heaved up and down with each breath he took.

Even his knuckles were bloodied. This was supposed to be a sparring session in his gym, but it had gone more than that. He had lost control and almost killed the man.

Finally I'm done with this book, and will start Stefano and Matteo's book.

But for now, expect doubt double updates, yay 😜😜😜