Spade's eyes were set on him as he watched Nate give him the most ridiculous and unbelievable look ever.

Nate could feel every cool and calm demeanor he'd been trying to keep fade away, his whole being was ticking with an unfamiliar anger, looking at Spade, asking and prying so much was getting on his nerves.

"Why do you care"? He gritted out feeling his throat tighten with a familiar pain and lump "What's it to you Spade" he spat with venom narrowing his eyes on Spade. "What are you even doing here"? He asked looking around the living room "is my father's 24 hours up? Or are you here to renew your threats on me, because I'm pretty sure I got the memo the first ten times you told me" he spat glaring at Spade.

He didn't know what was warranting his anger but he'd had enough, all this strange and confusing dual personality of Spade was getting onto him, one minute he was acting like a killer, threatening him and making life unbearable for him, and the next he was acting sweet, acting all caring like he was some kind of angel, or savior.

"Did you come here to kill me like you promised my father"? He snapped making Spade clench his jaw, and let out a deep breath "Well news flash someone else already almost did it for you" he gritted out in anger

"Look....." He muttered raising his hands up but Nate cut him off immedaitely, shoving his hands away and taking a step back, his eyes looking pained and pissed

"Stop acting like you care, because you and I know you don't" he spat "people like you aren't capable of caring and I'm not surprised, I didn't expect any better from a killer" he muttered lowly, making Spade fist his hands on his side, trying hard to control the surge of emotions he was feeling now. He didn't like that Nate referred to him as a killer, yes he was but he didn't feel any better hearing it from Nate.

"Let me help you" Spade mutttered slowly taking a step close to Nate

He scoffed and looked away from Spade "Help? I don't need your help, you've helped enough" he gritted out, pausing for a while his eyes met with Spade's and Spade could see the rage in them, the fire that was threatening to burst out "what are you gonna do even if I tell you who did this? Are you gonna kill them? Is that all you know how to do? Kill people and make lives unbearable for them"? He asked as if disappointed in Spade, making the man swallow hard and clench his jaw tight. "Just like you did with my sister until she ran away, and now you're here trying to play savior with me? Since I met you, you've done nothing but threaten me, hurt the ones I love and now you're asking to help me, in exchange for what? Huh"? He asked taking a step closer to Spade, Spade could only stare, not knowing what to say "You think calling a doctor for me and watching me while I was unconscious would make me suddenly forget everything you've put her through, you've out us through, you think that would make me forget who you really are? You're a killer Spade, a selfish, dangerous and unsympathetic, cold killer" he gritted out words for words, this felt like cold water was being poured on Spade as he watched and heard each word leave Nate's mouth.

But instead of the cold water to cool his rising temper, it only intensified it, as the words, selfish kept playing in his head, the look in his eyes, the way the words stabbed deep into his rotten heart and the heaviness that settled in his chest after.

Within the twinkle of an eye, he lost his mind and before Nate could react, he felt his back hit the piller just behind him, as Spade's hands wrapped around his neck, tightening and stinging him

He felt the coldness of the rings on his fingers, and his eyes widened, feeling the pain rush through his whole back.

Spade swallowed, taking in huge gulps of air as he watched Nate, his brown eyes were brooding with fear, panic and terror.

He could read and see the horrific look on his face, his lips slightly parted and as if he was being possessed before, he felt whatever spirit possessing him, free his soul.

Only then did he come to his senses, and just like that his grip loosened around Nate's neck, he stepped back as he watched Nate's brown eye fill up with fear, fear for him. The terror in those brown orbs all directed to him, he swallowed, feeling his whole body shake discreetly, his hands sweaty and his whole body going hot

He let out shaky, laboured breath as his eyes zeroed in on the bruise his fingers had left around Nate's neck, he slowly looked at his hands, the same one that wrapped around Nate's neck seconds ago.

He heard Nate's laboured breathing and his shaky panic breaths leaving his mouth, he stumbled forward but held himself as his eyes grew more in fear. He made to walk away but Spade was quick to speak up "Nate..." He muttered for the first time since he'd met him, he'd be saying his name but neither of them noticed as Nate didn't even stop for a second.

He dashed right back into the bedroom, limping in his steps as he stumbled back into the bedroom, Spade was quick to follow him but he shut the door behind him and rested his back on it, sliding down the door, he placed his head in between his knees as he could still feel Spade's grip on his neck, making his throat tighten with pain and restriction

Spade's hands rested on the door as he panted hard, watching the closed door, feeling all the regret and guilt settle in the pit of his stomach.

He didn't mean to put his hands on him He acted on impulse, and crazed anger, something he couldn't control. And now he'd further pushed Nate away from him, the fear in his eyes was an image that'll never leave Spade's mind

All this because Nate called him selfish, he never really had a problem with that word, because that was exactly who he was, who he's always been, but since the first time hearing Nate say it to him, he felt like the word suddenly had a new meaning and Nate calling him that left a bitter taste in his mouth

Yes he is selfish, but not to Nate, everything he'd done since realizing this strange pull to the young man, has been for his good, it has been to make him feel relaxed and to understand him better. He never wanted to hurt Nate, even though he threatened him half the times they were together, he never meant any of that, Nate should understand.

He let out a deep breath as he watched the closed door, he let his fingers graze it, before shut his eyes, realizing that Nate would not come out or wanna see him here, he resorted to going back to the club, or his house, anywhere that would help him with this guilt eating deep inside of him.

He ran his hands down his face, he only wanted to help, he's only ever wanted to help. But his anger and lifestyle had always been the reason any meeting he had with Nate never ended well.

He'd threatened the kid before, but today took the crown Even with the bruises on his body, he still put his hands on him and left a mark of his own on his body. He clenched his jaw, already feeling the slight despise bubbling inside of him for himself.

He couldn't control his anger and he let it get the best of him. This was why he wasn't close to anyone and why he kept to himself, never talked much, because he always did things on impulse, like what he just did.

He strolled out of the house, giving the bedroom door one last look before shutting the door.

Nate could feel the tears bubbling inside of him, feeling his stomach ache with sadness. He could feel the tears slowly form at the corner of his eyes, willing them to stay back but his body had a mind of its own, he felt it slide down his cheek. Then another, slowly but surely, the tears were now flowing freely.

He could hear voices in his head, telling him how pathetic he was, how sad and stupid he was. He gripped his head, and almost gave in to the urge to let out a scream.

The voices were getting louder, telling him he didn't deserve to be loved by anyone. Because he was bad luck. 'your sister left you' the voice whispered making him shudder as he rocked himself back and forth 'she got tired of your shit, just like your mom, she abandoned you' the voice taunted.

"Shut up" he whispered feeling his skin crawl The sinister voice laughed at him

'you're pathetic, a pathetic excuse of a son and a brother, that's why he hates you too' the voice mocked referring to Spade. 'you pushed him away, just like you keep pushing everyone in your life' the voice whispered, he covered his ears with his palms, feeling the tears now dropping uncontrollably, he groaned out in anguish as the voices got louder, taunting him, getting under his skin.

He rocked himself back and forth, swaying from side to side, as he looked around the room frantically 'you think he actually likes you? He pities you, he almost killed you today because your baggage was too much for him' the voice taunted, making images of Spade holding his neck to appear in his mind, as the face of Spade held a sinister smirk, and smug look.

'they're all going to kill you because they have no use for you, why don't you do them the favor and kill yourself, you'll be helping everyone including yourself' the voice mocked, making him shut his eyes.

"Shut up" he roared as he whimpered on the ground

'you're pathetic' the voice taunted, he shut his eyes even tighter and tried to envision his mother's face, it always helped him whenever the voices got louder, but this time it was flickering, the more the voices spoke, the fainter the images of his mom got, and her smile slowly fading away.

'you're pathetic and weak, that's why he did what he did to you, that's why they all trample on you' the voice muttered, sounding closer than ever 'your father, your sister, Spade and Him, they don't care about you, they want you to die so they'll have peace' the voice muttered, making him take in shuddering breaths.

The sweat on his palms becoming more than just droplets, the tears he could taste and his nose running non stop. He sniffled and whimpered, just like he always did when he was a kid

"you're lying, I'm not weak" he whispered with shaky voice

'yes you are' the voice hissed 'your father thinks you are pathetic, Su thinks you're lonely, Spade thinks you're weak and pitiful and Him, he thinks you're nothing but a chew toy for him, you'll always be a chew toy for him' the voice whispered making him shake his head vigorously as his head was beginning to ache

"No, no, I don't believe you, leave me alone" he yelled, moving around frantically. The voice only laughed like a maniac

'i'm not going anywhere Nate, you're stuck with me' he muttered

******

Having had the worst day ever, Spade got out of his car, running his hands down his face, he walked towards his house, opening the door, he stepped into the dimly lit living room.

Seeing the figure sprawled out on the couch, just looking at him, he sighed out and took off his suit jacket, flinging it on the couch.

Matteo watched his facial expression, seeing the despair and frustration in Spade's eyes, it's been a while he saw him this way and it wasn't a good sign.

"How'd it go"? He asked and Spade just sighed out walking towards the bar in his living room, he pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a glass, pouring himself some, he took a gulp, feeling the familiar burn in his chest, but nothing could compare to the amount of guilt he was feeling right now.

He placed the glass back on the table with a loud thud, ignoring Matteo's question, he faced the blonde and spoke. "I need you to do something for me" he muttered, making the blonde to nod "I need you to keep an eye on Nate, and not like that last time, I want you to look after him, anywhere he goes, I want you there" he muttered making Matteo to scrunch his brows up in confusion.

"What happened Spade"? He asked with concern lacing his voice, Spade just sighed out, pouring another drink for himself, he twirled the gold almost brown liquid in his cup, watching it move from side to side, remembering what had happened in Nate's place, he clenched his jaw and looked at Matteo, making sure everything he felt at the moment reflected in his eyes.

Matteo clenched his jaw, already feeling like whatever happened wasn't something good at all. "Is he okay"? He asked and Spade just nodded his head, making Matteo let out a sigh of relief He watched Matteo, letting his mind drift to when he was much younger, when both of them was much younger. He handled Matteo quite well, so why was it so hard for him to get through to Nate? "Do you wanna talk about it"? Matteo asked and he just rolled his tongue in his mouth before shaking his head, the blonde understood and just nodded his head, before getting up and walking towards Spade, he gave him a light pat on the shoulder "You're gonna be okay"? He asked and Spade just nodded clenching his jaw Few times like this he's been vulnerable and only to Matteo.

The blonde nodded before strolling away towards the door, taking one last look at Spade, he opened the door and walked out into the night. Spade looked at the drink in front of him before pouring it all into his mouth and drinking it.

I feel bad for Nate 😥😥

I wish Spade could help him