CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

the public eye



i kept my promise to the desperate masses and posted the cast list before the end of the week. i had almost forgotten, so luck was on my side when maeve sat me down like i was in an interrogation room in ap world.

"you need to make it official," she stated.

i was slightly confused. "you mean with walker?" i whispered. "cause we're not in, like, a situationship or anything--"

"no! i should have said, 'we need to make it official,'" she said, laughing. then she added, "the cast list."

"oh, you're right! i need to post that to instagram. my chemistry class swarmed me on monday asking about it."

the cast list document hadn't been edited since i unfortunately sneezed in this class. but don't be deceived — it's been opened many times. i had sat there debating whether i should press the pencil button and make changes, while nothing had changed in my situation with maeve.

walker's offer to "hack my phone and post it for me" had completely slipped my mind. probably because the next thing he offered was to "be my valentine."

"we've got the cast down except for one person," i said. i revealed my screen to her.

maeve scanned it skeptically. "hmm... drunk boy."

"hey, i know he said he would want to be in it, but do you think it would be worthy punishment if i forced jordyn to play drunk boy?" i wasn't sure if what was coming out of my mouth was serious. the idea only popped into my head at that second, and i wasn't one hundred percent open to seeing jordyn again.

"it's punishment for him if i even bring up your name, walker's name, or the word cupcake," maeve informed. "he feels really bad about that night and the whole situation."

"oh... wow. well then..." i nodded slowly, unsure of how to respond. it was like jordyn suddenly replaced her and sat before me. it didn't feel right to say i understood why, but it didn't feel right to say i didn't, so i chose not to say anything.

"so, yeah, i think it would be a great idea!" she had no ounce of sarcasm in her voice, to my surprise. "it would be like, y'know, exposure therapy!"

"i mean, if you really think so," i said while shrugging. i figured it could be like exposure therapy for me too. i was going to see him on tuesday anyhow, at the competition.

i filled in the rest of the document, writing jordyn's name next to the drunk boy line. the casting felt just perfect. especially for jordyn -- i knew he had experience getting drunk.

it was all coming together. just a few steps and the cast would be official. i wrote a short message at the bottom explaining which qr code to use. each would send the user to a form where they would give their name, role, and phone number, so we could make group chats: one for the cast, one for extras.



i produced the cast list and the qr code sheets using the library's printer during lunch, then spent the rest of the period dispersing them throughout the school. luckily, i forgot to return the cats and coffee tape to mom. it went much smoother than the first time with walker. i was done within fifteen minutes.

i had to laugh as i put up the last one by the boy's bathroom. jordyn did not agree to this at all. if he wanted to casually go piss and see his name on the flier, he would be pissed. whatever, it's not like he told me everything important he did.

after school, i planned on getting out of that building as soon as humanly possible. i knew many ( walker holmes, madeline, and michael ) were going to be livid. but the weekend was about to begin, and i wouldn't have to face the reaction for a few days.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

"do you think whoever wrote this was upset?" walker asked jokingly on monday morning. we had gotten to school at the same early time, ran into each other at the entrance, and had our conversation cut short when we noticed the vulgar message written on one of the fliers.

it was the one i taped onto the wall next to the principal's office. in red ink and almost illegibly messy handwriting was, "at least i'll be on camera when i'm on the news for your murder." quite the disturbing sentiment. something about the drama of it told me it was walker holmes, but that was only a hunch.

we went to class, staying on the down low. when i opened the door uneasily, only a few kids along with the sub were revealed. maybe the unlucky now-extras wouldn't notice us in the back. but as of now, the classroom was fragilely tranquil. mr grant had his headphones mounted as usual, and the few students were chilling on their phones.

"i'm gonna miss mr grant," walker admitted softly once we were seated. i had forgotten that today was our last day with the dude.

"right? i've gotten so used to not having fennel around," i complained quietly. "and i'm also gonna miss sitting next to you again."

"ugh! i forgot about that."

the door burst open and in came the clones. they must have agreed to be festive and all wear pink shirts for the upcoming valentine's day. so cutesy. what wasn't cutesy was the look on madeline's face, her eyes like a cupid's arrow headed our way.

"y/n. walker," she demanded, approaching our table with the other three beside her. "can we have a word?"

walker bowed his head and i casually said, "sure" as i leaned back and held eye contact.

"look, i don't want to be mad at one of my best friends, violet, because of this," she said with irritating sass. "so i'm choosing to be mad at you."

violet looked to her shoes awkwardly. i recognized her purpose in being here with madeline. but jamie and tasha were kind of just standing next to her with these laughably demonic looks as if that would scare me.

"cool... i'm glad i know your emotion toward this situation. very useful," i scoffed. "anything else?"

"yeah, actually," tasha interjected. "are you seriously making us be extras? that's, like, offensive."

"you don't have to be in it if you don't want to," said walker.

tasha glanced at him with what looked like judgment, but it was followed by, "no, of course i want to be in it." she was so strange.

"no, yeah. there's no chance we're missing out on the making of walker's next big thing!" jamie was looking at me when she said this. the hell? this wasn't just his project. she obviously only wanted to participate because of walker, and her saying that to me was like she was rubbing that in my face.

madeline had been shifting her gaze from each of her friends as they spoke, the disgust in her expression growing each time. she finally said, "okay, we're done here. i just want you guys to know that i'm mad and disappointed and that if i get violent with violet it's because of you."

the four turned in almost perfect synchronization and made their way to their seats. as soon as they couldn't see us, walker and i mouthed our disbelief and strong opinions on what we just heard to each other, accompanied by expressive hand gestures.

once more people piled into the room and were waiting chattily for mr grant to realize class was about to start, walker said, "how am i gonna sit next to her tomorrow?"

"trust me, she'll be pretending like nothing happened," i clarified. "maybe she'll throw shade at me or maeve here or there, though."

michael didn't say a word to me. he just made the effort to fully turn around and squint at me from the front of the room a few times. the class went smoother than my expectations, however, and i wasn't complaining.



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