"(Y/n)," he whispered. "May I join this dance?"

The silver apparition pulled you in a little closer. His eyes never once left you; every drop of his attention, every aspect of his soul was focused on you. You always made it a point on how attractive Shen was, but you genuinely believe his beauty was the kind that could start wars or end vicious fights.

"I––uh." Oh dear, your social skills were fading away. "Sure? Wait! No, I should be asking if you're okay! Where have you been?"

Shen's expression softened in amusement. He was still holding onto your hands; a firm, yet tender touch. There was a desire to not let go, but you sensed that if you displayed even the smallest hints of discomfort, he'd release his hold on you immediately.

"I've been keeping my head down. Recovering was difficult; however, it gave me time to reflect. Do you have time to spare?"

Shen's voice was sweet and patient, yet his eyes held a pleading gaze. A silent desperation.

"... I have time," you replied.

Shen smiled at your response and sighed in relief. At the sight, the warmth that enveloped your heart felt as comforting as a gentle kiss from a fireplace.

"Would you like to accompany me tonight? I'd like to tell you what I've learnt."

You'd never pass up an opportunity to obtain more lore.

"Just don't end up throwing me in a cage, yeah?"

"I'll try."

"Try????"

Shen let go of your hand and motioned you to follow him. Unlike Caleb who would take off laughing if you couldn't keep up with him (all in good fun and a testament to his confidence in your ability to catch up), Shen always kept an eye on you, as if afraid to look back and find you gone.

Shen...

He felt a little different tonight.

The apparition took you to a quaint house, one that was weighed by years of loneliness and generations of memories. The windows were dark and the front law was overgrown. It was an anomaly amongst the high-tech city of Anomalous, hidden away from the bustling city. As a veteran of the game who explored every inch of the map, not even you recognised this place.

"Shen––"

You paused, momentarily stunned by Shen's vulnerable expression.

"This was my home," he whispered. If there was pain in his voice, you wouldn't have been sure due to how quickly Shen composed himself. "Shall we enter?"

You followed Shen inside the house. The house looked clean and well-kept contrary to its external appearance. Surfaces had minimal dust and the air was fresh. However, small things such as old calendars that were stuck in the past and faded cushions made it clear that no living being had occupied this space for a while.

Did Shen keep the space clean?

You glanced at Shen, and your question must have been written plainly on your face because he immediately said,

"Yes, I used my abilities to clean up the space a little."

"This is pretty impressive––"

On a distant shelf, there was a framed portrait, one with...

... Is that a picture of Shen as a child?

It was like someone had strapped rocket launchers to your shoes because your strides were powerful when you rushed over to see the picture up close. A peaceful family of three was shown on the frame. Shen was in the centre, eyes big and youthful as he proudly held up a textbook that was way too big for his small frame. His white hair was as fluffy as ever. It looked a little due for a haircut, but that only made him look more endearing.

You needed to summon fifty years worth of willpower to not scream over how adorable Shen was.

"I'm glad I managed to salvage at least one picture of my family and I," Shen said. "(Y/n)? You've been quiet."

"Oh! Yeah, yeah. Your cute––I mean! Your family looks happy here!"

Shen's mother had the appearance of every delicate, flower-like beauty you'd find in Romantic novels. Even just from the picture, you could tell she was someone of grace. Her eyes had a motherly warmth as she had one hand ruffling her son's head. Shen's father? He was––wait, what the heck. His father was also gorgeous. A silent beauty with a sharp gaze that commanded respect, his eyes framed by long white lashes. It reminded you of Shen's apathetic eyes when you first met him. Shen's father had one steady hand under Shen's, ensuring the child didn't drop the textbook.

"My mother was supportive of my endeavours to become a researcher," Shen spoke. "I adored learning about apparitions. I was always pondering new hypotheses about their origins or ways we could understand them better. I advocated that apparitions must have a meaningful purpose. I wanted to become someone who could give them a place. However, I suppose someone already accomplished that before me."

The apparition looked at you meaningfully.

"... Huh? Oh." For some reason, you felt a little embarrassed. You were happy, though. "I think you're giving me too much credit here."

"I don't believe I'm giving you enough. It's clear that the values around apparitions have been rapidly changing due to your influence."

Instinctively, you glanced away. The admiration and respect Shen had for you was clear, a bit too clear. It was overwhelming, like a warm drink in your hands that overflowed and spilled, burning your skin.

"... Thank you." You had to change the topic. "So, ah. What kind of person was your dad?"

"My father was strict. Whenever I openly expressed my interests in apparitions, he'd scold me. However, as I grew older, I began to understand that his actions were to protect me; I would've been scrutinised by the public otherwise. He was the one who bought me the textbook in the photo. It was a difficult copy to obtain, a book on apparitions."

Every time Shen spoke of his parents, there was a warmth in his voice unlike anything you've ever heard; a warmth that could only be found between families.

"I had forgotten my love for my family up until recently." Shen took his gaze off the portrait and looked at you. "I believe my interactions with you helped me rediscover my emotions. So, thank you, (Y/n)."

"... Me? You sure?"

"Yes. Do I need to repeat myself? You helped me––"

"Wait, got it!" You laughed sheepishly. "Sorry, you've been complimenting me a lot and I don't know how to take it."

"I'd love nothing more than to spoil you with compliments. If you ever need something like that, do not hesitate to ask."

"Even if we're in the middle of a life or death match against each other?"

"Even then."

After the talk, Shen showed you around the house and fondly recalled fragments of his childhood. Sometimes, new memories would surface during conversation. You learnt that Shen was the type of kid who would silently throw a tantrum whenever he was forced to go to bed early (as a kid, he truly believed researching apparitions late into the night would be more effective). The idea of a child Shen pouting angrily, but still complying with his parents' instructions was simply adorable.

"I found out that my parents had passed away five years ago." Shen had gone back to the family portrait. He used his abilities to lightly brush off any dust. "I wondered if... If I had broken out of the labs earlier, could I have met them?"

Stepping into a cold, empty and abandoned home with only traces of the living; rediscovering a past through only items and faded memories.

"Would they have wanted to see me? After I..." Shen's next words came out as a whisper. "I came back as this."

Even if it was subtle, there was genuine pain in his expression. Though Shen was always impartial to his presence as an apparition––there were even times where he expressed he preferred being one as it gave him the means to enact change––in this moment, every shaky syllable clearly expressed that Shen abhorred his existence.

"Shen."

He slowly looked over to you. "Yes?"

"They would've been happy to have their son return to them. I'm sure of it."

Though you were genuine, you wouldn't blame anyone if they said your words sounded hollow. After all, you've never met Shen's parents and you hadn't gone through the same experience. Despite all that, the apparition seemed to have found comfort in your words. You held out your hands, silently asking if he wanted to take them. Shen nodded and intertwined his fingers with yours.

"Ah...I..." Shen's voice wavered. "I miss them."

Shen's relationship with his parents never crossed your mind, but you could only imagine how heartbreaking it must've been when his family learnt that their dear son had passed away before them. The decades of being trapped in the labs; with each passing day his parents grieved, Shen's emotions and memories of them deteriorated. All because of...

... Of the chairman.

Unforgivable. Absolutely unforgivable.

"Sorry, may I hold your hands for a little longer? This house feels cold and..." Shen squeezed your hands tighter. "You're warm."

"Of course. Take all the time you need."

Shen sighed in content, murmuring a soft 'thanks'.

"My parents didn't have anyone to hold a funeral for them, or to bury them in a grave. I wish I was there." Shen took a deep breath and looked straight into your eyes. He had a smile; however, it looked bitter, desperate, even. "If I were to get exorcised, would you make a grave for me?"

Who you saw wasn't the silver apparition everyone feared, the powerful apparition who could freeze the earth with his fingertips, or the apathetic apparition with a perpetually cold gaze. The individual in front of you was a young man, a lonely researcher who met an unfortunate fate.

"I..." You needed a moment so your emotions wouldn't spill into your words. "I let you possess me so you wouldn't get exorcised. Don't go wasting my efforts."

It wasn't a wonderful effort at lightening up the mood, but it seemed effective enough as it evoked a quiet chuckle out of Shen.

"You make a fair argument," he responded. "Ideally, I'd like to stay by your side until you grow old. I'd watch over you, keep you company, protect you. And once you pass away... I'd be sad, but grateful for the time we spent."

"Ah..."

Shit. You were actually going to cry. And there was also the fact that you planned to leave this world. You were going to leave Shen. What would happen then? Unlike your SF team, Shen didn't have other companions.

"Can I hug you?"

You weren't sure if your gesture was to comfort Shen or to stop your heart from aching at this point. The silver apparition was surprised at your question, but his expression was quick to soften in delight.

"There's no need to ask."

Shen's arms wrapped around you, pulling you in. As you held him tighter, you felt his breath hitch slightly before it was followed by a smooth chuckle. There was a gentle rumble from his chest.

"I imagine my embrace isn't comfortable given how cold I am."

Shen's voice was a soft murmur, as if he was so relaxed he could fall asleep. The apparition then pulled away from the embrace, and his fingertips gently brushed your arms as he did so.

"I'm used to the cold," you said. "And, uhm. My heart feels warm if that helps."

"(Y/n), please be careful with your words," he whispered.

What's that supposed to mean?????

You shrugged, hoping the casual gesture would mask the warmth on your cheeks. "I'm just giving you a taste of your own medicine."

"Whatever do you mean?" Shen's tone was playful. "Ah, is it because you find me attractive?"

"How did you––oh. I forgot you possessed me." You sighed. "My reputation is down the drain. This is so unfair."

"If it were possible, I wouldn't mind if you possessed me."

Shen was so serious with that statement that God should've given you a warning beforehand. Well, that sure got your imagination going. You know, you did wonder from time to time what life would be like as a hot guy.

"Another alternative is to simply ask," Shen said. "I'll tell you exactly how I feel."

Woah, he leaned over. His face is close.

It was clear that Shen held some affection for you, but was it your typical romantic attraction? It was different than when you first met him, where he was simply curious and interested in you. If he did like you romantically, did you feel the same way? You cared for Shen, but... Gosh, this was complicated.

And there was still Caleb. Your feelings for the cheerful emerald-eyed exorcist have not changed. In fact, you've grown more fond of him. You knew it wasn't a crime to have feelings for several people since you were not in a committed relationship, and Caleb even told you that you shouldn't feel burdened to return his feelings. However, it was impossible to not think of him.

"... No questions for now."

With the city's faith precarious and your time here short, you didn't want to think about romance at the moment.

"Alright, and I believe I've kept you in this cold house long enough. What would you like to do? I'd like to stay with you a little longer before..."

"Before?"

Shen shook his head. "Sorry, please forget what I said."

Ah, why did...

Why does this feel like the last time I'll experience a sense of normalcy with Shen?



⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆



So.

Perhaps you had invited Shen into your room and perhaps you're currently in the kitchen as the apparition leaned over your shoulder, watching with interest.

"Are you sure that's a meal?"

Shen looked like a concerned mother. Frankly, you found that to be quite hilarious.

"Don't underestimate instant noodles, especially when you have good toppings and recipes."

One time, you, Caleb and Amias had a midnight instant noodles cooking session. Yes, it was Caleb's idea. He found ten recipes on the internet that he wanted to try. Unsurprisingly, too much food was made. The only other person awake was Elias, so you three donated some noodles to him.

"Shen, what kind of foods did you like?"

"My mother loved to make different kinds of soups for me. I liked coffee at a young age due to my father; however, I don't think caffeine has ever worked for me."

"No sweets or greasy food?"

"I like sweets. I snuck in chocolate at work."

That was a surprising piece of fact.

"Was it not allowed?" you asked.

"I didn't want to share."

That was so real of him.

Once you were done, you settled your food on the table and continued your conversation with Shen. The apparition was similar to Caleb in the sense that he had a sweet tooth. Shen mentioned that he had a tendency to sneak in different kinds of sweets while he was researching. If he could, he'd somehow bring in waffles and pancakes undetected.

"If you were one of my co-workers, I'd share with you."

"Strangely enough, I feel very honoured."

You devoured your noodles in no time. While you washed the dishes, Shen took a look at your bookshelf. The scene was peaceful; so peaceful to where you managed to forget your worries, even if it was only for a fleeting moment.

"You have a wide selection," Shen said.

You couldn't help but smile pridefully. A lot of time was spent organising all your books and building the bookshelves. Jade helped you, bless her kind soul and muscles.

"It's great having money," you said. "What genres do you like?"

"I only read textbooks when I was a human. However, I have been reading some romance as of late."

"Oh, nice! What kind of romance? Something dark? Angst? Fluffy? Slice of life? Or does it depend on your mood, I know mine does." You could feel the yap bubbling up as you walked over to the apparition. "I tend to stray away from romances that drag on due to misunderstanding and communication––I don't have the patience for that."

Thankfully, Shen was not put off by your rambles. In fact, it looked like he found it endearing.

"I like tragedy," he responded.

"Ah, you like being hurt. Same."

Shen smiled in amusement. "I suppose that's not too far off. It evokes strong emotions from me, which I find fascinating."

Until recently, Shen was an apparition who felt and displayed little emotions, so you understood where he was coming from.

"What was the last book that you read?"

"Ah... I didn't look at the title." Shen was thoughtful for a moment. "Perhaps I can try drawing the cover?"

"That works. I actually have a whiteboard right here."

Caleb managed to successfully convince you to get one so he could doodle on the whiteboard (his art sucked). Sara also doodled on it, but her doodles were more like full fledged art pieces. Lyle wrote your training regimen and Amias used it for cute motivational quotes.

"Here's a marker."

Of course, Shen couldn't touch physical objects, so the marker hovered in midair as he began drawing. You watched with great interest. What kind of artist was Shen? Mediocre? Amazing?

"It looked something like this."

You furrowed your eyebrows and even squinted your eyes a little. You carefully analysed the whiteboard, engaging your mind more intensely than you ever had in school. Then, you came to a very solid conclusion.

"... That's a flower in the middle, right?"

"It's a house."

Fuck.

Unfortunately, you and Shen did not figure out what book he read (even with the help of typing 'romantic book with flower on the cover' onto google). Though Shen was good at displaying a neutral expression, the subtle furrow of his brow and the slight pout of his lips indicated his adorable frustration towards his artistic abilities.

You glanced at the clock. "It's getting pretty late."

The fact that time was slipping by so quickly was a reminder that your time with Shen would have to eventually end. You didn't want that. You didn't want to resume back to a life of stress and conflicts.

Shen walked towards the large window (apparently it was called a picture window; Elias told you), and you followed him. He gazed out at the city's scenery.

"It's peaceful," he said.

"Yeah," you mumbled. "Things are going to pick up from here on out."

"I suppose I should say everything that is on my mind before it's too late." Shen looked over to you. His expression was calm, but there was a slight tremble in his hand when he extended it out to you. "Would you offer me your hand?"

You'd kick and curse yourself three times over if you had said no. When you accepted his gesture, you were surprised. Soft, caring, gentle––you can't help but melt in this cold apparition's presence. Shen then held your hand to his cheek.

"Cold, isn't it? Yet I can feel your warmth. My only source of warmth; truly, your very existence is my world."

Every one of Shen's words was intertwined with emotion, sincerity, and vulnerability. When Shen continued, his breath became shaky for a moment.

"Because you're my world... I'm anxious about what would happen to you." Shen smiled, a bitter look in his silver eyes before he whispered, "If possible, I would plead to whatever deity there is out there to not take my world away from me. And if my pleas are not heard, I'd have no choice but to hold you tightly in my arms."

He placed a soft kiss on your wrist.

"(Y/n), I've fallen for you."

... Shen fell for you? As in, he had romantic feelings for you? Oh, oh. You always had an inkling, but you never thought––you didn't know how to process this. However––however, there was something you were certain of.

I feel really happy.

"Love... I can't believe I didn't understand it before. It's a wonderful feeling," Shen continued. "I am aware that these feelings of mine will only meet a tragic end but... I don't think I can ever regret loving you."

You wondered if Shen could hear how loudly your heart was pounding, you'd think it was trying to break out of your ribcage. Too many words––there were too many things you wanted to say. You didn't want to say the wrong things, or not say enough. The apparition's presence was something irreplaceable in your life. Shen was complicated, his place in your world was complicated.

Shen's gaze was gentle, a look reserved only for you. He was an apparition that would gently capture one's attention like freshly fallen snow, yet there was a sense of cold melancholy that clouded his silver eyes.

So beautiful...

You kissed the back of Shen's hand. The silver apparition was caught off guard by your gesture.

"(Y/n), please..." Shen's expression was happy, yet also pained. He whispered, and his voice lightly trembled, "If you do that, I won't be able to hold back."





A/n:

Oh boy, this was a chapter. I wont lie, it was HARD to write it. There was supposed to be more, but I need more time to really plan it out properly. Shen's emotional spotlight where we dive deeper into his feelings and past; I rather eat a foot than rush and mess it up. Sorry if the chapter was short, but I hope it was enjoyable!