CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR

the mind's eye



maeve told me she didn't have it in her -- no matter how many caffeine or bagel run promises she was given -- to do editing for the rest of the week. so, naturally, i asked walker to fill in for her. and, also naturally, the process went much smoother. that may have been because we were already almost done, but by friday afternoon, we were adding finishing touches.

another reason i asked him was because i thought it would be a solid chance to have more upbeat conversations that would override the excruciating one we had on the porch. and to my relief, it kind of worked. we were talking normally again. it almost felt like the contaminated contents of that night had never happened.

we had been holed up in mom's office for hours, alternating between staring at the screen, making minuscule adjustments, and me stealing sips from walker's energy drink. he insisted it made his brain work faster, but it did nothing but make his leg bounce under my desk or motivate me with its obnoxiously citrusy tang.

finally, we reached the final scene's final adjustments. too many finals. it was stressing me out like it was the final exam week.

"you sure this transition isn't too abrupt?" i asked, pausing the timeline and pointing at the cut. "i feel like it needs, like, half a second more before the next shot."

walker leaned forward, eyes narrowing slightly as he watched the screen. "yeah, i see what you mean. here, lemme--" he took the mouse, scrolling back a few frames and making a minor adjustment. "try now."

i played it back before pausing again with a sense of completion, my lips twitching into a small smile. "perfect."

then i glanced at the timeline. only one minute left to skim through. only one more minute, and the film was done.

"this is getting boring-- want to kiss instead?" i suggested abruptly, swinging my head toward walker.

he raised an eyebrow. "okay... i mean, sure, why not?" he hesitated before sliding his desk chair's wheels closer to mine and leaning in.

we kissed for a moment, mirroring the image shown on the editing software's preview. i could feel it next to us with my eyes closed intently. those versions of us, caleb and aurora, they were kissing too. but they were paused. they could freeze time and be with each other for as long as they wanted.

in reality, it was most likely caused by the caffeine sips, but the idea of unpausing gave me a headache. unpausing, resuming -- that meant walker would be continuing on without me.

we pulled away, and pushing through the next hour still seemed like a chore.

when he looked back at the screen for a second, i put my hand back on his cheek as if we were still kissing. "isn't it crazy that daylight savings is soon?" i said.

"seriously?" he chuckled dryly. "that means we lose an hour of sleep."

he mentioned losing time. why did i have to change the subject to an alternate form of my source of worry?

now i grabbed his hand and made my wheels scoot closer to his ever so slightly. "it's really so unfortunate. i think i'm actually gonna miss the winter."

he stared at me, thinking, like he was forgetting his next line. but the subtext had gotten under to him. "you don't want to finish this, do you?" he said.

"damnit. you know me too well. i have to admit it, i am kind of dreading this."

"i am too. and i guess i should also admit something," he said, holding eye contact and, if i wasn't going insane, subtly tightening my hand in his. "before i left for the last day of filming, i talked to my parents. they asked about how it was going -- y'know, acting. and of course, i told the truth: it's going fantastic."

i tried and failed to maintain the eye contact as well. if he was fulfilling my anxious, self-inflicted prophecy of leaving, then what was i supposed to say? congratulations? good luck? please don't go?

he continued after a few seconds. "right after i said that, they told me that they had never seen me this happy. that it made them happy that i was happy..." then his voice trailed off again. i looked back up eventually to see him waiting for a signal that i was getting all of this.

"uh, did they call your agent after that?" i said, skipping to my dreaded assumption.

"no, they told me they'll think about it."

that wasn't the worst thing -- they could think against it. but it was in their minds all the while. "okay," i said softly.

"...hey, we only have one minute left. let's make it oscar worthy," walker said, shifting his tone to encouragement mid-sentence. "i think that'll be easy. you really have an eye for this kind of thing."

he moved both of our chairs forward, toward the desk and toward the mouse which was clicking play, unpausing.

the original rock song from mr grant's band, the wet diapers -- yes, that was their name -- blasted immediately, making me jump. the instrumental piece, all romantic and science-teachery with its name listed on the credits as "chemical reaction," consisted of a hefty bass line and a flourishing guitar solo.

the song went on for the rest of the uncut scene, eventually simmering into a lingering pianissimo before fading to black. and just like that, the film was done.

it felt weird, a relieving loss and a disappointing win at the same time.

i tried to focus on the win, watching the credits roll and seeing my own name appear on-screen. i was proud of myself and maeve and everyone, and i knew i had gained confirmation that i did in fact want to see that name on bigger screens in bigger towns.

i exhaled, leaning back in my chair. walker did the same. for a second, neither of us spoke.

"it's weird that we're actually done," he finally said.

"yeah." i stared at the screen, the last of the credits pulling up and away. "i don't even know what to do with myself now."

"you'll figure it out," he said. "you always do."

that made me smile. i wasn't sure if it was true, but i liked that he believed it.

a few minutes later, i stood near him as he tied his shoelaces in the foyer. "so, when are we gonna have our big premiere?" i asked as if the concept was previously discussed.

"premiere?"

"duh," i said. "we have to do a screening. we didn't spend months on this just for it to live on my laptop forever."

he laughed, standing up. "okay, okay. how about next weekend? here?"

i pretended to consider it. "only if you bring popcorn."

"i'll bring the biggest bag i can find."

"deal."

he lingered for a second longer, like there was something else he wanted to say. but instead, he just smiled and opened the door. "night, y/n."

"night, walker."

i watched him walk down the driveway, hands in his pockets, hair catching in the wind.

i didn't want him to leave. not just my house. not just my school. i didn't want him to leave me.



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thank you for reading chapter 64!