It had been the worst few days of Nate's life as he was forced to stay away from Spade, the love of his life, but of course Spade didn't know that Nate was in love with him yet.

He thought staying away from Spade would help him, but his nightmares only increased, he had been unable to sleep since he took that space from Spade. Everything had gone upside down, even worse than before he started dating Spade.

He had been thinking too hard about the other man and it was slowly driving him crazy. He knew he was losing his mind, he was always looking over his shadow now since he saw that man.

He didn't know if he was following him, or if he even already knew where he lived and was waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike him.

But telling Spade was definitely not an option, if he thought it was hard before to tell Spade when he didn't know the man was Spade's uncle, then it was even harder now, knowing the man was related to Spade.

How would he even explain it to Spade, that his uncle had abused him when he was a kid? It sounded ridiculous and what if Spade didn't believe him Or what if Spade went ahead to ask the man about it and he denied, saying Nate was lying?

It was all killing Nate slowly and now he was invited to one of those stupid parties he hated going to, but he had to go to. And he took his secretary with him, who had been like a leach on him since they walked into the hall.

He hated the way she touched him and rubbed her boobs on him but he was too lost in thoughts to even be bothered about taking her hands off. If she didn't get the memo that he wasn't interested, he would leave her to keep fooling herself.

Meanwhile, standing in the hall, he felt eyes on him, it made him alert and tense up, was it the man? He feared as he looked around quickly, hoping he was wrong and it wasn't anyone, he was just paranoid.

He looked up and down the hall, but everyone was dressed almost the same, making him stop the search as he didn't see a familiar face in the hall

He sighed out and looked back down on the overbearing lady clinging to his arms, maybe he was just paranoid and there was no one watching him.

After a while of standing there and listening to Jade mouth off about God knows what, Nate decided to go use the bathroom, at least he could escape Jade and also have enough time to gather himself together.

He walked away to the bathroom, but the closer he got to the bathroom, he could hear grunts from inside, he sighed out and shut his eyes, God please it shouldn't be what he was thinking, because he didn't think he wanted to see two men going at it, with how disorganized his mind was at the moment

He got closer and the grunting had grown even louder, but he saw the door to the bathroom opened and when he stepped in front of it, he watched in complete and utter horror as Spade was delivering punches to a man on the ground.

The man's face was already so ruined that no one could recognize him, Spade's knuckles were equally bloodied, but he didn't stop.

Nate looked around the hall and saw the other two dead bodies, one had a huge deep gash on his neck and the second had a gunshot wound on his leg and his neck was twisted in a very unlikely manner, making Nate to grimace

His eyes rested on Spade again and he could tell the man in the ground was dead but Spade wasn't stopping, he kept hitting and cracking the man's skull and bones.

The sight made Nate to gasp out, immediately he did that, Spade turned to look at him, he looked into Spade's eyes and saw the crazed look there, he'd never seen Spade like this, it was like he was in a trance.

His eyes were bloodshot red and his whole suit was covered in blood as he stood there watching Nate. Nate looked at his hands and then the man's face, seeing how discombobulated it looked, and blood trickling down Spade's hands, his stomach churned and his chest burned

Spade had done this, he had used his bare hands to kill that man, and he didn't do it in an easy, less horrific way, Nate felt bile rise up his throat, he could feel his throat clog up and his head was spinning.

He was never a fan of violence, standing there he suddenly felt like himself when he was a kid, and he would watch his father kill people like this.

What made Spade different from his father in that moment? Nothing.

He didn't know when his legs carried him away from there as he rushed out of the corridor and into the hall, it felt like the first time he had seen Spade shoot someone. He knew Spade wasn't exactly a saint, but watching it like that, didn't make it any rosy or easy.

He felt his head and ears ring, his whole body was sweating and his throat felt tightened together, he was gasping for air by the time he had reached outside

But he could hear Spade calling his name, but he couldn't stop, no he wouldn't stop, not while he was feeling like this.

Instead he rushed into his car, and heard Spade knocking on the glass, but that didn't make him stop as he turned the engine of his car and zoomed away from the place, heading home.

Spade didn't know when he dashed along with Nate, the look of fear and horror in Nate's eyes, and the way the young man had looked at him, like he did something really bad and horrible.

It was quite different from the look he was used to, like Nate was disappointed in him, the same way he always felt his stomach flutter and his heart swell with sweetness when Nate would look at him with pride and somewhat impressiveness, was the same way he felt as if someone had taken an arrow direct shot to his heart when Nate stared at him with that look of disapproval and disappointment.

"Nate, wait" he called out as he followed the young man through the crowd but he didn't stop, he just kept going, as if he wasn't even hearing Spade.

He followed Nate until the young man entered his car and zoomed off, Spade was quick to follow and enter into his in car before he zoomed off, closely following behind him

He wanted to get to Nate, he didn't know what the young man was thinking, but his own eyes zeroed in on his bloodied hand and the way they stained the wheel.

He clenched his jaw and increased his speed. Soon they were stopping at Nate's apartment building, the young man was quick to rush out of his car and head into the building, Spade did the same and rushed inside, but Nate was already inside the elevator, so Spade had to wait till it opened up on it's own before he got in and pressed Nate's apartment floor.

He was shaking his legs and tapping his fingers on his body, he really was impatient. He knew he had gotten out of control recently but he didn't think it was this bad, not until he saw the way Nate looked at him.

He rushed out of the half opened elevator and walked to Nate's door, which at that moment was closing up, he suddenly held it open and rushed inside, meeting Nate in the middle of the room

"Spade you can't be in here"? Nate whispered out and Spade walked closer to him, he stopped in front of Nate and saw the way his eyes was trying so hard not to look at Spade.

"Why'd you run away"? He rasped out almost breathless as he stared down at Nate, this time he saw the way Nate's eyes rested on his bloodied hand, he also took a quick glance at it and he really understood now that that was the reason why Nate ran away. "Baby.." he muttered taking two steps closer to Nate and the young man visibly flinched, and that alone hurt the devil inside of him He sighed out again "What you saw is not...." Nate was quick to cut him off.

"Is not what Spade? Not what I think? I'm pretty sure it what I think it is, Spade you killed that man... With your hands" Nate whispered out, his eyes showing the pain and disbelief he was feeling.

"What do you want me to do Nate, to apologise for killing someone that was trying to kill me"? He asked, before sighing out and running his hands through his hair, he let out an exasperated sigh "this is who I am and I can't change it" he explained, hearing the way Nate slightly scoffed. "The life I'm living, it's kill or be killed and I choose to stay alive" he paused. "I'm not this kind hearted or soft man you think I am, I'm only like that around you"

"Why"? Nate asked in a whisper "why are you only like that around me? Why can't you be like that around everyone else"? He pressed

He stared down at Nate, seeing the way his eyes looked at him, Spade couldn't take it any longer, the look of disgust in Nate's eyes for him, he didn't like it, that fear and disappointment, he couldn't change who he was, but he was trying to be better around Nate, only for Nate.

"Because I love you" he whispered yell, hearing the way Nate gasped out, he let out a shaky deep breath and closed his eyes, he opened them and saw Nate still looking at him. "I wasn't supposed to tell you like this, but I'm in love with you Nate, I love you that's why I'm always this whole different person around you, you make me want to do better, to be better" he whispered, as Nate started shaking his head, Spade clenched his jaw.

"Don't say that" he whispered taking two steps back, but Spade was quick to hold him back with his bloodied hands

"But it's the truth Nathan, I love you, and I know it's very crazy but I can't keep lying and hiding it" he looked down at his hands that had now stained Nate's white suit "this is who I am and I can't promise that I will change, but I want to do better for you, I want to be better for you, and I know you said you needed space and you wanted to be away from me but you can't" he whispered out, taking a step closer to Nate. "Nate you can't push me away, I'm going to lose my mind if you do, if you leave me I don't know what I'd do" Spade's eyes were saying the things his lips couldn't even think of saying and he saw the way Nate's eyes had warmed up, and they were glossy. "Please" Spade's voice grew thick and hoarse as he stared down at Nate, slowly moving his hands and cupping Nate's cheek in his large palms

He slowly let his lips to rest on Nate's as he started kissing him slowly and gently, but Nate stood frozen, he wasn't moving or even responding to the kiss, this made Spade to frown. Maybe Nate really didn't want to be with him, he slowly pulled away.

The hurt look and disappointed look in his eyes, even his shoulder were sagged in defeat, his face had lines of sadness on them, but before he could fully pull away from Nate, the young man fisted his shirt in his small hands and drew Spade into a hot kiss

Crashing both their lips together in a hot and intense kiss, both of them fighting for dominance as Nate led Spade's hand to his butt, the man grabbed and squeezed it lightly, eliciting a moan from Nate as he growled out.

Spade completely took control of the kiss and started sucking and nibbing on Nate's lips, biting and grazing it with his teeth.

Each time he let his tongue shove itself into Nate's mouth, he heard him whimper lightly and that did nothing to contain the beast inside Spade that was trying to come out.

He'd missed Nate so much, his hands were all over Nate's body, as his white suit had turned blood red, he started taking off Spade's jacket hastily as they both kissed each other hungrily.

He peeled off the jacket and then he went for the shirt inside, taking off each button with so much impatience, Spade had started advancing towards Nate's bedroom, with Nate's back to the door and Spade facing the bedroom door, he kicked it open and they both stepped in, not once breaking the kiss.

Steamy chapter coming up 😜😜

Hold your horses and wank it off or whatever 😜😜