Spade drove straight to Nate's apartment after he had left his office building, knowing fully well that the young man would be in his own apartment, he tried to calm his racing heart, he couldn't even understand how he was feeling at the moment, his brain was in a complete mess and everything he was seeing now didn't make sense to him, as he could barely even make any sense of his own feelings at the moment.

Stopping in front of the building, he sighed out when he saw Nate's car parked just in front of his, he was just in time, he rushed out of his car and ran all the way into the building and up the elevator, his mind going back to what Garcia had told him just before he left his office

He remembered asking him who had given him the recording and the man had answered with one name "Greg Miller"

He gritted his teeth immediately he stopped in front of Nate's apartment, he knocked on it, trying to calm the rage and turmoil inside of him, he didn't want to come off too strong because if at all Nate had nothing to do with the recording with him, then he'd be hurting the young man by acting brash

He just needed one thing and one thing only from Nate, for him to just tell Spade that he had nothing to do with the recording, that it was all a fucked up fabrication of his father

Spade would believe him, because he loved Nate so much and didn't think he could live with the fact that young man had betrayed him.

The door suddenly opened up and Nate stood there, his hair looking half wet and half dry, he was putting on a grey sweatpants but his upper body was naked, Spade couldn't help but let his eyes rest on Nate pink nipples before he swallowed and looked up at Nate's face

Seeing the shock and surprise in his face, the way his lips had parted slightly "Hey" Nate whispered out and Spade clenched his jaw, trying not to give out anything before he walked inside

"Hi" he muttered hearing Nate close the door as the young man stood before him, Spade was looking at him and had forgotten why he came here, actually he didn't forget but he didn't know how he would say it or ask him.

His hands clutched tightly around the recorder in his hands, he felt fucking nervous and his heart was beating wildly in his chest as he looked at Nate, he hoped so badly that Nate would tell him that what he was thinking was a lie.

He swallowed as he noticed he hadn't said anything and Nate was looking at him quizzically, it was no use dragging the whole thing, he wanted to be out with it. He pulled up his hand with the recorder, watching him, he noticed how his eyes grew wide and he swallowed making a loud gulp sound

He looked back up at Spade and his lips parted, Spade grazed his tongue through his lips, dragging it even longer than he'd intended to, he pressed the play button on the recorder and it played exactly their conversation in the club a day ago.

He saw the way Nate's eyes had started to become glossy as he bit his lips hard, almost as if he wanted to chew it off "Did you give this to your father"? He asked in a whisper, he wanted to shut his ears, but he also wanted to brace himself for the answer.

Please say no, please say no, please say no. He kept chanting in his heart, and his eyes pleaded and begged Nate to just say no, he wanted him to just say no and he would walk out of here and go put a bullet in between Greg's eyes and put a stop to all this trash.

But the longer it took Nate to answer, the clearer it became to him, the louder Nate's answer sounded in his silence, making Spade's heart to hammer, almost as if it would break into so many peices.

He took in a shaky breath as his hand on his side tremble and he saw Nate's eyes water, his lips shaking as he tried to speak, but his silence already answered the question "Yes" he whispered out, if Spade hadn't been looking at his lips, he would have swore that Nate didn't say anything, but he heard it and he watched Nate's lips move.

But his ears were now ringing, he felt as though someone took a heavy blow to his head, smashed him deep with a sledgehammer.

Even his heart beat had come to a slow rhythm, and it was as if the organ was now too slow for him as he so badly wanted to gasp for air, he wanted to clutch to his chest and feel his own heartbeat

He sighed out and looked up, feeling his heart shatter into so many pieces, his mind was now clogged as his breathing was coming out shallow.

Everything he'd wished for and Nate ended up saying yes. Nate had betrayed him, oh God. He couldn't breath, he couldn't think, he couldn't move. "You betrayed me" he whispered almost as if he was asking and stating at the same time, Nate started shaking his head as the tears gathered in his own eyes were dropping, but Spade couldn't think about that now

"I... I can explain" Nate whispered out but Spade scoffed, he didn't need any bloody explanation, he didn't want to know why Nate had betrayed him, why the man he had fallen in love with had betrayed him

He gritted his teeth together swallowing the lump in his throat, he wouldn't cry, it had been a long time he cried but the urge to let a sob wreck through his whole body was very tempting.

Instead he swallowed again hard and let out a deep breath "I don't care about your fucking explanation" he spat out "I trusted you Nate, I loved you and you betrayed me" he whispered out, saying it alone was breaking him to no end

Nate swallowed and took a step closer to him while he took one back almost immediately, he couldn't pay attention to the tears on the young man's face because he was crying internally, and it was worse than what Nate was doing.

"Spade just listen to me please" Nate croaked out, his voice shaking and his hands trying to touch Spade but the man glared at him, making him recoil back as he flinched.

"Don't fucking touch me" he gritted out "I should kill you where you stand, I should put a fucking bullet in between your eyes for betraying me"! He roared, further making Nate to flinch back "but I can't" he whispered out, feeling the agony in his voice and heart "I can't because I love you, and you're so fucking lucky for that, because I'm going to walk out this door and forget about what you did, and i never wanna see you again, don't show up at my house, don't come to my club ever again and don't call me" he whispered, hearing Nate gasp out lowly as more tears dropped from his eyes and rolled down his cheek.

"Gio..." Spade glared at him and cut him off

"And don't ever say my fucking name again, if I see you anywhere around me, Nate I swear on my mother's grave that I won't hesitate to put a bullet in between your eyes, regardless of how I feel about you" he gritted out before he dropped the recorder on the couch and brushed past Nate, hitting the young man, he walked out of the building without looking back.

The minute he walked out of the apartment, Nate let out a shaky breath as he couldn't stop the river of tears that flowed out of his eyes, he couldn't help as he croaked out

The look In Spade's eyes when talked about betraying him, a look he'd never seen in his eyes before, a broken and shattered look, and to think Nate was responsible for that, it did nothing to help him at the moment.

He wasn't scared when Spade had threatened to kill him, maybe that was what he deserved for betraying a man that loved him that much and took care of him. He was dead inside the moment Spade had said those words to him, asking if he betrayed him.

At that moment he wished he could die, or cower away in deepest part of this world and never show his face again.

He didn't even know he was on his knees on the ground, not until he felt the pinch on his knees, and the blood had ran cold on his feet.

He was struggling to breath as his chest caved in and his heart pounded with so much intensity inside his chest, his head was fucking heavy and he didn't think he could go one more second without passing out.

But his body had other plans as bile rose up his throat, he rushed himself into his bathroom as he hunched over the toilet and threw up everything he'd had that day, retching with great intensity as he emptied his stomach.

He fell back from the toilet and rested his back on the wall beside it, feeling the cold tiled walls on his bare body, he stared at the space in front of him.

The tears on his face had started drying up, but the one in his heart kept pouring non stop, as he felt as if someone had taken a knife and jabbed him in the chest.

He clutched tightly to his chest, the image of Spade's face on a loop in his mind, he knew Spade meant every word when he said he didn't want to see him ever again, and he didn't blame the man, he'd betrayed Spade, what did he expect?

Bit how did Spade come about the recorder? He knew his father and Spade weren't on good terms, so definitely it had to have been someone, was it perhaps that man?

Now he would never know because he didn't know if it would be a good idea to call Spade, the man had made it clear that he never wanted to hear from him again.

But Matteo, he still had Matteo and it wasn't as if he was using the family card, but that was all he had now, and if it meant he'd get a chance to explain himself to Spade, to at least let him know that it wasn't his intentions to betray him, to tell Spade that his sister's life was at stake

After a while of just sitting there, his mind blank and his heart dying with guilt, he managed to pull himself up, not bothering to wash the dried tears on his face, he trudged towards the living room and picked up his phone, dialing the blonde, he placed it on his ears.

It rang once, and then twice, a third time before it stopped, he pulled it away from his ear and looked at it, seeing that it had connected, he quickly placed it back on his ear. "Nate" he heard Matteo's voice, it sounded a bit dull and less cheerful as he heard shuffling in the background before he spoke

"Matteo" he whispered out, hating that his voice cane out shaky, he took in a deep breath "where are you"? He asked and he heard shuffling more before Matteo spoke up

"I'm at the club, what's up"? He asked, a little more interested in the conversation

"I need to speak to Spade" Nate whispered out, he shut his eyes tighter and willed his voice to stop shaking

"Why didn't you just call him"? Matteo asked, his voice didn't hold any malice or accusation, but just curiosity

He sighed out, only now did he realize that his hand holding the phone was shaking too "Matteo he doesn't wanna talk to me, you're the only one I know that can reach him, just tell him I need to explain" he rushed out

The line went silent again and he could almost see the curious lines on the blondes face "What's wrong Nate? What happened"? Matteo asked seriously, Nate shut his eyes, he didn't think he wanted to talk about it now, and definitely not over the phone.

"I'll explain everything to you later, but please just help me talk to Spade, just tell him I'll explain everything to him, I just need him to listen to me" Nate whispered out.

For a good minute the line was silent, Nate had to pull the phone away from his ear to be sure Matteo was still on the other side, and true the blonde was still on the line.

"Okay, I don't know what's going on with you, but you have got some explaining to do" Matteo finally said, making Nate to let out a deep sigh of relief, happy the blonde didn't ask too much questions on the topic

"And I will explain to you I promise, thank you" he rushed out

"You're welcome Nate" Matteo said before the line went dead, he pulled the phone away from his ear and plopped down on the couch with a heavy thud.

Awwww 😩😩😩

This is so sad