Kitty Yin |ω・') hi hi Are u nice and warm now?

Yin Yup! I just showered. All cosy in bed. Wbu?

Kitty Same (˶◜ᵕ◝˶) I've missed talking to you

Yin We texted each other an hour ago?

Kitty I know. Yin Yin, may I ask you something? You don't have to say yes if you don't want to.

Yin What is it?

Kitty Can I talk to you? Over voice call.

Yin Oh That's

Yin I would but I'm not really comfortable speaking

Kitty That's fine! I don't mind if you let me do the talking! As you've said in the past, I'm quite the yapper lol （'∇｀''） You could just text your replies!

Yin So ur fine with me not talking? I can be on mute?

Kitty Mhm!

Yin I guess that should be fine

【𝗞𝗶𝘁𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂】

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It happened in the blink of an eye, faster than you could process your own agreement. One second, you were typing out a hesitant yes, the next, your phone was flashing with the incoming call, its singsong ringtone filling the room like a taunting dare. Kitty wasted no time.

You froze, heart hammering in your chest as the screen lit up, almost blinding you with its sudden urgency. The device continued to ring out in a cheery, insistent tone, like it knew you were about to backpedal. In the spur of the moment, you flung your phone on to the bed like it were a freshly unclipped grenade, and scooted all the way back until your body was pressed against the wall. The tone persisted, awaiting your input.

You had agreed to do this. You had. But now, with the call right there, right in front of you, you felt every anxious thought and fear crashing down on you like a tidal wave. And the craziest part was you weren't even sure what you were afraid of. Kitty assured you that you wouldn't have to do any talking. You could just sit on mute and listen to him make a fool of himself and yammer about the first thing that came to his mind.

Perhaps you feared the milestone that this call represented, the breaking of the illusion. You always had your own idea of who or what "Kitty" was. Hearing his voice, his mannerisms, his tone... it could change things. Some people are nicer over text than they are in person.

You knew these fears were irrational and stupid. None of it made sense.

But you were still scared.

Kitty's incoming call continued, its obnoxious ring stretching on and on. He waited. Patiently. As if he knew you'd be there, stuck in your own head, hesitating and rethinking.

Then the call ended. You sighed, placing a hand over your chest and feeling the rapid thumping of your heart steadily decline. Relief. Kitty messaged you soon after.

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Kitty Um You're not picking up? ('･ω･')?

Yin YEAH BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A CHANCE TO PROCESS ANYTHING. I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO JUMPSCARE ME THE SECOND I SENT THAT MESSAGE

Kitty (;𖦹ㅁ𖦹) ... I'm sorry! I just got so excited to finally talk to you ( ˊ͈ ꒳ ˋ͈) Perhaps you'd like to call me instead?

Yin No NO NOT YET

Kitty Okay, when? :3

Yin Can we do this another day

Kitty No. Let's do it today! ('・ω・')

Yin You're awfully pushy tonight

Kitty I'm sorry ('°ω°') I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable! But you don't have to say anything so it should be fine, right? (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)ﾟ I only want to say nice things. I want us to become even closer. Plus, you let the others VC you while you're on mute. But not me. So you must understand why I feel a bit left out, no? ( 'ヮ') I admit I get a tiny bit jealous.

Yin Wow you sound like an incel. Fine, I will do it. Just don't suddenly ring me. Give me a moment to, you know, take a deep breath or whatever.

Kitty Of course!! ( ∩'͈ ᐜ '͈∩) Take your time! No rush!! I'm so excited.

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Kitty went silent in anticipation as he awaited your special call. The tip of your finger hovered above the button, shaking slightly.

"Ugh, come on. It's not even that deep." you muttered to yourself reproachfully. "If he's nasty, I'll just hang up. I don't even have to say anything."

And with that final self-encouragement, you pressed the button. Kitty wasted absolutely no time answering. You didn't even get to hear the first ring before he picked up. You held your breath as you checked to make sure you were definitely muted.

"Yin, you answered!" An eager male voice chimed through your headphones. "I'm so glad. I'm sorry for being impatient. I just wanted to speak with you so badly. It's been on my mind ever since we became friends. Ah!- W-where do I even start? Uhh... is there anything in particular you'd like to talk about?"

Why are you asking me? You're the one who begged to call!

Although you thought of him as a friend, a part of you had always imagined Kitty in less-than-flattering ways. Whenever he messaged you with his texts bloated with cutesy emoticons and neediness, you couldn't help but imagine him as a hunched-over, unkept little greaseball with a voice that could only be described as whiny, nasally and grating. And it wasn't like you resented him for this; it just felt familiar. Something you were used to seeing in other users. The default.

After all, your own voice and appearance weren't anything to write home about either, so it somehow felt justified to see him equal to you. You were just two co-dependent souls trapped in their own depressive cycle of validating one another's existence.

But this? This was not what you expected at all. Kitty sounded... nice? Normal?

... Kinda hot? Ugh, you winced at the thought. It was not something you wanted to admit to yourself but the truth was there. His voice wasn't exaggerated like those guys who force themselves to speak in those breathy anime dub accents, nor was it the deep, gravelly tone of those guys who pretend to have a super deep voice but sound like they're perpetually belching every time they speak into the mic. No, it was clean and natural - he wasn't pretending to be something else, and it made you realise how much you had misjudged him.

Then again, you figured that most guys who stay hidden behind a computer screen all day probably have all the time in the world to practice their voices. You paused, growing irritated at your own hypocrisy and shallowness. Why did you force yourself to look down upon him whenever he surpassed your expectations? Perhaps you were protecting yourself from disappointment. You had heard countless stories of catfishes, scammers roaming the servers of Valoria Online in search of desperate prey, and even true crime horror stories of people meeting their e-dates only to be brutalised by the very person they trusted enough to visit. It made sense for you to distance yourself, especially when it came to someone as keen as Kitty.

But there was another thought wavering in the back of your mind. Were you really just protecting yourself from disappointment... or were you protecting him? Your eyes met with your reflection in the bedroom mirror. Usually you kept it covered, tossing a towel over it as you got changed so you didn't have to come to terms with what you had become, but this time the towel had dropped.

The mirror didn't show your face. It showed your worth, or lack of it. Every flaw and blemish became magnified. How could anyone find something lovable in this mess of a person? And how could you, of all people, pass judgement on to others when you looked like this?

You trembled, lip quivering as you withheld the urge to have yet another one of your self-pitying meltdowns. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't you have been born as someone beautiful and carefree like Sana? Why be born at all? Was this all that life was going to be now? Seeking validation and affection from strangers online? Strangers who would probably be horrified if they knew that this was what lurked behind their screens? You imagined your online friends discovering you, taking in your stumbling awkwardness with scowls and stifled laughs. Would Kitty still want to be your friend if he knew this is what you were? Would he-

"Yin," a soft and reassuring voice called out to you "come back. I miss you. Are you still there?"

You blinked out of it and glanced at the light emanating from your phone screen. Poor Kitty had been yammering to himself this whole time, awkwardly waiting for your response. You had barely paid attention to what he had been saying.

"Really, I don't mind just talking! I don't want you to feel pressure to reply or anything, but are you still there? Did I frighten you? I'm sorry if I did! I just get so excited and start rambling to myself sometimes. You're just such a nice person to be around. Even when you're not saying anything. I know it probably makes no sense but just knowing your presence is there, listening... it makes me feel so happy. That's all I need from you."

...

"Yin, I really really like you. I know that's probably not what you want to hear right now. I'm sorry. To be honest, the main reason why I wanted to speak with you like this was so I could be genuine about my feelings and tell you with my own voice. You're so amazing! You're my favourite person in existence. And I just want to be by your side forever... Wait. N-not that I'm pressuring you to date me or anything like that! Please don't worry, Yin. I don't want to be pushy or make you uncomfortable. I mean we still have yet to meet in person, right? I just wanted you to know that, no matter how you're feeling about yourself, you will always be valuable to me. You always make me happy and laugh - even when you call me an incel in the chat. I hope we can become even closer. Perhaps one day, when you feel brave enough, you could unmute yourself on the call and finally tell me to shut up in your words. Wouldn't that be nice?"

Yin: Kitty, you're nice too. It almost feels undeserving that you treat me so well. Thank you for always being kind to me.

"Aaah, you're making me blush!! You always deserve to be treated with kindness! Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Also hi! I was worried you had fallen asleep or collapsed from the embarrassment of hearing my voice. I'm glad you're okay! I missed reading your replies."

Yin: ^^

Yin: May I ask why you like me so much? I don't really understand. I mean I don't really do or say anything much? I just sorta lurk online and game occasionally. The other people in our friend group are so much more lively and fun. Sometimes I worry that this is all an elaborate prank, like when the popular guy gets dared to ask you out as a joke in high school.

"Oh wow that's- Wait hold on. Did someone do that to you? Do you remember what their name was or if they have a social media account?"

Yin: Why lol? Will you avenge me?

"Yeah, of course!"

Yin: Haha you're so silly. But no I don't remember his name so who cares.

"I care obviously. That's so hurtful and evil. It's so wrong to play with someone's feelings like that. Damn, I'm so sorry, Yin. I wish I could have been there to intervene or, at the very least, comfort you after the fact."

Yin: I'm over it now so relax. It was years ago lol.

(You are not over it.)

"I see. You're so strong, Yin. I really can't help but admire you, but please don't feel the need to pretend. I want to support you. As for your question, it's a lot. I don't want to sound creepy or anything but I could probably write a whole essay about why I like you! For real! But I guess there are some more specific reasons that come to mind..."

Yin: What are they

"Ah ah! No telling~"

Yin: what

Yin: no seriously tell me

Yin: I need to know

"I'll tell you one day - in person!"

Yin: No, I don't want to meet anyone in person.

"Then I guess... you will have to be clueless? For now, at least. I'm really really sorry, Yin. I do truly want to tell you everything. But I want to take things steady and not rush things. Is that okay with you? When we meet in person, I promise, I will answer anything you want. There's just so much to say. It has to be to your face. Not over text or some phone call."

Yin: ...

Yin: Do you have like a fetish or something

"... Huh? Fetish? For what?"

Yin: Nevermind.

Yin: I'm getting sleepy, Kit. I may pass out.

"Oh right! It's pretty late, isn't it? Let's call it a day here then. I really enjoyed talking to you, Yin. Even if it's just with me talking and you typing. It feels like we're making good progress. Thank you. I'll never forget it. May I speak with you like this again sometime?"

Yin: You may.

"Alright! Nice! Okay, Yin. I won't force you to stay up for much longer. Get some good night's rest, okay? I'll be online tomorrow as always! Nighty night!"

Yin: Goodnight to you too! Bye bye

The call ended, leaving a lingering buzz of excitement in the air. Koda flopped back onto his bed, kicking his feet in the air like a flustered schoolgirl. Giggling uncontrollably, he pressed his face into his pillow, stifling squeals of joy as he replayed the conversation in his mind—over and over again. Though the talk had been mundane, it signified a milestone in his and your relationship. Perhaps soon you'd find the courage to speak with him yourself, or better yet, meet him in person. He pulled away, releasing a deep sigh of relief as his nerves began to settle and the giddiness faded into a warm glow of contentment.

"[Y/n] [Y/n] [Y/n] [Y/n]~" he murmured to himself, his eyes hazed with a lovesick glow. He picked up a stuffed toy that was sat slumped on the bedside table, watching him in eerie silence. Even as a baby, Koda never formed any sort of attachment toward soft toys. He knew they were just "things" so he could never grasp why the other kids at school cared so much about them. But this specific toy was special. He squeezed it close to his chest, nuzzling his face against it's rough skin. "I still can't believe this is actually happening. I really found them. My lovely [Y/n]. Are you excited for me too, Mimu? I'm finally gonna be with [Y/n] again! And this time, we're going to be together forever. I'll make sure of it."

Mimu. A scraggly, poorly-put-together being of fabric and stitches. Its head was lopsided, its limbs was practically falling off and its face had a permanent blank stare. Was it a bear? A cat? A... horse? It was hard to distinguish what it was supposed to be. But that didn't matter to Koda. It was his prized possession. He kissed it softly, inhaling its old, weary scent and sighed. The reason why he valued it so much was because it was once yours - or, rather, it was a gift. A rejected art and crafts project. Something you had created. Mimu's black button eyes gazed soullessly as Koda.

"Ah ah. Don't be like that, Mimu. You have to be patient, silly. [Y/n] is a very reserved person. We have to respect their boundaries. I'm not going to rush things. I want [Y/n] to be as comfortable as possible, besides, I still need to prepare." Koda gently scolded the silent toy. Mimu's head dangled to the right, staring into the corner of the dim room where an opened plastic bag of zip ties, rope, tape and various pill bottles sat. Koda adjusted its head to face him again. "That doesn't concern you."

He moved Mimu to his bed, gently tucking it under the covers like he was putting an infant to sleep. Mimu's little arms poked awkwardly above the blanket. Koda smiled, petting it on the head.

"It's time for you to sleep, little Mimu. It's late. And I want to work on some things. Nighty night!"