LACY

Autumn 2002

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Whatever I do, I can't please Dad. I do well in ballet, I practice my manners in front of other people. But he's never happy with me.

It's confusing a lot. Unlike Mummy, who's nice all the time, Dad is only nice to me in public. When the front door closes, it all gets dark.

I often hide in Stella's room. She has many dolls and books and even a cute, little Calico cat named Mittens who sleeps on a lacy pink pillow on her bed.

Stella's room and mine aren't much different. I have pretty dolls, first-edition books, and even a window box for my roses which bloom marvelously in the spring.

But unlike Stella, I'm sometimes not allowed to sleep in my bedroom. Sometimes, I'm dragged from my room and to the basement by Dad if I failed to please him.

I really don't like the basement. It's cold and dark and damp. During the winter, it's so cold that one time when Mummy found me in the morning, I was all blue.

I don't know how to please Dad.

I really do try, very hard.

It seems as though it's never enough.

The wind flies through my hair. The air is brisk and cool, it's early November. I walk beside Stella as Mummy walks behind us.

Stella and I wear the same pink pea coats, and we could look like twins if only I had Stella's chestnut, curly locks and her gleaming chocolate eyes.

I'm the only one who has sandy yellow hair and icy blue irises. Everyone else, Dad, baby Jackson, and Stella, are brunette and brown-eyed.

Mummy is the only one who looks somewhat like me, with her yellow hair. But she, too, has the same tree bark eyes.

If I looked like Stella, maybe that would please Mr. Clark more. But I can't change that, which means he'll never like me as much as her.

Mayfair is busier down here, with all the shops, than on the street we live in. "Girls, let's stop in here," Mummy smiles at us, gesturing to a clothing store.

Stella squeals and rushes inside, and I quickly follow her. "I want pretty dresses like the ones the royal family wears! Don't you, Lacy?" She grins.

I nod, smiling. "Lots and lots of shiny ballgowns!"

Stella turns to Mummy, her face filled with excitement. "Are we here to buy pretty clothes, Mum? I really hope that we are!" She bounces up and down on her heels.

Mummy laughs at Stella's excitement. "Of course we are, my darling. We have an important event coming up, and you and your sister need new dresses."

After what felt like an eternity being measured and fitted, and Mummy choosing which fabrics and colors looked best on me and Stella, so we'd match, we left the shop.

Stella's still smiling and bubbling her way down the street, and I trudge along beside her. The air has become colder, and my mittens don't help my cold hands much.

I look around at the shops, and smell the sickly sweet scent of chocolate. I turn back to Mummy, and tug her coat's sleeve.

"Mummy," I ask, "Can we have chocolate?"

When the words leave my mouth, Stella swivels around and rushes back towards us. "Yes, yes! Please, Mummy? Can we have some?"

I crane my neck to meet Mummy's stare. She frowns, her eyes look sad. Her eyes always look sad, but she says that's just how she looks.

She shakes her head. "Oh, that's not a good idea. You know how your father is—" She's cut off by Stella's insistent pleas.

"Please! Please! Please!" My sister repeats, her grin wide.

Finally, Mum sighs and nods.

~~~

My hair is long and combed out, thanks to Mummy, and Stella braided it into one long plait down my back. She always says she's jealous of my stick-straight hair.

The door slams shut, shaking the whole house. I hear Jackson's cries from his nursery, but they're soon shushed. I hear Mummy cooing to him.

I close the curtains, tightly pressing them together so no one outside can see inside. Just as J do so, my bedroom door slams open.

My picture of my first ballet recital falls from the wall and cracks on floor. The shards disperse around the room, but my feet are protected by my slippers.

I look up and see Dad glaring daggers at me. He stalks towards me, and grips my arm so tightly tears well up in my eyes.

He slaps my face. I blink in shock.

He's never hit me before.

"You ungrateful girl," He hisses. "I give you everything and yet you still bother your mother for chocolate? Everything I give you and you still want more!"

He drags me through the four-story house and down to the basement. He throws me down the stairs, and I tumble all the way down the staircase.

"Think about your sins, you greedy thing!" The door slams shut.

I sit up, eyes wide. I sit against the wall, hugging my knees to my chest. What'd I even do that was so, so wrong?

Stella asks for different things all the time. And she never ends up here. Why do I always end up here and not her?

"Just because," I whisper to myself. "She's more special than you." She actually looks like Dad. Everyone likes Stella.

I shouldn't ask for more than what Dad gives me.

I shouldn't pester Mummy to buy me things I don't need.

I should just try harder to please, and maybe one day Dad will like me, too.

———

Hi, loves!

While I'm currently out of writer's block, my plan is to just hand out lots and lots of chapters before I lose this spark of creativity.

I'm also trying to find an updating routine, but I'm still working on that so it's not finalized yet. When I do, I'll be sure to let you know!

What'd you think of this chapter and some more tidbits of Lacy's background and the Rhodes' complex family history?

Please vote and comment!

Au revoir,

Eva