With a frantic swing of the door, a man in his early thirties entered the room and his gaze immediately landed where his sick son was resting. A young and frail boy laid on the bed, sweat pooling from his forehead, eyes shut tightly, and pained breaths struggling to get past his dry and sore throat. A dreadful struck of guilt and concern prompted the man to rush over to his son.

Kneeling down, he said in a gentle voice, "I called your mother to pick up some medicine. You'll be okay."

At the sound of his father's voice, the child mustered the strength to open his eyes and turn his head over just enough to catch a glimpse.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

The child let out a shaky breath. "I've been wondering... Wouldn't it be easier if you and mum left me?"

A horrified look crept in the man's eyes. Had he accidentally given his child that impression at some point? He thought back to any conversations that could have been misinterpreted or comments that he made blissfully unaware of the repercussions, but he couldn't pinpoint a moment.

"Lyle, what gave you that idea?"

"I was just... wondering."

"I can tell when you're lying."

The child was silent for a moment. "I overheard some things at school."

The man took a deep breath, careful to not express his anger. His son was already ill and adding more stress to him was the last thing he wanted.

"What did you hear?"

"I'm always sick. And when I'm sick, you and mum are forced out of work to take care of me. Isn't it easier if I wasn't always sick? Or if you and mum paid someone else to take care of me? Or maybe just leave me––"

"There's no way we would do that." Hurt was evident in the father's tone. "You're our son and you will never be a burden to us. We don't take care of you because we have to, we do it because we love and care for you."

The child averted his eyes away and mumbled a meek, "Sorry."

"Don't apologise. And please, don't listen to what others say."

The boy knitted his eyebrows together, confused. His next words weren't self deprecating or an expression of sadness. It was just his honest thoughts.

"But aren't I a burden?"

The father shook his head. "You're the reason why your mum and I are still here."

"I don't get it. You and mum are in the AEI's offence team. You can do fine without me. You'll do even better."

"We're strong because we're fighting to protect something. And that something is our dear son. You mean the world to us. You keep us going." The child stared at his father with a blank look. The father simply laughed, it was a carefree and fruity laughter. "You'll understand when you're older. But Lyle, I don't want you to think that way ever again, okay? Just because someone is sickly does not mean they're a burden."

The child didn't seem convinced, but he complied regardless. "Okay..."

While waiting for the child's mother to return home with medicine, the father did his best to take care of the boy. Momentarily, he left the room before returning with a hand behind his back. The child, now able to sit up on the bed, looked at his father in confusion.

With a smile, the man revealed a small teddy bear and booped the child's nose with the toy.

"Surprise!"

The child took the toy and stared at it with furrowed eyebrows. "It's too childish for me."

"Whatever you say, sport."

"You're being sarcastic."

"Kids are becoming more quick witted these days, huh?" He snapped his fingers. "Ah-ha! I have an idea. If a teddy bear is too childish for you. How about we get you piercings instead? Or maybe even tattoos––"

The door suddenly opened and revealed a female figure––Lyle's mother. With crossed arms and a displeased expression, she asked, "You're planning to do what?"

The father chuckled nervously. "Welcome home, honey?"

"Don't change the subject."

"Sorry."

She sighed. "Lyle can get tattoos if he wants, but refrain from mentioning any of that when he's not even twelve yet. Anyways, I called the AEI so we can take the day off tomorrow. I'm also going to be making dinner so come downstairs in about an hour or so." Her gaze went to her son. "Now, mister. If I catch you doing anything other than recovering there will be consequences."

Despite her strict tone and intimidating demeanour, she gently closed the door.

The father laughed. "Well, I'll get you your medicine. Then, it's dinner. Okay?"

The child nodded. "Okay."



===



If Lyle could choose one thing he didn't understand about the AEI, in a heartbeat he'd say support members. Well, more specifically, the little qualifications support members needed to get into the AEI. Do you have some medical experience? Do you have basic athletic capabilities? Congratulations, you got the job.

Training provided by the AEI to prepare for dangerous operations weren't mandatory and they weren't even that good. And there was also the fact that you don't need exorcism abilities as a support member; Lyle couldn't comprehend it.

It's not like someone with medical experience and exorcism abilities was incredibly rare, so why not just make that the criteria? Or maybe offer proper training programs to supports with no exorcism abilities?

"I heard Caleb let a support member watch him exorcise a vengeful apparition up close."

"Woah, that's insane."

Rumours and conversations floated around the AEI about a vengeful apparition's sudden appearance. That was the first time Lyle had heard about you. He didn't think too much of it, but when he found out that you were the one who took the place of the previous support leader in dispatch 09 his mind subconsciously paid a little more attention when you were brought up in fleeting conversations.

And before he knew it, he decided to talk to you directly.

"Hey, are you the team's support leader?"

"Yeah, I am."

Lyle was thoughtful for a moment before he gestured for his teammates to leave the cafeteria. Many of them protested, but one glare from him made them immediately shut up and reluctantly obey his orders. This caused you to knit your eyebrows together in confusion.

"What's with that expression?"

With a spiteful tone, you said, "Well, I'm just confused why you're here. If you couldn't tell, your presence is making a lot of us uncomfortable."

Well, at least you didn't come off as a pushover. But he didn't appreciate the hostility.

The male sighed exasperatedly. "I should've expected this. What a waste of time coming here."

"Can I at least ask why you were here?"

"That's none of your business."

"That sounds like an excuse to me."

Lyle's eyes narrowed, gaze filled with contempt and annoyance. Okay, you were really starting to get on his nerves.

You were different from the previous support leader––well, even if you were the same, you were none of his concern. Lyle tried not to think too much of you after that conversation. Him approaching you was a one-off thing that he did on a whim.

That thought didn't last very long.

"What kind of support leader is this stupid? Were you brain dead when you left your post?"

"There was a student that looked like she was injured. I had to help––"

"This is why we communicate. What the hell are the offence and defence teams for?"

"No one was available and waiting wasn't an option or else the student would've gotten hurt."

A short derisive laugh left Lyle. You were slowly resembling the previous support leader now. It's not like Lyle had an issue with your intentions. Protecting citizens was the AEI's top priority. However, you weren't in a position to do something dangerous. Your job wasn't to play the hero. Having good intentions doesn't give you a pass to recklessly throw yourself in danger and step outside of your assigned role.

"And what did you accomplish? You, a support leader, were absent for all of the operation. Everyone in your dumb dispatch was running around all worried and things got even more chaotic!"

"Look, I understand your point," you said. "But, I was concerned for her safety. I'm an AEI member, it's my job to protect citizens. You can't always expect operations to run systematically and everything to go to plan. We have a vice leader in each team for a reason."

Lyle scoffed. "Say those words again when you're on the brink of death."

You tensed and Lyle narrowed his eyes. He hoped that it meant you realised the severity of the situation.

"Once you're on the brink of death, you'll grow desperate, desperate to survive. Then, your thought of 'the citizens take top priority' will be thrown out the window." Lyle scowled. "I've seen that shit once, and you're beginning to mirror a second case."

You shot him a confused look. "What?"

"Right, of course you're oblivious to it. How did you think your last support leader died?"

"I...I don't know?"

A part of his mind screamed at him to stop talking right then and there, but he kept going. Those memories won't hurt him, he won't let them. It'd be pathetic to falter because of that experience. He was stronger now.

"They did what you did, tried to play the hero. As soon as their life was really in danger, they started begging me to save them over the citizen," he said. "I had my priorities straight, and you can figure out what happened there."

The last support leader; he hated thinking about him. It made him nauseous and irritated at the same time. Because you took up the same position, Lyle felt inclined to direct his emotions towards you. It was unfair of him to do so, but he couldn't help himself. Seeing your support team act so close-knitted, seeing them care for you, and seeing how you'd recklessly throw yourself in danger... it frighteningly mirrored his past.

"If you're so eager to die, then I'll end this now."

With last gesture he could kill you in the SF trial right now. You were gravely injured after being attacked by the irregular apparition and by the wounds Lyle inflicted.

What was he trying to accomplish?

I'm going to end her suffering quickly.

What gave him the right to dictate your life like that?

It's for her own good. I'm doing her a favour. She doesn't understand. She'll struggle later and it'll be worse for her in the long run.

"Damn it," he mumbled.

You didn't seem to hear him and said, "Well, it's not like you're not allowed to kill me..."

Lyle was surprised at your response. You had a target on your forehead, you could die right now. Yet, you showed no signs of fear or panic. When he attacked you, you cried in pain but never once tried to flee or fight back. Calm and composed; that's what you were right now. The opposite of someone who was on the verge of death.

And your words... well, you weren't wrong. There was one main way to interpret what the objective of the SF trial was from the little hints given: to survive. There were no rules against foul play or that apparitions were the only things you were allowed to kill. Was it unfair? Some would say yes. But, you'd be an idiot to complain that it was unfair. The world wasn't fair, so why does this trial need to be?

"If you had just rejected the letter," Lyle began. "You could've been safe––"

"You know the social implications of that, Lyle. Are you going to do this to everyone you think can't survive?"

Lyle didn't want to answer your question. "Why did you join the AEI?"

Unable to answer immediately, you hissed in pain and your balance faltered. Lyle flinched at that.

"The AEI's purpose is to protect the city, right? That's why I'm here."

There was a sense of resolve in your tone and Lyle thought you had more to say for a moment, but you didn't add anything else.

"But you can't. It's either you die here quickly or suffer later. I don't think your support team would want to see the latter. I'm sure they're watching over you right now and are naively cheering you on." He paused. "How would they react if they saw you suffer brutally on live television?"

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly. Honestly, Lyle was shocked how little animosity you had towards him. No yells of frustration, no insults or curses––you looked like you were trying to understand him.

"You have a point. I'm not that strong. In fact, I'm barely cut out to be an AEI member, let alone an SF member." You didn't seem saddened or disheartened by your own words at all. "However, it doesn't mean I'm not allowed to at least try. Living means encountering struggles and sometimes reality is harsh and people end up dying. That's just how it is. It's life, we can't avoid it. And I accept that. So, don't go around defining my experiences and don't go telling me what to do."

Lyle couldn't find the words to counter yours. And when you looked at him in the eyes, he wanted nothing more than to look away.

"I don't know what's going through your head, but just know that you killing me here won't resolve whatever internal conflict you're dealing with right now."



===



You struggled when you first came into Anomalous, you struggled when you had to come to terms with the concept of reincarnation and abandoning your previous life, you struggled to stay alive in this world that was so different from the one you were used to, and you knew damn well that if you survived the SF trial, your struggle would only become increasingly more difficult.

But that was okay.

Wasn't struggling an important part of life? Encountering some means of suffering was inevitable. So, why should you give up because it'd be more merciful on you? Yes, you could very well die here. But is it so wrong to push your limits to see how far you can go? Is it not within human nature to want to live if we have the capacity to do so?

Lyle referred to your support team, but you were sure they wouldn't want you to give up here. You came to the SF trial to fight to the best of your abilities, and that was what you were going to do.

To live even if it means suffering in the process...

"Oh my god." You laughed. It finally clicked. "I am such a hypocrite."

Apparitions are a manifestation of one's self preservation, one's strong desire to live, so strong to where it transcends death and allows a second life as an apparition. However, these apparitions weren't created quite like that. Long story short, they were forced to keep living even though they wanted to pass on.

So, exorcising them should end their pain, right? They wanted their suffering to end, right?

Your way of thinking at the start of the trial was similar to Lyle's current mindset towards you. You assumed back then that the irregular and abnormal apparitions wanted their suffering to end, you assumed they wanted to be exorcised.

That wasn't the case at all. Even if they were created artificially and were forced to become apparitions, there is a reason why they were hostile right now. In their own way, they were fighting for themselves. They still wanted to live. Just like you. Even if it meant struggling and suffering in the process, you wanted to keep living. Their reasons for life would differ from yours but the overall idea was there

You wanted to live, give it your all, and make an impact on this world.

I think I understand now.

Alright. First things first, you needed to assess your current situation. You couldn't see the apparitions aside from the irregular and abnormal ones, but your senses were heightened thanks to Mochi. Ever since Lyle began inflicting wounds on you, you felt the presence of other apparitions, the same ones you'd encounter back at the city. You knew they wanted to possess you as soon as you let your guard down.

So, what did you do? Let them, of course.

Body relaxed, you welcomed the possession, ignoring Lyle's confused expression. He made no moves to save you. That was in your favor for once.

Then, an onslaught of voices came rushing into your head. Your balance faltered for a moment at how overwhelming it was.

"I want to live," they all spoke. Some wanted revenge, some wanted to see their family again, some had regrets, and some wanted to fulfil one final thing before they parted from this world. But they all wanted to live.

You easily broke through the possession and felt strength return to you. The process of healing yourself through possession was a lot easier than last time. You still weren't in the best condition compared to the start of the trial, but you had recovered significantly.

"Sorry, but possession is off the market when it comes to me." You snapped your fingers and summoned the pen and book. And when you began to write in it, you felt like you had years of experience under your belt with how swift your motions were. "But, stick around with me for a quick while."

You successfully transferred the apparitions into your book. Before you had the chance to face Lyle, you noticed an incoming irregular apparition.

"Another one, huh?" You took a deep breath. "Okay, I think I can do it this time."

You readied yourself and stood your ground. One quick glance towards Lyle's direction and you noticed that he was occupied with another irregular apparition. That was good. You didn't want any interruptions.

The irregular apparition twisted its neck to the side and its head hung at an unnatural angle as it eyed you with disturbingly dilated pupils. God, you felt shivers destroy your entire spine. Necks weren't supposed to do that what the fuck.

When it dashed towards you, your hands rapidly scribbled across the page whilst your heart rate furiously hammered against your ribcage. It was a race against time. Which would be faster? The apparition or your hand?

With a swift and final stroke of your pen––you almost thought you tore the paper with how sharply you did it––you finished the last line. The irregular apparition suddenly paused and you gasped at how close it was. It was less than an inch away from your face. Any later and you would've been killed. It's grin stretched wider and its eyes locked onto your own. You didn't dare to make any sudden movements. For a good minute, no movements were made.

Suddenly, it dove right into your book and the heavy impact made the book momentarily weigh a million times more than usual. A few seconds of you staring at the book in shock went by before you took a look at the page. It was stained with black and the words were tainted a dark red. Looking at it made you feel unsettled so you closed the book and put it away.

"I did it..." Soft pants left you, body still drunk on adrenaline. "I actually did it!"

You had no idea what kind of repercussions would follow suit from keeping an unstable irregular apparition in your possession, but you managed actually survive against it.

Lyle was done exorcising the last apparition. And when he faced you, his red eyes glared at you. "You work with apparitions."

You swallowed, nervous. Ah, shoot. Lyle must've seen the apparitions crowd around you, possess you, you not being possessed, you taking out a book out of nowhere, you writing stuff down and the apparitions dipping as a result, you shoving an irregular apparition into your book and not doing it earlier because he doesn't understand how your abilities worked––yeah, you really had no idea how you were going to explain all of that.

"..."

"..."

Lyle sighed. "Fine. There's no point in me asking if you're not going to answer."

You awkwardly chuckled. "So, uh. Are you still going to like... kill me?"

"No, I won't."

"Oh, thank god. What changed your mind?"

"You're just going to stubbornly come back as an apparition anyway." You looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to elaborate and he shot you an annoyed look. "Stop gawking at me like an idiot."

Aw man, if only he'd spill his entire sob story right then and there.

The thing about Lyle was that you knew aspects of his past, but not all of it. You understood his intentions to a certain degree, but there was still more to explore. You knew about his poor health when he was younger, you knew about his parents' involvement in his life, you knew about how he came into the AEI, and you knew about his parents' fate in the end. However, a while back he mentioned the previous support leader. That was news to you. What kind of involvement did they have in his life?

"I'm not going to apologise," he said.

You let out a short laugh. "I wasn't expecting you to. It wouldn't really be genuine."

You couldn't say Lyle was a bad person. Everyone sees the world through their own lenses, shaped by their experiences. Of course, Lyle's past was not a justification for his actions.

Yes, him killing you because he wanted to 'end your suffering' or because you 'won't be able to survive this trial' was messed up and arrogant. If you weren't so understanding and if you didn't know his character beforehand, your reaction would've been a lot more hostile. You also had to consider the fact that the values in this world were different from your own. Death and murder weighed differently here.

His perspective was muddled due to an unresolved conflict. But your job wasn't to correct him. You just hoped that by expressing your opinion you opened another perspective into his life and he would reflect on his current ideologies. You weren't going to force him to change; in the end of the day, Lyle was responsible for his own development.

"I'm leaving now." He took a few steps forward. "You... never mind."

Lyle left the area and you were finally alone. A much needed sigh of relief left you, but there was no time to relax. A low rumble was heard and you could faintly feel it from the ground. You let out a nervous chuckle.

What happened with Lyle was a rollercoaster. But what is going to happen next was going to be much more intense and pressuring.

If you messed up here, if you accidentally made the wrong choice, if things didn't progress smoothly; someone out of the cast would be the first to die outside of Amias's massacre.

And that person was Caleb.